Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3
Key Takeaways
- The article ‘Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3’ recounts a mother’s grief journey three years after losing a child to suicide.
- It explores the paradox of healing, capturing the struggles of self-doubt and the cyclical nature of grief.
- The phrase ‘living backwards going forward’ illustrates the complexity of mourning while attempting to live life.
- The author emphasizes the journey of self-discovery and identity reconstruction amidst ongoing grief.
- Mindfulness and reflective writing serve as coping mechanisms to navigate the grief journey.
Summary
“Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3” explores the author’s experiences of a mother’s grief three years after losing her son to suicide. The author reflects on her parenting choices, self-doubt, and the cyclical nature of grief, highlighting the struggle to find solace and understanding. The phrase “living backwards going forwards” encapsulates the contradictory and circular nature of mourning and healing, while “my forever son” affirms the enduring bond between parent and child.
Introduction: “Living Backwards Going Forward”
Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3 intimately explores the author’s reflections during the profoundly challenging third year of a parent’s grief after losing her son to suicide, where she experienced a “sense of the surreal.”
In her third year of navigating the deep heartbreak of grief following the loss of her son, the author found herself reflecting on her parenting choices, mired in self-doubt and blame, questioning if she had truly done enough for him. As she contended with her relentless sorrow, time often seemed to stand still for her, trapping her in an unending cycle of heartache.
Through her heartfelt prose in Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3, the author candidly expressed her struggles, yearning not only for solace but also for a deeper understanding within the chaos of her thoughts.
Related Reads
My Forever Son
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
A Sense of the Surreal: Reflections on Grief in the Third Year
Living Backwards Going Forward in Third Year Grief
Living Backwards Going Forward means that in the strangest of ways, it is always, for me, June 25th, 2012. Or some time before that. All the way back to March 1992 and up to June 2012. That day in time I wish I could erase.
Surreal Space of Not Knowing Who I Am Without My Son
I suppose to some effect, my life is indeed lived backwards. Remembering vivid memories—both good and bad—has become routine for me. Each recollection feels like a chapter of a book I’m still writing, filled with lessons learned and emotions that linger.
Questioning Who I Am Without My Son
I find myself constantly evaluating my parenting, reflecting on choices made in the past, and pondering whether there were words I should have spoken but never did. This introspection brings a wave of questions, with “Why?” echoing on repeat in my mind as I seek to understand the complexities of my experiences.
Grief is always close The struggle with loss is woven into the fabric of my daily existence. I grapple with the concept of time, feeling as though I’m caught in a loop, straddling two worlds—one that includes Dylan and one that does not. I am in this surreal space of not yet knowing who I am without him in a life that continues to unfold.
And yet, here I am, three years into this journey of being present. I sometimes catch glimpses of resilience within myself, glimmers of hope in the midst of my grief. Moments of clarity, though still covered in a grief that feels like fear, help me navigate who and how I am in this life—”as is, as now.”
In these moments, I realize that while the past still holds a significant weight, it is not the sole definition of who I am. As I continue to explore my identity in this altered landscape of life, I embrace the notion that it is okay to take my time in unraveling the layers of who I am becoming.
Living Backwards Going Forward: Feeling Like A Character in a Book
And yet why not say what happened?
Robert Lowell, Epilogue
Sometimes, I feel like a character in a book I didn’t write: I’m moving, breathing, responding, doing things according to the chapter, plot, and genre, but ultimately, against my will. Mine is a book I would never even read, let alone live in. A protagonist who is freely changing and exchanging her character traits at the author’s whim. Except that I am not the author.
My Upside-Down World of Grief in Year 3
I haven’t penned this narrative, for if I had, I would be drafting an entirely different ending. Instead I live in the upside-down world of grief, its messiness careening out of control without notice. At the whim of dwelling inside this book (and hence grief, I find myself shape-shifting, shifting facades and expressions. On with one persona, off with another, on with this activity, off with that activity, and oftentimes, doing something else entirely.
Creating A New Version of Myself: As Is, As Now
I am creating a new version of myself, or perhaps trying to find an authentic sense of self, one able to live out this life in which I now find myself. I am alive in a world where my son is noticeably absent. I’ve learned to wear a masque, but behind that masque is still the enormity of my grief after losing Dylan to suicide. I don’t know who I am without him.
