A close-up of a blooming orange rose surrounded by green leaves, with a few water droplets on the petals, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
A beautiful orange rose, symbolizing love and remembrance, representing cherished memories, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty years: from birth, from before birth treasured and loved, Dylan. Held now in God’s hands, held always in God’s hands but oh how I wish him back.

Linda Brown Taylor, “Twenty Years of Love: Dylan,” My Forever Son
A young man in a black Ibanez t-shirt stands confidently with his arms crossed, smiling against a graffiti-covered background, Dylan, capturing his spirit and personality amid a vibrant background, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
A thoughtful portrait of Dylan, capturing his spirit and personality amid a vibrant background, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Key Takeaways

  • The article, titled ‘Twenty Years of Love: Dylan,’ reflects on cherished memories and significant milestones in Dylan’s life.
  • It highlights the challenges he faced with depression and addiction, impacting his relationships with family
  • Despite efforts to help Dylan, his pain led to his tragic suicide, forever marking the author’s life.
  • The piece serves as a heartfelt tribute, encouraging readers to hold on to their memories of loved ones.
  • Dylan’s story appears in the ‘Faces of Suicide’ books, providing support for parents and families affected by suicide.

Summary

“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan” is a heartfelt tribute to Dylan, reflecting on his life, cherished memories, and the profound impact of his suicide. It highlights his struggles with depression and addiction, the author’s efforts to help him, and the enduring pain of losing a child to suicide. The post serves as a reminder of the power of love and remembrance, encouraging readers to hold onto their memories of loved ones.

Introduction

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan is a beautiful guest post by the author’s sister that looks back over the life of Dylan, reflecting on cherished memories, significant milestones, and the profound impact he had on the lives of those who loved him. The post invites readers to journey through the years alongside Dylan, celebrating his accomplishments, the lessons learned, and the indelible mark he left on the hearts of family and friends alike. It serves not only as a tribute but also as a heartfelt reminder of the power of love and remembrance, encouraging everyone to hold tight to their own memories of those who have touched their lives. Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, gone too soon.

Twenty years: too short. Loved and treasured from birth to grave and beyond, a gift from God, too soon returned: Dylan.

Linda Brown Taylor, “Remembering Dylan: Twenty Years of Love,” Twenty Years of Love, My Forever Son

My Forever Son

A person with shaggy brown hair wearing a black hoodie looking sideways with a smirk

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents


A young man with long hair laughing while sitting on a staircase, wearing a black Ibanez t-shirt, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful memory of Dylan captured in a moment of laughter, symbolizing the love and cherished times shared with family, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

Remembering Dylan: Twenty Years of Love

By Linda Taylor

Twenty years: from birth, from before birth treasured and loved, Dylan. Held now in God’s hands, held always in God’s hands but oh how I wish him back.

In 1991, Beth called to share the news that she was pregnant. Beth had some health issues so there were trips to the hospital to protect her health and his but finally I got the call that he was born.

I remember the first time I held him, how precious and small. I sat on the floor with him in my arms.

A mother holding a baby, with the baby sucking on their fingers, showcasing a tender moment of care and affection, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son
A tender moment between a mother and her baby, reflecting on cherished memories of love and connection, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

Remembering Dylan in the Early Years

Sometimes I have random memories of Dylan. Dylan was a baby with colic who was soothed when my husband held him. Dylan first learned to “game” at age two by standing in front or the TV while his cousins played (or at least tried to play) Mario.

Dylan loved his Legos. He had a wonderful imagination as well as a real skill for building the complicated sets. We are still finding Legos in the couch where he played.

He was on vacations with us, at family dinners and celebrations. We had a Halloween party at our house. We loved him and treasured him. He was the youngest grandchild and the “baby” cousin.

A black and white photograph of a smiling baby climbing a staircase, wearing a hat and casual clothing, embodying innocence and happiness,Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful toddler playfully climbing stairs, embodying innocence and happiness,Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

Depression Sets In

As he got older there were signs of the depression, signs that got worse as he began to use drugs.

