A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief

A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief

Summary

A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief recounts the author’s decade-long healing journey after losing her son, Dylan. She shares her experiences of grief, resilience, and the importance of community support and therapy. Finding solace in nature and gratitude for small moments, she acknowledges that healing from such a profound loss is ongoing. This work offers valuable insights into grief, resonating deeply with others facing similar experiences while honoring Dylan’s memory.

a testament to the enduring power of love

A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief serves as a testament to the enduring power of love and the possibility of finding light, even when shrouded in the shadow of losing a child to suicide. Ten years after the loss of a child, grief is still very much a reality, though it can evolve to include hope, even moments of happiness, alongside the sadness.  Moving through the journey of grief after losing a child to suicide for a decade involves acknowledging the pain and finding ways to integrate the loss into a new life.

For here now, I stay,
Breathing love you gave,
My ache cradling you,
My heart with you always.

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief

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My Forever Son

Table of Contents

A Decade of Healing: A Mother’s Journey of Reflection After Losing My Son to Suicide

For here now, I stay,
Breathing love you gave,
My ache cradling you,
My heart with you always.

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief

Memories of You Bring Fleeting Glimpses of Joy

I remember sitting with you at the kitchen table, pouring over cookie recipe books, asking, “Does this sound good? Just listen. . .”

And we would make a list, a long list filled with all your favorites of cookies to bake. We would laugh and share stories about the flavors we loved—the rich chocolate chips, the crunchy oats, the soft, chewy caramel.

Cherished Memories

We reminisced about the cookies we’d made last year, recalling those special batches that turned out perfectly and those that didn’t quite turn out properly. The year the Gingerbread cookies plumped up too much and the shapes melded into each other. The smell of vanilla and warm butter would fill the air as we envisioned our little baking marathon.

With every recipe you chose, I could almost taste the final product, sweet and comforting, just like the memories we created in that familiar kitchen. Each cookie was more than just a treat—it was a token of joy, laughter, and togetherness that we cherished deeply.

Forever Memories

Sugar cookies, Molasses Crinkles, Snickerdoodles, Candy Cane cookies, Blondies, Chocolate Fudge—and oh how that list would go on.

We would tackle them all, he and I, spend snowy afternoons baking, stirring sweet batter, measuring love in teaspoons. 
Oh the memories—Oh the ache.

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, A Decade After Suicide Loss: Reflections on Longterm Grief

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A Letter to My Son: Reflections on Ten Years of Heartache

This Absence of You

There is an ache, a sadness, the heaviness of accepting this absence of you that, just for today, has taken the overture of 10 years in the making. In three weeks, my birthday, remarkable in that I have survived these last ten years without you. In the beginning, I didn’t think I could.

I Still Feel I’m Losing You

I lost my identity when you died, and in so many ways, I’m still losing you. And with the sweep of my birthday? Yet more losing, slipping away, forward, forward, the spinning incessant, the days numbered and yet not knowing when time will mark forever stamped with the permanence of death. I hate that I think like this, but Dylan, kiddo, you died and changed everything about my life.

Lacking Your Permanence, I Falter in My Own

Lacking your permanence, I falter in my own. It is difficult to finish anything of consequence, for always I’m left feeling I’ve an unfinished life. I miss you more than words can write, more than heart can rend, and still, even after 10 years, I most want to be with you. Lacking your permanence, I falter in my own. It is difficult to finish anything of consequence, for always I’m left feeling I’ve an unfinished life. Chapters, pages, story line, plot, the rise and then fall, denouement, all of it missing in a way that I will not ever make sense of this life again.

Living in a Book Unfinished

I forever miss the you that is me, and I forever miss the me that died with you.

I do not like living in a book unfinished, and yet I am unfinished, an anguished truth where some days seem impossible. Your birthday looms, then Mother’s Day, then your Memorial Date, then back-to-school and all those seasons I find so difficult to move through: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve. I forever miss the you that is me, and I forever miss the me that died with you.

Lost without you

Were you?

Are you?

Where are you?

A Decade of Tears: Discovering Hope and Resilience

I have found a way to go on, though so often feel I am living out, walking out, someone else’s life.

Ache. Pain. Gaining traction these past ten years, eroding bits and pieces of me in ways that I can both feel and see. Damage done beyond my means, I have found a way to go on, though so often feel I am living out someone else’s life. Someone I don’t know. Didn’t know. Know nothing about. Someone I am not, but in whose shoes I walk and into whose life I’ve stumbled.

Even after a decade of grief and healing, I can’t find my way without you. I remember then, but live out now. A line of demarcation. Then. Now. And I live in the sum distance of this in-between. Reaching to where forever is that you forever are. Living in the in-between here and there. Caught in the chasm of a life not quite my own.

