Self-Blame and Guilt-I Couldn’t Save My Son

Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son

Summary

In “Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son,” author Beth Brown shares her journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt that many parents endure after suicide loss of a child, grappling with thoughts of whether they could have intervened. Through her blog, “My Forever Son,” Beth finds solace in writing and sharing her experiences, helping others navigate the complexities of grief and find healing.

Introduction

“Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son” explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt that many parents endure after the tragic loss of a child to suicide. It addresses the profound struggle between holding onto cherished memories and confronting harsh realities that can feel overwhelmingly insurmountable. In these dark moments, many parents find themselves grappling with deep-seated guilt, haunted by thoughts of whether they could have intervened or recognized the signs of their child’s distress.

This journey through sorrow, self-blame, and guilt discussed in-depth in “Self-Blame and Guilt–I Couldn’t Save My Son” is not a solitary path; it is deeply intertwined with the awareness of societal stigma and the unwritten expectations about how one should grieve. Finding healthy outlets to express and alleviate these feelings can be profoundly healing, whether through the supportive embrace of fellow parents, therapy, or creative expression.

Related Reads

• “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: Powerful Poem
• Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
• “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide

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My Forever Son

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Table of Contents

Self-Blame and Guilt in My Grief Swept In: I Couldn’t Save My Son

12 Years Ago: I Was Filled with Self-Blame and Guilt

It’s been nearly 12 years since I lost my only son to suicide. Had someone suggested in my first year of grief that I could “heal” from the heavy, leaden weight of guilt, I would not have believed them. My world that first year was upside down and spinning.

I Struggled to Make Sense of What Will Never Make Sense

Engulfed by grief, I struggled to make sense of what I know now will never make sense. Guilt swept in, and my heart wept for my son. I had somehow let him down. Not been there for him. Not kept him safe and out of harm’s way.

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Engulfed by grief, I struggled to make sense of what I know now will never make sense. Guilt swept in, and my heart wept for my son.

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Why Suicide?

Third, we should not torture ourselves with guilt and second-guessing when we lose a loved one to suicide. 

“Where did I let this person down? If only I had been there? What if?” It is natural to be haunted by the thought, “if only I’d been there at the right time.” Rarely would this have made a difference.

Indeed, most of the time, we weren’t there for the exact reason that the person who fell victim to this disease did not want us to be there. He or she picked the moment, the spot, and the means so that we wouldn’t be there.

Suicide is a disease that seems to pick its victim precisely in such a way so as to exclude others and their attentiveness. This is not an excuse for insensitivity, but a healthy check against false guilt and painful second-guessing.

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and sometimes all the love and attentiveness in the world cannot prevent a loved one from dying. As a mother who lost a child to suicide writes: “The will to save a life does not constitute the power to prevent a death.”

Ronald Rolheiser, Losing a Loved One to Suicide, May 27, 2024

I sought to understand what I now know I will never understand: Why suicide?

Why did my son take his life?

Now, more than a decade later, there are still some days I carry the heaviness of guilt of losing my only child. To find relief from feeling overwhelmed by guilt, I began reading books about suicide loss early in my grief.

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What Did I Miss That I Couldn’t Save My Son?

I couldn’t focus on anything in early grief except seeking and researching information about suicide. I knew virtually nothing about suicide (except that musicians, actors, poets, those in the arts, had died by suicide).

Why suicide?

Why my son?

Is suicide a choice?

What did I miss?

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Searching for An Answer to My Son’s Suicide and Why I Couldn’t Save My Son

The Stigma, Myths, and Misunderstandings Surrounding Suicide

In early grief, I searched relentlessly for an answer for my son’s suicide. I looked up the definition of the word “suicide,” including all the connotations and stigma associated with it. This term, “suicide,” carries a heavy weight in our society, often evoking a mix of sadness, fear, and misunderstanding.

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The Stigma of Suicide Prevents Open Conversations

The stigma, myths, and mystery surrounding suicide often prevent open conversations, discouraging individuals who are struggling from seeking help.

Many people view suicide solely through the lens of tragedy, failing to recognize the complex interplay of mental health issues, societal pressures, and personal circumstances that contribute to one’s death by suicide.

Searching for Meaning Behind What Remains a Mystery

I delved into the history of suicide, exploring the intricate narratives and cultural perspectives that have shaped our understanding of this profound tragedy. I read books about losing a child to a traumatic death, absorbing the heart-wrenching accounts of grief and the journey toward healing.

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The historical stigma and events keeping suicide shrouded in shame are encapsulated in Kay Redfield Jamison’s book, Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide

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Suicide Is An Emotional Pain and Suffering so Severe That it Exceeds the Will to Live

I learned the depths of human sorrow and the myriad emotions that accompany such loss, as well as the societal implications surrounding these topics. An especially detailed book that delves into the historical stigma and events keeping suicide shrouded in shame is one by Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide.

