Mr. Lincoln red rose blooming in June
Red Rose in June, My Forever Son

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You

Bones bear girth where once, 
wisdom birthed you. 
Love shaped curves 
That held me (and you)—too.

If only a mother's love could have saved you,
Been there to catch your heart’s fall, 
She could have stopped tears spilled by the heavens 
To where now and forever, you forever now reside.

Your descent of life hers, labored love borne,
On wings beating too wildly and too soon your own.
Your beat of heart hers now her own to live on,
Sick pulse of ache holding death in her arms.

Oh my heart and oh my son,
Without you life empties yet love forever beats on.
And so now, my forever, “Why?” replete in my soul,
Which has always—and still, child—
Moved in grooves you made whole.

If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.

 ©Beth Brown,2021
 All rights reserved

Pink ground roses with yellow centers surrounded by green leaves photographed for My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After Suicide Loss of My Son, for poem "I Send All the Love My Heart Can Hold" and "Beat Still My Heart" and "If Only a Mother's Love Could Have Saved You"
Bury My Heart

Bury my heart
I’ve come undone
Sorting through this life
My son left behind.

And what I’m seeking I know
I’ll never find
His touch, his smile—
His still living his life.

And so instead I sift through
A still life dream
My heart and life with him
Forever it seemed.

And oh my son
I’m still paralyzed
In the grief you left me
8 years behind.

Where canst I go?
Whom canst I see?
When all I want with you
Is forever to be.

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all
For without you beside me
I live suspended in time.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged
To your future forward lived.

And so where now I goeth
And where knoweth I dwell,
Once again and all over
Life without you is hell.

I ache without breathing
For to breathe is to die,
Once again and all over
Without you in my life. 

by Beth Brown (for Dylan)

“Bury My Heart” ©Beth Brown, 2021
Bury My Heart

Carrying Ache and Love in Suicide Loss
Available Now on Amazon Kindle
red rose in full bloom close up

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