Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?” Asks a Parent Who Lost a Child to Suicide

Summary

The author reflects on the complex nature of grief after losing a child to suicide in “Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, expressing that while pain changes, it never fully disappears. Support groups and counseling helped the author navigate intense grief, providing community and understanding. The journey of grieving evolves over time, and the author learns to honor the love and pain intertwined with their loss.

The Pain Does Change

“To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy
life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.”

Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?” Asks a Parent Who Lost a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Introduction

In the article, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, the author reflects on the complex nature of grief after losing a child to suicide, expressing that while pain changes, it never fully disappears. This journey through sorrow is marked by waves of heartache, moments of remembrance, and stark realizations that life will never be the same again. As the author navigates this profound loss, she articulates the struggle to find meaning amidst despair, often questioning the circumstances and searching for answers that may never come. Through shared experiences and poignant memories, the narrative emphasizes the importance of support, understanding, and the slow acceptance of a new reality, reminding readers that healing is not linear, but rather a mosaic of emotions that requires time, patience, and compassion.

Related Reads

• Surviving the Suicide of Your Child: Support, Resources, Hope
• 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide
• The Pain of Losing a Child: Holidays Bring Reflection
• If I Could Find My Way: A Song About Losing a Child
• 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing

My Forever Son

Table of Contents

A Note from the Author

Does the Pain Ever End After Losing a Child to Suicide?

You will be able to live with [the pain]. It just becomes a part of you.

Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, My Forever Son

Yes. To an extent. And no. To an extent, because my grief is the depth of my love for my son.

And in the beginning of my grief journey in June of 2012, something I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) have believed. And no-because Dylan is my son. My grief now is a bittersweet pain, worse on his birthday, his memorial date, the holidays; more manageable when tucked away and carried in my heart. I grieve the loss of Dylan because I love my son. I always feel his absence.

But yes, Dylan is part of my life still, as is both the love I carry for
him, and the pain I carry missing him. “You will be able to live with it.
It just becomes part of you.”

And Dylan is, was, and forever will be my heart and my love. In 2012, tidal waves crashed constantly over me, plunging me deep into the despair of darkness without light, darkness without possibility of life. Even to breathe seemed impossible and when I did breathe, I simply couldn’t bear the pain. My heart wept. My voice wept. My eyes wept even when I slept.

My son, my love, my pain, my heart-all beating on inside me, an ache I’ve learned to carry which at some point these past 9 years, has become a part of me.

Beth Brown, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, My Forever Son

Navigating the Depths of Grief

In the agony of acute grief, I lost my ability to work. Teaching college was impossible because Dylan died in what should have been his sophomore year at college. I lost my ability to remember to eat, breathe, sleep–lost my connection to nearly all of my outside world as I was repeatedly driven down, down, down into darkness. “A Sad Welcome if You’ve Found Me Here”

My pain was impossible, my grief enormous and engulfing, my landscape filled with a darkness so bleak my world went away. In the middle of a violent ocean, my heart heaved. I didn’t want to live. And I was exhausted by being driven down repeatedly into pain that wouldn’t end.

Beth, Dylan’s Mom, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, My Forever Son

Desperate and hopeless, I joined a support group and began one-on-one counseling. I didn’t want to live without my son. Dylan had still lived at home, and his dog was my dog, a Gordon Setter with unbridled energy who in my grieving, grieved too. She and I held on—or perhaps it was I who held onto her. She was 11 years old when Dylan died. That she lived 2 more years still seems a Godsend.

I found an online support group for Parents of Suicides two months after Dylan died. I read when I could (my mind was mush but I read compulsively all the books I could find on suicide, losing a child, losing an only child, and so on). And somehow, time passed.

Where Can I Go for Online Support After Suicide Loss?

Parents of Suicides 

Friends and Families of Suicides 

These two online groups offer support, hope, and healing for parents, friends, and families of those bereaved by the suicide of a child. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Both online support groups for parents of suicides and families and friends of suicide are free. These support groups for survivors consist of other bereaved parents (parents of suicides), and family and friends (Families and Friends of Suicide).

When Will the Tidal Waves of Grief Recede?

So when did my pain begin to soften enough that it became a part of me? As integral a part of me as sleeping, waking, breathing, eating, living again? I don’t know. But I do know I clung to online support and at some point, felt the tidal waves becoming fewer and farther in-between.

