Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss)

Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss)

ABOUT THIS POST: Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss) by Beth Brown is a poem about healing grief, finding self-forgiveness, and releasing guilt after losing a child to suicide.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: The author writes grief poems about losing a child to suicide. You can find more poems here. Eleven years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, my only child, Dylan, to suicide. Losing my son to suicide meant entering a dark, deep period of grief and mourning from which I wasn’t sure I could ever return.

I have not returned because in losing Dylan, I lost myself too. But I have retrieved, ever so slowly, bits and pieces of myself, a self who has learned to smile again, laugh again, play music, write poems and this blog, and take photographs of my gardens. Yet still and always, I carry both love and ache for my son.

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A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief

ABOUT THIS POEM: I wrote Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss) because as the holidays approach, I can feel grief awakening from its mighty slumber. The poem expresses both how lost I am without my son, and how much I’ve come to terms with realizing I couldn’t save my son.

Releasing Guilt and Finding Forgiveness

And so in releasing guilt and self-blame, I am letting go of grueling self-reflection and pain. Healing this part of grief after losing my son to suicide is ongoing. Realizing I had no control over my son’s suicide means feeling powerless as his mother. Read more about guilt in grief at The American Association of Suicidology.

Ultimately, Still From Sky I’m Falling is a poem of healing guilt in grief and finding self-forgiveness after suicide loss. If my love had been enough to save him, Dylan would have lived forever.

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Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss)

For to lose is to live and to live is to die,
Having once never told you how extinguished hope 
I would be, my life broken-hinged, falling faster paralyzed, 
Cross-wings downed, a bird in flight, storm-forced death-spiral, broken winged, birds cannot fly.

Still from sky I’m falling, your name calling my way down,
Silent screaming, up-churned spinning, turning earth the shade of blood, still-framed fragments from the filaments of my life that was your love.

Bent knees collapse down grounding, weeping even in my sleep,
Searching skyward, look home angel, desperately seeking you in dreams, down falling, bough broken, the nest where love gave you your wings, baby bird I couldn’t save you from the violence

Life brings, where perched waiting for my returning, a darkness filled the sun-soaked sky, shadows circling on stealth wings silent, swooping down without a sound, claws of hawks sharp, piercing, clenching, lifting you to feed their young

Still from sky I’m falling, your name calling my way down
Silent screaming, up-churned spinning, turning earth the shade of blood, still-framed fragments from the filaments of my life that was your love.

©Beth Brown, 2023
Find Hope Here: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

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Support Group for Parents of Suicides

Parents of Suicides is a closed online email group that I have found lifesaving after losing Dylan to suicide. Read more about Parents of Suicides here.

From the Parents of Suicides’ Online Site:

We invite you to visit our memorial websites and learn about the people remembered on them: daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, friends and others who reached a point of no return, and left.

We have two email support groups for anyone whose life has been affected by the suicide of another person. Both groups are led by volunteers; the groups don’t offer advice, and there is no charge to join them.

• Parents of Suicides (POS)
• Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)

If you’d like to join either support group, click here to read about the groups and to get directions on how to join.

Parents of Suicides

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Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.  

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison

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BOOKS: Faces of Suicide
Volumes 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5

Five e-book collections of stories from the heart, compiled by members of the “Parents of Suicides – Friends and Families of Suicides” Internet Community.

More info here.

We bereaved are not alone. When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.

Helen Keller

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Related Posts

The following posts are related to this post: Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Healing Guilt in Grief (After Suicide Loss)

A Poem About Losing a Child: If Earth Were Sky and Sky Above

Rain Comes to Heal Us All: A Poem of Love and Loss

A Poem of Guilt in Grief After Suicide Loss: That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back

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Bury My Heart: A Book of Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of poems by Beth Brown that captures the raw emotions and profound grief experienced after losing a child to suicide. This poignant book of poems serves as a comforting companion for those navigating the complex journey of bereavement.

The poems in Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide are divided into five sections, each exploring a different facet of the grieving process:

1. A Deep Sorrow: This section delves deep into the initial shock and overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the loss of a child to suicide. Through vivid imagery and powerful emotions, the poems in this section capture the pain of heartbreak and the longing for a lost loved one.
2. Earth, Stars, Moon, Sky: These poems delve into the contemplation of nature and the universe, reflecting on the inter-connectedness of life and death. Through exploring the vastness of the natural world, the author finds solace and a sense of connection to her departed child.
3. Why?: In this part, the author grapples with the eternal question of “why” and seeks to understand the reasons behind her child’s tragic decision. These poems confront the complexities of guilt, self-blame, and the relentless search for answers.
4. In Losing You, I Lost Me Too: Looks at the profound impact of losing a child on one’s identity and sense of self. The poems explore the struggle to regain a sense of purpose, the search for healing and self-discovery, and the ongoing journey of self-acceptance.
5. That My Love Travel with You Always: The final section of Bury My Heart is a tribute to the enduring love the author holds for her departed child. These poems encapsulate the eternal bond between a parent and a child, expressing a heartfelt wish for the child’s love to accompany them forever.

Bury My Heart: Poems About Losing a Child to Suicide offers solace, understanding, and a glimpse of hope amidst the darkest of times. This collection of poems serves as a testament to the power of words and emotions to navigate the indescribable pain of losing a child to suicide.

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