3 Years of Grief: Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: 3 Years of Grief and Glimpses of Hope

Summary

Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: 3 Years of Grief and Glimpses of Hope explores the author’s personal journey of grief over three years after losing her son to suicide. It emphasizes the emotional struggle and the concept of secondary losses experienced during this healing process. The author reflects on vital lessons learned during each year of grief, including embracing love and acceptance of sorrow.

Introduction

Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: 3 Years of Grief and Glimpses of Hope unfolds the pages of the author’s journals from the third year after experiencing the unimaginable pain of losing her son to suicide. In this heartfelt collection of year three grief reflections, author Beth Brown expresses her deepest thoughts and reflections, offering an intimate look into the overwhelming sorrow of her grief and her earnest search for healing. Each entry powerfully conveys the depths of her sadness, the difficult journey toward acceptance, and the unexpected moments of hope and healing along the way.

Through her heartfelt writing in the blog, My Forever Son, the author seeks not only to gently share her own healing journey but also to provide a warm sense of comfort and understanding to those who are facing similar heartaches, softly reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Related Reads

• Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
• “I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• Understanding Grief: 3 Years After Losing a Child
• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

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My Forever Son

Table of Contents

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Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: Deep Reflections on 3 Years of Grief

Over these past three years, I have counted minutes. Hours. Days. Months. And I find the date of his death everywhere. Always the 25th of any and every given month. Especially the holidays. And always in June. My son left too soon. June 25, 2012. My only child. Twenty years old and on the cusp of young adulthood. Barely more than a teenager.

A depression that wouldn’t let go when his dad left (Dylan was 5 years old) turned into a teenaged angst that disguised Dylan’s emotional pain.

A depression that wouldn’t let go when his dad left (Dylan was 5 years old) turned into a teenaged angst that disguised Dylan’s emotional pain. My son laughed and joked with his friends, made good grades, was there for those having a difficult time, and earned a scholarship to a prestigious university. But Dylan’s depression lingered. He took on the weight of the world, thinking deeply about life and those he loved, and he kept his emotional pain deep inside.

What More Could I Have Done?

Dylan’s last year of life was so filled with pain I can’t bear to think about it, and yet still find myself dwelling incessantly on what I could have changed that I didn’t. What more I could have done. What didn’t I do? I called in help. Got him to the student health center for medication for depression. Intervened time and again to pull him back from the precipitous edge of a darkness he seemed locked into.

But Dylan was coming of age. Eighteen. Drinking with his friends at college. Trying things he’d been taught never to pick up, habits he couldn’t break, substance abuse that runs deep in our family genetics. Careening towards destruction, Dylan spiraled down faster than I could help him up. Several suicide attempts. Hospital stays. Psychiatric medications. Treatment centers.

I Couldn’t Stop His Pain

I couldn’t stop his pain. Medications couldn’t stop his pain. Counseling and therapy couldn’t stop his pain. Academic studies couldn’t stop his pain. His friends and family, all of whom loved him, couldn’t stop where Dylan’s darkness was leading him. I had hope. I never lost hope. And I prayed. God, I prayed. But hope and prayers couldn’t stop Dylan.

I had hope. I never lost hope. And I prayed. God, I prayed. But hope and prayers couldn’t stop Dylan.

On the morning of June 25th, 2012, I answered my door at 4: 08 a.m. and saw not one, but three ominous men dressed in black. A deputy sheriff and two others to accompany him. And a ziplock bag with Dylan’s cellphone and Fossil wallet. That’s it. That’s all that was left of my son. Dylan had turned twenty in March, and three months later, this was all that was left of my son.

One does not, cannot, “heal” completely from the death of their child.

But healing does come in unexpected ways. Gratitude for a sunny day. Peace found in a long walk in nature. Solace in tending to my gardens. Love and companionship in my two cats.

Reflecting on Three Years of Grief–Some Things Are Familiar

At three years of loss, I have returned, somewhat, to some version of a life, I suppose, that others lead. Some things are familiar–my extended family, a few close friends–but so much of my life has become a life entirely separate from the one I lived and loved for twenty years with my son.

I Have Two Lives: My Before Life, and My “As Is, As Now” Life; These two are not the same

I have two lives–my before life–and my as is, as now life. These two are not the same. I feel Dylan’s absence everywhere in this life as is, as now, though I have grieved long enough to learn to carry love and ache together. The pain of his absence is just part of me.

“When Someone Loved Leaves Home, Home Becomes Mere House”

All these things I recognize, I remember delighting in them-trees, art, house, music, pink morning sky, work well done, flowers, books. I still delight in them. I’m still grateful.

But the zest is gone. The passion is cooled, the striving quieted, the longing stilled. My attachment is loosened. No longer do I set my heart on them. I can do without them. They don’t matter. Instead of rowing, I float.

