Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Heart-Shaped Purple Phlox, My Forever Son

Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

ABOUT THIS POST: Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide is a collection of poems I’ve written about losing a child. I lost my son, my only child, to suicide June 25, 2012. Writing poems helps me move through the deep grief of losing a child. I find hope and healing in words, shapes, and songs. I hope that you might, too. That we all might find peace.

Photographs of Gardens and Cats

The photographs on My Forever Son blog are of my gardens and cats. That the photos are paired with poignant text symbolizes the deep sense of connection between the visual and written worlds. If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above); Bury My Heart; and Beat Still My Heart are but a few of the poems from Find Hope Here: Poems About Losing a Child.

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide is a book of poems I’ve written about losing a child to suicide. The book is available on Amazon Kindle and includes some of the poems from this post. A full description of Bury My Heart is included at the end of this post.

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You

 

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You

Bones bear girth where once, 
Wisdom birthed you. 
Love shaped curves 
That held me (and you)—too.

If only a mother's love could have saved you,
Been there to catch your heart’s fall, 
She could have stopped tears spilled by the heavens 
To where now and forever, you forever now reside.

Your descent of life hers, labored love borne,
On wings beating too wildly and too soon your own.
Your beat of heart hers now her own to live on,
Sick pulse of ache holding death in her arms.

Oh my heart and oh my son,
Without you life empties yet love forever beats on.
And so now, my forever, “Why?” replete in my soul,
Which has always—and still, child—
Moved in grooves you made whole.

If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.

©Beth Brown, 2021
If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You

continue reading poem

rimson red rose, Mr. Lincoln Hybrid Tea Rose, in full bloom in June. Green leaves frame the photo, and a few water droplets on the red rose petals and green leaves suggest tears. Caption read If Only a Mother's Love Could Have Saved You, My Forever Son, and the poem in full, from: Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

"Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere" photo shows gray storm clouds and tall pines framing the photo, My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide, "Beat Still My Heart" and "He Left Too Soon" Poem

He Left Too Soon

He left too soon— 
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain
 
His absence—
Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring
Heart heaving, this beating of tears

Breaking loose—
All hell in earth's upturned rupture, 
Death shoveling shadows over me

As I bend to lay flowers on his name—
Inscribed and bronzed, 
A permanence come to stay
 
My love laced now with pain—
Standing over my son's grave,
Death's Derecho come to stay in my shadow.
 
Beth Brown, copyright 2021
Find Hope Here: Poems of Love, Loss, and Losing a Child

Black and White photo of young toddler climbing the stairs looking back and smiling at his mother who is taking the photograph. Photograph is author's son, Dylan Brown, My Forever Son, As I Tuck You In, Songs for Child Loss

As I Tuck You In

As I tuck you in, I lay me down
As I hold you now, I lift my arms
As I fall asleep, I pray for you
My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too
My child, my love, my heart, May God keep and love you

And you will be forevermore
Safe from this world and so adored
And God will be your comforter
And I will always thank God for rescuing you
And I will always praise God for loving you too

And so I live my life in memory
Surrendering to God, what now must be
But here on earth I know the angels sing
When I hear your voice I know God’s listening

And I will always be your mother here
And I will speak your name for all to hear
And God will be with you ’til I get there
My child on earth above in heaven’s care

My child on earth above in heaven’s care-

Beth Brown, "As I Tuck You In," My Forever Son

As I Tuck You In: Lullaby for My Son, Songs for Child Loss

As I Tuck You In

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back  

Should've, Would've, Could've, 
If I'd only Come to See, 
That might I future forward live
To see all eternity.

That I might know when and where somehow, 
And here and now then see,
To erase the dark and stay the day
To bring back you to me.

If only and What If now child
and why couldn't I just see
To hold you close forever
and stay the light just you and me.

That darkness might not permeate
my heart now and yours then,
that all of love could sweep time back
and bring back you again. 

©Beth Brown, 2021
Find Hope Here: Poems of Love, Loss, and Losing a Child

a tabby male named Daddy Cat surrounded by yellow fall leaves, My Forever Son, "That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back," Poems about Losing a Child

Blue and Red Galaxy Artwork with swirling stars, My Forever Son, Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon poem

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon

And once upon a blue-sky moon,
We sailed our ships in your bedroom,
With stars for light, we fled the dark
But the lightening flashed, 
And the sky grew dark.

You tucked away your childhood dreams
On wings that soared beyond infinity,
Your love in me and me in you,
But out of reach, beyond what I could do.

I launched your dreams
You took great flight
On wings alone you soared too high
But you found ways to onward flee
To galaxies beyond my means.

I watched you drift through hazy sky
And chalked it up to a teenage angst,
But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul--

 I would have held on
 I would have clutched you
 I would have never let you go

 But you Told me 
“Mom I love you”
 Oh my child if I’d only known.

So I kissed you and I held you,
And I said goodbye,
Not knowing, blue-star moon,
I would lose you that night.

You lived, you breathed, alive in pain
Through storm-dark nights and cloudy haze
But I didn’t know what I couldn’t see
The damage done beyond my means.

My sky is dark, my nights deep blue
My winter’s come, my star’s with you,
Without you here I cannot fly
My wings you clipped 
When you took your life.

And I live on and onward flee
Towards you my son and to infinity,
Where dreams come true and you live on,
And we fly again around planets and sun

With stars that glow against the moon,
Your love in me and me in you.

I will hold you, 
You will clutch me
We will never let go,

And you’ll tell me, 
“Mom, I love you”
And tears from earth will overflow,
And I’ll know then, blue sky-moon,
To never ever let you go.

© Beth Brown, 2021 
Find Hope Here: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)

If earth were sky and sky above
Then heart could hold this ache of love,
Suspended, like rain, in clouds wanting to fall,
But bound to sun’s joy because heart touches all.

I fall ‘ere so slowly most cannot yet tell
My pain lives so deep and my heart goes through hell.
I crawl more than walk through days such as these
Heavy with sorrow, wanting only ache relieved.

And yet truly what is can’t be undone,
I’ve lost my life in the loss of my son.
For seven years counting this marking of time
Having lost in him life, both his then and mine.

I stay hollow inside though try as I might
Come to from the damage of my now soiled life.
I’d rather be still with my son by my side
My heart filled with love and my joy still alive.

Beth Brown, 2021

View of blue sky with puffy white clouds between tree tops of gold and green, photographed for My Forever Son, If Earth Were Sky and Sky Above poem about child loss

More Poems About Losing a Child

Beat Still My Heart-A Poem About Losing a Child

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Bury My Heart-A Poem about Losing a Child

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Download 3 Free Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Now Available on Kindle

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Bury My Heart includes five sections, each with a collection of poems based around the section’s title: A Deep Sorrow; Earth, Sky, Moon, Stars; Why?; In Losing You, I Lost Me Too; and That My Love Be With You Always

A Deep Sorrow: This section delves into the profound grief experienced by a parent who has lost a child to suicide. The poems within this section explore the overwhelming sadness, emptiness, and despair that accompany such a devastating loss.

Earth, Sky, Moon, Stars: This section of the book “Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide” explores the vastness of the universe and the natural elements that surround us. Through beautifully crafted poems, the poem reflects on the connections of our natural world to the profound sense of loss experienced when a child is lost to suicide.

Why?: In this section, the author delves into the complex emotions and thoughts that arise after the tragic loss of a child to suicide. The poignant poems grapple with the haunting question of “why?” – seeking understanding, grappling with guilt, and searching for meaning amidst the devastating experience of losing a loved one to such a tragic act.

In Losing You, I Lost Me Too: This section delves deep into the immense personal impact of losing a child to suicide. Through raw and introspective verses, the author explores the profound grief and the psychological journey of losing oneself in the aftermath of such a tragedy. It delves into the feelings of emptiness, self-blame, and the struggle to find a sense of identity after such a profound loss.

That My Love Be With You Always: The final section of “Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide” is a heartfelt tribute to the enduring love and connections that transcend death. It embraces the idea of eternal love and seeks solace in the belief that the love for the lost child will always remain. Through tender and poignant verses, the author celebrates the enduring bond and the hope that their love will continue to guide and protect the departed child.