Yet, despite my efforts, I now know I will never fully understand the complexities of suicide, as it carries a weight that transcends comprehension and existence itself, the weight of an emotional pain and suffering so severe that it exceeds the will to live.

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Suicide Facts and Statistics

Suicide epidemiologists study the facts, research, and statistics of suicide in order to discern new insights into a death that still causes nearly 50,000 deaths per year in the United States. I studied research facts and statistics, hoping to at least glean an insight into why I couldn’t save my son.

As of June 22, 2025, here are some facts about suicide, drawing primarily on recent data up to early 2025:

General Trends and Rates:

• Globally, there are approximately 740,000 suicides annually.
• In the US, suicide rates reached levels not seen since 1941 in 2024, with an estimated age-adjusted rate of 14.7 deaths per 100,000 individuals. This marks a 30% increase over the past two decades.
• The number of suicide deaths in 2024 exceeded 49,300, indicating an upward trend.
• Suicide fatalities in the US tend to be highest in late spring and early summer. (Healthdata)

Demographic Disparities:

• Males consistently have higher suicide rates than females; in the US, males account for nearly 80% of suicides.
• Adults aged 85 and older have the highest suicide rate in the US. Middle-aged adults also show high rates.
• Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for teens and young adults (ages 10-34) in the US.
• Non-Hispanic American Indian/Alaska Native people and Non-Hispanic White individuals have the highest suicide rates in the US. Rural areas also tend to have higher rates than urban areas.
• LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to have considered or attempted suicide.
• Suicide is a significant concern among US veterans.  (JED Foundation)

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Latest Suicide Statistics Are Compelling, But Don’t Explain the Complexities, Self-Blame, and Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide

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Why Did My Son Take His Life? Why Couldn’t I Save Him?

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 49,316 Americans died by suicide in 2023. And 1.5 million suicide attempts were recorded. These are low counts, as they do not include “accidents” that were either suicide attempts or deaths by suicide.

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Learning More Facts and Factors Influencing Suicide Risk Simply Added to My Burden of Self-Blame and Guilt

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It’s been more than a decade since I lost my only child, my son Dylan, to suicide. And in the course of my reading and researching facts about what is known about suicide, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t, as a mother who loved and cherished her son, believe that suicide can always be prevented.

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Reckoning with Self-Blame and Guilt: Is Suicide Preventable? And if So, Then Why Couldn’t I Save My Son?

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Is Suicide Preventable?

I’m not even sure suicide is preventable. Understanding suicide means realizing that while suicide seems like a choice, it is not. A choice implies making a rational decision, and suicide is not rational. The will to live and our instinct for survival is rational. In the face of grave danger and physical harm, we flight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

suicide is not about wanting to die; it’s about wanting the pain to end

Many individuals who contemplate suicide often experience overwhelming emotional pain, a deep sense of hopelessness, and a perception that their circumstances are insurmountable. These feelings can cloud judgment, leading to decisions that may not reflect the true essence of who they are or the potential for change in their lives.

In essence, and as a result of what I’ve learned about suicide from research and suicide epidemiologists, suicide is not about wanting to die; it’s about wanting the pain to end.

Seeing Suicide As Something That Happened to My Son

I hope that someday we will have a better understanding – one that perhaps permits us to give grace to the one who took their life and see it as something that happened to them, rather than something they did to themselves and others.

~Anonymous

Finding Ways to Move Forward and Release Guilt

The stories and excerpts included in Try These Ideas to Move Forward and Release Guilt are ones I’ve found in my reading that have helped me cope with grief. Especially guilt in my grief. I’ve written quite a bit on guilt in this blog. Even poems. Especially poems.

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Ideas to Move Forward from Self-Blame and Guilt

How to Release the Relentless Cycle of Self-Blame and Guilt

I Couldn’t Save My Son

I can’t stop thinking about how much he suffered—and my own inability to save him.

Lori Gottlieb, “I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020/29

Change your “What If?” to “Even Though”: Open a Space for All You Did Give Your Child

One strategy I’ve used to release guilt: Change your “What If?” to “Even Though….”

. . .you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful.

Lori Gottlieb, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

So What Can You Do to Move Forward?

Lori Gottlieb, in her compassionate article, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” writes about what parents can do to move forward:

So what can you do to move forward? Instead of imprisoning yourself in a cell of self-recrimination, you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful.

In other words, make a list with no “but”s or caveats such as I could have used different words in that conversation or I could have put him in a different school or I could have chosen a different treatment provider or rehab or I could have flown to see him when he called and asked me to come that time I was working or what have you. I want you to have a record of your love.

Lori Gottlieb, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

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Make a Record of Your Love

Release Guilt and Self-Blame: Make “A Record of Your Love”

So what can you do to move forward? Instead of imprisoning yourself in a cell of self-recrimination, you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful.

In other words, make a list with no “but”s or caveats such as I could have used different words in that conversation or I could have put him in a different school or I could have chosen a different treatment provider or rehab or I could have flown to see him when he called and asked me to come that time I was working or what have you. I want you to have a record of your love.

Lori Gottlieb, “I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

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A Record of My Love for My Son

Slowly Letting Go of Self-Blame and Guilt by Realizing All the Things I Did Do to Help

I took my son to counseling for his depression

(But he couldn’t let his inside feelings get outside where healing begins. Dylan kept his deep feelings hidden in his heart.)

I gave my son the gift of music–a piano, an alto saxophone, several acoustic and electric guitars

(And music is what remains to remind me of my son. I still have his guitars, his piano, his alto saxophone, as well as a few of the songs he wrote and recorded.)

My family offered to help get my son into a treatment center.

(But Dylan didn’t want to go, initially at least, and when he did want to go to treatment, our health insurance said “No.”)

Dylan’s friends tried to get him to “Drink Responsibly”

(But Dylan kept scaring his friends by passing out, blacking out, looking comatose. He didn’t heed their advice or brotherly love.)

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Practical Strategies for Parents Coping with Suicide Grief

Strategies for Dealing with Suicide Grief

Everyone experiences grief differently, and it is important to find the approaches that are most effective for you and your experience. Grieving can be a complex process, often influenced by the nature of the loss, your personal circumstances, and your emotional resilience.

Here are a few strategies that may help: consider seeking support from friends and family members who can provide comfort; explore professional counseling options that offer a safe space to express your feelings; engage in creative outlets like writing, art, or music that allow you to process your emotions; practice self-care through activities such as exercise, mindfulness, or meditation to nurture your well-being during this challenging time.

Strategies for Grief and Healing from the American Association of Suicidology

• Acknowledge your feelings: Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings may only prolong the grieving process. 

• Seek professional help: Mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate the intense emotions accompanying bereavement. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs, and can help you find healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive. 
• Connect with others: Isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to stay connected with friends and family. Share your feelings with those you trust and who can offer empathy and support. 
• Self-care: Regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and ample sleep can help manage the physical symptoms of grief, as well as promote improved mental health. Mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation, can also help you stay connected to your body and emotions. 
• Find your own pace: Everyone’s grief timeline is different. Do not rush the process or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

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Support for Parents Coping with Suicide Loss

There are many different types of resources available to support suicide loss survivors in their journey toward healing. You can find suicide loss support in these areas and more:

• mental health organizations that offer therapy and counseling specifically tailored for those grieving a loss
• online support groups that connect individuals going through similar experiences
• local community resources that provide workshops and seminars focused on coping strategies

Nonprofit Organizations and Hotlines

Additionally, many nonprofit organizations and hotlines are dedicated to helping survivors navigate their emotions and find a path toward recovery, ensuring that no one has to walk this difficult journey alone.

For a complete list of resources and support groups, go to the end of this post. There you can find extensive help, including a Parents of Suicides online support group.

Support Groups and Resources

• Support groups: There are many support groups specifically designed for suicide loss survivors. These groups offer a safe, understanding space for survivors to share their experiences, learn from others, and receive support from others who understand this kind of grief.  

• Online communities and resources: If in-person support feels too daunting, there are a number of online communities and forums that can provide insight and companionship in a more anonymous setting. You can also find online resources to help you through your loss and connect you with supportive and understanding communities. 
• Crisis lines: In moments of crisis or intense grief, crisis lines such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can support on the phone, through text-message, or web-based messaging) can provide immediate support. 
• Therapy: The process of healing from the trauma of suicide is multifaceted and layered. It is not just about managing the pain, but also about finding a new normal, learning to live with the loss, and reconstructing a meaningful life. Licensed therapists who specialize in complex grief can provide a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space to explore these complex emotions and challenges. 

Navigating suicide loss is an arduous journey, but no one has to walk this path alone. With understanding, self-care, and support, loss survivors can find their way to healing and hope. 

Suggestions are from “Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors,” The American Association of Suicidology

Love and Loss: Profound Narratives and Poems of Grief

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table offers a deeply personal and moving exploration of love and grief associated with family gatherings and the loss of a child. Framed through the lens of her son, Dylan, the story of the family table unfolds through his loving childhood memories. Against this backdrop of cherished memories, the author reveals the profound grief of losing a child, her son Dylan, to suicide.

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan delves deeply into the personal journey of grief and loss, offering heartfelt memories and reflections on the life of Dylan. The emotional impact is palpable, and the piece effectively captures the enduring love and pain experienced by the author. The inclusion of links to additional readings about Dylan and resources for support is valuable.

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief beautifully conveys the profound heartache and unwavering love that a mother feels for her son. The author shares her deeply moving journey of navigating the pain and challenges that arise from her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day, illuminating the complexities of a mother’s grief intertwined with a glimmer of hope.

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide is a compassionate exploration that acknowledges the intricate emotions that arise in the wake of a loved one’s suicide, focusing specifically on the experiences of parents. This guide delves into the deep, often conflicting feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf parents who have experienced such an unimaginable loss.

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide has a profound and emotional narrative in the form of a narrative poem that sheds light on the struggle of losing a child to suicide. The personal experiences shared provide an authentic and raw look into the journey of grief and healing. The author emphasizes the importance of staying true to one’s narrative and finding support.

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Painful New Reality

“Painful New Reality”

“More than 10 years have passed since our eldest son died by suicide. As I reflect on the first year after his death, I remember how it felt impossible to accept the painful new reality.

For years afterward, my husband and I tried to come to terms with our excruciating loss and all that led to our son’s final, desperate act. Mired in grief and guilt, we agonized over the now-obvious warning signs: his social angst and anxiety through adolescence, the inner demons that continued to plague him in college, the diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

My inability to heal him, to make him feel safe and whole — what feels like my failure to help him in any “real,” significant way — has haunted me. After all, isn’t a mother’s primary job to make sure her young survive?

The path to healing from this loss has not been straightforward. It has required honest introspection, radical acceptance, true forgiveness and unrelenting strength.

Susan Wight, NAMI, National Alliance for Mental Illness

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Remember All the Love You Gave

Finding a Way Forward with Forgiveness

Remembering My Son and All His Complexities
I will always think of our son as a shooting star that burned out early. His future seemed so bright and full of promise, yet it all dimmed too quickly. Smart and creative, he was an outsider who couldn’t find his place at the table the way others his age did. He remained at the edge of the crowd, longing to feel accepted, but unsure of where to start.

Susan Wight, NAMI

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“There is no hurrying through the pain, guilt, confusion and desperation. “

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Finding a Way Forward with Forgiveness

Our family was thrown into a pit of despair by this loss. As you might expect, climbing our way out has taken effort and time. Experts call this recovery process “grief work,” for it feels like hard labor, both physically and emotionally.

There is no hurrying through the pain, guilt, confusion and desperation. My husband and I struggled with sadness and guilt over losing our son and not being able to get him the support he needed. However, with time, we were able to recognize the ways we had showed up for him.

Another stage of the healing process required admitting and coming to terms with our feelings of anger toward our child for what he did. Through honest discussion, we discovered that we didn’t see our son as just the victim of a violent act, but the perpetrator who ultimately murdered someone we loved. We felt that head not only robbed himself of his future, but also robbed his family of a future with him in it. However, as we learned to forgive ourselves for his death, we learned to accept and forgive him, too.

Susan Wight, NAMI, September 2021, “Healing After My Son’s Suicide”

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Accepting Our Scars and Celebrating our Strength

Accepting Our Scars and Celebrating our Strength

…A core piece of my life that was once there is missing — yet sometimes I can still see, feel and hear my son like he’s a phantom limb.

Susan Wight, NAMI, September 2021, “Healing After My Son’s Suicide”

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Tips from Survivors: To a Mom Who Blames Herself”

What lies beneath your self-blame are the terrible facts that you cannot control: Suicidal forces overtook your loved one. You have suffered an unfathomable loss. You cannot turn back time, do it over, do it differently. Each of these is a loss. Mourning these losses is the essence of grief. Your grief deserves your compassion.”

Susan Auerbach,”Tips from Survivors: To a Mom Who Blames Herself,” I’ll Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother’s Quest for Comfort, Courage and Clarity After Suicide Loss

Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Keep My Son Safe

What Else Can I Do?

…you can join a support group for parents whose adult children have died from an overdose—intentional or otherwise—so you can meet others who have experienced feelings of self-blame and regret similar to yours. In this group, you’ll find a whole community of people who understand that you have been fundamentally changed by your experience of having been your son’s parent, and they will do for you what you did so beautifully for your son: They will bear witness to your pain, even if they can’t take it away.

Lori Gottlieb, “I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

It’s the part of the story that might be even more painful to contemplate than your enduring self-blame—the part about your enduring love.

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Your Enduring Love for Your Child

It’s the part of the story that might be even more painful to contemplate than your enduring self-blame—the part about your enduring love.

What I hear in your letter is a deep, ferocious, and complicated love for your son. And it’s in this love—more than in the blame—that your grief resides.

— Lori Gottlieb, “I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

The Story of My Forever Son

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Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/

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