By the time he first was hospitalized for depression and addiction, we could no longer pretend his pain was not real.

I really wanted him to get well. I am a recovering alcoholic myself who suffered horrible bouts of depression in adolescence and early adulthood. Dylan came to live with us in 2012 after he had twice attempted suicide.

Forever Second Guessing “Was there something else I could have done?”

For a couple weeks, there were good times again: Dylan was clean of drugs, Dylan was taking his antidepressant, Dylan was coming to dinner and talking and being with us. But the turn downward, the spiral came and he withdrew again. I will be forever blessed with those few weeks of time we had and forever second guessing, “Was there something else I could have done?”

But our house was no miracle, no cure. There was not enough love to conquer his depression.

After yet another overdose, he went to a center that treated depression.

Twenty Years: And There is Hope Again

And there is hope again. As long as he was alive, no matter how ugly the attempts, no matter how deep his depression, we all kept hoping.

I saw so much of myself in Dylan. I wanted to protect him and hold him the way we did when he was an infant, to keep him safe.

But his need to escape his pain seemed to grow, not diminish

But his need to escape his pain seemed to grow, not diminish.

On June 25th, 2012, I woke and took the phone downstairs with me. When it rang in the middle of the night, the hollow sound of my sister Beth’s voice, “Linda, Dylan’s dead.” changed my world. Those words that devastate, echo, haunt. Rocking and crying and howling, wanting to make it not real.  The pain is deeper than any pain I have ever felt.

Rocking and crying and howling, wanting to make it not real.  The pain is deeper than any pain I have ever felt.

Life Before and After Suicide

My life will always be divided into those two parts: When Dylan was alive, and after Dylan died. It has become my calendar.

I know in my head that Dylan’s pain was real, I know his depression was fatal, that suicide was the only answer he saw, but in my heart where I carry him, I don’t want him gone.

Remembering Dylan: His Laugh I Can Still Hear

I want Dylan on the bench at family dinners, on the roller coasters at Cedar Point, joking and texting his friends. I want his quirky sense of humor, his laugh that I can still hear.

A young man sitting on a ledge, smiling and wearing a black Ibanez t-shirt, with a wooden wall and metal railing in the background, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful moment captured in memory of Dylan, celebrating his vibrant spirit and the love he brought to those around him, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

I don’t want to learn to live without Dylan because what I really want is to have Dylan back.

Twenty years: too short. Loved and treasured from birth to grave and beyond, a gift from God, too soon returned: Dylan.

Linda Brown Taylor, Remembering Dylan: Twenty Years, My Forever Son


Close-up of a vibrant red rose blooming among green leaves against a soft, blurred background symbolizing beauty and resilience in times of grief, Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide, My Forever Son
A single red rose blooming amidst the greenery, symbolizing beauty and resilience in times of grief, Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide, My Forever Son

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide explores the challenging journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. Heartfelt poems and evocative visuals create a soothing experience, inviting readers to connect with the deep emotions in each verse. This blend of poetry and photography from the author’s gardens fosters an emotional bond, offering comfort to those with similar experiences while encouraging them to acknowledge their pain, cherish memories, and seek healing amid despair.

“He Left Too Soon”: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow

He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow  is a poignant poem that bravely addresses the profound sorrow and anguish that comes with losing a beloved child to suicide. The poem aims to express the deep and complex emotions of grief, loss, and yearning, capturing the overwhelming turmoil that families face during such an unimaginable tragedy. The inspiration for the poem, “He Left Too Soon,” delves into the profound depths of early, acute grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide. This piece encapsulates themes of grief, mourning, remembrance, and the enduring love that persists even in the face of overwhelming sorrow.

A dramatic sky filled with dark storm clouds, hinting at an impending storm, with power lines and trees silhouetted against the background, symbolizing the emotional turmoil and grief explored in the poem 'He Left Too Soon.' Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere--Grief Poem: "He Left Too Soon"
A dramatic sky filled with dark, looming storm clouds, symbolizing the emotional turmoil and grief explored in the poem ‘He Left Too Soon.’ Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day of his funeral. Included in her publication, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, the poem that was inspired by the Derecho, “He Left Too Soon,” explores the profound grief and emotional turmoil she experienced. Through her eloquent writing, Brown aspires to offer solace to those enduring similar tragedies, thereby shedding light on the fragility of life and the enduring strength of love amidst sorrow.

