Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents

Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents

Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents provides a poignant personal story intertwined with expert advice on identifying warning signs of suicide in college students, Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students, with 10% contemplating suicide annually. Warning signs include overt expressions of suicidal thinking, such as threats and seeking means, and more subtle signs like hopelessness, anger, and withdrawal. Risk factors include mental health disorders, previous attempts, isolation, and environmental stressors like relationship difficulties and academic problems.

Introduction

Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents provides a poignant personal story intertwined with expert advice on identifying warning signs of suicide in college students. The emotional journey and the impact of the author’s loss are powerfully portrayed. The inclusion of expert insights and resources is valuable, offering practical support to readers.

College is a Time of Significant Transition

College is a time of significant transition. Many students are living away from home for the first time and have less access to support from family and friends. Along with increased freedom and independence, students face greater stress from a variety of sources, such as: increased academic demands, adjusting to a new environment, and developing a new support system. College also provides an opportunity to experiment with alcohol and other drugs, which may compound problems with mood and increase the risk for suicide.

College also provides an opportunity to experiment with alcohol and other drugs, which may compound problems with mood and increase the risk for suicide

Many students come to college with a prior history of mental health difficulties or treatment. Environmental stressors in combination with a predisposition to experience mental health problems may increase their risk for suicide.

Over 90% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental disorder, typically a depressive disorder or substance abuse disorder.

College-age men are four to six times more likely to die by suicide than college-age women

Men are especially at risk for completed suicide, and college-age men are four to six times more likely to die by suicide than college-age women. Women are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide using nonlethal means than men.

College-age women are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide using nonlethal means than men

When Should Someone Seek Immediate Assistance?

When they are…

• Threatening or talking about wanting to hurt or kill him/herself
• Looking for ways to kill him/herself by seeking access to firearms or other means
• Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide

If you or someone you know need immediate assistance, please call any of the local resources listed below:

• The Counseling Center/Student Services
• The Department of Public Safety 
• Resident Advisor
• Crisis Text Line

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week 
Languages: English, Spanish
1 (800) 273-8255

 How Can I Help Someone Who May be Suicidal?

• Show interest and be supportive.
• Be direct; ask them if they are considering suicide or have a plan.
• Don’t be judgmental, give advice, or try to talk them out of suicide.
• Don’t swear to secrecy.
• Offer hope that alternatives are available.
• Don’t leave the person alone.
• Take action, remove means, and assist them in getting the help they need.
• Inform Residence Life and Housing staff if you live in a residence hall.
• Consult with a counselor as needed.

How Common Is Suicide and Suicidal Feelings Among College Students?

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for college-age youth (ages 18-22), a staggering statistic that highlights the critical mental health challenges faced by this demographic. Many factors contribute to this alarming trend, including the pressures of academic performance, social isolation, and the transition to adulthood.

College students often experience heightened levels of stress and anxiety, which can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness and despair. It is essential for universities and communities to actively address these issues by providing accessible mental health resources, fostering supportive environments, and promoting open conversations about mental health and well-being. By prioritizing mental health awareness, we can help reduce this tragic loss of young lives and support the emotional resilience of our future leaders.

For middle and high school age youth (ages 12-18), suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death. *

For college age youth (ages 18-22), suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death. *

Overall, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for our youth ages 10-24. *

(*2023 CDC WISQARS)

In ages 10 – 14, we have seen an alarming increase in suicides.  The number of suicides for this group has more than doubled in the last decade, making it the second leading cause of death for that age group.

More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.

Each day in our nation, there are an average of over 3,703 attempts by young people grades 9-12.  If these percentages are additionally applied to grades 7 & 8, the numbers would be higher.

Four out of Five individuals considering suicide give some sign of their intentions, either verbally or behaviorally.

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds
• In a recent national survey, 10.3% of college students reported that they seriously considered suicide in the past 12 months

The Jason Foundation, Facts & Stats, Youth Suicide Statistics

Facts About Suicide

• Most suicidal persons want to live but are unable to see alternatives to their problems.
• Most suicidal persons give warnings of their intentions, but others are either unaware or do not know how to respond.
• Talking about suicide does not cause someone to be suicidal.
• Just because a person talks about suicide (expresses his/her feelings), does not mean he/she is no longer at risk for suicide.
• Most suicide attempts are expressions of extreme distress, not harmless bids for attention.

Almost everyone who attempts or completes suicide has given warning signs through their words or behaviors. Do not ignore any suicide threats. The following statements may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

• “I’d be better off dead.”
• “I won’t be bothering you much longer.”
• “You’ll be better off without me around.”
• “I hate my life.”
• “I am going to kill myself.”
• Suicide threats are not always verbal.

The Jason Foundation, youth suicide warning signs

What Are the Risk Factors for Suicide?

Lack of Interest

You should be concerned if a friend suddenly starts to lose interest in sports or hobbies that they used to enjoy:

• The captain of the football team no longer wants to be on the team.
• A dancer decides to leave the team because she does not like it anymore.
• Your music-loving friend decides to quit the band.