Let Me Stay in the Soliloquy

I linger, but it is not I who is doing the living. She who I’ve built these past 10 years stands in my place.

Such is my life now and sometimes? Sometimes I am genuinely happy. Sometimes, which is good enough for now. Let me stay in the soliloquy here, serenity in whiteness of snow, beauty in having made an exquisite Black Bean soup for supper. Hope finds me most when I practice being grateful for the small things of an ordinary day.

For Here Now, I Stay

Hope finds me most when I practice being grateful for the small things of an ordinary day.

Here, just for now, I stay here now. I am grateful for this place, a pause after a chaotic several months.

Hope finds me most when I practice being grateful for the small things of an ordinary day. Especially when of the rest of the world is spinning out of control.

My heart’s joy, my life’s light, the book of my life–I wish so much you had stayed to live past the chapters of pain. I wish I could have done more to help heal wounds that I bore (and still bear) too. I miss you so much my son.

Sometimes, it’s as though I am in some kind of fog, a fog, a thick, can’t-see-clear kind of fog, and through a mist

So many days, so much time having passed and yet still as it has been still these past ten years. Sometimes, it’s as though I am in some kind of fog, a fog, a thick, can’t-see-clear kind of fog, and through a mist: Where did you go, my child, where did you go?

Where did you go, my child, where did you go?

Were you?

Are you?

Where are you?

And in a world spinning madly, I cling to this one still, small hope–that I will see you again

If I could have stopped the trajectory Dylan was on, would my life be different now? I’d certainly like to think so. Such a beautiful start, forever ruptured by where, in reaching for stars, my son fell from sky. 

And now? Now it is I who hurl forward on this trajectory set in motion 9 years, 4 months, and 3 days ago. Eclipsed. Lacking permanence of sun. Shadows cast fallen amidst sliver of sky.

And in a world spinning madly, I cling to this one still, small hope–that I will see you again.

When I Get to See You Again

I will hold on
I will clutch you
I will never let you go
 My Forever Son

Beth Brown, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon“

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I Will See You Again

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Frequently Asked Questions

Coping With Losing a Child to Suicide: Reflections on Finding Light After Loss

“People often say, “I don’t know how you’re doing it.” I tell them that I’m not. I’m not deciding to wake up in the morning. I just do. Then I put one foot in front of the other because there’s nothing else to do. Whether I like it or not, my life is continuing, and I have decided to be part of it.”

David Kessler, Grief.com

By acknowledging grief, embracing healthy coping mechanisms, and seeking support when needed, you can navigate this challenging path while honoring your beloved child and moving toward healing and renewed hope.

Grief is not something we get over but something we move through

David Kessler, a leading grief expert, (Grief.com) emphasizes that grief is not something we get over but something we move through.

I would add, in my ten years’ experience with grief after losing my son to suicide, grief comes in the absence of loss to remind us, always, of the love we lost. I still, after more than a decade of grief and healing, find my son everywhere. My grief has not “healed,” and I have not “moved through” as in “moved on” from grief. Like David Kessler, I, too, believe my grief is my love for my child. As long as I love my son, I will grieve his loss.

But my grief has changed shape. I’ve grown around my grief, around the hole in my heart that remains because of the tremendous depth of love I have for my son. I live that my son might live through me, and I carry my son’s love with me, always.

Light after loss is not as easy as something we can turn on again at will. Light seeps in around the margins of our deep grief, and hope comes in glimpses in quiet moments of gratitude.

A quiet moment with a cup of tea, watching the changing colors of the seasons, taking a walk: Hope is found in the smallest increments and the smallest of measures. Finding solace comes as we “Build a Life of Love Around [Our] Loss” (David Kessler, Grief.com)

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A Note from the Author

My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

Healing the Deep Wound of Losing My Son

Grief and Healing After Losing a Child: “To Hold This Pain and This Beauty Side-by- Side”

The light is soft, it is beautiful here, there is a breeze. The pain is always there for us. It will be waiting at the apartment when we return tonight, it will be lying next to us in bed or come to us when we wake; we always have it. But we have to let this beauty in, too. That will be the work of all the rest of our days: to hold this pain and this beauty side by side, without letting the one crush or crowd out the other. We have to let this beauty in, too.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

Grieving the Deep Wound of Losing My Son

Healing the deep wound of losing my son is ongoing in my life. It always will be. Always he is there. In my sleep, my waking hours. On his birthday and mine. When on his memorial date I go to see him where he is not. His grave. For he walks with me. We remember, and I smile with love and with heartbreak. These are not easily separated. Ache and love walk together, joined in my heart.

In early grief, only ache flowed through me. All the time. Everywhere. In his room. In my work. I couldn’t breathe without him.

Healing Through Carrying Pain and Love Together

Now, thirteen years later, my love for my son and my ache of missing him have joined together. My ache is my love, and I have grown accustomed to carrying the weight. I have moved forward in my life. Not moved on, for that implies I left something, someone, behind.

Dylan is always with me. Nudging me to smile at the little things in life. The silly antics of my two rescue kittens. The depth and brilliance of my gardens–flowers, shrubs, trees, a water pond. He reminds me how precious life is. How fragile.

My Forever Son Reminds Me How Precious Life Is. How Fragile.

I capture life’s fragility in my photographs of my gardens. I find color, hope, and peace in nature. Spring brings the reawakening of all the flowers, shrubs, and trees that lay dormant over the long, cold, bitter months of winter. Each year, purple and yellow crocus emerge from their winter’s sleep, then yellow and white daffodils, and shortly thereafter, red tulips rising tall, even when cooler temperatures still prevail.

But come spring, when the brilliance of sun, blue skies, and flowers seemingly appear against an impossible, immutable winter, I find hope in nature’s resilience.

Finding Healing in Nature

I try to reorient myself walking each morning. I try to see the blooming flowers, the wild potato blossoms that run the stretch of the path near my home, the fecundity of August, the greenery that rushed in during the months since Orli left us here, to fend for ourselves. I find I cannot talk to people I see at the farmers market, but I can appreciate the ripening fruit, the taste of late summer, the heat in the skin of each peach.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

I Couldn’t Save My Son: Grappling with Guilt in Grief

I still have a tendency to wake in the night and go over and over all of the things that went wrong and where I imagine I might have protected Orli. I berate myself for having failed her. It is completely irrational; it is also true. I could not save her; she could not be saved. I am her mother; ergo, I failed. In the light of day, I see the faulty logic of 4 a.m.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

Coping with Guilt in Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

It is not easy to reconcile the guilt of losing a child, the heaviness of the guilt of losing my only child. I included the passage above about Sarah Wildman’s guilt over losing her daughter because it so eloquently amplifies a parent’s response to losing a child.

Losing my son to suicide changed everything about my life. This blog, My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, is my attempt to make sense of a world that can never make sense. Suicide doesn’t make sense. But finding a way to live in peace with who I am now does make sense. I live on that my son might live too.

Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing and Peace

Gardening, along with the art of photography and the expression of my emotions through poetry, blog posts, books, and songs, brings me solace. Preserving the temporal, ephemeral fragility of flowers in my photographs brings resolve and sometimes, even acceptance of what I can and cannot change in this life.

Beth Brown, Author

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
— “He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
— “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

—“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.

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If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

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About My Forever Son

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.

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Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.

Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still. 

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.

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Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.

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I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.

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I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.

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Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.

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Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.

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The Story of My Forever Son

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From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss

From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss beautifully contemplates how grief is intertwined with the profound love we hold for those we have lost. The author invites you to experience a heartfelt reflection that begins: “It’s on my refrigerator door—a small magnet lovingly placed between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a cherished photograph of my son. Using the magnet as a powerful symbol of the continuous struggle between pain and hope, the author conveys the poignant message that even amidst profound sorrow, there exists a pathway to light and joy. She beautifully illustrates the profound connection between sorrow and joy, emphasizing that light can indeed coexist with darkness in our lives.

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss shares the author’s deeply personal journey through overwhelming grief as she approaches the memorial date of her beloved son, who tragically took his own life three years ago. This heartfelt reflection compassionately explores the intricate challenges of navigating life in the wake of such an unimaginable loss, bringing to light the quiet moments of sorrow that linger and the powerful emotions that resurface.

Loving Him Past His Pain: A Grieving Mother’s Journey

Loving Him Past His Pain: A Grieving Mother’s Journey poignantly captures the profound sorrow and heartfelt storytelling of a mother as she reflects on cherished memories intertwined with her current reality. Through vivid imagery and deeply personal experiences, she crafts a touching narrative that gently weaves together the loving moments from her son’s life with the complexities of her existence now, as she navigates the landscape of loss and love.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide explores the profound and heartbreaking sorrow that envelops grandparents facing the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. Throughout this painful journey, they find themselves mourning not only the precious life that has been lost, but also the broken dreams and treasured memories that will tragically remain unfulfilled for their own child, the grieving parent. 

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. The author compassionately underscores the vital importance of honoring one’s own story and seeking out supportive connections during such a dark time.

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide is a collection of reflections and resources documenting the author’s journey through grief after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. The blog offers comfort, practical guidance, and hope to those navigating bereavement, sharing stories of love, remembrance, and the enduring bond between mother and son. Through poems, articles, and resources, the author aims to create a compassionate community for grieving parents.

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If You Need Immediate Support

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

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Related Reads

• From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
• Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
• Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”
• Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

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