Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope

Summary

‘Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope‘ is a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope, and healing three years after the tragic loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. These entries beautifully capture cherished memories, the challenges in grieving a child, and unexpected moments of joy that come with deep sadness.

In her story, the author aims to provide comfort, helpful advice, and a sense of hope to others dealing with their own grief. A key moment in her journey happens in the third year when she starts to see small signs of hope in everyday life and feels gratitude in ways she thought she had lost forever.

Reflections on Grief and Healing: A Mother’s Year Three Journey

Journal entries that thoughtfully capture the journey of grief and healing during the third year comprise the following titles, each designed to resonate deeply as a standalone reflection:

• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide
• Healing Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son
• Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son
• Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3
• Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss
• I Only Hurt When I Breathe: A Journey Through Grief

---

Introduction

‘Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope‘ is a profoundly touching collection of journals from the author’s journey through the complexities of grief, hope, and healing, marking three long years since losing her only child, her son Dylan, to suicide. Throughout these years, she has faced numerous challenges, grappling with the spectrum of emotions that accompany such a devastating loss, including anger, despair, and eventually, moments of clarity and acceptance.

The thoughtfully selected images, many capturing the beauty of the author’s gardens, serve not only as a visual respite but also as a poignant backdrop that deepens the emotional resonance of her words, inviting readers to connect with their own experiences of sorrow and healing.

Each entry reflects the evolving nature of her grief, illustrating how she has learned to find glimmers of hope amidst the darkness, encouraging others to embrace their vulnerability and share their stories as a step toward healing. Through her candid reflections, the author offers a sense of companionship to those navigating their own grief, reminding them that they are not alone on this arduous journey.

Related Reads

• FAQ: Understanding Year 3 Grief After Loss
• Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Finding Hope in the Wake of Devastating Loss
• Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
• Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide
• 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing

---

My Forever Son

---

Table of Contents

---

Reflections on Grief and Healing: A Mother’s Year Three Journey

Journal entries that thoughtfully capture the journey of grief and healing during the third year comprise the following titles, each designed to resonate deeply as a standalone reflection:

• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide
• Healing Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son
• Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son
• Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3
• Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss
• I Only Hurt When I Breathe: A Journey Through Grief

---

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

Introduction

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide is a deeply heartfelt collection of five poignant blog posts that chronicles my emotional journey through the third year following the tragic loss of my only son, Dylan, to suicide on June 25, 2012. This intimate compilation offers reflections and valuable resources that document a parent’s harrowing experience with overwhelming grief.

This heartfelt collection of blog posts from year three of my grief offers a profound exploration of sorrow and the healing journey, illuminating stories of love, remembrance, and a connection that transcends the boundaries of death. By sharing both the struggles and transformative experiences, this blog, My Forever Son, aspires to provide solace, practical insights, and a glimmer of hope to those navigating the intricate complexities of grief.

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide powerfully captures the intricate emotions of grief and the slow journey toward healing. During this early phase of grieving, I expressed the profound feelings I endured, alongside the challenging changes I encountered as I learned to navigate life without my cherished son. The three-year mark became a pivotal moment in my grief journey as I slowly began to reclaim my life.

My Journals: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope

During this tumultuous time of trying to regain order in my life after the loss of my son to suicide, I grappled with deep grief and confusion. My journals recorded not only my sorrow but also unexpected moments of joy as I navigated a world that felt forever changed.

I reflected on cherished memories, revisiting the laughter and love we shared, despite the profound emptiness my son’s absence left behind. Writing became a means to navigate my emotions and begin to heal amidst enduring heartbreak.

Related Reads

• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide
• 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing

---

Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son

Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son is a profoundly touching reflection on the author’s heartfelt journey through the complexities of grief, hope, and healing, marking three long years since the devastating loss of her only child, her son Dylan, to suicide.

The thoughtfully selected images, many capturing the beauty of the author’s gardens, provide a poignant backdrop that deepens the emotional resonance of her words, inviting readers to connect with their own experiences of sorrow and healing.

Related Reads

• 4 years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing
• “I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief
• If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above) Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide
• A Glimpse of Hope in Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

---

Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son

Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son is another poignant post that comes from the pages of the author’s journals in the third year after losing her son to suicide.

In this heartfelt post, the author shares her most intimate thoughts and reflections, revealing the profound impact of her loss and the journey towards finding solace. Each entry is a testament to her resilience, capturing the raw emotions of grief, the struggle for acceptance, and the moments of unexpected joy that arise amidst the sorrow after 3 years of losing my son.

Related Reads

• The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
• Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
• Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”
• Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon: A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide
• That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back: Poem on Guilt in Grief

---

Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3: Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3 compassionately delves into another of the author’s journals during the third year of her grief journey, where she encountered a haunting “sense of the surreal” after the loss of her son to suicide..

Each day felt trapped in the echo of her son’s memorial date, as cherished memories flooded her heart, prompting deep reflections on her parenting while navigating the relentless waves of sorrow.

Related Reads

• “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
• Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
• “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience

---

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss offers a heartfelt exploration of the profound and painful journey through grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide.

The author poignantly shares her deeply personal experiences of navigating this overwhelming sorrow, using writing, gardening, and cherishing memories as powerful tools for healing. Through her words in this journal entry, she connects with others who may share similar feelings, creating a comforting space for understanding and empathy.

Related Reads

• My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care: A Lullaby of Hope
• Matins:Reflections on Hope After Loss
• Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil: A Poem of Love and Loss
• A Decade of Grief: Finding Light in Darkness
• Navigating Grief, Year 6: Reflections on Losing a Son to Suicide

“I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Grief Journey

“I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief offers a heartfelt glimpse into the author’s journals from her third year of navigating grief after the profound loss of her son to suicide, articulating the raw and poignant emotional experiences that accompany the path to healing.

Additional resources on the third year of grief enrich this exploration, providing valuable reflections on this challenging journey and the complexities of healing during such a difficult time.

Related Reads

• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide
• Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• Navigating Grief, Year 6: Reflections on Losing a Son to Suicide
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide

---

Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

---

Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

---

From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

---

Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

---