Beth Brown, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”, My Forever Son, My Forever Son

Suicide Loss Changes Everything

My son’s suicide forever changed my lifetime, my timeline, the way I mark and delineate years of my life, the way time marks me at every juncture in my life’s events. Time moves on, but I have not moved on from my son. Rather, I have moved forward in time, and Dylan has moved forward with me.

And in the beginning, especially in the first year? I collapsed in the wake of losing my only child. The pain of grieving was far greater than what I could sustain alone. I didn’t want to be here without my son. And yet knowing the pain a child’s death brings, I clung to my life, fragile as that connection was, to be here for others in my life.

[Suggested Reading]: Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide, emphasizing the importance of sharing personal stories and seeking support. It highlights resources and support groups, offering hope to those navigating this challenging path. The author advocates for living authentically with the pain while honoring the memory of their lost child.

Finding Support Is Important

Finding support was paramount. I read everything I could find about suicide and losing a child to suicide, including online support resources. I found in support groups those who were also wrestling with the overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide.

I began to see that that there were other bereaved parents, those whose lives were (and will forever be) changed by losing their child to suicide. I learned I wasn’t alone. It didn’t lessen my grief over losing Dylan, but it gave me a place to share about my son and survive the throes of pain enough that I could survive.

Re-entering life has taken time. Grief always takes as long as it takes. In losing my only child, I felt consumed by acute grief. After a decade of grief, I am in a vastly different place, one where grief still resides (read more about this here: 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing), but also a place where I do more than survive. I have learned to want to live again.

[Suggested Reading]: 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing reflects on her journey of grief and healing 4 years after the author lost her son to suicide. She discusses the profound impact of such a loss, including secondary losses and the burden of guilt, while emphasizing the importance of community support and self-compassion. Through personal anecdotes, she illustrates moments of despair and hope, encouraging readers to explore suggested readings for further insights on coping with loss.

Learning to Want to Live Again

Learning to want to live again has evolved for me over the past 10 years. The shape of my grief has changed, as has my life, as is, as now.

My pain will always be part of my love for my son. And my love for my son will always be part of my pain. Some days, impossible days—his birthday, his memorial date, holidays—still overwhelm me.

The difference between early grief and where I am now is that I’ve learned how to honor this sacred part of my love for Dylan by honoring where my overwhelming sadness and ache lead. Sometimes it’s to sifting through photographs, always too few and always marking the stillness of time. Sometimes it’s to playing guitar or piano and writing a song for Dylan. Sometimes it’s to shedding tears flooding my heart needing release.

[Suggested Reading]: Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope, and healing three years after the tragic loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. These entries beautifully capture cherished memories, the challenges in grieving a child, and unexpected moments of joy that come with deep sadness. In her story, the author aims to provide comfort, helpful advice, and a sense of hope to others dealing with their own grief. A key moment in her journey happens in the third year when she starts to see small signs of hope in everyday life and feels gratitude in ways she thought she had lost forever.

My Child on Earth Above in Heaven’s Care: A Lullaby of Hope

How Do I Keep On Going Without My Child?

My life has gone on and I have not moved on without Dylan, but forward with Dylan always in me. 

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

E.E. Cummings, Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J., Poetry Foundation

I carry my son’s love with me. Always.

[Suggested Reading]: Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss The author recounts her profound grief and struggle to find meaning after losing her son to suicide. She describes the intense physical and emotional pain she endured, feeling hopeless and alone. Seeking support from online groups and researching suicide, she gradually found solace and a way to move forward, carrying both ache and love for her son.

Hope Is In the Changing of the Seasons

Today, leaves yellowed by fall are dropping from trees. The wind is blowing, not a lot, but enough to know that fall is here and summer has waned. It is still warm, 75 degrees, though this week, will start the descent into lower temperatures (60 degrees, 54 degrees by day, mid-40’s by night). My cat sleeps in her basket beside me. The aloe plant in front of my desk spills over the planter’s edges. Still a bit of sun remains. Lower in the sky and visibly not as brilliant as during the summer months.

I say all of this to ground myself, to remind myself of how far I’ve come. I didn’t even know what the weather was like for the first 15 months after Dylan died. He died June 25, 2012. I first realized the weather in late September 2013. I do not know if I wore a coat—or gloves, or a hat—during the winter of 2013. I do not know if I wore shorts and t-shirts the summer of 2013. I do not know when the sun shone, what the temperature was, what the skies were doing.

[Suggested Reading]: The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey through grief after losing her son to suicide. She uses the Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons as a metaphor for grief, illustrating joy and sorrow through photography. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak.

Each Season in Nature Tells a Story of Hope and Resilience

I find color, hope, and peace in nature, where each season tells a story of resilience and renewal. Spring, in particular, brings the reawakening of all the flowers, shrubs, and trees that lay dormant over the long, cold, bitter months of winter, painting the landscape in vibrant hues that echo the joy of new beginnings. 

As I walk through my gardens, I am reminded that just like nature, my heart, too, has the capacity to bloom again, shedding layers of grief while embracing the beauty that still exists around me. 

Each blooming flower becomes a symbol of love and remembrance, intertwining the memory of my son with the awe-inspiring cycles of life and growth that surround me.

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers 

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. 

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

A Journey Through the Seasons of My Grief

Somehow, just as fall has arrived, just as winter will come, and just as spring will come on the wings of hope next year, I, too, have passed through the seasons of my grieving. And they continue to flow, sift, move through my life. The difference between then and now? I’ve learned that seasons pass, even the ones I love most, even the days I want never to end.

Beth Brown, Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?” My Forever Son

[Suggested Read]: Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience finds the author seeking solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief and the hope for healing. Through journaling and photography, the author captures the beauty of nature and finds a poetic way to express her sorrow and search for self-forgiveness.

I Remember

I remember picking apples with Dylan in the fall, remember taking him to the corn maze, remember the year he got lost in the corn maze (still makes me smile and my heart glad to remember the love and laughter). I remember apple cider and back-to-school clothes shopping, remember the ways the leaves crunched, remember Dylan’s favorite color was orange. I remember pumpkins on the front porch—I remember Dylan.

[Suggested Reading]: I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son is a heartfelt tribute to the author’s son, Dylan, who died by suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her journey of grief, healing, and finding solace in writing and music. Through her blog, she aims to connect with others who have experienced similar losses, offering support and understanding.

Coping with the Loss of a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources for Parents

Following the suicide of a child, parents must navigate an intense and complex grief with no simple timeline for healing. Healing involves managing the intense emotions, self-care, and seeking professional support. 

Know that common aspects of grief after suicide loss can include:

• Intense and complex emotions: Grief after a suicide often involves an overwhelming mix of emotions, such as shock, despair, guilt, shame, and anger. These feelings are all part of the healing process and can come in waves, even years after the loss.
• No “right way” to grieve: Every parent’s grieving journey is unique. It is important to avoid judging yourself or feeling pressured by others’ expectations. Allow yourself and other family members to grieve at your own pace and in your own way.
• Physical and mental toll: The stress and trauma of a suicide loss can cause physical and mental exhaustion. Prioritizing rest, healthy eating, and light exercise can help you cope. Be aware that you may be at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

How to Cope with Grief after Suicide Loss: Strategies and Support 

(Find helpful resources for grieving parents and families at The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.)

1. Acknowledge your feelings: Allow yourself to experience your emotions without shame or self-judgment. Suppressing your feelings will only prolong the pain. Consider writing in a journal to express difficult thoughts and feelings.
2. Talk about your loved one: Focus on remembering the full life of the child you lost, not just their final act. It is healthy to talk about their special qualities and share memories with others. This helps honor their life and aids in healing.
3. Find support:
   • Professional support: A mental health professional, especially one with experience in suicide grief, can provide tools for navigating this traumatic loss.
   • Support groups: Connecting with other parents who have experienced a similar loss can be incredibly validating and reduce feelings of isolation. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) offers local and online support groups.
   • Friends and family: Rely on your existing support systems. Accept practical help from loved ones, such as preparing meals or helping with errands.
4. Be patient with yourself: There is no schedule for healing. Some days will be easier than others, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Avoid making major life decisions while overwhelmed with grief.
5. Let go of guilt and blame: A common response to suicide is questioning if you could have prevented it. Understand that you cannot control the actions of others. The blame lies with the pain and mental health struggles that led to the suicide, not with you.
6. Create a memorial: Honoring your child’s memory can be a powerful part of the healing process. Consider lighting a candle, creating a scrapbook, or donating to a charity in their name.
7. Address the stigma: Be aware that stigma can make it difficult to talk about your loss openly. However, being honest can end rumors, encourage support from those with similar experiences, and help reduce the stigma surrounding suicide.

Support and Grief Tips: “Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors”

Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors, American Association of Suicidology

• Acknowledge your feelings: Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings may only prolong the grieving process. 

• Seek professional help: Mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate the intense emotions accompanying bereavement. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs, and can help you find healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive. 
• Connect with others: Isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to stay connected with friends and family. Share your feelings with those you trust and who can offer empathy and support. 
• Self-care: Regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and ample sleep can help manage the physical symptoms of grief, as well as promote improved mental health. Mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation, can also help you stay connected to your body and emotions. 
• Find your own pace: Everyone’s grief timeline is different. Do not rush the process or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

Isherman, Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors, American Association of Suicidology

Coping with Suicide Grief: Tips and Support

Suicide Grief: Coping with a Loved One’s Suicide, By Lawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A., HelpGuide.org

Remember your loved one’s life was about more than their suicide. Their final act doesn’t need to define their life. Try to remember and celebrate the important, joyous aspects of their life and of your relationship together. Mark their achievements and share memories, photos, and stories with others who loved them.

Keep a journal. Even if you’re not yet ready to talk about the difficult thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing, writing them down can provide an important release for your emotions. It may also help to write a letter to your loved one, saying the things you never got to say to them.

Expect ups and downs. The healing process rarely moves in a straight line. Some days your grief may seem more manageable than others. Then a painful reminder such as a birthday, holiday, or a favorite song playing on the radio will cause the waves of pain and sadness to return—even years after your loved one’s suicide.

Lawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A., Suicide Grief: Coping with a Loved One’s Suicide, HelpGuide.org

Finding Your Way Through Suicide Grief

The Wilderness of Your Suicide Grief

The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way by Alan Wolfert, Ph.D. is a book that has helped me find my way through the grief of losing my son to suicide.

To read a comprehensive list of Wolfert’s books on grief, go here.

Finding Hope in the Wilderness of Your Grief

The wilderness of your grief is your wilderness. The death of someone from suicide feels unlike any other loss you may have experienced. The traumatic nature of the death may leave you feeling turned inside out and upside down. Your wilderness may be rockier or more level than others. Your path may be revealed in a straight line, or, more likely, it may be full of twists and turns. In the wilderness of your journey, you will experience the topography in your own unique way.

When suicide impacts our lives, we all need to grieve and to mourn. But our grief journeys are never exactly the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own unique way. Do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a “one-day-at-a-time” approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.

Exploring the Uniqueness of Your Suicide Grief by Center for Loss | Dec 21, 2023 | Articles, written by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Is There a Time Limit for a Parent’s Grief? 

There is No Time Limit. Your Grief Is Your Love for Your Child.

There is no defined end to the intense or acute phase of grief after losing a child. The process is a unique journey that can take years and may result in a transformed, lifelong sense of loss rather than a complete return to pre-loss functioning. 

There isn’t a time limit to your grief because it is your child, and the love you shared creates an enduring bond that continues to influence your daily life, thoughts, and feelings. 

Instead of a timeline, grief after a child’s death is often described as a “bumpy, winding road” with varying intensity, where deep sorrow is present but doesn’t mean happiness is absent. While the sharp pain may lessen, the emotions associated with the loss can be brought back by memories or significant dates and are likely to be a part of the parent’s life long-term. 

There isn’t a time limit to your grief because it is your child, and the love you shared creates an enduring bond that continues to influence your daily life, thoughts, and feelings. Each day can bring a mix of memories, nostalgia, and longing, intertwining with moments of joy and sorrow as you learn to navigate a world forever changed by that loss. 

It is crucial to honor this grief, allowing yourself the space and time to process the myriad of emotions without the pressure to move on. Your world has stopped spinning. Time stops. And grief is the love you have for your child.

Does the Pain of Losing a Child to Suicide Ever End?

The Pain Does Change

“To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy
life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.”

Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide, My Forever Son

The pain softens–eventually–but missing your child and feeling their absence will always be with you.

Losing a child to suicide is a forever grief (with hope and healing along the way) because your love for your child is forever. The pain softens–eventually–but missing your child and feeling their absence will always be with you.

Support groups can help parents process their grief and find hope

Support groups can help parents process their grief and find hope, even in the midst of their sorrow. Parents of Suicides (an online group) or The Compassionate Friends, for example, are two excellent resources to support parents after losing a child.

Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/

The Story of My Forever Son