The Jason Foundation, youth-suicide/warning-signs

• Depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder
• Stressful life events, in combination with other risk factors such as depression
• A prior suicide attempt
• Family history of mental disorder, substance abuse, or suicide
• A history of family violence or abuse
• Access to a firearm or other lethal means such as medications

Depression is one of the leading causes of suicide attempts

Depression is one of the leading causes of suicide attempts. Mental or addictive disorders are associated with 90% of suicide. One in ten youth suffer from mental illness serious enough to be impaired, yet fewer than 20% receive treatment. Depression can be exhibited in many ways including the following which are detailed in more depth:

• Sudden, abrupt changes in personality
• Expressions of hopelessness and despair
• Declining grades and school performance
• Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
• Increased irritability and aggressiveness
• Withdrawal from family, friends and relationships
• Lack of hygiene
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits

The Jason Foundation, youth suicide warning signs

What Are Some Warning Signs of Suicide?

Preoccupation with Death and Suicide

This can be seen throughout their:

• Essays and writings about death
• Poems about death
• Artwork or drawings depicting death
• Social media posts and comments
• Talking a lot about death or dying

Previous Suicide Attempts

Youth who have attempted suicide are at risk to do it again. In fact, they are eight times more likely than youth who have never attempted suicide to make another suicide attempt.

• One out of three suicide deaths is not the individual’s first attempt.
• The risk for completing suicide is more than 100 times greater during the first year after an attempt.
• Take any instance of deliberate self-harm seriously.

• Deteriorating academic performance
• Depression, dramatic mood changes
• Hopelessness
• Preoccupation with death
• Anxiety or agitation
• Uncontrolled anger or rage
• Engaging in risky activities
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Neglecting appearance and hygiene
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Giving away prized possessions

Once the decision has been made to end their life, some young people begin making final arrangements

Once the decision has been made to end their life, some young people begin making final arrangements.

• Giving away prized or favorite possessions
• Putting their affairs in order
• Saying good-bye to family and friends
• Making funeral arrangements

Sudden Changes in Appearance

• He/She is not dressing as they typically would.
• Lack of personal hygiene.

The Jason Foundation, youth suicide warning signs

Recent research has identified a connection between interpersonal violence and suicide

Anger, Increased Irritability

Recent research has identified a connection between interpersonal violence and suicide. Suicide is associated with fighting for both males and females, across all ethnic groups, and for youth living in urban, suburban, and rural areas. You should be concerned if a friend is exhibiting unusually irritable behavior.

The Jason Foundation, youth suicide warning signs

Is Suicide Preventable?

Almost everyone who attempts or completes suicide has given warning signs through their words or behaviors. Do not ignore any suicide threats. The following statements may indicate serious suicidal feelings:

• A model student suddenly failing classes or not turning in assignments.
• Lack of concern for school, classes, and grades.
• Grades dropping suddenly

The Jason Foundation, youth suicide warning signs

I am a mother who lost her son to suicide. Dylan was a sophomore in college, my only child, and I loved him deeply. Were the signs of depression there? Yes. Were the signs of suicide there? Yes, Dylan had previously attempted suicide. Did we try to get Dylan the help he needed? Yes. Did we do everything we could have done? At the time, yes.

Could Dylan’s suicide have been prevented?

Can suicide be prevented? Yes. Can all suicides be prevented? I don’t know if they can. Mental illness, substance abuse, challenges students face in college, social pressure, academic pressure–the one true thing that can be said is that stress can be enormously challenging.

Certain forms of psychotherapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy, have proven effective in addressing suicidal thoughts. Medications can alleviate symptoms related to suicidal ideation, including depression and anxiety.

Resources for Suicide Prevention:

American Association of Suicidology –  www.suicidology.org
The goal of (AAS) is to understand and prevent suicide.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention –  www.afsp.org
The nation’s leading organization bringing together people across communities and backgrounds to understand and prevent suicide, and to help heal the pain it causes.

Half Of Us –  http://www.halfofus.com/
Mental health issues are a reality for millions of people. Young people are especially at risk, with half of college students reporting that they have been stressed to a point where they couldn’t function during the past year. The impact of mental illness is so devastating that suicide is the third leading cause of death among all people ages 15-24.

IMAlive – https://www.imalive.org/
An Online Crisis Network.  The first online network with 100% of its volunteers trained and certified in crisis intervention

National Center for Injury Prevention and Control –  www.cdc.gov/ncipc
CDC’s Injury Center has helped protect people from violence and injury. We are the nation’s leading authority on violence and injury prevention. We research the best ways to prevent violence and injuries, using science to create real-world solutions to keep people safe, healthy, and productive.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline –  www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

Online Resource for College Mental Health –  www.ulifeline.org/
Provides suicide and depression resources for college students.

Suicide Prevention Resource Center –  www.sprc.org
The nation’s only federally supported resource center devoted to advancing the  National Strategy for Suicide Prevention.

The Jed Foundation –  http://www.jedfoundation.org/
As the nation’s leading organization working to promote emotional health and prevent suicide among college students, The Jed Foundation is protecting the mental health of students across the country. 

ULifeline –  http://www.ulifeline.org/
On online resource for college mental health.  Also includes a help line for those with more serious mental health issues such as suicidal thoughts and how to help a friend.

*Information above was obtained by the Counseling Center at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

Suicide Warning Signs in College Students

The following behaviors and emotional shifts may indicate a student is contemplating suicide: 

• Talking about suicide or self-harm: This includes explicit statements, but also mentions of feeling empty, hopeless, trapped, or having no reason to live.
• Changes in behavior:
  • Social Withdrawal: Increasing isolation from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed.
  • Giving Away Possessions: Especially prized possessions, as if preparing for a final farewell.
  • Ignoring Responsibilities: Neglecting coursework, skipping classes, or failing to maintain personal hygiene.
  • Increased Substance Use: Turning to alcohol or drugs to cope with pain.
  • Risky or Self-Destructive Behavior: Driving recklessly, engaging in unsafe sex, or other activities that demonstrate a disregard for their safety.
  • Sudden Mood Swings: Dramatic shifts in emotional state, such as intense anger, anxiety, or agitation, or a sudden period of calm after extreme depression.
• Preoccupation with Death or Suicide: Expressing unusual interest in death, dying, or violence through conversations, writings, or art.
• Hopelessness: Feeling like things will never get better, believing they are a burden to others, or having a pervasive sense of despair.
• Saying Goodbye: Making unusual or unexpected visits or calls to loved ones, or saying farewell in a way that suggests it’s their last interaction.
• Planning or Researching Means: Actively looking for ways to end their life, such as researching methods online, or seeking access to weapons or medication. 

How parents can help

Parents play a vital role in supporting their college-aged children and helping them navigate the challenges of mental health. 

• Communicate openly: Engage in frequent, open, and non-judgmental conversations about how their student is feeling and what’s happening in their life.
• Educate yourself: Familiarize yourself with the warning signs of suicide and mental health challenges to better understand and identify potential concerns.
• Encourage seeking help: Suggest talking to a counselor, therapist, or other trusted professionals, and offer to help them connect with campus resources.
• Stay connected: Maintain consistent communication, demonstrating your love, support, and willingness to be there for them.
• Know when to seek immediate help: If a student is in immediate danger or actively planning suicide, do not leave them alone. Seek professional assessment and treatment immediately, or call 988, the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
• Respect their boundaries: Encourage them to share at their own pace, and avoid pressuring or interrogating them.
• Be aware of campus resources: Connect with the college’s mental health services department and learn about available support programs.
• Remove access to lethal means: If your student is exhibiting suicidal ideation or behaviors, remove firearms, medications, or other potentially dangerous items from their environment.
• Model healthy behavior: Openly discuss your own mental health and demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms. 

Important reminders

• Talking about suicide will not plant the idea in their head. In fact, it can be a lifesaver, as it opens the door to conversation and support.
• Never dismiss any suicidal threat. Every threat should be taken seriously and followed by prompt intervention. 

Resources for students and parents

Several national and campus-based resources are available to help individuals and their loved ones cope with mental health challenges and prevent suicide. 

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for immediate online resources and support, available 24/7.
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, confidential crisis support via text.
• The Jed Foundation: A non-profit organization dedicated to the emotional health of college students, offering resources, tools, and support programs.
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Provides counseling, healthcare, and crisis intervention services across the country.

Dylan’s story serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of recognizing the signs, seeking help, and fostering open communication within families and college communities to prevent further tragedies. 

Related Reads

• 2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis
• Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
• Losing My Only Child to Suicide: A Mother’s Story
• Understanding Suicide Myths: Facts and Insights
• Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

---

---

Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents

Each year, approximately 24,000 college students attempt suicide. 1,100 students do not survive their crisis, making suicide the second-leading cause of death among U.S. college students.

Kristen Walton, Making College Campuses Safer from Suicide, AFSP

Dylan’s Story: Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents

With a Heavy Heart–Dylan’s Story

My heart has been heavy in March. Dylan’s birthday was March 19th, and he would have been 27 years old. I don’t think I’ll ever see him more than the just-barely 20-year-old boy that he was. Still mostly teenager, boldly coming of age with his friends, lost in what I chalked up as “teenage angst” and a rushing in to all things, be they good, bad, in between or just because his friends were doing it.

Dylan was old enough to tell me proudly, boastfully, that he was grown up now, 18 years old and able to make his own choices, that I couldn’t tell him what to do. I remember those words so clearly right after his 18th birthday, March 19, 2010. He was graduating with honors from high school, had a full academic scholarship to a great university, and both he (and I) were living on the promising side of life where possibility could only have meant all things good.

Never in a Million Years

Never in a million years could I have predicted or even entertained the idea that everything with Dylan would go terribly wrong. He got mixed up with the wrong roommates in college, chose underage drinking and drugs instead of attending the top-notch classes he’d been placed into, and I didn’t know a thing until I first saw his grades at the end of fall semester. Suffice it to say, I was shocked.

My good kid, my son—my only child—had never acted like this. I somehow had missed that my son would be moving through his coming-of-age passage without me and in so many ways, in defiance of how I had raised him.

And so began my frantic efforts to help my son turn his life around right up until that forever worst day of my life: June 25, 2012, that day my world stopped turning when Dylan took his life.

All That I Missed

All that I missed, all that I could have done, and all that I could done differently: I have turned over, examined, cross-examined, and analyzed everything I did (or didn’t do), and everything I said (or didn’t say) with Dylan a million times over.

Reese Druckenmiller , a clinical social worker in Psychiatry & Psychology in Albert Lea, Minnesota, has this to say about the warning signs of suicide in young adults (particularly college students):

Young people with a mental health diagnosis, including depression, are five times more likely to attempt suicide than adults. Four out of 5 college students who consider or attempt suicide have shown clear warning signs before the attempt.

Reese Druckenmiller, College Students and Depression: A Guide for Parents

Struggling with Depression

Dylan struggled with depression for a long time even before he went to college. I mistook signs of his depression for teenage angst. The summer before he left to begin his freshman year at Ohio University in Athens, Dylan told me “Mom, I haven’t felt happy in at least 7 years.” I encouraged him to go to the student health clinic when he got to campus. I asked if he felt suicidal. Dylan said “No.”

He packed up a sundry stuff that kids take to college, and I drove him to campus a week later. It was late August and already feeling like early fall. The beautiful, rolling hills of the Athens campus were still green, but leaves had already started changing colors.

In her article “College Students and Depression: A Guide for Parents,” Mayo Clinic Health Report, Druckenmiller identifies seven warning signs for suicide:

Warning signs for suicide include: 

• Ignoring class work or skipping classes
• Withdrawing from friends and wanting to be left alone
• Giving away possessions
• Talking about suicide
• Doing risky or self-destructive things, such as using drugs or driving recklessly
• Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
• Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seeing them again

This is not an exhaustive list. Be alert to behavior and personality changes that can provide clues into a student’s state of well-being.

Mayo Clinic Health System, “College College students and depression: A guide for parentsstudents and depression: A guide for parents,” TUESDAY, JULY 19, 2022

Assisting Students Who Report Feeling Suicidal

If you believe someone is in immediate danger to themself or others, please call 911

Important Facts 

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. 

National surveys of college students estimate that 10% of students on any given campus contemplate suicide every year. 

• For example, if there are about 20,000 students, about 2,200 contemplate suicide each year. 

About 80% of college students who die by suicide are unknown to campus mental health professionals. 

• However, about 90% of individuals who die by suicide have a mental disorder that is diagnosable and treatable at the time of their death. 

Warning Signs of Suicide

Suicidality refers to a range of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to contemplating and/or intending to kill oneself, some of which are more observable than others. Warning signs can be organized into two tiers.

Tier One Warning Signs

These warning signs include overt expressions of suicidal thinking and elicit the most distress or worry.

Warning signs at this tier include:

• Threatening to hurt or kill themselves
• Looking for ways to kill themselves, such as seeking access to pills, weapons, or other means
• Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide (includes social media, handwritten letters, text messages, emails, phone messages)

Tier Two Warning Signs

These warning signs include more subtle expressions of suicidal thinking and a broader range of factors that should be taken in combination and the larger context of the person’s natural tendencies and environment.

Warning signs at this tier include:

• Feelings of hopelessness
• Feelings of anger, rage, and wanting to seek revenge
• Feeling trapped
• Feeling anxious, irritated, agitated, and having difficulty sleeping
• Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities
• Using increasing amounts of alcohol and/or drugs
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Displaying dramatic changes in mood, typically over a period of a few days to a few weeks
• Expressing difficulty finding a reason or purpose for living, such as “I wish this were all over,” or “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” 

What May Trigger Suicidality?

Suicide happens when pain exceeds an individual’s resources for coping with pain. 

Multiple factors may trigger suicidal ideation and intent. People who are affected by one or more risk factors may have a greater likelihood of suicidal behavior. These risk factors can be used to help identify someone who may be vulnerable to suicide. 

Commonly reported risk factors among college students include, but not limited to:

Internal Factors

Mental and Physical Health

• Mental disorders, such as Depressive disorders, Anxiety disorders, Substance Misuse, Schizophrenia
• Previous suicide attempts
• Self-injury

Individual

• Isolation, hopelessness, anger, impulsivity, risky behavior and other factors mentioned in Tier Two Warning Signs
• Feeling burdensome to others
• Low distress tolerance
• Few or poor coping or problem-solving skills 

External Factors

Environmental

• Relationship difficulties (e.g., friends, partner, family)
• Academic problems
• Employment problems
• Financial difficulties
• Current or past physical, psychological, or sexual abuse
• Chronic illness or disability
• Major loss or negative life transition
• Limited access to effective care
• Exposure to or experience with discrimination and stigma
• Exposure to media reports that glamorize or normalize suicide

Familial

• Family history of suicide or suicidal behavior
• Family history of mental health difficulties
• Current or past family violence or abuse
• Family loss or instability
• Lack of familial support 

Females are 3-5 times more likely to attempt suicide.   Males are 4-5 times more likely to die by suicide.

Suicide does NOT discriminate based on age, race, gender, or sexual orientation. Cultural factors DO play a role in how people respond to crisis.

Helping Those Contemplating Suicide

If you are concerned about a student’s ability to effectively and safely remain on campus, or whether a student’s well-being is impacting the lives of others around them, you may consider making a referral to the Office of the Dean of Students. 

How to Respond to Someone Contemplating Suicide

Responses to Tier One Warning Signs

If any of the following apply to a distressed student, call 911

• Has a weapon and is threatening to use it
• Threatening immediate harm to self or others
• Has engaged in a behavior that requires immediate medical attention

In Response to Tier Two Warning Signs

• Express care and concern for that individual who is distressed.
• Refer that individual to a trained mental health professional. This may include on-campus, local and national resources.

Ask The Student Directly

When talking with a student, consider the impact of your language about suicide. Ways to ask someone if they are contemplating suicide:

• Are you thinking of killing yourself?
• Are you currently having thoughts of suicide?
• Sometimes when people are experiencing difficult situations, they have thoughts of suicide. Are you?

Avoid saying “completed suicide” or “committed suicide” to not convey a sense of judgment, success, punishment, or other negative tone. Instead, say “die/died by suicide” or “death by suicide.” 

Protective Factors

In situations like this, it may be important to ask briefly about any protective factors that may help the student cope with current distress.

Protective factors are those that may reduce the likelihood of suicide and protect students from other risks, such as violence, substance misuse, and academic difficulties.

There are a variety of protective risk factors among college students, they can be sorted into intrapersonal and interpersonal characteristics.

Intrapersonal Characteristics

• Psychological/emotional well-being, positive mood, optimism
• Positive beliefs/hope/anticipation about future plans and events
• Desire to finish school
• Internal focus of control (one has an impact on others and the world, and is responsible for one’s accomplishments)
• Adaptive coping skills, including problem-solving and conflict resolution
• Ability to regulate emotions and tolerate distress
• Self-esteem
• Cultural and religious/spiritual beliefs that affirm life, provide fellowship and a sense of purpose and meaning in life
• Physical activity and exercise

Interpersonal Characteristics

• Family support, parental/caregiver involvement
• Support from friends and partners, involvement in social activities
• Involvement in social activities
• Positive role models, mentors, professors, coaches, peers, and others who provide understanding, care, and support
• Sense of connectedness to school and campus/peer community
• Access to care to support one’s physical and psychological well-being 

Warning Signs 

Warning signs are similar to risk factors, in that their presence increases the likelihood that an individual will engage in suicidal behavior. However they differ in that warning signs warrant greater attention and more immediate intervention. Warning signs indicate that the individual may be considering suicide. While there is no foolproof method of determining that someone is thinking of hurting him or herself, the following signs might indicate that someone is considering suicide.

The following warning signs indicate that the individual needs intervention:

• Hopelessness
• Rage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revenge
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Anxiety, agitation, being unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
• Dramatic mood changes
• Expressing feelings that life is meaningless or that there is no reason to live
• Insomnia
• Feeling desperate or trapped, like there’s no way out
• Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose in life
• Diagnosed with a mental illness, particularly depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia
• Remember: The risk of suicide may be greatest as the person’s depression begins to lift

Certain behaviors can also serve as warning signs, particularly when they are not characteristic of the person’s normal behavior. These include:

• Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities
• Engaging in violent or self-destructive behavior
• Withdrawing from friends, family, and society

Recognizing warning signs specific to college students

College students have their own culture and language. You may know your college friends better than their own parents do. And you may be able to tell that something is wrong with one of your classmates when the professors and faculty advisors can’t. You can use your insights to help your friends and classmates find help when they are having problems.

While there is no foolproof method of determining that someone is thinking of hurting him- or herself, the following signs might indicate that a young person is considering suicide:

• A suddenly worsening school performance. Good students who suddenly start ignoring assignments and cutting classes may have problems-including depression or drug and alcohol abuse-that can affect their health and happiness and put them at risk of suicide.
• Unhealthy peer relationships. Students who don’t have friends, or suddenly reject their friends, may be at risk. A friend who suddenly rejects you, claiming, “You just don’t understand me any more,” may be having emotional problems.
• Indications that the student is in an abusive relationship. Some young people may be physically or emotionally abused by a member of their family or their girlfriend or boyfriend. Signs that a person may be in an abusive relationship include unexplained bruises or other injuries that he or she refuses to discuss.
• Signs of an eating disorder. An eating disorder is an obvious sign that someone needs help. A dramatic change in weight that is not the result of a medically supervised diet may also indicate that something is wrong.
• Difficulty in adjusting to sexual/gender identity. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered young people have higher suicide attempt rates than their heterosexual peers. These youth may be faced with social pressures that make life very difficult.
• Depression. Depression is an emotional problem that increases a person’s risk of suicide. The following signs indicate that someone may be depressed:
  • A sudden worsening in school performance
  • Withdrawal from friends and extracurricular activities
  • Expressions of sadness and hopelessness, or anger and rage
  • A sudden, unexplained decline in enthusiasm and energy
  • Overreaction to criticism
  • Lowered self-esteem, or feelings of guilt
  • Indecision, lack of concentration, and forgetfulness
  • Restlessness and agitation
  • Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Unprovoked episodes of crying
  • Sudden neglect of appearance and hygiene
  • Seeming to feel tired all the time, for no apparent reason
  • An increase in the use of alcohol or other drugs

If you witness these warning signs, talk with the person and encourage them to call for help as soon as possible. You can call Counseling Services at (269) 387-1850 Monday through Friday, from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. After hours, call (800) 273-TALK (8255). This National Suicide Prevention hotline is available 24 hours per day, seven days per week, and is answered locally.

The following warning signs most directly indicate the individual needs immediate intervention. If someone exhibits any of these warning signs, call 911.

• Threatening to hurt or kill themselves, talking about harming themselves, or announcing that they’ve made a plan to kill themselves
• Obtaining a weapon or other items that they could use to hurt themselves (such as prescription medications)
• Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide
• Giving away prized possessions
• Neglecting their appearance and hygiene

Watch for statements like:

• “Nobody cares.”
• “Everyone will be better off without me.”
• “I wish I were dead.”
• “I’m going to end it all.”
• “You will be better off without me.”
• “What’s the point of living?”
• “Soon you won’t have to worry about me.”
• “Who cares if I’m dead, anyway?”

The following statements indicate emotions and thoughts of someone who may be considering suicide:

• Can’t stop the pain
• Can’t think clearly
• Can’t make decisions
• Can’t see any way out
• Can’t sleep, eat or work
• Can’t get out of depression
• Can’t make the sadness go away
• Can’t see a future without pain
• Can’t see themselves as worthwhile
• Can’t get someone’s attention
• Can’t seem to get control

Recognizing warning signs of suicide

It’s important to recognize the warning signs that may indicate someone is contemplating suicide, because it increases the likelihood of early detection and intervention with people who are in crisis.

Keep in mind, these warning signs do not directly predict a suicide attempt. Rather, the greater number of warning signs that are present, the greater likelihood that an individual is contemplating suicide. 

• Threatening to hurt or kill themselves.
• Looking for ways to kill themselves, such as seeking access to pills, weapons, or other mean.
• Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide.
• Expressions of hopelessness or helplessness.
• Rage, anger, and seeking revenge.
• Feeling trapped.
• Increased drug/alcohol use.
• Withdrawing from friends/family.
• Anxiety, agitation, and inability to sleep.
• Dramatic changes in mood.
• Indication of not being able to identify a reason for living or seeking a purpose in life.
• Major changes in a person’s routine.

Common misconceptions about suicide

People who engage in self-harm want to kill themselves 
Many times, people who engage in self-harm behaviors are doing it cope with intense negative emotions and do not want to kill themselves. Even though they are not necessarily trying to end their life, studies show that people who have been injuring themselves over a long period of time have a higher risk for suicidal thoughts, gestures, and attempts. For this reason alone, it is important to ask whether the person is having suicidal thoughts. 

Talking about suicide gives someone in crisis the idea of suicide
Asking someone if they are thinking about suicide is one of the most helpful things you can do, as it helps a person who is thinking about suicide feel understood and demonstrate that you understand the amount of suffering that the person is experiencing. 

There is no preventing someone from acting on these thoughts
Many individuals contemplating suicide do not want to die, they want to end their pain and suffering. Listening, empathizing, validating, and connecting the individual to mental health resources are some of the most helpful things you can do. 

People who talk about suicide don’t kill themselves 
Most individuals who have attempted or died by suicide have given warning signs. Do not ignore suicide threats. 

Warning Signs of Suicide Every College Parent Should Know

Look for Warning Signs

The Suicide Prevention Resource Center, (SPRC), provides extensive information about suicide amongst college and university students.

Read More: Suicide Among College and University Students in the United States

Information below comes from the reproducible fact sheets available at the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.

There is no single, agreed-upon list of risk factors; however, the list below summarizes the risk factors identified by the most recent research.

Behavioral Health Issues/Disorders

• Depressive disorders
• Substance abuse or dependence (alcohol and other drugs)
• Delinquency/Conduct disorders
• Other disorders (e.g., anxiety disorders, eating disorders)
• Previous suicide attempts
• Self-injury (without intent to die)
• The presence of multiple behavioral health disorders (especially the combination of depressive and disruptive behavior problems or substance use) increases suicide risk.

Individual Characteristics

• Hopelessness
• Loneliness
• Social alienation and isolation, lack of belonging
• Anger, hostility
• Risky behavior, impulsivity
• Low stress and frustration tolerance
• Poor problem-solving or coping skills
• Perception of being a burden (e.g., to family and friends)
  

Adverse Stressful Life Circumstances

• Interpersonal difficulties or losses (e.g., relationship breakup, dating violence)
• School or work problems
  Financial problems
• Physical, sexual, and/or psychological abuse (current and/or previous)
• Chronic physical illness or disability
• Insomnia and nightmares.

Family Characteristics

• Family history of suicide or suicidal behavior
• Parental mental health problems
• Family violence or abuse (current and/or previous)
• Family instability and/or loss
• Lack of parental support

School and Community Factors

• Limited access to effective care for health, mental health, or substance abuse disorders
• Stigma associated with seeking care
• Negative social and emotional environment, including negative attitudes, beliefs, feelings, and
• interactions of staff and students
• Exposure to stigma and discrimination against students based on sexual orientation, gender
• identity, race and ethnicity, disability, or physical characteristics (such as being overweight)
• Access to lethal means
• Exposure to media normalizing or glamorizing suicide

Suicide Prevention Resource Center. (2014). Suicide among college and university students in the United States.Waltham, MA: Education Development Center, Inc

What Parents Can Do

You can make a difference and help us fight the “Silent Epidemic” of youth suicide. Below is a list of things you can do in your own community to make a difference.