A single red rose resting on white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, "On Baby's Breath and Angel Wings" Poem: Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son
A single red rose among delicate white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, reflects on the painful memories of her son Dylan’s life, his love for music, and the helplessness she felt in his final days. The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” juxtaposes the beauty of Dylan’s childhood memories with the devastating reality of his tragic end.

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon (excerpt)

But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul–

I would have held on,
I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go

But you told me
“Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.

Beth Brown, excerpt from "Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon": A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message captures the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Through vivid imagery, it honors the enduring love between parent and child, providing solace and hope for reunion. The poem is a poignant tribute to Brown’s son, Dylan, where the author remembers her son’s growing-up years, both cherished memories and moments where “If I’d Only Known” echo in her refrain. A powerful poem for parents who have lost a child to suicide.

A shipwreck caught in a tumultuous ocean storm, surrounded by high waves and debris, symbolizing the emotional turmoil of loss, The Emotional Depth of 'Beat Still My Heart': A Powerful Elegy, My Forever Son
A shipwreck amidst turbulent ocean waves, symbolizing the emotional turmoil of loss and grief, , My Forever Son, The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of “Beat Still My Heart”: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy explores the deep emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. This poignant reflection through poetry captures the sorrow and despair of such a loss, blending personal experiences with universal themes of love and remembrance.The author navigates grief with verses that resonate, inviting readers to confront raw emotions and unanswered questions. Vivid imagery of a shipwreck in a storm encapsulates the unbearable loss, making the elegy a powerful tribute to a tragic experience.


A grieving couple at a cemetery; a woman kneeling on the ground, holding a red rose while crying, and a man standing behind her, offering support.
A heart-wrenching moment at a grave site, capturing the profound grief of losing a child, as a woman kneels in sorrow while a companion offers support, “Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents My Forever Son

“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents


A close-up of vibrant pink roses with water droplets on the petals, surrounded by lush green foliage,  symbolizing beauty and remembrance amidst grief, Bury My Heart: A Poem of Unimaginable Loss, My Forever Son
A cluster of soft pink roses adorned with droplets, symbolizing beauty and remembrance amidst grief, Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss, My Forever Son

“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss

A collection of red and pink leaves scattered on the ground, showcasing the beauty of autumn foliage.
A carpet of vibrant red and pink leaves, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, invites reflection on loss and memory, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”


Close-up of a white peony flower with soft petals and hints of pink, symbolizing softness and compassion in the journey of healing through grief, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis, My Forever Son
A close-up of a delicate, white peony, symbolizing softness and compassion in the journey of healing through grief, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis, My Forever Son

“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.

Beth Brown, If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: A Poem on Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son

“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: Powerful Poem

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You: Powerful Poem explores the deep emotional pain of losing a child to suicide. The author conveys their experience through poignant verses that depict the raw essence of grief, reflecting the complex emotions of sorrow and longing. The heartfelt language serves as a reminder of enduring love in the face of unimaginable loss.

Scenic view of a tranquil lake surrounded by towering mountains and lush greenery under a partly cloudy sky, symbolizing peace and reflection amidst grief, My Forever Son, When Love Isn't Enough: "Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand"
A serene view of a tranquil lake surrounded by majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection amidst grief, My Forever Son, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.

Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents

Pink Rose with Green Leaves in Bloom, symbolizing hope and remembrance in grief, Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents, My Forever Son
Pink Rose with Green Leaves in Bloom, symbolizing hope and remembrance in grief, Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents, My Forever Son


The Story of My Forever Son

A vibrant red rose in full bloom surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother's Grief
A vibrant red rose blooming amidst green leaves, symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

A close-up of peach-colored flowers surrounded by vibrant green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty.
Delicate coral flowers surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing the beauty and resilience of nature amidst grief, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

A large magnolia tree in full bloom with pink flowers, surrounded by a grassy area covered in fallen petals, A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, , My Forever Son, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience,
A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, symbolizing resilience and beauty amidst grief, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, My Forever Son

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

A close-up of colorful fallen leaves, primarily featuring large red leaves amidst shades of pink and brown, resting on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
A close-up of vibrant red and purple leaves scattered on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.

A woman with a pained expression rests her head in her hands, conveying deep emotional distress capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent's Guide, My Forever Son
A woman reflecting on her grief, capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide, My Forever Son

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

A close-up of a blooming orange rose, surrounded by green leaves, with water droplets on the petals, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son
A delicate orange rose embodying beauty and resilience, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.


Close-up of coral pink flowers with delicate petals and green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
A vibrant display of peach-colored flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

Scenic view of a river flowing through a forested area with mountains in the background, under a clear blue sky, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn't Enough: "Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand," My Forever Son
A serene landscape featuring a calm river surrounded by lush green trees and majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” My Forever Son

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

A young man with long hair, wearing a black 'Ibanez' graphic t-shirt, sitting on a staircase and smiling, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.


A pathway lined with greenery and scattered fallen leaves, creating a tranquil and reflective atmosphere, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
A serene pathway lined with fallen leaves, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.


A close-up image of a lion statue sitting on a stone surface, surrounded by red fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
A serene lion statue surrounded by fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, My Forever Son, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.


Vibrant deep-red autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son
Vibrant autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.


A black and white photo of a woman, a mother,  sitting on the floor, tenderly holding and smiling at a young child dressed in striped overalls. A birthday cake with a candle sits in front of them, decorated with the name 'Dylan', My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered
A tender moment between a mother and her joyful child, celebrating cherished memories of Dylan’s early years, My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.


Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

A single red rose resting on a bed of white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant red rose resting on delicate white flowers of Baby’s Breath, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

A close-up of a golden puppy with soft fur and expressive eyes, sitting on a bed of pine needles, wearing a blue collar and leash, Grandparents' Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
A fluffy puppy sitting outdoors, embodying innocence and companionship, My Forever Son, Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

A mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, expressing concern and sadness as he sleeps, and embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son
A mother watches over her son in a hospital bed, embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

Close-up of a soft white peony flower with delicate pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay" A Poem on Suicide Loss
A close-up of a delicate white flower with soft pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.



Close-up of a vibrant pink flower with a green background, showcasing the detailed petals and leaves, Navigating Grief: Support for Parents After Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant pink flower symbolizes hope and healing amidst the pain of loss, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources, My Forever Son

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Losing my son to suicide created a void of cataclysmic proportions in all areas of my life: professional, emotional, spiritual, community, friends, physical, health.

Finding Beauty After Loss: Poetic Reflections is an exploration of how navigating profound grief meant finding support, which you can read about here: Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources.

My well-being turned in the split second I learned my son had died by suicide, and it would be a long time coming before I could pick up the pieces of my life to move forward in grief, carrying love along with the permanent ache of losing my son.

A close-up view of a white magnolia flower surrounded by vibrant green leaves, My Forever Son, Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide
A delicate white flower surrounded by vibrant green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing amidst grief, My Forever Son, Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide

Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide

Acute grief plunged my heart, soul, and sense of who I was into a chasm of despair. Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide shares the ferocity of my grief in the immediacy of my son’s suicide. Weeping even in my sleep, broken even as I was, I didn’t believe that the acute pain of early grief would ever cease. As I write, it’s been 12 years since Dylan died. My grief has changed shape over the course of my grieving, softening in the intensity of the agonizing sharp pain of my early grief.

