Categories
Grief After Suicide Suicide Loss-Parents

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

Close-up of vibrant red and orange leaves on a tree, indicating the transition of seasons, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
Vibrant autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and orange, symbolizing change and the passage of time, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

Key Takeaways

  • The article reflects on the author’s journey of hope after losing a son to suicide.
  • It emphasizes the importance of love, family, and memories in coping with grief.
  • The author expresses a desire to believe that childhood pain can be healed.
  • Amidst despair, the author holds onto hope of reuniting with their son.
  • Related reads provide additional perspectives on grief and healing.

Summary

The blog “My Forever Son” explores the journey of grief and healing after losing a son to suicide. Through personal reflections, poetry, and music, the author shares insights and resources for grieving parents navigating similar experiences of love and loss. The blog emphasizes the importance of embracing both ache and love, finding solace in memories, and seeking support within a compassionate community.

Introduction: I Want to Believe

ABOUT THIS POST: I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and memories that delve into the profound sorrow and flickering hope that arise from the loss of a son to suicide. The incorporation of images and poetry deeply enriches the storytelling, allowing readers to feel the weight of the emotion conveyed. The heartfelt depth resonates strongly, capturing the rawness of this journey. Vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements invite the reader to connect on a personal level, while the beautiful images inspire a sense of hope and healing, even amidst the shadows of grief.

[Suggested Reading]: Healing from Grief: Nature’s Resilience and Hope explores grief after losing a child to suicide, using photography of a Magnolia tree to illustrate the cyclical nature of grief. The author reflects on cherished memories (echoes of joy), the pain of loss (shadows of loss), and the struggle to find hope amidst overwhelming sorrow. The Magnolia tree’s resilience through seasons of joy and loss serves as a metaphor for the author’s journey through grief.

My Forever Son

Lion Statue on Brick Steps with a few scattered red leaves in fall, photographed for My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide, "I Want to Believe"

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents


A view of blue sky with scattered clouds framed by green leaves and branches from trees below,  I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
A serene view of a blue sky dotted with clouds, framed by vibrant green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I Want to Believe in Hope

I want to believe–that being a child means becoming a teenager; that becoming a teenager means becoming a young adult; that becoming a young adult means launching a world of one’s own–ad infinitum to infinity and beyond

Beth Brown, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I Want to Believe

I want to believe–that with enough love and laughter, books and reading, friends and family, children grow up to be happy

I want to believe–the stage is set early for dreams to come true: Skies dazzle in brilliant blue, clouds drift idly, stretches of pastures and woodlands lend serenity

I want to believe-all families stick together–even when dads leave, even when the unbelievable stories start

I want to believe–that being a child means becoming a teenager; that becoming a teenager means becoming a young adult; that becoming a young adult means launching a world of one’s own–ad infinitum to infinity and beyond

Vibrant foliage with a mix of red and green leaves, showcasing the beauty of autumn, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
A close-up of colorful leaves transitioning from green to shades of pink, symbolizing the beauty of change and the passage of time, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I remember–Sitting in the car and crying after I took you to kindergarten for the first time (I had to let go–I still don’t want to let go)

Beth Brown, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I Remember Love

I remember--Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and laughing at “Who’s Line is it Anyway?”

I remember–Power Rangers. Your blue and white, diamond-checkered costume, replete with Power Ranger sword, jumping from the top stair and my catching you just in time

I rememberFroggie and Small Pig, Henry and Mudge, the Rugrats and Charlie Brown, school classroom parties with Halloween costumes and all that candy (chocolate always was your favorite)

I remember–Sitting in the car and crying after I took you to kindergarten for the first time (I had to let go–I still don’t want to let go)

Colorful autumn leaves scattered on a stone pavement, Autumn leaves scattered on a stone pathway, symbolizing change and reflection, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
Autumn leaves scattered on a stone pathway, symbolizing change and reflection, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

And I Remember: I Want to Believe

I remember–butterscotch sundaes after band concerts and stage fright at your first piano recital. You were only 7.

Beth Brown, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

And I Remember

And I Remember–Friday night football games watching you play alto saxophone in marching band

And I Remember-Making 5-layer Mexican Dip from scratch, the food processor whirring with avocados you halved

And I Remember--I remember pepperoni pizzas (times many for all your friends), and new sneakers (Nikes) for puppy dog feet.

And I Remember–I remember academic scholarships and high school graduation robes and the gully in the pit of my stomach when I had to take you to college.

I remember–butterscotch sundaes after band concerts and stage fright at your first piano recital.

I remember— when you told me you hadn’t felt happy in at least 7 years. You were only 18.

A close-up of a vibrant red rose blooming with green leaves in the foreground, showcasing beauty and hope amidst the themes of love and remembrance, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant red rose showcasing beauty and hope amidst the themes of love and remembrance, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I want to believe–that the Easter Bunny always delivers chocolate cream eggs filled with peanut butter and chocolate

Beth Brown, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

I want to believe–that pain in childhood can be eased and healed with love

I want to believe–that the Easter Bunny always delivers chocolate cream eggs filled with peanut butter and chocolate

I want to believe–that what’s broken in teenagers can be fixed by growing up.