The joy that comes my way I savor. But the seeking, the clutching, the aiming, is gone.I don’t suppose anyone on the outside notices. I go through my paces. What the world gives, I still accept. But what it promises, I no longer reach for.

I’ve become an alien in the world, shyly touching it as if it’s not mine. I don’t belong anymore. When someone loved leaves home, home becomes mere house.”

Nicholas Wolterstoff, Lament for A Son 

What is a Secondary or Ambiguous Loss in Grief?

Secondary Loss is also known as Ambiguous Grief. Eleanor Haley of What’s Your Grief? takes “A Deep Dive Into Secondary Loss:”

The death of a loved one isn’t just one single earth-shattering loss. In reality, it’s a tremendous loss, followed by a lot of smaller losses in its aftermath.  This domino effect of subsequent losses is called ‘secondary loss.’ 

“Death does not just create a single hole in one’s life. Instead, the loss can impact many areas of one’s life, creating multiple losses from that “primary loss.” Though it is easy to think that our grief is solely the grief of losing the person we cared for so deeply, our grief is also the pain of the other losses that were a result of the death. You will hear these losses referred to as “secondary losses,” not in the sense that their impact is secondary, but rather that they are a secondary result of the primary loss.”

Eleanor Haley, “A Deep Dive Into Secondary Loss,” What ‘s Your Grief?

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Secondary Losses: Reminders 3 Years Out from Losing My Son to Suicide

It is hard to learn to live without-without son, without possibility, without potential-without likelihood of ever again feeling “normal.”

I don’t fit in most of the time when I’m with my friends because the crux of their lives is their focus on children. Their children. Their grandchildren. What and how their kids are doing. Holidays, birthdays filled with their children and grandchildren.

I don’t fit in most of the time when I’m with my friends because the crux of their lives is their focus on children.

Graduation, first job, the launch into career, graduate school, academic accolades, honors, scholarships and grants, concern over their child’s choice of a girlfriend/boyfriend, concern and worry about an upcoming marriage, empty-nest syndrome, hope for grandchildren, pregnancy-sigh. . .grandchildren. All of these, secondary losses. All of these reminders I lost my son.

All of these, secondary losses. All of these reminders I lost my son.

In Losing My Son, I Lost Myself

I will never know any of these again. My life is strange. It hasn’t been invented yet. There is no manual or standard or how-to.

I don’t often run into those who have lost children and so much of the time, feel lost in the community in which I’ve grown up. I can’t quite make things fit.

I try-God knows I try-but inside where it counts? Even when I’m doing my best to hide my deep ache, infinite sadness, and pangs of longing as they talk about their children and grandchildren, I feel so separate and alone.

I could live in hugs right now. I took warm laundry out of the dryer this morning and wrapped my arms around it. The warmth, the softness, the give. The missing, my connection to Dylan, the way he smelled of Axe body spray, teenaged boy, chestnut hair, arc of his nose, profile of his face, dark brown eyes, chocolate brown. I miss my son.

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3 Years of Healing Grief: Carrying Ache and Love Together

Three Things I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After Suicide Loss

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Embracing Love Amidst Loss: Navigating Heartache with Grace

Grief is not something we ever get over, and it doesn’t ever stop. What we learn to do is grow around our grief, to encompass it and incorporate it or manage it into our own life, she says. We walk with it.

Every time you turn around—there’s a reminder, there’s a statement, there’s a feeling, there’s an emotion—and you are overwhelmed by your grief, she says. And as we walk with this, and you learn to understand your own grief process, it becomes something that you can manage.

A mother who lost her daughter to suicide

But as far as ever getting over it, there is no such thing.

Parent of a child who died by suicide

Dylan Will Always Be Part of Me

I fell in love March 19, 1992 when Dylan was born, though truly have loved him since I first knew he was inside me. Today, three years after his death, my child still is inside me. Dylan always was my lifeblood coursing through me, my heart’s joy, the beat and rhythm and passion of all that I did. Dylan was part of me and even now, I am still part of him.

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Grieving a Son: 3 Years of Healing

“The Pain of Early Grief Does Change; It Softens”

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all-
consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide

Approaching My Son’s Third Year Memorial Date

Turbulent dreams, all dreams now of loss, of losing, of being stolen from, of being desperate and chaotic and running wildly.

I awaken most days exhausted, alive and breathing in the fully alert state of realizing Dylan’s death is final. It has been 3 years, but still I struggle.

It has been 3 years, but still I struggle with my son’s memorial date.

Coping with Grief in Year 3

Last night I practiced Tai Chi–hard, focused, mentally and physically challenging, way longer than I should have. I forgot to eat and was run ragged by the time I got home. I find myself doing too much all the time right now, but this is how I keep on keeping on, at least for now.