Red Roses with Vibrant Green Leaves Against a Stone Wall, symbolizing love and remembrance amidst grief, Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant display of red roses, symbolizing love and remembrance amidst grief, Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature, My Forever Son

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature explores the journey of finding hope and healing through nature after the loss of a child. It illustrates the emotional connection we can forge with the natural world, highlighting its ability to soothe our grief. The arrival of spring symbolizes hope and renewal, reminding us of the resilience within us. The author emphasizes the spirit of spring, encouraging patience during life’s challenges while imparting a heartfelt message of trust and enduring hope.

A Note from the Author

I am no longer in the dark place where my son’s suicide left me, though I carry his ache and love with me always. While Dylan’s absence lingers, I’ve learned to embrace good memories, guiding me toward healing. Over a decade has passed since my son’s suicide. Time hasn’t healed my grief, but it has moved me beyond acute trauma to glimpses of hope and happiness. Losing my son has forever changed me, but I’ve found healing by carrying both ache and love for him.

Glimpses of Hope in Small Things

I find hope in small things—my gardens, a cup of tea, and sunshine streaming through the window. I honor Dylan’s memory by connecting with others, sharing my story, and advocating for mental health awareness, determined that his legacy inspires support for those in similar struggles. Writing has helped me release my grief. While hope and healing may feel distant, they have gently found me in my reality: living each day without my son.

Close-up of a vibrant yellow sunflower, showcasing its intricate center and petals and symbolizing hope and resilience in the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
A vibrant sunflower symbolizing hope and resilience in the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide is a profoundly touching collection of journals from the author’s journey through grief, hope, and healing, marking three years since losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She has faced numerous challenges, grappling with emotions like anger and despair, ultimately discovering moments of clarity and acceptance. The thoughtfully selected images, often featuring her gardens, provide a visual reprieve and deepen the emotional impact of her words, inviting readers to reflect on their own healing.

Glimpses of Hope Amidst Darkness

Each entry in Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide illustrates her evolving grief and highlights how she finds glimmers of hope amidst darkness, encouraging others to embrace vulnerability and share their own stories. Through her candid reflections, the author offers companionship to those navigating their grief, reminding them they are not alone on this arduous journey.

Close-up view of delicate pink azalea flowers against a soft green background, My Forever Son, Finding Hope in Nature's Resilience Through Spring Flowers
Beautiful pink azalea flowers symbolizing hope and resilience in nature after loss, My Forever Son, Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers

Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers

In Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers, the author finds solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief and the hope for healing. Through journaling and photography, the author captures the beauty of nature and finds a poetic way to express her sorrow and search for self-forgiveness.

A Note from the Author

It’s true that one never fully “heals” from the loss of a child to suicide, yet I have gradually begun to bridge the profound gap between my own grief and the world around me, even if it happens at a pace that, at times, feels ‘ere so slow. I find profound hope and beauty in nature, and in its changing seasons, the steadfastness of life. Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers has been integral to moving through my grief after losing my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide eleven years ago.

A close-up shot of purple flowers and a pale pink daylily, with raindrops on the petals, set against a blurred brick background, My Forever Son, Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss.
A serene garden scene featuring vibrant violet flowers and a delicate pink lily, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son, Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss explores the heart-wrenching journey of grief and healing following the loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. She shares how grief can strike unexpectedly, flooding her with overwhelming despair. The struggle to rediscover joy after such a profound loss feels like an uphill battle, as even the smallest moments can be shadowed by sorrow. Learning to navigate life without him is a daunting challenge, with constant reminders of the void he left in her heart and home. 

Yet, amidst the pain, the author finds comfort in fleeting moments—whether it’s a gentle breeze that whispers memories of Dylan or a warm smile from friends who truly understand her heartbreak. She clings to the hope of a future reunion with him, which gently guides her through the darkness. Ultimately, she comes to understand that honoring Dylan’s memory not only keeps his spirit alive but also provides her with the strength she needs to embrace each new day.

A close-up of various wildflowers including white daisies with yellow centers, surrounded by green leaves and other small plants, “My Forever Son” is a blog by Beth Brown, chronicling her journey through grief after losing her son to suicide. Through writing, poetry, and photography, she explores the pain of grief, the burden of guilt, and the search for hope. The blog offers resources, support, and a sense of community for others affected by child loss to suicide.
A serene garden scene showcasing delicate white and yellow flowers amidst lush greenery, symbolizing hope and renewal, My Forever Son, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Suicide is an out of the natural order of life death, a perpetual questioning of why they took their life, a constant review of what if? if only. . .and should have, could have, would have.

Beth Brown, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a poignant and compassionate exploration of the overwhelming emotions and hurdles parents face following the tragic loss of a child to suicide. This heartfelt post delves deep into the raw and complex journey, offering understanding, support, and guidance tailored specifically for grieving families. It features meaningful quotes from mental health professionals and fellow bereaved parents, relating to other relevant posts that discuss different aspects of loss and resilience.

Crucial resources for seeking professional help, including hotlines, support groups, and therapy options, are provided to foster emotional recovery. This article addresses unspoken feelings of guilt and isolation, validating parents’ pain while inspiring hope through shared stories and coping strategies. The post encourages dialogue around mental health and underscores the importance of community support in healing.

A black metal chair surrounded by fallen autumn leaves in various shades of red and yellow, positioned near a window.symbolizing loss and reflection, "That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back": Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem, My Forever Son
A lonely chair surrounded by fallen autumn leaves, symbolizing loss and reflection, “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem, My Forever Son

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem is a poignant poem exploring the guilt parents face after losing a child to suicide. It captures the emotional anguish of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” reflecting the deep sorrow of their grieving journey. Each line invites readers to experience the despair of such a loss while suggesting that love can illuminate dark moments. The poem provides insight into the author’s experience with loss, using vivid imagery to express the tidal wave of emotions that follow. The blend of poetry, personal anecdotes, and support resources amplifies the author’s voice and connects with the audience, encouraging exploration of their own feelings about loss.

A person writing on a piece of paper with a pen, partially obscured by an object in the foreground, reflecting parental self-blame and guilt in grief, Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son, My Forever Son
A young person writing notes, reflecting parental self-blame and guilt in grief, Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son, My Forever Son

Self-Blame and Guilt–I Couldn’t Save My Son

Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt many parents endure after losing a child to suicide. It addresses the struggle between cherishing memories and confronting harsh realities that feel insurmountable. Parents often grapple with guilt, wondering if they could have intervened or recognized their child’s distress. This journey through sorrow is intertwined with societal stigma and expectations about grieving. Finding healthy outlets for these feelings, like therapy or creative expression, can be healing.

A close-up view of various fallen leaves in shades of red and pink scattered on the ground, symbolizing the emotions of grief and remembrance, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A pile of vibrant red and pink leaves, symbolizing the emotions of grief and remembrance, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy that affects many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem along with others that examine loss and healing, providing various perspectives on mourning. It also offers resources for support, guiding readers through their darkest moments while fostering community and understanding. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” encapsulates the emotions of this journey, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences of grief.


A woman with a contemplative expression, illuminated by soft light that creates shadows across her face, conveying a sense of deep emotion and introspection, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
A reflective moment capturing the deep emotions associated with grief and self-examination after a tragic loss, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide for parents devastated by the loss of a child to suicide. It addresses the complex emotions of grief and emphasizes the importance of self-care, professional help, and support groups. The resource also shares coping strategies like creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory.

What I have learned these past 12 years of grief and healing is that my love was not enough to save my son, to protect my son, to prevent his suicide. Love, no matter how strong the connection, cannot prevent death.

Beth Brown, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources, My Forever Son

A vibrant field of purple flowers blooming among green foliage, symbolizing hope and renewal in a serene garden setting, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
A vibrant display of purple flowers, symbolizing hope and renewal in a garden setting, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing, My Forever Son

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing After Losing a Child

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a poignant collection of poems by Beth Brown that explores the intense pain of losing a child to suicide. Through her personal journey of grief and healing, Brown offers comfort to readers experiencing similar heartaches. This collection not only delves into the complexities of grief with heartfelt verses but also illuminates paths to hope and resilience.

