“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss
Key Takeaways
- “White Peonies in Bloom”: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss depicts a mother’s struggle as she witnesses her son Dylan’s battle with depression and his five suicide attempts.
- It highlights the pain of Memorial Day and the impact of grief on both the mother and Dylan’s memory.
- The narrative emphasizes the reality of PTSD and how grief cycles through time and triggers memories.
- Messages of hope remind grieving parents that love persists despite loss, and grief reflects devotion, not failure.
- Mindfulness becomes a crucial tool for living with grief, allowing for moments of steadiness amidst the sorrow.
Introduction
“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss recounts a mother’s heart-wrenching experience with her son Dylan’s battle with depression and his five suicide attempts. The author reflects on loving her son through depression, losing him to suicide, and learning to live with grief, memory, and quiet hope. Beginning in January, a month of new beginnings, the journey reveals her confusion and helplessness as she witnesses Dylan’s pain, which isolates him even from loved ones.
Memorial Day becomes a painful reminder of his struggles, culminating in his tragic suicide on June 25, 2012. The narrative reflects both Dylan’s internal fight and the mother’s emotional turmoil, highlighting the profound impact of grief and mental health challenges.
Themes:
- A child’s depression
- Suicide attempts and loss
- PTSD and anniversaries
- Grief lived in the body
- Early, unforced hope
My Forever Son
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
“White Peonies in Bloom”: Grief, Memory, and the Shape of Hope
Series Description:
You are reading part one, “White Peonies in Bloom: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss,” of a three-part series: “White Peonies in Bloom: Grief, Memory, and the Shape of Hope.” This series reflects a mother’s lived experience of loving a son through depression, losing him to suicide, and learning—slowly, imperfectly—how to remain present afterward. These reflections honor grief without rushing healing and offer quiet hope rooted in love, not denial.
“White Peonies in Bloom”: Grief, Memory, and the Shape of Hope:
→Part One: “White Peonies in Bloom”: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss
→Part Two: (Coming Soon) “White Peonies in Bloom”: Hope After Loss: Learning to Stay After Losing a Child to Suicide
→Part Three: “White Peonies in Bloom:” A Devotional for Grieving Parents
“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Mother’s Heartbreak After Suicide Loss
A Mother’s Grief After Losing a Son to Depression
January is meant to signal new beginnings. For us, it marked the beginning of a slow unraveling.
My son Dylan was sinking into a depression I could not understand and could not fix. I watched helplessly as his pain isolated him—from friends, from family, even from me.
Month after month, my fear grew heavier. January. February. March. April. May. Five suicide attempts in five months. Each one felt like standing at the edge of a cliff, suspended between breath and death.
When Dates Remember Grief: Memorial Day and Suicide Loss
Memorial Day still stops me cold.
I never ease through May. By the 25th of every month, grief takes on weight—tangible, crushing.
PTSD and Grief: When the Body Remembers
And when Memorial Day approaches, my body remembers before my mind does. The sales flyers. The parade notices. The cottonwood floating through the air in central Ohio. All of it whispers the same truth: June is coming.
Dylan died on June 25, 2012.
And even now, years later, my nervous system does not believe it is over.
A Mother Remembers: My Son’s Fifth Suicide Attempt
On Memorial Day weekend in 2012, I was waiting for pizza with a friend when my phone rang.
“My roommate called. The police were just here. Dylan overdosed again. He’s at the hospital.”
His fifth attempt.
I remember the machines breathing for him. The IVs. The beeping monitors. The doctor telling me there was nothing I could do. I remember leaving without knowing if he would live through the night. I remember praying with a kind of desperation that breaks something open forever.
“God, save my son.”
Loving a Child with Depression: Helplessness and Heartbreak
Critical care. Suicide watch. His vacant eyes when he finally woke. The Reese’s peanut butter cups—his favorite—eaten without a glance in my direction. I was losing him while he was still alive.
My life would never be the same.
When Grief Has a Calendar
Grief does not move forward in a straight line. It circles. It revisits. It ambushes.
David Kessler writes:
“Grief must be witnessed. It must be shared. If it is not allowed, it will find its own way out.”
Memorial Day. June. The 25th.
These dates are not just memories. They live in my body. PTSD is not a metaphor—it is a lived reality. Time collapses. Yesterday and today blur. Loss happens again and again.
Finding Hope After Losing a Child—Without Forcing It
Still, there are moments—small, quiet ones—when grief loosens its grip.
A Mother’s Day card surfaces from a pile of papers:
“I’ll love you forever, Mom. Love, Dylan.”
Morning light. Blue sky. Tea warming my hands. Breath returning, slowly.
Hope, I’ve learned, does not arrive as a feeling. It arrives as a pause.
David Kessler reminds us:
“Hope doesn’t mean forgetting. It means remembering with a little less pain.”
What Helps Me Live with Grief, Not Beyond It
Mindfulness does not erase sorrow—but it steadies me enough to live alongside it.
Mindfulness as Survival in Deep Grief
The texture of keys beneath my fingers. What I’m wearing. The taste of tea. Dinner plans with friends where I laugh, even while my heart quietly breaks. I choose bright colors on days when my world is gray.
Hope, for me, means continuing to love—not despite the pain, but because of it.
Messages of Hope for Parents Grieving a Child
If you are here because grief brought you, please know this:
- You are not broken.
- Love does not end because a life does.
- Your grief is a measure of your devotion, not your failure.
As David Kessler says:
“The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.”
If this reflection speaks to you, you may also want to read:
Finding hope without rushing it → Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”
A shorter devotional for heavy days → White Peonies in Bloom: A Devotional for Grieving Parents
Journal & Reflection Prompts
Take only what feels right. Leave the rest.
- What dates or seasons feel especially heavy for me—and why?
- Where do I notice grief living in my body?
- What brings me even a moment of steadiness right now?
- In what ways does my love still want expression?
Gentle Reminders
- Healing does not mean closure.
- You can carry sorrow and joy at the same time.
- It won’t always feel like this.
Reminder: Hope (H.O.P.E.) means Hold On—Pain Eases.
Related Reads
If these words resonate, you may find comfort here as well:
- The Black Dog: Understanding Depression and Grief
- One Last Mother’s Day Card: “I Will Love You Forever Mom”
- Loving Him Past His Pain: A Mother’s Heartfelt Journey
- Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
- A Deluge of Feelings: Year 8 Memorial Date
Beth Brown, Author
About the Author
Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.
Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss
by Beth Brown
There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.
On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”
I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.
He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
— “He Left Too Soon”
There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.
Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
— “Beat Still My Heart”
My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.
My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.
Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.
–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
— “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”
In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.
Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
— “Beat Still My Heart”
I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.
Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.
–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl.
I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.
Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.
If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.
But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.
If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.
Bury My Heart
Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief
These Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief offer invaluable support for parents grappling with the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. Rich in compassion and understanding, they provide personal narratives, expert insights on grief, and essential strategies for healing.
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources provides a compassionate guide to support parents through the pain of losing a child to suicide. It explores the journey of grief, the importance of support networks, and self-care during this difficult time. The guide offers suggestions for honoring a child’s memory, creating a meaningful legacy to provide solace amidst heartache.
Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide
Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt exploration of the overwhelming emotions that parents face after the tragic loss of a child to suicide. It delicately unravels the deep feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf those grappling with such an unimaginable sorrow. Through intimate personal stories and touching quotes, it provides a compassionate perspective that aims to comfort and support parents on their difficult healing journey.
Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son
Self Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son is a deeply emotional narrative that explores feelings of self-blame and guilt after the loss of a son. This poignant story guides readers through the tumultuous emotions parents face, sharing the author’s deep sorrow and questioning what could have been done differently. It emphasizes the need for support and understanding during the arduous healing journey.
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief is a powerful poem that reflects the overwhelming “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve” guilt parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poetic language directly addresses the haunting “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” questions that plague those left behind, emphasizing the helplessness and regret that linger after such a tragic loss. The poem serves as a conduit for healing and self-forgiveness, exploring the possibility of moving beyond guilt and embracing acceptance, allowing love to shine through even the darkest of times.
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” is a poignant poem that captures the intense emotions of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide. The verses convey heartbreak and the struggle to find solace, using nature as a symbol for the grief journey. Vivid imagery of hawks circling above parallels feelings of despair, evoking a sense of helplessness in processing pain. Every line resonates with the weight of memories and the ache of loss, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences with grief.
The Story of My Forever Son
What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.
Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.
Meet Dylan, My Forever Son
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.
Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.
Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches.
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.
“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.
If You Need Immediate Support
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Crisis Services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
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Read MoreCoping with Grief and Healing at Memorial Dates
Memorial Day: Color My Heart Forever Blue. My heart has been interminably broken since January 2012, Dylan’s first suicide attempt near my birthday, the first hospital, the first psych ward, the only time I remember hearing him say upon awakening from his overdose, “This is the best day of my life because I’m alive.” I remember his laughing and smiling easily with a high school friend who visited him.
And I remember the sullenness and moodiness, sitting watching Dylan eating ice cream and putting his head down and forward into his hands, pulling at his now chip-chopped hair, tugging, rubbing his hands on his jeans, anxious, nervous, changed, forever changed–I just didn’t know it.
One Suicide Attempt After the Other
Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop: Dylan had multiple suicide attempts–one suicide attempt after another. January, February, March, May, and June. It’s been difficult to not always be reliving those hell-on-earth months. Broken. His life abruptly stopped.
The interruption and disfiguring, the disassembling of my life. The stripping away. The barrenness. This life now of chronic pain where I practice mindfulness and radical acceptance and distraction, tons and tons of distraction, just to move through my days.
Making Plans to Remember My Son on His Memorial Date
Some parents find it helpful to make plans ahead of their child’s memorial date. Doing so provides a sense of purpose, a direction to turn, some stability on a day of unbearable pain.
Some parents make no plans at all. They may or may not visit their child’s grave or memorial. They may or may not follow their ordinary routine. There’s a certain freedom in being able to express grief in whatever way you find helps you move through your child’s memorial date.
It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
Coping with Grief on Memorial Dates: A Personal Journey
12 Years Out: I am now 12 years out from Dylan’s suicide. As I approach his memorial date, I have open-ended plans to go to lunch with a close friend. I usually visit my son’s grave and bring fresh flowers. Writing a letter to my son on his memorial date helps me cope with a flood of feelings. Sometimes, I will write a song for his memorial date.
Always, I give myself permission to not do anything on my son’s memorial date. Dylan’s memorial date is not something I thought I’d ever know. Now I move through that date on the calendar every 12 months. Carrying both love and ache is hard to grow accustomed to.
Read more personal reflections on grief at a child’s memorial date:
A Deluge of Feelings: Year 8 Memorial Date is deeply personal and emotionally powerful, eloquently capturing the author’s experience and emotions with her son’s 8th Year Memorial Date. The vivid descriptions of nature and the juxtaposition of beauty and pain create a poignant narrative.
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