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White Daffodils with Bright Yellow Centers in Spring
Daffodils in Spring

Finding Help, Hope, and Healing After Suicide Loss: Support, Books, and Resources

Few things can so devastate us as the suicide of a loved one, especially of one’s own child. Fr Ron Rolheiser If You’ve Lost a Child to Suicide These Resources May Be Helpful The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention page for survivors of suicide loss. The American Association of Suicidology’s Suicide Loss page. The A.F.S.P.…

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Photograph of 2 bright pink roses paired together on a rose bush
Pink Roses Paired

Rising Up-Because Love Lives Forever

Rising Up because… Love lives forever. My son lives yet still. I will be with Dylan again. As long I live, Dylan lives too. Dylan lives on through all that I am. Dylan’s voice is now my own. Beth Brown, My Forever Son Rising Up because… I will not let the world forget my son…

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Lullaby for My Son
Lullaby for My Son

A Song About Losing My Child-Lullaby for Dylan

I wrote and recorded this song, “My Child Above (In Heaven’s Care) for my son Dylan. I’ve written 18 songs altogether about losing my son to suicide. Each song is born from a grief too deep for expression in any language save music. “My Child Above (In Heaven’s Care” is a lullaby. Dylan is, was,…

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Why? After the Suicide of My Son-A Mother Remembers

I Will Seek Until I Find You And where will you run when arms reach (but you’re not mine) When I can feel still so strongly (holding you still in my arms) From here frantic I search wildly (but cannot ever now find) Little one in pictures (trying hard for one so young) Standing, but…

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From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

Choose Hope It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with…

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Beth Brown

About Me

Hi, I’m Beth. Join me here at My Forever Son for deep reflection about losing my son, Dylan, and Gardens at Effingham, where cats tell delightful stories about their garden adventures. I spend most of my time with Most Beloved in my music studio where I come to write, hole up, play my guitar, & create–art, music, blogs, & books. But this blog holds a special place in my heart because in sharing my story, my son’s story, & the journey back from complete despair to a life filled even sometimes with joy, I hope you, too, will find healing along the way.

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Purple phlox in bloom is next to a water pond with 2 waterfalls.
My Forever Son

My Forever Son

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Daddy Cat Amongst the Leaves
Purple Lilac Cluster in Bloom in Spring

Loving Him Past His Pain

Loving Him Past His Pain October Shadows A gorgeous fall afternoon, early eveningSun slants wideShadows cast and scatter across a stone wall Walked a bit ago to the cul-de-sac and then down to the field, following the sun, finding the sun shadowing me, feeling the sun trailing behind. Warm still, though only 60 and chilly.…

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Photo of 2 red rose buds and a red about to bloom

The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Instrumental Guitar Music (Written and Performed by Beth Brown, Dylan’s Mom) To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It…

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Lavendar Heirloom Rose Bush with Glossy Green Leaves

Memorial Day-Echoes that Haunt

Here Comes the 25th Most days, I cannot imagine my life without my son. Perhaps this is why starting my day is so difficult. It isn’t always like this, and after two years and almost 11 months, I am sometimes able to greet my day with gratitude and balance, a centeredness that defies my tragic…

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