The author’s authentic and vulnerable expressions invite reflection on shared experiences of loss. Ultimately, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing serves as a touching reminder of love’s enduring strength and the essential nature of healing. Each poem gently guides readers through their grief, providing solace and understanding amidst profound sorrow.

FIND HOPE HERE: POETIC REFLECTIONS. ON GRIEF AND HEALING

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…

“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss

“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss Summary “Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound grief and longing experienced after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the author’s personal journey of navigating life without her son, Dylan, and…

“Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay”

“Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Summary “Shaped by Love—And This Grief Come to Stay” by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes the author’s refusal to change her narrative of grief, asserting her right to feel deeply…

If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss

If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss Summary If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”which explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. It delves into themes of guilt, love, and the struggle to find healing.…

“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: Poem on Child Loss

“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere – Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…

“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents

Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents Summary “Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents” explores the profound grief and complex emotions experienced by parents who have lost a child to suicide. The poem emphasizes the importance of honoring the child’s memory while navigating the challenging path of healing, highlighting that…

“He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow

“He Left Too Soon, Lifting Life from June” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow Summary “He Left Too Soon” is a poem about the profound sorrow and anguish of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal experience of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through her writing,…

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy Summary The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy features the grief poem, “Beat Still My Heart,”a powerful elegy that uses shipwreck imagery to convey the grief of losing a child to suicide. The grief poem, written by Beth Brown, explores…

When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’

When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…

“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope

“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Summary Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply…

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” Poem

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” Poem Summary “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back,”a poignant grief poem by Beth Brown, explores the profound guilt and sorrow parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the haunting questions of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?”, capturing the…

“If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing

“If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing Summary “If Earth Were Sky”: A Deep Reflection on Grief and Healing depicts a deeply personal and emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. The author effectively conveys the profound impact of grief through heartfelt words and metaphors. The inclusion of related posts,…

“Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry

“Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry Key Takeaways Summary “Tillers of the Earth”: Grief and Resilience in Poetry is a heartfelt reflection on the themes of love and loss, born from the deep and painful grief of the author following the heartbreaking suicide of her son. This poignant poem illuminates the cyclical…

“I Will Seek Until I Find You” Poem: A Journey Through Grief

“I Will Seek Until I Find You” Poem: A Journey Through Grief Summary “I Will Seek Until I Find You” Poem: A Journey Through Grief explores the profound journey of grief after losing a child to suicide. It captures complex emotions, from sorrow to enduring love, while inviting readers to navigate their own paths of…

“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss

“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss conveys a powerful message of hope for parents grieving a child’s suicide. Acknowledging the profound sorrow of loss and the traumatic grief of losing a child to suicide,…


Close-up portrait of a woman with a thoughtful expression, illuminated by soft light and casting shadows on her face, My Forever Son
A contemplative woman reflecting on her emotions during a moment of introspection, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources, My Forever Son

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

A source of support, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources provides comfort to grieving parents and offers hope for healing. The article discusses the challenges of grief and shares insights into the emotional struggles after such a loss. With helpful advice and personal stories, the article helps parents cope with feelings of anger, confusion, and sadness, guiding them through their grief. Ultimately, it serves as a companion, helping parents build strength and resilience as they learn to live with their grief, one day at a time.


Close-up of two hands intertwined, symbolizing support and connection during difficult times, My Forever Son, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent's Guide
A comforting moment shared between two individuals, symbolizing support and connection in times of grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide explores the complex emotions parents experience after losing a child to suicide, including grief and guilt. Through personal stories and impactful quotes, it provides comfort and validation, reminding parents they are not alone. The guide addresses how societal expectations can intensify these feelings and offers practical advice to help parents connect and understand their emotions as they work through their healing journey.


Close-up of two red rosebuds surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal, symbolize hope and renewal amidst grief, reflecting the journey of healing through nature, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
Bright red rosebuds symbolize hope and renewal amidst grief, reflecting the journey of healing through nature, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide


Beth Brown, Author

A close-up portrait of a smiling woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing a light blue denim shirt, set against a blurred outdoor background.
Beth Brown, author and educator, sharing her journey of healing through poetry after the loss of her son

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
“He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
“Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
“Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl
.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.


If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

Faces of Suicide Books

“Remembering Dylan: Twenty Years” appears in “Faces of Suicide: Volume 2” (available in paperbook at Amazon) 

Available Now in Paperback, Volume 2

I wrote about Dylan in “Faces of Suicide: Volume 1,” also available from Amazon as an e-book for Kindle ($3.00) or paperback ($10)

Available on Amazon Kindle and Paperback, Volume 1

The Faces of Suicide books are filled with the stories, reflections, and memories by Parents of Suicides (PoS), an online closed support group for parents who have lost a child to suicide, and by Friends and Family of Suicides (FFOS), also an online closed support group for friends and family members who have lost loved ones to suicide. I have found deep, deep healing, support, and understanding through these online groups. Both groups were started by Karyl Chastain Beal who lost her daughter Arlyn to suicide.

Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

A single red rose resting on a bed of white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant red rose resting on delicate white flowers of Baby’s Breath, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

A close-up of a golden puppy with soft fur and expressive eyes, sitting on a bed of pine needles, wearing a blue collar and leash, Grandparents' Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
A fluffy puppy sitting outdoors, embodying innocence and companionship, My Forever Son, Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

A mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, expressing concern and sadness as he sleeps, and embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son
A mother watches over her son in a hospital bed, embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

Close-up of a soft white peony flower with delicate pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay" A Poem on Suicide Loss
A close-up of a delicate white flower with soft pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.

Love and Loss: Profound Narratives and Poems of Grief

A beautifully arranged family dining table, featuring pink roses, symbolizing love and remembrance amidst the backdrop of loss, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table, My Forever Son

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table offers a deeply personal and moving exploration of love and grief associated with family gatherings and the loss of a child. Framed through the lens of her son, Dylan, the story of the family table unfolds through his loving childhood memories. Against this backdrop of cherished memories, the author reveals the profound grief of losing a child, her son Dylan, to suicide.

A young man with shoulder-length hair smiles while sitting on a wooden floor, wearing a black graphic t-shirt featuring a musician design, photo of author's son, Dylan, age 17, embodying the spirit of youthful joy, My Forever Son
A cheerful young man, Dylan, age 17, sitting on a porch, embodying the spirit of youthful joy, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan delves deeply into the personal journey of grief and loss, offering heartfelt memories and reflections on the life of Dylan. The emotional impact is palpable, and the piece effectively captures the enduring love and pain experienced by the author. The inclusion of links to additional readings about Dylan and resources for support is valuable.

A worried mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, looking somber while he sleeps, capturing the deep emotional bond and concern during a vulnerable moment, My Forever Son
A mother sits worried beside her son in a hospital bed, capturing the deep emotional bond and concern during a vulnerable moment, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief beautifully conveys the profound heartache and unwavering love that a mother feels for her son. The author shares her deeply moving journey of navigating the pain and challenges that arise from her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day, illuminating the complexities of a mother’s grief intertwined with a glimmer of hope.

Close-up of red rose buds surrounded by green leaves in a garden setting, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son
A close-up of vibrant red rosebuds surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide, My Forever Son

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide is a compassionate exploration that acknowledges the intricate emotions that arise in the wake of a loved one’s suicide, focusing specifically on the experiences of parents. This guide delves into the deep, often conflicting feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf parents who have experienced such an unimaginable loss.

A pathway lined with greenery and scattered autumn leaves, creating a serene atmosphere, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, My Forever Son
A serene path lined with fallen leaves, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide has a profound and emotional narrative in the form of a narrative poem that sheds light on the struggle of losing a child to suicide. The personal experiences shared provide an authentic and raw look into the journey of grief and healing. The author emphasizes the importance of staying true to one’s narrative and finding support.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.


Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

Find a provider for prolonged grief

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.


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By Beth Brown

Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.

At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales

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