Tonight, Tai Chi practice for one hour. Tomorrow, on Dylan’s memorial date, I made plans throughout the day: Go to lunch; light a candle for my son; write a letter to Dylan; give myself permission to go where the day leads.

Going to lunch. I will be with my family, my mom, my sister. I will light a candle in the morning, write a letter to Dylan, go where the day leads.

I’ve found all along that the lead-in is always worse than the actual day. I pray this is true of tomorrow as well. May the day bring peace, love, and beautiful powerful remembrance of my precious and beloved Dylan. Always the love, always the remembering.

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

Introduction

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide is a deeply heartfelt collection of five poignant blog posts that chronicles my emotional journey through the third year following the tragic loss of my only son, Dylan, to suicide on June 25, 2012. This intimate compilation offers reflections and valuable resources that document a parent’s harrowing experience with overwhelming grief.

This heartfelt collection of blog posts from year three of my grief offers a profound exploration of sorrow and the healing journey, illuminating stories of love, remembrance, and a connection that transcends the boundaries of death. By sharing both the struggles and transformative experiences, this blog, My Forever Son, aspires to provide solace, practical insights, and a glimmer of hope to those navigating the intricate complexities of grief.

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide powerfully captures the intricate emotions of grief and the slow journey toward healing. During this early phase of grieving, I expressed the profound feelings I endured, alongside the challenging changes I encountered as I learned to navigate life without my cherished son. The three-year mark became a pivotal moment in my grief journey as I slowly began to reclaim my life.

My Journals: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope

During this tumultuous time of trying to regain order in my life after the loss of my son to suicide, I grappled with deep grief and confusion. My journals recorded not only my sorrow but also unexpected moments of joy as I navigated a world that felt forever changed.

I reflected on cherished memories, revisiting the laughter and love we shared, despite the profound emptiness my son’s absence left behind. Writing became a means to navigate my emotions and begin to heal amidst enduring heartbreak.

Related Reads

• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide
• 4 Years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing

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Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son

Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son is a profoundly touching reflection on the author’s heartfelt journey through the complexities of grief, hope, and healing, marking three long years since the devastating loss of her only child, her son Dylan, to suicide.

The thoughtfully selected images, many capturing the beauty of the author’s gardens, provide a poignant backdrop that deepens the emotional resonance of her words, inviting readers to connect with their own experiences of sorrow and healing.

Related Reads

• 4 years After Loss: Navigating Grief and Healing
• “I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief
• If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above) Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide
• A Glimpse of Hope in Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

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Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son

Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son is another poignant post that comes from the pages of the author’s journals in the third year after losing her son to suicide.

In this heartfelt post, the author shares her most intimate thoughts and reflections, revealing the profound impact of her loss and the journey towards finding solace. Each entry is a testament to her resilience, capturing the raw emotions of grief, the struggle for acceptance, and the moments of unexpected joy that arise amidst the sorrow after 3 years of losing my son.

Related Reads

• The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
• Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
• Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”
• Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon: A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide
• That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back: Poem on Guilt in Grief

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Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3: Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3 compassionately delves into another of the author’s journals during the third year of her grief journey, where she encountered a haunting “sense of the surreal” after the loss of her son to suicide..

Each day felt trapped in the echo of her son’s memorial date, as cherished memories flooded her heart, prompting deep reflections on her parenting while navigating the relentless waves of sorrow.

Related Reads

• “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
• Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
• “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience

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Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss offers a heartfelt exploration of the profound and painful journey through grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide.

The author poignantly shares her deeply personal experiences of navigating this overwhelming sorrow, using writing, gardening, and cherishing memories as powerful tools for healing. Through her words in this journal entry, she connects with others who may share similar feelings, creating a comforting space for understanding and empathy.

Related Reads

• My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care: A Lullaby of Hope
• Matins:Reflections on Hope After Loss
• Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil: A Poem of Love and Loss
• A Decade of Grief: Finding Light in Darkness
• Navigating Grief, Year 6: Reflections on Losing a Son to Suicide

“I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Grief Journey

“I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief offers a heartfelt glimpse into the author’s journals from her third year of navigating grief after the profound loss of her son to suicide, articulating the raw and poignant emotional experiences that accompany the path to healing.

Additional resources on the third year of grief enrich this exploration, providing valuable reflections on this challenging journey and the complexities of healing during such a difficult time.

Related Reads

• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide
• Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents
• Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son
• Navigating Grief, Year 6: Reflections on Losing a Son to Suicide
• Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide

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Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

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Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

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From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

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The Story of My Forever Son

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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho:A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”is a profoundly moving poem, woven together with the touching narrative that inspired it, expressing the indescribable sorrow of losing my cherished son to suicide amidst an unexpected storm named Derecho. The experience of losing a child to suicide feels akin to being caught in a sudden tempest; it was both a metaphor and a reality, as a storm raged on the very day of my son’s funeral, intertwining my overwhelming grief with nature’s turmoil. The fierce winds mirrored my internal anguish, encapsulating a deep heartache that seemed unbearably heavy.

“If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss

• “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss is a poem that depicts a profoundly personal and emotional journey of losing a child to suicide, capturing the deep scars of grief with heartfelt words and meaningful metaphors. This poignant piece resonates with anyone who has faced the unbearable weight of such heartache, offering solace in the shared experience of loss and illuminating the enduring love that remains even in the midst of sorrow.

“Shaped by Love–and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” A Poem on Suicide Loss by author Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes the author’s refusal to change her narrative of grief, asserting her right to feel deeply and affirming that her love and grief are inseparable. Through vivid imagery and personal reflections, “the poem “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” captures the complex emotions and transformations that arise from such profound loss.

Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss

Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a profoundly touching and empathetic poem that captures the deep sorrow and anguish that come with losing a child. The verses intertwine the themes of grief, hope, and healing, offering comfort to those enduring this unimaginable heartache. The author’s personal journey unfolds in a way that gently provides insights and support to others facing similar pain. Through the evocative power of poetry and personal stories, it creates a heartfelt and relatable depiction of the experience, reminding us that we are never alone in our struggles.

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief, guilt, and regret after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy felt by many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem and other works that explore loss and healing, providing insights into the mourning process. It also offers valuable resources for support, guiding readers through dark moments while fostering community. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” anchors the collection, reflecting the emotions that arise during such times and inviting readers to connect with their own grief experiences.

Exploring “Beat Still My Heart” Poem: A Grief Elegy

• Exploring “Beat Still My Heart” Poem: A Grief Elegy delves into the intense emotional journey of losing a child to suicide, providing a heartfelt reflection through poetry and storytelling. This poignant exploration captures the profound sorrow and despair that such a loss brings, weaving together personal experiences with universal themes of love, loss, and remembrance. Set in a catastrophic storm, The Emotional Depth of “Beat Still My Heart:” A Powerful Elegy uses shipwreck imagery to convey the profound grief of losing a child to suicide.
  

“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”: A Heartfelt Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide

• Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon: A Heartfelt Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide captures the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Through the author’s personal experience, the poem resonates with shared grief, offering solace to those who have faced similar journeys. It beautifully expresses regret with the line “If I had only known,” and concludes with a tender image of joyous reunion.

What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide provides compassionate insights for supporting grieving parents during their unimaginable loss. The author’s personal stories create an emotional connection, highlighting the raw pain of such tragedy. By incorporating expert quotes and external resources, the article enhances credibility and emphasizes the need to break the stigma surrounding suicide, encouraging open discussions. Additionally, the practical suggestions for supporting grieving parents serve as a gentle guide through a difficult time.

Surviving the Suicide of Your Child: Support, Resources, Hope

Surviving the Suicide of Your Child: Support, Resources, Hope is about surviving the suicide of a child, offering a comprehensive resource for parents dealing with the deeply challenging experience. Personal stories, resource recommendations, and support options make it a valuable source of comfort and guidance for those in need. Author Beth Brown shares her personal journey and lists various support groups, resources, books, and poems related to grief after suicide loss. The content is well-organized, informative, and offers valuable resources for those going through a similar experience. It creates a sense of community and understanding for those dealing with such a tragic loss.

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide navigates the difficult path of healing after losing a child to suicide. Heartfelt poems and evocative visuals create a soothing experience, inviting readers to connect with the raw emotions within each verse. This combination enhances emotional connection, providing solace to those who have faced similar struggles and offering a safe space for reflection. Through heartfelt words and imagery, the post encourages the grieving to acknowledge their pain, embrace memories, and seek healing and hope amidst despair.

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss shares the author’s deep sorrow and ache from losing her son to suicide, gently exploring the complexities of grief and the lasting love she holds for him. She expresses the intense pain and hopelessness of early grief, highlighting the profound need for support and understanding during such a challenging time. In her search for solace, she discovered the healing power of support groups and research, finding a compassionate community of bereaved parents who helped her navigate the difficult journey of grief.

The Magnolia Tree: A Magnificent Symbol of Hope and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Magnificent Symbol of Hope and Resilience explores the profound grief following the loss of a child to suicide, beautifully illustrated through the photography of a Magnolia tree that symbolizes the cyclical nature of grief. The author reflects on cherished memories—echoes of joy—while also acknowledging the deep pain of loss, represented as shadows that linger. The Magnolia tree’s resilience through changing seasons serves as a poignant metaphor for the author’s personal journey toward hope and understanding.

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Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents