Understanding Suicide: Grief and Healing Insights

Understanding Suicide: Grief and Healing Insights

Summary

Understanding Suicide: Grief and Healing Insights examines prevalent misconceptions about suicide, emphasizing the importance of compassionate understanding and forgiveness in the grieving process. Drawing on insights from Ronald Rolheiser, it clarifies that suicide is primarily the result of mental health challenges rather than personal failure, and reassures that those lost to suicide are met with profound compassion. Readers are encouraged to honor the memory of loved ones, promote mental health awareness, and recognize that, despite support and care, some tragedies are beyond anyone’s control.

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and sometimes all the love and attentiveness in the world cannot prevent a loved one from dying. Love, for all its power, is sometimes powerless before a terminal illness.

Ronald Rolheiser, “Suicide and Our Misunderstandings”

Journaling Prompt:

Write about a time you felt misunderstood in your grief. How might compassionate understanding have helped?

Gentleness with yourself is a gift—allow yourself grace on difficult day

Introduction

Understanding Suicide: Grief and Healing Insights addresses common misconceptions about suicide, underscoring the need for compassionate understanding and forgiveness in the grieving process. Drawing on Ronald Rolheiser’s insights, it clarifies that suicide is primarily the result of mental health challenges, not personal failure, and affirms that those lost to suicide are met with profound compassion. Readers are encouraged to honor the memory of loved ones, promote mental health awareness, and acknowledge that, despite support and care, some tragedies are beyond anyone’s control.

You are not alone. Healing begins with understanding and gentle self-forgiveness.

Related Reads

• Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss
• Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Surviving the Suicide of Your Child: Support, Resources, Hope

All death unsettles us, but suicide… brings with it an ache, a chaos, a darkness, and a stigma that has to be experienced to be believed.

Ronald Rolheiser, “Bruised and Wounded: Understanding Suicide”

Journaling Prompt:

What are the hardest questions you face in your grief? How might you gently approach them?

You are worthy of peace, even as you carry your loss.

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My Forever Son

Even in darkness, hope can be found in shared memories and gentle support.

Table of Contents

Compassion is a bridge—let it carry you through moments of sorrow.

Journaling Prompt:

What does forgiveness mean to you in the context of your grief?

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Struggling to Understand Suicide

Ronald Rolheiser writes a great deal about suicide. His articles compassionately address a faith-based perspective clarifying where suicide and religion intersect. As a theologian, Rolheiser lends an understanding and spiritual perspective to suicide, and in so doing, removes much of the stigma and deep questioning that a death by suicide leaves behind. If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide and are searching for answers in the wake of their death, you may find comfort in Rolheiser’s thoughtful responses to understanding suicide. Both articles are available in full on Ronald Rolheiser.com.

Your questions matter. In time, peace and understanding will grow.

“Bruised and Wounded – Understanding Suicide”

By Ronald Rolheiser, Bruised and Wounded-Understanding Suicide

Some things need to be said and said and said again until they don’t need to be said anymore. Margaret Atwood wrote that. I quote it here because each year I write a column on suicide and mostly say the same thing each time because certain things need to be said repeatedly about suicide until we have a better understanding of it.

Key Takeaways

Bruised and Wounded-Understanding Suicide acknowledges the profound pain and complexity of suicide, affirming that it is most often the result of overwhelming mental illness—not a personal or parental failure. It encourages those left behind to release feelings of guilt and anger, to recognize the deep sensitivity and suffering their loved one endured, and to honor their memory without shame or stigma. The text offers reassurance that God’s compassion and understanding are boundless, providing peace and acceptance to those who have died by suicide, and comfort to those who mourn their loss. 

Core Messages That Need Repeating from “Bruised and Wounded–Understanding Suicide”

1. Suicide as an illness
   It’s not a moral failure or a simple choice—it’s often the result of a disease, similar to cancer or heart disease, that overwhelms a person’s will to live.
2. Release from guilt for loved ones
   Families and friends should not torment themselves with “what ifs.” Loving someone doesn’t always mean we can save them, just as with physical illnesses.
3. Mental health fragility
   Mental health is as vulnerable as physical health. Conditions like depression can be as lethal as any physical disease.
4. Biochemical factors matter
   Some suicidal depressions may be linked to chemical imbalances, highlighting the need for deeper research and treatment options.
5. Sensitivity of those lost
   Most people who die by suicide are deeply sensitive, not arrogant. Their pain often runs deeper than others can see or heal.
6. A soul’s cry for relief
   Suicide can be a desperate attempt to escape unbearable inner suffering.
7. Permission to feel anger
   Anger toward a loved one who dies by suicide is natural. Forgive yourself for feeling it.
8. Redeem their memory
   Don’t let the manner of death overshadow their life. Keep photos, share stories, and honor their humanity as you would if they died from any other illness.
9. God’s compassion is greater than ours
   The book emphasizes that divine love penetrates even locked doors of despair. Those who die by suicide are met with peace and understanding beyond what we can imagine.

A Message of Comfort for Those Grieving a Loss to Suicide

If you are mourning the loss of a loved one to suicide, please remember:

• Suicide is not a choice or a moral failing—it is a disease, often as uncontrollable as cancer or heart disease.
• You are not to blame. Even the deepest love sometimes cannot prevent the outcome of an illness.
• Mental health is fragile, and not always within our control. Just as physical illnesses can be fatal, so can mental ones.
• Science continues to explore the role of biochemistry in suicide, reminding us that some causes are beyond anyone’s reach.
• Those lost to suicide are often deeply sensitive souls, wounded in ways we may never fully understand.
• Suicide is a desperate plea from a soul in pain, not an act of arrogance or contempt.
• If you feel anger, allow yourself to feel it—your emotions are natural and understandable.
• Cherish and honor your loved one’s memory. Do not let the manner of their passing overshadow the warmth and mystery of their life.
• Trust that God’s compassion and understanding far surpass our own. Your loved one is met with peace and acceptance beyond what we can imagine.

In the words of Julian of Norwich: “In the end all will be well, and all will be well, and every manner of being will be well.” 

Light returns, even after the longest night.

“Bruised and Wounded – Understanding Suicide”

What needs to be said again and again?

1. First, that suicide is a disease, something that in most cases takes a person out of life against his or her will, the emotional equivalent of cancer, a stroke, or a heart attack.
2.  Second, that we, the loved ones who remain, should not spend undue time and energy second-guessing as to how we might have failed that person, what we should have noticed, and what we might still have done to prevent the suicide. Suicide is an illness and, as with a purely physical disease, we can love someone and still not be able to save him or her from death. God also loved this person and shared our helplessness in trying to help him or her.
3. We need a better understanding of mental health. The fact is that not everyone has the internal circuits to allow them the sustained capacity for steadiness and buoyancy. One’s mental health is parallel to one’s physical health, fragile, and not fully within one’s control. Moreover just as diabetes, arthritis, cancer, stroke, heart attacks, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, and multiple sclerosis, can cause debilitation and death; so too can mental diseases wreak havoc, also causing every kind of debilitation and sometimes death by suicide.
4. The potential role that biochemistry plays in suicide needs more exploration. If some suicidal depressions are treatable by drugs, clearly then some suicides are caused by biochemical deficiencies, as are many other diseases that kill us.
5. Almost invariably, the person who dies by suicide is a very sensitive human being. Suicide is rarely done in arrogance, as an act of contempt. There are of course examples of persons who are too proud to endure normal human contingency and kill themselves out of arrogance, but that’s a very different kind of suicide, not the kind that most of us have seen in a loved one. Generally, our experience with the loved ones that we have lost to suicide was that these persons were anything but arrogant. Rather, they were too bruised to touch and were wounded in some deep way that we could not comprehend or help heal. Indeed, often times when sufficient time has passed after their deaths, in retrospect, we get some sense of their wound and their suicide then no longer seems as surprising.
6. Suicide is often the desperate plea of a soul in pain. The soul can make claims that go against the body and suicide is often that. 
7. We need to forgive ourselves if we feel angry with our loved ones who end their lives in this way. Don’t feel guilty about feeling angry; that’s a natural, understandable response when a loved one dies by suicide.
8. We need to work at redeeming the memory of our loved ones who die by suicide. The manner of their death may not become a prism through which we now see their lives, as if this manner of death colors everything about them. Don’t take down photos of them and speak of them and their deaths in hushed terms any more than if they had died by cancer or a heart attack. It’s hard to lose loved ones to suicide, but we should not also lose the truth and warmth of their mystery and their memory.
9. Finally, we shouldn’t worry about how God meets our loved one on the other side. God’s love, unlike ours, can go through locked doors, descend into hell, and breathe out peace where we cannot. Most people who die by suicide awake on the other side to find Christ standing inside their locked doors, inside the center of their chaos, gently saying, “Peace be with you!” God’s understanding and compassion infinitely surpass our own. Our lost loved ones are in safer hands than ours. If we, limited as we are, can already reach through this tragedy with some understanding and love, we can rest secure that, given the width and depth of God’s love, the one who dies through suicide meets, on the other side, a compassion that’s deeper than our own and an understanding that surpasses ours.

Julian of Norwich says, in the end all will be well, and all will be well, and every manner of being will be well. I shall be, even after suicide. God can, and does, go through locked doors and, once there, breathes out peace inside a tortured, huddled heart.

By Ronald Rolheiser, Bruised and Wounded-Understanding Suicide, Ronaldrolheiser.com

Let love and memory shine brighter than loss.

Contemplation Prompt:

“What Needs to Be Said Again and Again?” What do you believe needs to be said about understanding suicide and the pain suicide loss brings?

Featured Article: “Suicide and Our Misunderstandings”

Some things need to be said and said and said again until they don’t need to be said anymore.

Margaret Atwood, quoted in Ronald Rolheiser’s “Suicide and Our Misunderstandings,” RonaldRolheiser.com

Key Summary: “Suicide and Our Misunderstanding”

Suicide is a misunderstood disease, often mistaken for a voluntary act. It is a tragic breakdown of the emotional immune system, not a choice. When grieving a suicide, it is important to understand it as a disease, not a reflection of personal failure, and to focus on redeeming the loved one’s memory.

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

Key Takeaways: “Suicide and Our Misunderstandings”

This article emphasizes four key points:

1. Suicide is a disease, often taking a person out of life against their will.
2. Loved ones should not be consumed by second-guessing or guilt; suicide is an illness, not a failure of love.
3. Mental health is fragile and not fully within anyone’s control; biochemistry may play a significant role.
4. The memory of those lost should be redeemed, not defined by the manner of their death.
   

In remembering, we honor; in healing, we find hope.

Contemplation Prompt:

Reflect on how you remember your loved one. What qualities or moments do you cherish most?

Let love and memory shine brighter than loss.

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“Suicide and Our Misunderstandings” by Ronald Rolheiser

By Ronald Rolheiser, Suicide and Our Misunderstandings

Margaret Atwood once wrote that sometimes a thing needs to be said, and said, said again, until it doesn’t need to be said anymore. That’s why I write a column annually on suicide, mostly saying the same things over and over again. The hope is that, like a note put into a bottle and floated out to sea, my little message might find someone needing consolation after losing a loved one to suicide.

What’s needs to be said, and said again, about suicide? Four things.

Ronald Rolheiser, Suicide and Our Misunderstandings, RonaldRolheiser.com

First, that it’s a disease and perhaps the most misunderstood of all diseases. We tend to think that if a death is self-inflicted, it is voluntary in a way that death through physical illness or accident is not. For most suicides, this isn’t true. A person who dies by suicide dies, as does the victim of a terminal illness or fatal accident, not by his or her own choice.

When people die from heart attacks, strokes, cancer, AIDS, and accidents, they die against their will. The same is true for suicide, except that in the case of suicide the breakdown is emotional rather than physical – an emotional stroke, an emotional cancer, a breakdown of the emotional immune system, an emotional fatality.

This is not an analogy. There are different kinds of heart attacks, strokes, cancers, breakdowns of the immune system, and fatal accidents. However, they all have the same effect; they all take someone out of this life against his or her own will. No one who dies through suicide actually wants to die. He or she only wants to end a pain that can no longer be endured, akin to someone jumping to his death out of a burning building because his clothes are on fire.

God is infinitely more understanding than we are and God’s hands are infinitely safer and gentler than our own.

Second, we should not worry unduly about the eternal salvation of a suicide victim, believing (as we used to) that suicide is the ultimate act of despair and something God will not forgive. God is infinitely more understanding than we are and God’s hands are infinitely safer and gentler than our own. Imagine a loving mother having just given birth, welcoming her child onto her breast for the first time. That, I believe, is the best image we have to picture how a suicide victim (most often an overly sensitive soul) is received into the next life. God is infinitely understanding, loving, and gentle. We need not worry about the fate of anyone, no matter the cause of death, who exits this world honest, oversensitive, gentle, over-wrought, and emotionally crushed. God has a special love for the broken and the crushed.

God has a special love for the broken and the crushed.

Knowing all of this however, doesn’t necessarily take away our pain (and anger) at losing someone to suicide; but faith and understanding aren’t meant to take our pain away but rather to give us hope, vision, and support as we walk within our pain.

…faith and understanding aren’t meant to take our pain away but rather to give us hope, vision, and support as we walk within our pain.

Third, we should not torture ourselves with second-guessing when we lose a loved one to suicide: “What might I have done? Where did I let this person down? If only I had been there? What if …?” It can be natural to be haunted with the thought, “if only I’d been there at the right time.” Rarely would this have made a difference. Indeed, most of the time, we weren’t there for the exact reason that the person who fell victim to this disease did not want us to be there. He or she picked the moment, the spot, and the means precisely so that we wouldn’t be there. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that suicide is a disease that picks its victim precisely in such a way so as to exclude others and their attentiveness. This is not an excuse for insensitivity, especially towards those suffering from dangerous depression, but it should be a healthy check against false guilt and fruitless second-guessing.

Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that suicide is a disease that picks its victim precisely in such a way so as to exclude others and their attentiveness. This is not an excuse for insensitivity, especially towards those suffering from dangerous depression, but it should be a healthy check against false guilt and fruitless second-guessing.

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and sometimes all the love and attentiveness in the world cannot prevent a loved one from dying. Love, for all its power, is sometimes powerless before a terminal illness.

Fourth, when we lose a loved one to suicide, one of our tasks is to work at redeeming that person’s memory, namely, to put that person’s life into a perspective wherein his or her memory is not forever tainted because it is viewed through the prism of suicide. A proper human and faith response to suicide should not be horror, fear for the victim’s eternal salvation, guilty second-guessing about how we failed this person, and a hushed, guarded tone forever afterwards when we speak of him or her. Suicide is indeed a horrible way to die, but we must understand it (at least in most cases) as a sickness, a disease, an illness, a tragic breakdown within the emotional immune system. Most of all, we must trust God, God’s goodness, God’s understanding, God’s power to descend into hell, and God’s power to make all things right, even death by suicide.

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and sometimes all the love and attentiveness in the world cannot prevent a loved one from dying. Love, for all its power, is sometimes powerless before a terminal illness.

By Ronald Rolheiser, “Suicide and Our Misunderstandings,” RonaldRolheiser.com

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

Contemplation Prompt:

How do you envision hope returning to your life, even if only in small moments?

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Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

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Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

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From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Your story matters, and your healing is important.
There is no right way to grieve; honor your own journey.

Contemplation Prompt:

Consider how your perspective on mental health has changed over time. What would you tell someone newly facing loss?

Journaling Prompt:

Describe a moment when you felt supported in your grief. What made that support meaningful?

Professional Resources

Support is available—reach out, connect, and let others walk beside you.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Grief is not a journey you must walk alone—there is strength in seeking help.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/

Gentleness with yourself is a gift—allow yourself grace on difficult days.

Journaling Prompt:

Explore one resource above and note what resonates with your experience.

Love endures, even when words fail.

Journaling Prompt:

Reflect on a moment when you offered compassion to yourself or others during grief. What did that feel like?

Journaling Prompt:

What questions do you carry about your loss? Write them down, then reflect on which ones you can release today.