Struggling to Find Who I Am Without My Son Feels Overwhelming
Creating an identity feels overwhelming. I lost who I was when I lost my son, but here I am, still the mother of a 20-year-old son. My son is forever 20 years old, yet I live on. I feel caught in a metaphorical stance: Somehow, I am always the mother of a 20-year-old son. My son should be searching for his identity. I should be advancing forward in my life. Instead I am searching for my identity, realizing I am living backwards going forward.
Living Forward Going Backwards: Feeling My Son’s Absence and My Life as I Knew It
Here I am, a mother who lost her 20-year-old son to suicide, trying to figure out how and who to be without my child. Dylan will never age forward past the just turned 20-year-old son who was such a constant part of my life. I feel his absence, and I feel the stripping away of all of my life as I knew it.
Practicing Mindfulness to Stay Present and In the Moment
The challenge and constant renewing of fortitude, strength, and courage for this reinventing of myself is sometimes more than I can bear. I am grateful for passages of time where I can rest easy, relax into my friends’ and family’s company, just be here now in the moment. Watch a movie until its end. Read more than a few pages of a book. Focus on steeping a cup of Irish Breakfast tea. Find healing in nature.
Just Breathe: Making Progress Going Forward
I am pursuing the renewing of my health. I am tired of feeling exhausted by grief.
Tai Chi practice, yoga stretches and walking when I can go far to bring a sense of peace. And distraction? When I write, play music, doing things with friends, the pain is less acute. I have learned to pull back and simply be in the moment. Mindfulness helps. Walking meditation helps.
Setting Limits
And resting. No multi-tasking. I limit what I do, how I live, who I see, how my life goes.
I limit what I do, how I live, who I see, how my life goes.
Actually, this is so freeing. I only wish Dylan could have stayed to see who I have become.
I only wish Dylan could have stayed to see who I have become.
Going Backwards to Retrieve Bits of Myself in Order Live Forward
Writing, for me, is healing. When I write poems and journals, I experience the coming together of ache and love. In my writing, I find hope and healing in going backwards to live forward.
A Poem on Guilt in Grief: That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
Should've, would've, could've,
If I'd only come to see,
That might I future forward live
To see all eternity.
That I might know when and where somehow,
And here and now then see,
To erase the dark and stay the day
To bring back you to me.
If only and what if now child
and why couldn't I just see,
To hold you close forever
Rewind time, just you and me.
That darkness might not permeate
My heart now and yours then,
That all of love could sweep time back
To bring back you again.
©Beth Brown, 2021
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
Go here to read more poems about love and loss: Find Hope Here: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide
Frequently Asked Questions
“Living Backwards Going Forwards” refers to a parent’s journey through grief following the death of their child. It captures the contradictory and circular nature of mourning and healing.
Here is a breakdown of the phrase:
“Living backwards going forwards”: This paradox expresses the dual reality of grief. The “going forwards” part acknowledges that life must continue to progress—the sun rises, time passes, and practical matters demand attention. However, the “living backwards” part illustrates how the grieving parent is constantly pulled back to the past. Parents are forever replaying memories, wondering “what if,” and feeling the pain of their loss as freshly as the day it happened.
To read more heartfelt reflections on third year grief after losing a child, go to Grieving a Son: Year 3 Reflections on Love and Loss
This phrase, the title of the blog, “My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide” by author Beth Brown, declares the permanent and unbreakable bond between a parent and their child. Even though the child is gone, they will always remain the parent’s son, and that relationship will exist “forever”. The phrase affirms that the parent’s love and the memory of their child continue, even in death.
Read more about My Forever Son here: Losing My Only Child to Suicide: A Mother’s Story
This specific combination of words, “Living Backwards Going Forward” has gained traction through the popular blog titled “My Forever Son,” written by a mother who lost her son, her only child, to suicide. Her writings describe the experience of carrying both the memory of her son and the continuing reality of her own life.
The phrase “living backwards going forward” resonates with grieving parents and people experiencing significant loss because it encapsulates the complexity of their emotional journey:
Non-linear healing: It highlights that grief is not a tidy process of “moving on” but a messy, winding path that can involve moving backward and forward simultaneously.
Weight of memory: It emphasizes that loving and remembering the deceased is part of the grief, and that ache of missing them becomes forever joined with the love they feel.
Strength and resilience: Ultimately, carrying this weight of love and sorrow for the child they lost while continuing to live is an act of profound strength and resilience.
To read more reflections on grief and healing, go to Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing.
A “grief journey in year 3” described as “living backwards going forward” captures the paradoxical nature of healing from a major loss. In this stage, a person both rebuilds a new life and continues to actively process memories of the past. The intense, day-to-day survival of the early years gives way to a deeper, more reflective form of grief.
Year 3: The “Year of Transition”
While the first year after a child’s loss is often about surviving the acute shock and the second year about existing in a world without your child, the third year of grief is a time of transition toward living again. Losing a child oftentimes means finding a renewed sense of self and purpose.
The backward journey: Embracing the past
For many parents, meaningful progress is only possible after looking backward first. In year 3 grief, some parents can move through the trauma and paralysis of early grief to find intention to move forward.
This process can include: Remembering cherished times before the trauma of the child’s loss. Precious memories may now bring comfort rather than just pain. Parents can intentionally reflect on their relationship with their child, perhaps by telling stories, sifting through photos, and visiting places that hold special meaning still.
Going backward to tell your story:
This process can also include: Repeating the story of your love and loss with trusted listeners which can help ground grieving parents. Hearing your own story again and again validates your experience and allows for a deeper level of processing deep grief.
Growing around your grief: This process can also include: Rather than your grief shrinking, you can grow around it. As you rebuild, your capacity to hold both joy and sadness expands, and the pain becomes less constant and overwhelming.
The forward motion: Rebuilding and finding hope
Even while looking back, parents’ focus can also shift toward rebuilding and re-calibrating their life.
Re-evaluating priorities: In year 3 grief, parents may feel ready to realign their priorities and dedicate time to what gives their lives new meaning.
This third year of grief is often a time of transition.
Fostering hope: Going forward involves cultivating a new sense of hope for the future. Parents can foster this hope by setting new goals, pursuing their passions, or making new plans with friends and family.
The path to renewal: Finding a renewed interest in life after a devastating loss, especially a tragic loss, can take a long time—sometimes four, five, or even more years. The activities that help you, such as renewed interest in hobbies or friends and community, begin to fill the emptiness left by your child’s loss.
The paradoxical feeling: One step forward, two steps back
The “living backwards going forward” feeling can be disorienting and sometimes feel like you are regressing.
For the author of “Living Backwards Going Forward: A Grief Journey in Year 3,” that meant feeling suspended in a sense of the surreal.
Grief is non-linear: It’s important to remember that grief is not a tidy, predictable set of stages. Your journey is more like a winding path with forward progress and setbacks.
Recurring pain: Even in the third year, you will still experience “grief bursts” and “upsurges of sadness.” The only difference is that these feelings may no longer be as prominent as they were in the early days.
Guilt over progress: Some parents may feel guilty for having moments of happiness, as if it is a betrayal for the child they lost. It is important to remember that finding joy again does not diminish your love for the child you lost.
Read more about finding hope and healing here: On the Wings of Hope: The Dragonfly Story.
In the third year of a grief journey, many parents shift from the raw survival of early grief toward rebuilding their life, a challenging transition that can feel like “living backwards going forward.” The primary challenges in this stage often involve social expectations, redefining identity, and navigating persistent but less frequent grief.
Social and relational challenges
Declining support from others: The social support that is abundant in the first year or so after a child’s loss often fades significantly by year three. Friends and family, believing that enough time has passed, may expect the grieving parent to be “over it”. This can lead to feelings of isolation and make it difficult to talk about the ongoing pain.
Others’ incomprehension of ongoing grief: The tragic loss of a child is frequently misunderstood by others as something parents eventually “get over.” Parents can eventually become accustomed to carrying love and loss together (although this does not happen according to other’s expectations and time limits). But parents do not “get over” losing a child.
Identity and life-rebuilding challenges
Rebuilding a new identity: In the third year, many parents realize they are no longer the same person they were before the loss. The challenge becomes figuring out who they are now and what they want from life. This can be a disorienting process of transition, leaving them in a state of not yet knowing their future self.
Feelings of betrayal and guilt: As parents begin to find new sources of joy and meaning, a grieving parent may feel guilty or as though they are betraying the memory of their beloved child.
Difficult anniversaries and reminders: Though less frequent, grief bursts still occur, often at the holidays, birthdays, and the memorial date of your child’s death.
Psychological and emotional challenges
Lingering intense grief: In some cases, intense grief can persist far beyond typical social expectations and may develop into prolonged grief disorder. This can be characterized by a persistent and debilitating longing or preoccupation with the deceased child that significantly interferes with daily functioning.
Emotional numbness and meaninglessness: A significant challenge in this later stage can be emotional numbness or the feeling that life has lost its meaning or purpose without your child.
Dealing with secondary losses: In addition to the primary loss, parents may also experience “secondary losses,” which are the splintering cracks that extend from the initial event of losing their child. This can include the loss of social connections, financial stability, or their former routine, all of which continue to accumulate over time. Milestones in the lives of friends’ children (graduation, college, first job, etc.) can often cause secondary grief in parents.
To read more about Prolonged Grief Disorder and Secondary Losses in Grief, go to Suicide Grief: Prolonged Grief Disorder. 
By year three, grief bursts—intense, sudden waves of sadness or emotion—may be less frequent than in the beginning but can be just as disorienting and painful. Effective coping mechanisms for this stage focus on integrating the reality of the loss into your life while nurturing your new identity.
Before a grief burst
Identify and prepare for triggers: By this stage, you are likely aware of the people, places, dates, and things that trip your grief. You can develop a proactive plan for how to handle them. For example, you can mark the calendar for difficult days and make plans to honor your child’s memory on those days.
Establish a simple daily routine: Grief can disrupt your sense of normalcy, but a daily routine can provide structure and stability. Consistent sleep patterns, mealtimes, and regular activities can help ground you when emotions feel out of control.
Set aside “grief time”: Some grief counselors suggest dedicating a specific time each day to intentionally remember and process your feelings. This practice can give you a sense of control over your grief and prevent it from ambushing you during unexpected moments.
During a grief burst
Practice self-compassion: The feeling of a grief burst can cause the sense that you are “backsliding.” Remind yourself that healing is not linear and that it is normal to experience intense emotions. Be patient and gentle with yourself.
Acknowledge and express your feelings: Do not try to suppress your emotions. Acknowledge what you are feeling and allow yourself to grieve. Crying is a natural and healthy part of the mourning process.
You might try one of the following methods for expression:
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and emotions can be a powerful and private way to process your grief.
Creative expression: Consider channeling your feelings into art, music, or other creative outlets.
Talk to someone: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or grief counselor who can provide a listening ear without judgment.
After a grief burst
Prioritize self-care: Grief can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Take time to do something that is restorative for you, whether it’s exercise, spending time in nature, or engaging in a hobby.
Honor your loved one: Finding meaningful ways to remember your child can help you connect with their legacy. You can honor them by creating a memory box, participating in a charity event in their name, or sharing stories and memories with loved ones.
Engage in meaningful activities: As you rebuild your life, engage in new activities or hobbies that provide a sense of purpose or joy. This can help you focus on something positive and contribute to your evolving identity.
Seek professional support: If grief bursts are frequent, intense, or significantly disrupt your life, it may be a sign of prolonged grief. In this case, professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief can provide additional tools and support.
Read strategies and tips for coping with grief here: Navigating Grief: A Parent’s Journey.
Beth Brown, Author
About the Author
Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.
Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss
by Beth Brown
There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.
On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”
I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.
He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
— “He Left Too Soon”
There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.
Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
— “Beat Still My Heart”
My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.
My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.
Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.
–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
— “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”
In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.
Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
— “Beat Still My Heart”
I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.
Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.
–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl.
I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.
Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.
If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.
But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.
If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.
Bury My Heart
Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.
During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.
In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.
My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.
Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.
Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.
My Life Before Losing My Son
Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.
I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.
Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.
On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.
The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill
The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.
The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.
All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.
Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.
A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing
Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.
“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.
Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.
On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing
In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.
Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens
A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.
But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.
Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens
Spring Brings Beauty and Hope
Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.
What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.
Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing
Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections
Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.
Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.
Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.
The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.
Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.
Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.
Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.
From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.
Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.
Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.
You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?
About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief
The love you shared endures beyond loss.
This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace
You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.
You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.
Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.
FIND HOPE HERE: POEMS AND POETIC REFLECTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on the Devastating Loss of a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” in the post, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth…
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Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…
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“He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow
“He Left Too Soon, Lifting Life from June” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow Summary “He Left Too Soon” is a poem about the profound sorrow and anguish of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal experience of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through her writing,…
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“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents
Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents Summary “Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents” explores the profound grief and complex emotions experienced by parents who have lost a child to suicide. The poem emphasizes the importance of honoring the child’s memory while navigating the challenging path of healing, highlighting that…
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Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Summary Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply…
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The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy
The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy Summary The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy features the grief poem, “Beat Still My Heart,”a powerful elegy that uses shipwreck imagery to convey the grief of losing a child to suicide. The grief poem, written by Beth Brown, explores…
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If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss
If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss Summary If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”which explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. It delves into themes of guilt, love, and the struggle to find healing.…
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Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing Summary Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems on love and loss that tenderly explores the profound pain of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her deeply personal journey through grief, illustrating how she…
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“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss
“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss Summary “Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound grief and longing experienced after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the author’s personal journey of navigating life without her son, Dylan, and…
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“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” Poem
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” Poem Summary “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back,”a poignant grief poem by Beth Brown, explores the profound guilt and sorrow parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the haunting questions of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?”, capturing the…
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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere – Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…
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When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’
When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…
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“Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry
“Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry Key Takeaways Summary “Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry is a heartfelt reflection on the themes of love and loss, born from the deep and painful grief of the author following the heartbreaking suicide of her son. This poignant poem illuminates the cyclical…
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“If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing
“If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing Summary “If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing depicts a deeply personal and emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. The author effectively conveys the profound impact of grief through heartfelt words and metaphors. The inclusion of related posts,…
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“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: Poem on Child Loss
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…
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The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience Summary The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in…
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“Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay”
“Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Summary “Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay” by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes the author’s refusal to change her narrative of grief, asserting her right to feel deeply…
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Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing
Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing Key Takeaways Summary Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing shares author Beth Brown’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry and nature photography, she finds solace and a way to express her overwhelming emotions after suicide loss.…
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“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss
“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss conveys a powerful message of hope for parents grieving a child’s suicide. Acknowledging the profound sorrow of loss and the traumatic grief of losing a child to suicide,…
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“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope
“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…
Read MoreEmbracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey
From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.
The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.
Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide
Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide explores the challenging journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. Heartfelt poems and evocative visuals create a soothing experience, inviting readers to connect with the deep emotions in each verse. This blend of poetry and photography from the author’s gardens fosters an emotional bond, offering comfort to those with similar experiences while encouraging them to acknowledge their pain, cherish memories, and seek healing amid despair.
He Left Too Soon
He left too soon—
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain
His absence—
Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring
Heart heaving, this beating of tears
Breaking loose—
All hell in earth's upturned rupture,
Death shoveling shadows over me
As I bend to lay flowers on his name—
Inscribed and bronzed,
A permanence come to stay
My love laced now with pain—
Standing over my son's grave,
Death's Derecho come to stay in my shadow.
Beth Brown, copyright 2021, "He Left Too Soon" Poem: A Mother's Deep Sorrow
Explore the compelling tale that inspired the poem, "He Left too Soon," here: Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere - Grief Poem "He Left Too Soon"
“He Left Too Soon”: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow
“He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow is a poignant poem that bravely addresses the profound sorrow and anguish that comes with losing a beloved child to suicide. The poem aims to express the deep and complex emotions of grief, loss, and yearning, capturing the overwhelming turmoil that families face during such an unimaginable tragedy. The inspiration for the poem, “He Left Too Soon,” delves into the profound depths of early, acute grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide. This piece encapsulates themes of grief, mourning, remembrance, and the enduring love that persists even in the face of overwhelming sorrow.
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day of his funeral. Included in her publication, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, the poem that was inspired by the Derecho, “He Left Too Soon,” explores the profound grief and emotional turmoil she experienced. Through her eloquent writing, Brown aspires to offer solace to those enduring similar tragedies, thereby shedding light on the fragility of life and the enduring strength of love amidst sorrow.
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, reflects on the painful memories of her son Dylan’s life, his love for music, and the helplessness she felt in his final days. The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” juxtaposes the beauty of Dylan’s childhood memories with the devastating reality of his tragic end.
Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon (excerpt)
But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul–
I would have held on,
I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me
“Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
Beth Brown, excerpt from "Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon": A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message captures the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Through vivid imagery, it honors the enduring love between parent and child, providing solace and hope for reunion. The poem is a poignant tribute to Brown’s son, Dylan, where the author remembers her son’s growing-up years, both cherished memories and moments where “If I’d Only Known” echo in her refrain. A powerful poem for parents who have lost a child to suicide.
The Emotional Depth of “Beat Still My Heart”: A Powerful Elegy
The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy explores the deep emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. This poignant reflection through poetry captures the sorrow and despair of such a loss, blending personal experiences with universal themes of love and remembrance.The author navigates grief with verses that resonate, inviting readers to confront raw emotions and unanswered questions. Vivid imagery of a shipwreck in a storm encapsulates the unbearable loss, making the elegy a powerful tribute to a tragic experience.
“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents
“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents explores the heart-wrenching journey of a parent grappling with the profound loss of a child to suicide. While friends and family often offer encouragement towards healing, those who have walked this painful path understand how overwhelming these expectations can be. Moving forward is not just about progressing in life; it also involves cherishing and carrying our child’s memory within us, honoring their presence in all we do.
“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss
Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem that captures the deep sorrow of losing a child, an agonizing experience that many parents fear but few can truly comprehend until faced with such a heartbreaking reality. It weaves themes of grief, hope, and healing into a tapestry of emotions, allowing readers to navigate their own journeys of despair and recovery. The poem provides not only an outlet for those grappling with this unimaginable pain but also serves as a powerful reminder that they are not alone in their struggles.
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling“ shares a profoundly personal journey through the heart-wrenching experience of grief and guilt following the tragic loss of a child to suicide, featuring the poignant poem “Still from Sky I’m Falling.” Interlacing the deep sorrow of loss with the haunting feelings of remorse, the author creates a poem deep with heartfelt reflections that offer a glimpse into the overwhelming emotional struggle and the fragile path towards healing that follow such an unimaginable tragedy.
“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis examines the profound connection between love and grief experienced after the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide. The poem beautifully conveys the author’s steadfast commitment to honor her journey of grief, affirming her right to experience her emotions fully and illustrating the deep intertwining of love and sorrow. Through evocative imagery, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” poignantly expresses the complicated feelings that accompany such a significant and painful loss.
If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.
Beth Brown, “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: A Poem on Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son
“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: Powerful Poem
If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You: Powerful Poem explores the deep emotional pain of losing a child to suicide. The author conveys their experience through poignant verses that depict the raw essence of grief, reflecting the complex emotions of sorrow and longing. The heartfelt language serves as a reminder of enduring love in the face of unimaginable loss.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.
Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
Finding professional care and support
Find a mental health provider
- afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
- findtreatment.samhsa.gov
- mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
- inclusivetherapists.com
- afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians
Find a provider for prolonged grief
Find additional resources for marginalized communities
Crisis Services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
Finding professional care and support
Find a mental health provider
- afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
- findtreatment.samhsa.gov
- mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
- inclusivetherapists.com
- afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians
Find a provider for prolonged grief
Find additional resources for marginalized communities
Crisis Services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Explore Additional Resources for Navigating Grief
- Coping with Double Loss: A Grandparent’s Grief delves into the emotional bond with the grandmother’s house and offers insights on supporting grandparents mourning both the loss of a grandchild and the grief of their adult child who is themself mourning the loss of their child.
- Sorrow Buried in Love: Poetic Reflections in Grief presents a heartfelt poem that deeply resonates with the author’s intense emotions in the wake of the devastating loss of a child to suicide.
- Rising Up Because Love Lives Forever provides a powerful and emotional exploration of love and loss. The images, beautiful photographs from the author’s gardens, complement the writing and add visual interest.
- I Only Hurt When I Breathe: A Journey Through Grief (Year 3) shares the author’s journals from her third year of grief after losing her son, conveying emotional experiences related to healing. Additional links on the third year of grief provide reflections on this difficult process.
- A Mother’s Grief: 6 Years After Losing My Son to Suicide reflects on the profound sorrow and silence experienced by a parent after losing a child to suicide. The author shares heartfelt insights and poetic language, especially on her son’s memorial date in year 6 of grief.
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Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss Summary In Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss, the author recounts her profound grief and struggle to find meaning after losing her son to suicide. She describes the intense physical and emotional pain she endured, feeling hopeless and alone. Seeking support…
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Self-Blame and Guilt-I Couldn’t Save My Son
Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son Summary In “Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son,” author Beth Brown shares her journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt that many parents endure after suicide loss of a child, grappling…
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Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
A Mother Navigates Grief and Healing After Losing Her Son to Suicide Summary The article “Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide” recounts a mother’s struggle with grief after losing a child to suicide and provides coping strategies and resources for grieving parents. She emphasizes the importance of community and support groups in the…
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Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors
Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors Summary Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors provides a comprehensive list of support resources, books for grieving a suicide loss, and poetry about losing a child to suicide. It aims to guide individuals through the complex emotions that often accompany such a tragic loss, offering…
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Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss
Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss Summary In the article Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss, author Beth Brown reflects on the journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She describes the unpredictable nature of grief, the struggle to find joy after such a loss, and the ongoing process of…
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Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss
Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss Summary “Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss” reflects on the author’s journey through grief three years after losing a child to suicide. The author expresses deep emotions, including sorrow, anger, and guilt, emphasizing the ongoing process of acceptance and peace. The…
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4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing
4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Love Summary In 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Love, author Beth Brown shares her journey of grief and healing four years after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She explores the profound impact of losing a child to suicide, including secondary losses and the burden of…
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Navigating Grief: 6 Years After My Son’s Suicide
Navigating Grief: 6 Years After My Son’s Suicide Navigating Grief: 6 Years After My Son’s Suicide reflects on the sixth anniversary of a mother’s grief after losing her son to suicide. It emphasizes the importance of connection and support found in grief groups, highlighting the author’s struggle with identity and the burden of grief. The…
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Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope Summary ‘Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope’ is a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope,…
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“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents
“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents Introduction “White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents offers a deeply empathetic devotional reflection for grieving parents titled ‘White Peonies in Bloom.’ This tender piece gently explores the exquisite beauty of white peonies, serving as a comforting reminder for parents who are enduring the…
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Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide
Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide Guilt in Suicide Loss: Painful and Persistent Guilt is one of the most painful and persistent parts of suicide loss. Parents replay conversations, missed signs, and imagined alternate endings—believing they should have prevented the unpreventable. Why Parents Feel Guilt Guilt Is Not Proof of Failure Guilt is grief…
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Losing a Child to Suicide: A Parent’s Guide to Grief
Losing a Child to Suicide: A Parent’s Guide to Grief Early grief, understanding suicide loss, and survival A Loss Unlike Any Other Losing a child to suicide is a loss unlike any other. It shatters assumptions, fractures identity, and leaves parents searching for answers that may never come. If you are here, you are not…
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“If You Just Lost Your Child”
If You Just Lost Your Child to Suicide Summary “If You Just Lost Your Child” is a compassionate guide for parents who have just lost a child to suicide. You are not alone. Gentle guidance, understanding, and support. You Are Not Alone Here You are not broken. You are grieving.If you have just lost your…
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Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months
Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months Summary Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months acknowledges the unique pain of grief and the added burden of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), especially during the winter months when the world can feel cold, silent, and heavy. It offers gentle encouragement, reminding…
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