• Educate yourself about the magnitude of the problem, the signs of concern and the tools of prevention.
• Encourage your local service organizations, churches and community centers to become aware of the problem of youth suicide and its prevention opportunities.
• Watch and listen to your children and pay attention to sudden changes in behavior that cause you concern.
• Be willing to seek professional help and guidance if you feel your child is becoming depressed or contemplating hurting him/herself.
• Talk openly and honestly with your child or your child’s friends about your concerns and be supportive in helping them cope with their feelings.
• Use the Community Assistance Resource Line (C.A.R.L.) to talk with a professional, about any concerns you have about a young person or a situation. The C.A.R.L. Line is answered 24/7, is confidential and is provided at no-cost. 1-877-778-CARL(2275)

The Jason Foundation, get involved parents, The Jason Foundation, Inc.  / 18 Volunteer Dr, Hendersonville, TN 37075  /(615) 264-2323

Why Couldn’t I Save My Son?

Nothing can prepare a parent for the death of a child. The sorrow is indescribable, causing pain that punches your soul and leaves you breathless. When a child dies by suicide that sorrow is heavy with guilt, shame, and the feeling that you will never be able to make sense of what has happened. 

Kristen Walton, October 19, 2023, Making College Campuses Safer from Suicide, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Why couldn’t I save my son?

Still, I wrestle with what will always be unresolved. I sometimes wonder if I’m not looking for a way to control my pain; that somehow, if I can find the right answer, I can control (and therefore change) what happened. Turn back the clock. Rewind and erase these past 7 and 1/2 years of grief by figuring out what or where or when I went wrong with Dylan. Why couldn’t I save my son?

Kristen Walton, a mother who lost her daughter to suicide, describes the feeling of never being able to make sense of what happened.

Nothing can prepare a parent for the death of a child. The sorrow is indescribable, causing pain that punches your soul and leaves you breathless. When a child dies by suicide that sorrow is heavy with guilt, shame, and the feeling that you will never be able to make sense of what has happened. 

As parents, my husband and I have tried to pick up the pieces and rebuild — to find a way forward. However, the landscape of our lives is totally different and unfamiliar. We must navigate in the dark sometimes, yet still we know there is light and so much life to live. 

There will always be negative space — a shadow looming over life. That is how it is after such great loss: No matter what is built from the ashes, there will always be a hole that can’t be filled. Our daughter Jessica thought we would be “better off without her” — that we would be sad for a while but eventually we would move on and our lives would be better. This may be the greatest lie of the suicidal mind.

Kristen Walton, October 19, 2023, Making College Campuses Safer from Suicide, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Dylan’s Story

The summer before he left to begin his freshman year at Ohio University in Athens, Dylan told me “Mom, I haven’t felt happy in at least 7 years.”

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, Dylan’s Story, Suicide Warning Signs for College Parents

Suicide Prevention and Resources for Schools, Parents, and Young People

“Making College Campuses Safer From Suicide”: Jessica’s Story

Jessica’s story is complicated: Like an onion with each new layer revealing her pain, raising new questions without any answers and exposing what we can’t help but feel was a failure on our part, as her parents, to have helped her navigate her precarious mental health. Her suicide detonated a bomb in our lives, leaving each of us feeling shattered and destroyed. 

In the days, weeks, months, and years since Jessica’s suicide, we became aware of what struck as systemic failures within our family, our religious community, the broken medical system, and what we felt to be failures of the university she attended. After her death, we learned of the school’s inadequate mental health resources on campus, the lack of ‘best practice’ prevention or postvention resources (i.e., how to best handle things if a suicide should occur) for students and families, as well as the manner in which the university seemed to hide student suicides from public view.

People and institutions often mistakenly think it’s safest not to speak about this manner of death, which only serves to increase shame and discourage help-seeking. We were frustrated by the lack of safety nets for when a student shows all the signs of drowning in the deep waters of a mental health crisis. Complicating things further, the very law that is meant to protect student records (FERPA) can stymie the sharing of communication when professors and other members of the school community recognize that someone is in crisis.

Making College Campuses Safer From Suicide, October 19, 2023
By Kristen Walton, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Seeking Help

The problem is real. In colleges and universities in the United States, suicide is one of the most common causes of death among students. Each year, approximately 24,000 college students attempt suicide. 1,100 students do not survive their crisis, making suicide the second-leading cause of death among U.S. college students.

October 19, 2023
By Kristen Walton, Making College Campuses Safer from Suicide, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

I tried, over and over and over again, to help Dylan (and to get him the help he needed): past 5 other suicide attempts, one for each month, January through May, until his suicide on June 25, 2012.

And sometimes, the pain of losing Dylan is more than I can bear. Literally more than I can bear. But I am not alone.

MORE INFORMATION ON SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES FOR SCHOOLS AND YOUNG PEOPLE

MORE INFORMATION ON SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES FOR SCHOOLS AND YOUNG PEOPLE

AFSP offers a host of resources to help you learn more about mental health and suicide, and spread awareness in your communities and school districts:

Suicide Prevention Resources for Schools:  AFSP offers foundational suicide prevention tools for schools to adopt and implement. Programs like It’s Real and More Than Sad provide mental health education and resources, while the Model School District Policy on Suicide Prevention outlines best practices for school districts to protect student health and safety.

How Parents and Guardians Can Help Prevent Teen Suicide:  Parents and guardians can play a role in suicide prevention by learning about the research and resources surrounding teen suicide, and how they can have healthy and productive conversations with their children. Parents and guardians can also participate in AFSP’s program More Than Sad: Parent Education, and learn to recognize the signs of depression, start conversations about mental health with their children, and help get them connected to resources.

A Guide for Schools Navigating Suicide Loss:  After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools offers reliable information and practical tools that can help schools to support grieving and distressed students, parents and guardians, and school staff, while also communicating safely, responsibly, and proactively with the public.

For Adults Supporting Young Loss Survivors: Written in partnership with Dougy Center, The National Grief Center for Children & Families, AFSP’s Children, Teens, and Suicide Lossbooklet offers concrete guidelines for adults who want to offer the best possible support to young loss survivors coping with grief and navigating a path toward healing. Adults supporting young loss survivors can also read these two articles by Dr. Pamela Gabbay, a childhood bereavement consultant and part of AFSP’s Suicide Bereavement Support Group Facilitator Trainings program. The articles outline what to expect when a teen or young child returns to school after a suicide loss, and what parents or guardians can do to help them navigate the experience.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Life Has a Different Rhythm Now

Life has a different rhythm now, and I’ve learned to carry on carrying Dylan with me. I can smile, laugh, even look like I belong. And yet on heavy-hearted days (coming into his birthday, approaching his memorial day month, and passing through each holiday that plays on repeat year after year), I find great ache and sadness in the deepest recess of who I am. 

Still. Still my son. Still my life. Still Dylan’s mom. Still all of the memories, good, bad, silly, happy moments, and difficult moments in between.

Still. Still my son. Still my life. Still Dylan’s mom. Still all of the memories, good, bad, silly, happy moments, and difficult moments in between. When his dad left when he was 5 years old and Dylan thought it was his fault because it was right after Dylan’s 5th birthday. When the drinking and drugging started and quickly took over my son. When Dylan’s depression sank in at age 5 and traveled with him for the next (and only) 15 years of his life. Dylan carried my love, my heart, my guidance—and reprimands, my life in his, and his life forever in mine.

To Live Past Swan Dives

To live past swan dives into suicidal depression, suicidal ideations, and despair means living long enough to seek and find help from the medical community.

Medicines can help, but they take time to work.

And so guilt, which on a rational level makes no sense because I know those with bipolar disorder and alcoholism/substance abuse rarely make it (suicide runs high for both diseases), and while I know the folly of youth, the impulsiveness of youth where hormones and riveting highs and lows must be endured to come of age, I find myself still—still—wrestling every once in a while with guilt. 

If Love Could Have Saved Him

If love could have saved my son, he would be here yet still. In my own vision I’ve constructed these past nearly 7 years come June, I let go—release pain, breathe in a beautiful vision when I close my eyes of being again reunited with my son. 

I dreamt of Dylan last night. Or maybe didn’t dream because when I woke up, I remembered every detail. A grief counselor once told me that these kind of “dreams” are, in fact, visitations. I love that possibility. I latch onto it now, seeing still so clearly Dylan last night, with me and things so normal, though different where Dylan was trying to get his life back on track, where he was feeling anxious and panicked about not getting it back on track, and where I was talking to him saying, “Yes you can, I believe in you, you can do this.”

A Sense of Peace

I wanted, too, to share a bit of a blog I read this week. The poem is by Mary Oliver, a wonderful poet whose poetry workshop I was lucky enough to take during my last year of graduate school. When I was a kid, I told my baby sister to not worry about losing our great-grandmother, with whom we were close, that dying is part of living. 
I think about this now that I should have said such a thing (my mother remembers because the moment was so poignant), and that I spoke with such certainty and sense of peace.

I came into March topsy-turvy, too busy, scattered, numb to emotional anything really and in a strange sense of denial at this point in my grief journey. But by the week leading up to March 19th, all of me screamed with the sudden awakening of the sheerest, sharpest pain of knowing, remembering but not in a good way, my son’s death.

And then, Dylan’s birthday came and as I’ve found in years past, the anticipation of his birthday can sometimes be more difficult than the day itself.

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

“In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver 
From American Primitive, © Back Bay Books, 1983.

A Poem for Healing

I see spring around me. My yellow and purple crocus are open and beautiful. Daffodils have structure, but are not yet blooming, and the many birds are busy nesting and bickering over territory. I can smile now, and stay in the moment, but I’ve had to learn to do this. 
Some days (moments/weeks/and so on), I have to be with Dylan. Completely. In my pain and tears. In even the tears of joyful memories with him.

Still I am with my son. And still, Dylan is with me. Still. 

---

The Story of My Forever Son

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

---

Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

---