Close-up of vibrant orange and red chrysanthemums with a lush green background symbolize hope and healing, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son
Vibrant orange and red chrysanthemums symbolize hope and healing, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

And in a world spinning madly, I cling to this one still, small hope–that I will see you again

If I could have stopped the trajectory Dylan was on, would my life be different now? I’d certainly like to think so. Such a beautiful start, forever ruptured by where, in reaching for stars, my son fell from sky.

And now? Now it is I who hurl forward on this trajectory set in motion 9 years, 4 months, and 3 days ago. Eclipsed. Lacking permanence of sun. Shadows cast fallen amidst sliver of sky.

And in a world spinning madly, I cling to this one still, small hope–that I will see you again.

When I Get to See You Again

I will hold on
I will clutch you
I will never let you go


Beth Brown, “Blue-Sky Moon: A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide,” My Forever Son

I Will See You Again


Beth Brown, Author

A close-up portrait of a smiling woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing a light blue denim shirt, set against a blurred outdoor background.
Beth Brown, author and educator, sharing her journey of healing through poetry after the loss of her son

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
“He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
“Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
“Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl
.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.


If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

The Story of My Forever Son

A vibrant red rose in full bloom surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother's Grief
A vibrant red rose blooming amidst green leaves, symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

A close-up of peach-colored flowers surrounded by vibrant green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty.
Delicate coral flowers surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing the beauty and resilience of nature amidst grief, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

A large magnolia tree in full bloom with pink flowers, surrounded by a grassy area covered in fallen petals, A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, , My Forever Son, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience,
A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, symbolizing resilience and beauty amidst grief, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, My Forever Son

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

A close-up of colorful fallen leaves, primarily featuring large red leaves amidst shades of pink and brown, resting on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
A close-up of vibrant red and purple leaves scattered on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.

A woman with a pained expression rests her head in her hands, conveying deep emotional distress capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent's Guide, My Forever Son
A woman reflecting on her grief, capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide, My Forever Son

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

A close-up of a blooming orange rose, surrounded by green leaves, with water droplets on the petals, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son
A delicate orange rose embodying beauty and resilience, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.


Close-up of coral pink flowers with delicate petals and green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
A vibrant display of peach-colored flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

Scenic view of a river flowing through a forested area with mountains in the background, under a clear blue sky, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn't Enough: "Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand," My Forever Son
A serene landscape featuring a calm river surrounded by lush green trees and majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” My Forever Son

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

A young man with long hair, wearing a black 'Ibanez' graphic t-shirt, sitting on a staircase and smiling, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.


A pathway lined with greenery and scattered fallen leaves, creating a tranquil and reflective atmosphere, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
A serene pathway lined with fallen leaves, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.


A close-up image of a lion statue sitting on a stone surface, surrounded by red fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
A serene lion statue surrounded by fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, My Forever Son, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.


Vibrant deep-red autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son
Vibrant autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.


A black and white photo of a woman, a mother,  sitting on the floor, tenderly holding and smiling at a young child dressed in striped overalls. A birthday cake with a candle sits in front of them, decorated with the name 'Dylan', My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered
A tender moment between a mother and her joyful child, celebrating cherished memories of Dylan’s early years, My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.


Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

A single red rose resting on a bed of white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant red rose resting on delicate white flowers of Baby’s Breath, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

A close-up of a golden puppy with soft fur and expressive eyes, sitting on a bed of pine needles, wearing a blue collar and leash, Grandparents' Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
A fluffy puppy sitting outdoors, embodying innocence and companionship, My Forever Son, Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

A mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, expressing concern and sadness as he sleeps, and embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son
A mother watches over her son in a hospital bed, embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

Close-up of a soft white peony flower with delicate pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay" A Poem on Suicide Loss
A close-up of a delicate white flower with soft pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.


Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.


Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

Find a provider for prolonged grief

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.


Newest Posts

“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents

“White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents Introduction “White Peonies in Bloom”: A Devotional for Grieving Parents offers a deeply empathetic devotional reflection for grieving parents titled ‘White Peonies in Bloom.’ This tender piece gently explores the exquisite beauty of white peonies, serving as a comforting reminder for parents who are enduring the…

Read More

Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide Guilt in Suicide Loss: Painful and Persistent Guilt is one of the most painful and persistent parts of suicide loss. Parents replay conversations, missed signs, and imagined alternate endings—believing they should have prevented the unpreventable. Why Parents Feel Guilt Guilt Is Not Proof of Failure Guilt is grief…

Read More

Losing a Child to Suicide: A Parent’s Guide to Grief

Losing a Child to Suicide: A Parent’s Guide to Grief Early grief, understanding suicide loss, and survival A Loss Unlike Any Other Losing a child to suicide is a loss unlike any other. It shatters assumptions, fractures identity, and leaves parents searching for answers that may never come. If you are here, you are not…

Read More

“If You Just Lost Your Child”

If You Just Lost Your Child to Suicide Summary “If You Just Lost Your Child” is a compassionate guide for parents who have just lost a child to suicide. You are not alone. Gentle guidance, understanding, and support. You Are Not Alone Here You are not broken. You are grieving.If you have just lost your…

Read More

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.


Red Rose in June, Mr. Lincoln Hybrid Red Rose, My Forever Son, A Mother's Reflections After Losing My Son to Suicide

Leave a Comment

Get new posts delivered to your inbox.

Home » Blog » I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

Discover more from My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

By Beth Brown

Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.

At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales

11 replies on “I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide”

Leave a Reply

Discover more from My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading