Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors

Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors

Summary

Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors provides a comprehensive list of support resources, books for grieving a suicide loss, and poetry about losing a child to suicide. It aims to guide individuals through the complex emotions that often accompany such a tragic loss, offering a safe space where they can find both solace and understanding. The curated selection includes not only literature that addresses the multifaceted nature of grief but also practical suggestions for coping mechanisms, support groups, and online forums where survivors can share their experiences. By fostering connections with others who have faced similar heartache, this collection seeks to instill a sense of hope, encouraging the healing journey while honoring the memory of loved ones lost.

Introduction

Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors offers a heartfelt compilation of support resources, insightful books for navigating the pain of a suicide loss, and poignant poetry that expresses the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This content aims to provide solace and understanding, serving as a gentle guide for those who are grappling with the complexities of grief following such a tragic loss.

Related Reads

• Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice
• Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide
• Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters
• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

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My Forever Son

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Table of Contents

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Immediate Support for Newly Bereaved Parents

If you are newly bereaved, you are not alone. The following contacts and organizations provide immediate, confidential support for those in crisis and their families:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): Information, support, and community for those affected by suicide
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Resources and advocacy for families dealing with mental health challenges
• Parents of Suicides: An international e-mail group that offers understanding, support, information and hope to bereaved parents. Send an email to Karyl Chastain Beal at arlynsmom@cs.com to ask for an application to join POS. 
• Alliance of Hope: Provides healing support for people coping with the shock, excruciating grief, and complex emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide.
• The Compassionate Friends: A support group for those grieving the loss of a child to any cause. Members come together from diverse backgrounds to share their grief, hope, and support each other in building a future. 

Key Suggestions for Navigating Suicide Grief

• Seek Professional Help: Therapy and counseling can serve as essential sources of support during this difficult period.
• Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar loss can help reduce feelings of isolation and offer hope.
• Take Your Time: Grief is a deeply personal journey. Move at your own pace and allow yourself to rest as needed.
• Use Books and Resources: Reading about others’ experiences and expert guidance can help you understand and process your feelings. 
• Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief provides valuable insights into the distinctive nature of grief experienced by parents mourning the loss of a child to suicide.

Must-Read Books

• A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief by Jeffrey Jackson
• Understanding Your Suicide Grief by Alan Wolfelt
• Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide by Beth Brown

Self-Care Tips

• Rest when you need to.
• Engage in creative or meaningful activities.
• Honor your child’s memory in ways that feel right to you.

Parents grieving a child’s suicide may find comfort by giving themselves permission to heal at their own pace, participating in creative or meaningful activities, and honoring their child’s memory in personally meaningful ways. Connecting with support groups, seeking professional help, and engaging with helpful resources are essential steps in nurturing emotional and mental well-being. These practices support parents as they work toward healing in a difficult time.

Remember, you are not alone. Communities and resources are available to help you throughout your journey.

Glossary of Common Terms Related to Grief and Suicide Loss

• Grief: The emotional response to loss, especially after the death of a loved one. May include sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
• Bereavement: The period of mourning and adjustment following the death of someone close.
• Survivor of Suicide Loss: A person who has lost someone to suicide and is coping with the aftermath.
• Complicated Grief: Prolonged or intense grief that disrupts daily life and may benefit from professional support.
• Support Group: A gathering of individuals with shared experiences, offering mutual understanding and encouragement after suicide loss.
• Stigma: Negative attitudes, beliefs, or stereotypes about suicide and mental health that may prevent people from seeking help or speaking openly.
• Postvention: Actions and interventions designed to support individuals and communities after a suicide has occurred.
• Trigger: Anything that elicits a strong emotional reaction or brings back memories related to the loss.
• Resilience: The capacity to adapt and recover after experiencing loss or trauma.
• Counselor/Therapist: A professional who provides emotional support and guidance to those affected by grief and suicide loss.
• Self-care: Activities and practices that support physical, emotional, and mental well-being during challenging periods.
• Validation: Recognizing and affirming the feelings and experiences of individuals impacted by suicide loss.

Talking About Suicide Loss

When discussing suicide, it is important to use sensitive and accurate language. The phrase “died by suicide” is preferred, as it is nonjudgmental and recognizes suicide as a health issue. In contrast, “committed suicide” is outdated and potentially stigmatizing, as it suggests criminality or moral wrongdoing. Using compassionate and precise language helps foster understanding and reduces stigma for survivors and those affected by suicide loss.

Additional Resources

• My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide Blog – Offers support and resources for parents who are grieving the devastating loss of a child to suicide. The author shares her profoundly personal journey of healing and resilience following the tragic loss of her son, Dylan. Support resources include articles about understanding suicide, including breaking the stigma and myths surrounding suicide, support for survivors of suicide loss, focusing especially on helping parents who lose a child to suicide find the support they need, personal stories and reflections on suicide loss, and original poems and poetic reflections on grief and healing
• Nationwide Children’s Hospital: Provides research, expert articles, and mental health resources for families and children dealing with suicide loss. discusses the importance of understanding mental health and breaking stigmas surrounding it. Emphasizes that suicide is not a choice but a result of complex factors and emotional pain. A compassionate, well-researched site established and admistered by suicide epidemiologists and pediatricians. Includes a blog about issues surrounding suicide and suicidal ideation in children (bullying, demographics, trauma, mental health, and other topics).
• Alliance for Suicide Survivors: Offers survivor support groups, educational materials, and advocacy resources. The organization provides 24/7 online support for suicide loss survivors, recognizing the high risk of suicide among this population. provide healing and compassionate support during the lonely and tumultuous aftermath of suicide. 

Common Myths About Suicide

• Myth: Talking about suicide will encourage someone to go through with it. Fact: Speaking openly and compassionately about suicide can reduce stigma and help people feel understood; it does not “plant the idea.”
• Myth: Only people with mental illness die by suicide. Fact: While mental health conditions can increase risk, people from all walks of life, with or without a diagnosed disorder, can experience suicidal thoughts or behaviors.
• Myth: People who talk about suicide are just seeking attention and won’t go through with it. Fact: All expressions of suicidal thoughts or feelings should be taken seriously. Reaching out may be a plea for help.
• Myth: Suicide happens without warning. Fact: Many people give clues or warnings—through words, behavior, or mood changes—before a suicide attempt.
• Myth: If someone seems better after feeling suicidal, the risk is gone. Fact: Sometimes, an improvement in mood can occur when a person has made a decision to die by suicide. Continued support and vigilance are important.
• Myth: Suicide is a selfish act. Fact: Suicide is often the result of overwhelming pain and distress; it is not about selfishness, but rather about suffering that feels unbearable.

“Suicide Defines the Moment in Which Mental Pain Exceeds the Human Capacity to Bear It”

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“There is no suffering greater than that which drives people to suicide”

There is no suffering greater than that which drives people to suicide; suicide defines the moment in which mental pain exceeds the human capacity to bear it.

John T. Maltsberger, M.D., past president of the American Association of Suicidology, practicing psychiatrist, and teacher at Harvard Medical School.

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If You’ve Lost A Child to Suicide

• If you’ve lost a child to suicide, The Compassionate Friends offers a heartfelt resource for parents navigating this unimaginable loss: “Surviving Your Child’s Suicide.” This guide provides essential support, coping strategies, and a compassionate community to help you through your grief journey.
• AFSP, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides numerous resources for where to turn after losing a loved one to suicide. AFSP is “dedicated to advancing knowledge of suicide and the ability to prevent it, and in supporting those who are bereaved after suicide loss.” (AFSP Mission Statement) The organization is committed to engaging in research, fostering education, and promoting community awareness to ensure that individuals affected by the tragedy of suicide have access to the necessary support and information. 
• Additional Facts and Statistics can be found at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. This information, which is crucial for understanding the context around mental health, is presented in a detailed manner and can be explored further at AFSP. The extensive resources available provide a comprehensive look at the facts and figures that shape awareness and action around suicide awareness and prevention.

Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.  

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, National Library of Medicine

Parents of Suicides is a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.

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2023 Key Suicide Facts and Statistics

• More than 720 000 people die due to suicide every year.
• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15–29-year-olds.
• Seventy-three per cent of global suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries.
• The reasons for suicide are multi-faceted, influenced by social, cultural, biological, psychological, and environmental factors present across the life-course. 
• For every suicide there are many more people who attempt suicide. A prior suicide attempt is an important risk factor for suicide in the general population.

World Health Organization, March 25, 2025 (WHO provides detailed charts, graphics, facts, statistics, and data about countries around the world.)

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Analyzing the 2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis

Overview 

Full Citations For These Statistics And Data Appear At The End Of This Column.)

Every year 727 000 people take their own life and there are many more people who make suicide attempts. Every suicide is a tragedy that affects families, communities and entire countries and has long-lasting effects on the people left behind. Suicide occurs throughout the lifespan and was the third leading cause of death among 15–29-year-olds globally in 2021.

Suicide does not just occur in high-income countries but is a global phenomenon in all regions of the world. In fact, close to three quarters (73%) of global suicides occurred in low- and middle-income countries in 2021.

Suicide is a serious public health problem that requires a public health response. With timely, evidence-based and often low-cost interventions, suicides can be prevented. For national responses to be effective, a comprehensive multisectoral suicide prevention strategy is needed.

Who is at risk?

The link between suicide and mental disorders (in particular, depression and alcohol use disorders) and a previous suicide attempt is well established in high-income countries. However, many suicides happen impulsively in moments of crisis with a breakdown in the ability to deal with life stresses, such as financial problems, relationship disputes, or chronic pain and illness.

In addition, experiencing conflict, disaster, violence, abuse or loss and a sense of isolation are strongly associated with suicidal behaviour. Suicide rates are also high among vulnerable groups who experience discrimination, such as refugees and migrants; indigenous peoples; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex (LGBTI) persons; and prisoners.

Prevention and control

There are several measures that can be taken at population, sub-population and individual levels to prevent suicide and self-harm. LIVE LIFE, WHO’s initiative for suicide prevention, recommends the following key effective evidence-based interventions:

• limit access to the means of suicide (e.g. pesticides, firearms, certain medications);
• interact with the media for responsible reporting of suicide;
• foster socio-emotional life skills in adolescents; and
• early identify, assess, manage and follow up anyone who is affected by suicidal behaviours.

These need to go hand-in-hand with the following foundational pillars: situation analysis, multisectoral collaboration, awareness raising, capacity building, financing, surveillance and monitoring and evaluation.

Suicide prevention efforts require coordination and collaboration among multiple sectors of society, including the health sector and other sectors such as education, labour, agriculture, business, justice, law, defence, politics and the media. These efforts must be comprehensive and integrated given the multifaceted nature of suicide.

Challenges and obstacles

Stigma and taboo

Stigma, particularly surrounding mental disorders and suicide, means many people thinking of taking their own life or who have attempted suicide are not seeking help and are therefore not getting the help they need. The prevention of suicide has not been adequately addressed due to a lack of awareness of suicide as a major public health problem and the taboo in many societies to openly discuss it. To date, only a few countries have included suicide prevention among their health priorities and only 38 countries report having a national suicide prevention strategy.

Raising community awareness and breaking down the taboo is important for countries to make progress in preventing suicide.

Data quality

Globally, the availability and quality of data on suicide and self-harm is poor. Only some 80 WHO Member States have good-quality vital registration data that can be used directly to estimate suicide rates. This problem of poor-quality mortality data is not unique to suicide, but given the stigma surrounding suicide – and the illegality of suicidal behaviour in some countries – it is likely that under-reporting and misclassification are greater problems for suicide than for most other causes of death.

Improved surveillance and monitoring of suicide and self-harm are required for effective suicide prevention strategies. Cross-national differences in the patterns of suicide, and changes in the rates, characteristics and methods of suicide, highlight the need for each country to improve the comprehensiveness, quality and timeliness of their suicide-related data. This includes vital registration of suicide, hospital-based registries of self-harm and nationally representative surveys collecting information about self-reported self-harm.

WHO response

The urgency to act to prevent suicides has been recognized and prioritized at the highest levels. The reduction of the suicide rate is an indicator in the UN Sustainable Development Goals (the only indicator for mental health), WHO’s General Programme of Work and WHO’s Comprehensive Mental Health Action Plan 2013–2030. 

The first WHO world suicide report, Preventing suicide: a global imperative, published in 2014, aimed to increase the awareness of the public health significance of suicide and suicide attempts and to make suicide prevention a high priority on the global public health agenda. It also aimed to encourage and support countries to develop or strengthen comprehensive national suicide prevention strategies through a multisectoral public health approach.

In 2021, WHO launched LIVE LIFE: an implementation guide for suicide prevention in countries. Accompanying resources to support the implementation of the four key LIVE LIFE interventions have also been published including the 2024 brochure on Preventing suicide by phasing out highly hazardous pesticides to support limiting access to means, Preventing suicide: a resource for media professionals, update 2023 to encourage responsible reporting of suicide, and the Helping Adolescents Thrive toolkit to foster socio-emotional life-skills among young people. At the health sector level, suicide/self-harm is one of the priority conditions in the WHO Mental Health Gap Action Programme (mhGAP), which provides evidence-based technical guidance to scale up service provision and care in countries for mental, neurological and substance use disorders. The mhGAP Intervention Guide (‎mhGAP-IG)‎ includes a specific module for suicide and self-harm to support early identification, assessment, management and follow-up. Through the LIVE LIFE initiative, governments are encouraged and supported to implement a suite of evidence-based interventions and foundational pillars for suicide prevention.

The Startling Truth Behind Every 11 Minutes

U.S.A. SUICIDE: 2023 OFFICIAL FINAL DATA

(See the American Association of Suicidology for extensive data, graphics, charts, and statistics)

Fatal Outcomes (Suicides): a 0.7% rate decrease was seen from 2022 to 2023 • most groups decreased; increases for Black/African American both sexes

• Average of 1 person every 10.7 minutes died by suicide —1 male every 13.5 minutes, 1 female every 51.2 minutes

• Average of 1 older adult every 50.4 minutes died by suicide; Average of 1 middle aged adult every 34.0 minutes

• Average of 1 young person every 1 hour and 28.5 minutes died by suicide. (If the 487 suicides below age 15 are included,

1 young person every 1 hour and 21.8 minutes) Leading Causes of Death 15-24 yrs

• 11th ranking cause of death in U.S.— 2nd for young 

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Cause Number Rate

• 3.80 male deaths by suicide for each female death by suicide. All Causes 33,711 76.8

• Suicide ranks 11th as a cause of death; Homicide ranks 16th

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| 1-Accidents 14,126 32.2

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Nonfatal Outcomes (Attempt Survivors§) (figures are estimates): | 2-Suicide 5,936 13.5

• 2023 SAMHSA study: 1.5 million adults (age 18 and up) and 856,000 adolescents (12-17 years old) | 3-Homicide 5,745 13.1

• 2023 SAMHSA study: a total of 2,356,000 self-reported suicide attempts (adults and adolescents) | 10-14 yrs 481 2.3

• Translates to 1 every 21.0 seconds for adults, 1 every 36.8 seconds for adolescents, 1 every 13.4 seconds for ages ≥12 | 15-19 yrs 2,156 9.8

• 3 female attempts for each male attempt | 20-24 yrs 3,780 17.3

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Postvention (Exposure and Survivors of Suicide Loss)

Exposed (“Affected”) – those who “know” someone personally who has died by suicide † (figures are estimates)

°Recent (Cerel et al,, 2019) research-based estimate suggests that for each suicide death à135 people are exposed (for 2023, 6.7 million

annually) – among the exposed there are subgroups with a variety of effect levels (see Cerel et al., 2014) – as many as 40-50% of the

population have been exposed to suicide in their lifetime based on a 2016 representative sample’s results (Feigelman et al., 2017)

Suicide Loss Survivors (those bereaved of suicide – definition below): † (figures are estimates) [Subgroup of “Exposed” above]

°Survivors of Suicide Loss = experience high levels of distress for a considerable length of time after exposure (Jordan & McIntosh, 2011)

°Among those exposed to a death by suicide, more than 6 experience a major life disruption (loss survivors; a low, non-research based estimate see Cerel et al., 2019)

• If each suicide has devastating effects and intimately affects > 6 other people, there are over 295,000 loss survivors a year

• Based on the 985,772 suicides from 1999 through 2023, therefore, the number of survivors of suicide loss in the U.S. is

more than 5.9 million (1 of every 57 Americans in 2023); number grew by more than 295,896 in 2023

• If there is a suicide every 10.7 minutes, then there are more than 6 new loss survivors every 10.7 minutes as well

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Suicide Methods Number Rate Percent of Total Number Rate Percent of Total

Firearm suicides (1st) 27,300 8.2 55.4% All but Firearms 22,016 6.6 44.6%

Suffocation/Hanging (2nd) 12,023 3.6 24.4% Fall (4th) 1,297 0.4 2.6%

Poisoning (3rd) 5,944 1.8 12.1% All Other Means 2,752 0.8 5.6%

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U.S.A. Suicide Rates 2013-2023 || 15 Leading Causes of Death in the U.S.A., 2023

Group/ (Rates per 100,000 population) Group/ || (total of 3,090,964 deaths; 922.9 rate)

• Older adults made up 17.7% of 2023 population, but 21.2% of suicides • Young made up 13.1% of 2023 population and 12.0% of suicides •

• Middle Aged made up 24.6% of the 2023 population, but were 31.4% of suicides •

1,395,220* Years of Potential Life Lost (YPLL) Before Age 75 (44,340 of 49,316 suicides are below age 75)

* alternate YPLL figure: 1,389,628 using individual years in calculations rather than 10-year age groups as above.

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Many figures appearing here are derived or calculated from data in the following official data sources: downloaded 13 January 2025 from CDC’s WONDER website:

https://wonder.cdc.gov. • Other references cited on this page are listed on the State Data Page. •

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suicide rate = (number of suicides by group / population of group) X 100,000 Prepared and © by Christopher W. Drapeau, Ph.D. & John L. McIntosh, Ph.D. Suicide Data Page: 2023

14 January 2025

§ Alternate terms = Survivors of Suicide Attempts or those with Lived Experience (of suicide attempt)Rate, Number, and Ranking of Suicide for Each U.S.A. State*, 2023

Suggested citation: Drapeau, C. W., & McIntosh, J. L. (2025). U.S.A. suicide: 2023 Official final data. Washington, DC: National

Council for Suicide Prevention (NCSP), dated January 14, 2025, downloaded from [https://www.thencsp.org/suicide-statistics].

Members of the National Council for Suicide Prevention are: Active Minds • American Association of Suicidology •American Foundation for Suicide Prevention • The Jason Foundation, Inc. • The Jed Foundation • Samaritans USA • The Trevor Project

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These sheets posted online at:

https://www.thencsp.org/suicide-statistics &

Other suicide data, and an archive of state data, appear at the website:

https://jmcintos.pages.iu.edu/SuicideDataCompiled.htm

References from previous page

SAMHSA 2023 study (2024): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

(2024). Key substance use and mental health indicators in the United States: Results from

the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (HHS Publication No. PEP23-07-01-

021, NSDUH Series H-59). Rockville, MD: Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and

Quality, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Retrieved July 30,

2024 from https://www.samhsa.gov/data/report/2023-nsduh-annual-national-report

† Cerel, J., McIntosh, J. L., Neimeyer, R. A., Maple, M., & Marshall, D. (2014). The

continuum of “survivorship”: Definitional issues in the aftermath of suicide. Suicide &

Life-Threatening Behavior, 44(6), 591-600.

Cerel, J., Brown, M. M., Maple, M., Singleton, M., van de Venne, J., Moore, M., & Flaherty,

C. (2019). How many people are exposed to suicide? Not six. Suicide and Life-Threatening

Behavior, 49(2), 529-534. doi: 10.1111.sltb.12450

Feigelman, W., Cerel, J., McIntosh, J. L., Brent, D., & Gutin, N. (2017). Suicide exposures and

bereavement among American adults: Evidence from the 2016 General Social Survey.

Journal of Affective Disorders, 227, 1-6. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.056

Jordan, J. R., & McIntosh, J. L. (Eds.). (2011). Grief after suicide: Understanding the

consequences and caring for the survivors. New York: Routledge.

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Advancing Suicide Research: Combating Stigma, Enhancing Awareness, and Debunking Myths in Schools

• Understanding Suicide: the amount of suicide research is increasing and ongoing 
• Collecting Suicide Research: the quality, quantity, and caliber of suicide research is vast
• Implementing Suicide Awareness and Prevention: is being introduced and implemented in school systems amongst teachers, students, and administrative staff 
• Studying Why: suicide epidemiologists are studying why suicides amongst children ages 10-14 are increasing 
• Breaking the Stigma of Suicide: the news media and public are Being educated more about death by suicide 
• Ongoing Efforts to Change How We Talk about Suicide: Semantics are everything–Efforts are ongoing to change “commit suicide” to “died by suicide.” 

Related Reads on Understanding Suicide

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Staggering Statistics about Suicide in the United States

When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain.Kaye Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide

A Deep Dive Into the Crisis: These are Staggering Statistics for Suicide

These are staggering statistics. Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States. And these statistics are from 2018. Much has happened since: A global pandemic, especially, forcing isolation in a world where life is lived connected. Mental illness rates have increased as have suicide statistics, but the Center for Disease Control collects data in retrospect, culling numbers from the previous year. We will not know the fallout from 2020 until at least next year. 

And even though it is August 2025 as I compile these statistics from 2023, this lag time in reporting is representative of how far behind facts and statistics about suicide can be, often leaving families and communities without the most current information necessary for prevention and intervention efforts. 

This delay can create a disconnection between the actual circumstances surrounding mental health crises and the data available to public health officials and policymakers, hindering their ability to respond effectively. 

As the understanding of mental health evolves, there is an urgent need to ensure that we are working with the latest insights and trends, so that we may develop more effective strategies for outreach and support. Thus, the gap in time not only reflects the challenge of gathering accurate data but also highlights the importance of timely communication and community awareness in addressing this pressing issue.

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Additional Facts about Suicide in the United States

The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2018 was 14.2 per 100,000 individuals.

The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged white men.

In 2018, men died by suicide 3.56x more often than women.

On average, there are 132 suicides per day.

White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2018.

In 2018, firearms accounted for 50.57% of all suicide deaths.

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“Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice”

Feb 15, 2024

John Ackerman, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist

Center for Suicide Prevention and Research; Nationwide Children’s Hospital

More than ever before, people understand that caring for our mental health is as important as caring for our physical health. However, there is still much work that needs to be done to break stigmas that contribute to unnecessary shame and misunderstanding of mental illness. 

Despite strides in understanding that emotional difficulties are not personal shortcomings or a sign of weakness, many continue to believe that mental illness is the result of poor decisions. For example, some people still believe that engaging in suicidal behavior is a personal “choice.” This is often followed by the unfair assumption that “suicide is a selfish choice.” 

One might reasonably ask, “Given the unbearable loss and pain felt by those left behind, how can suicide not be considered selfish?” 

First, we often underestimate how many factors contribute to an outcome as complex and final as suicide. Those who experience the kind of emotional pain associated with suicide do not typically want to die; they wish for an end to unbearable emotional pain and, often, the resources that allow them to hold on aren’t available. Individuals who struggle with thoughts of suicide usually have a hard time thinking flexibly and their ability to see an end to pain and a life worth living is greatly compromised. 

Second, viewing suicide as a choice promotes the misunderstanding that people who engage in suicidal behavior are selfish. Selfishness has been defined by Merriam-Webster as “seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” Suicide does not generate pleasure, advantage or well-being. People who take their own lives commonly feel like a burden to others or experience intense emotional pain that overwhelms their capacity to continue with life. Making others feel guilty is typically the furthest thing from their mind. 

Third, a choice usually involves making a selection based on multiple factors or preferences. Sadly, an inability to make rational, life-affirming decisions is a hallmark of suicidal thinking. Intense emotion pain, hopelessness and a narrowed, negative view of the future interferes with balanced decision-making. A person may believe they are making the best decision among their options, but it certainly isn’t reflective of all possible choices. What makes this more challenging is that those choices may not be accessible until the crisis has resolved. 

These are some additional variables that impact whether a suicide occurs – little of which have to do with choice:

• Access to highly lethal means during a crisis, such as firearms
• Availability and awareness of crisis supports to delay action – personal and community connections influence whether one has the opportunity to find hope and recovery

Why does reframing suicide as something different from a “choice” matter? It matters because those struggling with thoughts of suicide need all of us to understand that they don’t want to be in a place of overwhelming pain. They would typically rather be alive and living without that pain, and viewing their condition and behaviors as a choice only adds to the burden they already carry. 

It takes practice to empathize with someone who feels like death is a better option than life in a given moment. One has to be able to refrain from judgment, understand that suicide is not a personal weakness or someone’s “fault,” and recognize that suicide is often a product of mental health and environmental variables that we don’t fully comprehend. 

It can be hard for us to approach such extreme pain with a sense of compassion and curiosity. We would rather rely on simple explanations like “if we had just done this,” “if the parents had done a better job,” or “if he or she didn’t get bullied.” Suicide is nearly always more complex than that, but because answers are elusive and the trauma and loss remain for many years, we look for clarity. 

Stigma and discrimination make it less likely that those who stand to benefit from mental health treatment receive it. Too many people blame themselves for feeling depressed or like life is no longer worth living – they struggle to live rich and meaningful lives because of it. 

We need to reduce, not increase, the burden on those who struggle with thoughts of suicide. Breaking down stigma is a key to opening conversations, getting help and emerging from those struggles. Let’s commit to viewing people in emotional crisis similarly to those with a physical injury – with care, compassion and a plan for recovery.

If you or your child need immediate help due to having suicidal thoughts, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. If there is an immediate safety concern, call 911 or go the nearest emergency room.

John Ackerman, Ph.D, “Don’t Say It’s Selfish; Suicide is Not a Choice,” Nationwide Child’ren’s Hospital, Center for

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Understanding Suicide: Key Facts and Statistics

Suicide is a serious public health concern, a crisis globally and within the United States 

Here’s some information based on recent data:

United States Data:

• Mortality: In 2023, nearly 50,000 people died by suicide.
• Leading Cause of Death: Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death overall in the US in 2023.
• Age and Sex:
  • Suicide was the second leading cause of death for ages 10-14 and 25-34 in 2022.
  • Suicide was the third leading cause of death for ages 15-24 in 2022.
  • Males have significantly higher suicide rates than females; in 2023, men died by suicide 3.8 times more than women.
  • In 2022, the suicide rate among males was four times higher (22.9 per 100,000) than among females (5.9 per 100,000).
• Attempts and Ideation:
  • In 2023, an estimated 1.5 million adults attempted suicide.
  • In the past year (2023), 12.8 million adults seriously considered suicide.
• Racial/Ethnic Disparities: Non-Hispanic American Indian and Alaska Native people and non-Hispanic White people had the highest suicide rates in 2023. 

Global data (2021)

• Mortality: Globally, an estimated 727,000 people died by suicide in 2021.
• Age: Suicide was the third leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds globally.
• Regional Differences: 73% of global suicides occurred in low- and middle-income countries.
• Risk Factors: The reasons for suicide are complex and include social, cultural, biological, psychological, and environmental factors. 

Important considerations

• Risk Factors: These can include mental health conditions (especially depression), substance use, a history of trauma or abuse, prolonged stress, chronic illness, access to lethal means, and social isolation.
• Warning Signs: Individuals considering suicide may exhibit increased alcohol and drug use, aggressive behavior, withdrawal, dramatic mood swings, impulsive behavior, or talk about feeling like a burden.
• Prevention: Suicide [can be, but isn’t always] preventable. Interventions can include limiting access to lethal means, responsible media reporting, fostering emotional resilience in youth, and early identification and support for those at risk. 

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In 2023, Firearms accounted for slightly more than half (50.54%) of all suicide deaths

Over 950,000 years of potential life were lost to suicide before age 65.

Firearms accounted for slightly more than half (50.54%) of all suicide deaths.

Suicide deaths and attempts cost $69 billion in combined work-loss and medical cost.

10.3% of Americans have thought about suicide

54% of Americans have been affected by suicide

Men died by suicide 3.6x more often than women. Women were 1.4x more likely to attempt suicide.

48,344 Americans died by suicide.

Second (2nd) leading cause of death for ages 10-34

Fourth (4th) leading cause of death for ages 35-54

In 2017, the suicide rate was 1.5x higher for Veterans than for non-Veteran adults over the age of 18.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. All facts and statistics information provided by the CDC, 2018 Fatal Injury Reports (accessed from www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/fatal.html on 3/1/20). Find additional citation information at afsp.org/statistics.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, “suicide rates have increased by 30% since 1999”

According to the Centers for Disease Control, “suicide rates have increased by 30% since 1999. Nearly 45,000 lives were lost to suicide in 2016 alone. Comments or thoughts about suicide — also known as suicidal ideation — can begin small like, “I wish I wasn’t here” or “Nothing matters.” But over time, they can become more explicit and dangerous.” NAMI, National Alliance for Mental Illness

Need Help? Know Someone Who Does?

Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

• Call 988 (Formerly 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
• Use the https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
• For more information about resources to help, visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
• Support resources are available at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/

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Know the Suicide Warning Signs

Thoughts of suicide can stem from feelings that life is no longer worth living. They may include either thoughts of wanting to die without a specific plan or specific thoughts and ways to harm oneself.

Below are important warning signs that a person may be at increased risk for suicide:

• Expressing that they feel like a burden
• Isolation
• Increased anxiety
• Feeling trapped or in unbearable physical or mental pain
• Increased substance use
• Looking for a way to access lethal means (such as online searches to buy a gun)
• Increased anger or rage
• Extreme mood swings
• Expressing hopelessness
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Talking or posting on social media about wanting to die
• Making plans for suicide (such as giving away prized possessions)

Circumstances that increase suicide risk

Individual Risk Factors

These personal factors contribute to risk:

• Previous suicide attempt
• History of depression and other mental illnesses
• Serious illness such as chronic pain
• Criminal/legal problems
• Job/financial problems or loss
• Impulsive or aggressive tendencies
• Substance use
• Current or prior history of adverse childhood experienc
• Sense of hopelessness
• Violence victimization and/or perpetration

Relationship Risk Factors

These harmful or hurtful experiences within relationships contribute to risk:

• Bullying
• Family/loved one’s history of suicide
• Loss of relationships
• High conflict or violent relationships
• Social isolation

Community Risk Factors

These challenging issues within a person’s community contribute to risk:

• Lack of access to healthcare
• Suicide cluster in the community
• Stress of acculturation
• Community violence
• Historical trauma
• Discrimination

Societal Risk Factors

These cultural and environmental factors within the larger society contribute to risk:

• Stigma associated with help-seeking and mental illness
• Easy access to lethal means of suicide among people at risk
• Unsafe media portrayals of suicide

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Let’s Dispel the Myths About Suicide

Myth 1: Talking about suicide increases the chance a person will act on it.

Fact: Talking about suicide may reduce, rather than increase, suicidal ideation. It improves mental health-related outcomes and the likelihood that the person will seek treatment. Opening this conversation helps people find an alternative view of their existing circumstances.

Myth 2: People who talk about suicide are just seeking attention.

Fact: People who die from suicide have often told someone about not wanting to live anymore or that they don’t see the future. It’s always important to take it seriously when somebody talks about feeling suicidal.
It’s important to be kind and sensitive and ask direct questions, including:
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
“Do you have access to weapons or other objects to harm yourself?”

Myth 3: Suicide can’t be prevented.

Fact: Suicide is preventable but unpredictable. Most people who contemplate suicide often experience intense emotional pain, hopelessness and have a negative view of life or their future. Suicide is a product of genes, mental health illnesses and environmental risk factors. Interventions targeted to treat psychiatric and substance-use illnesses can save lives.

Myth 4: People who take their own lives are selfish, cowardly or weak.

Fact: People don’t die of suicide by choice. Often, people who die of suicide experience significant emotional pain and find it difficult to consider different views or see a way out of their situation. Even though the reasons behind suicide are quite complex, suicide is commonly associated with psychiatric illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and substance use.

Myth 5: Teenagers and college students are the most at risk for suicide.

Fact: The suicide rate for this age group is below the national average. The age groups with the highest suicide rate in the U.S. are women 45–64 and men 75 and older. Although certain groups may be at higher risk, suicide is a problem among all ages and groups.

Myth 6: Barriers on bridges, safe firearm storage and other actions that reduce access to lethal methods of suicide don’t work.

Fact: Limiting access to lethal means of harm, such as firearms, is one of the most straightforward strategies to decrease the chances of suicide. Many suicide attempts are a result of impulsive decisions. Separating someone from a lethal means could provide a person with some time to think before harming themselves.

Myth 7: Suicide always occurs without warning.

Fact: There are almost always warning signs before a suicide attempt.

Here are a few common signs:

• Being preoccupied with death, dying or violence.
• Changing regular routine, including eating or sleeping patterns.
• Developing personality changes or being severely anxious or agitated, particularly when experiencing some of the warning signs listed above.
• Doing risky or self-destructive things, such as using drugs or driving recklessly.
• Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation.
• Getting the means to take your own life, such as buying a gun or stockpiling pills.
• Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order when there is no other logical explanation for doing this.
• Having mood swings, such as being emotionally high one day and deeply discouraged the next.
• Increasing use of alcohol or drugs.
• Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again.
• Talking about suicide — making statements such as, “I’m going to kill myself,” “I wish I were dead” or “I wish I hadn’t been born.”
• Withdrawing from social contact and wanting to be left alone.

Myth 8: Talk therapy and medications don’t work.

Fact: Treatment can and does work. One of the best ways to prevent suicide is by getting treatment for mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar illness or substance abuse, and learning ways to cope with problems. Finding the best treatment can take some time, but the proper treatment can significantly reduce the risk of suicide.

Mayo Clinic, 8 common myths about suicide, SPEAKING OF HEALTH

 FRIDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2024

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2023 Suicide Statistics Tell a Story of Crisis in the United States

Below are data about suicide, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts in the United States:

• In 2023, suicide was one of the eight leading causes of death in the US for people aged 10-64.
• In 2023, the overall number of deaths by suicide in the US was over 49,000.
• Suicides outnumbered homicides in the US from 2011–⁠2020.
• In 2023, 12.8 million people reported seriously considering suicide.
• In 2023, 1.5 million reported a suicide attempt.
• In 2023, suicide rates ranged from 2.31 per 100,000 among youth ages 10–14 years to 22.66 per 100,000 among people 85 years and older.

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Disparities in Suicide

Learn how and why certain populations are disproportionately impacted by suicide.

Risk and Protective Factors

Risk and protective factors affect an individual’s chances of positive or negative outcomes, such as suicide. These factors occur at multiple levels of influence—such as the individual, relationship, community, and greater societal levels.

Listed below are the effective suicide prevention interventions needed to address these factors at all levels:

• Individual-level risks include untreated mental illness and substance misuse, while protective factors for suicide at this level include problem-solving and coping skills, positive self-esteem, and a sense of purpose in life.
• Relationship-level risks include family conflict, knowing someone who died by suicide (particularly a family members), and social isolation; protective factors include family connectedness and supportive friendships.
• Community-level risks involve community violence, historical trauma, and access to lethal means; and protective factors include access to behavioral health services, community or cultural beliefs that discourage suicide, and connectedness to community and social institutions.
• Societal-level risks include stigma, racism, and discrimination, while examples of protective factors include cultural identification and policies such as anti-discrimination laws.

Let’s Focus on Mental Health: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

Mental health continues to pose a challenge to millions of people. In 2020 alone, the U.S. had one death by suicide about every 11 minutes—and for people aged 10-34 years, suicide is a leading cause of death.

Mental health challenges can affect anyone. People who suffered trauma may face a higher risk. For example, military service members and veterans face higher rates of suicide than the general population. Understand the options you have to face your mental health struggles and get the support you need.

Call the new 988 Lifeline

The “988” Suicide and Crisis Lifeline officially launched in 2022, giving anyone with a phone in the United States immediate access to mental health resources.

Like “911,” the new “988” provides an easy-to-remember three-digit number that people can call during an emergency. The number connects you with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There, the caller will get immediate help from one of more than 200 crisis centers.

If your situation is life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day. If you or someone you know is suicidal or in emotional distress, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline immediately. Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Help yourself and the ones you love

Those who need help for themselves or a loved one should know the government provides many resources in addition to 988. 

MentalHealth.gov provides information, programs, and best practices about mental health. Resources include:

• How to find a facility in your area
• Warning signs for loved ones and family members
• Tips for talking about mental health
• What recovery can look like

The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) also shares valuable resources for those in need. The VA works with retired service members and supports the specific needs related to their military experience. This includes help for post-traumatic stress disorder and substance abuse.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) helps those battling substance addiction and other health emergencies. They operate treatment centers around the U.S. and operate a national helpline. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to speak directly with a counselor.

Take the time to speak with those you care about about mental health. No matter what you’re going through, connect with loved ones, medical professionals, and community organizations for the help you need. You never need to feel like you have to take on the world alone.

LAST UPDATED: February 10, 2025

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

Compassionate Guidance for Navigating Loss

These key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief provide compassionate guidance for readers as they navigate the challenging landscape of loss. In particular, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, offers solace and a new perspective. The journey of coping often means confronting feelings of stigma, guilt, and isolation, intermixed with a complex array of emotions, ranging from anger to relief.

Research compassionately underscores that suicide is not a conscious choice, emphasizing the importance of a non-judgmental approach to emotional healing. Engaging with support groups and educational materials can be a source of empowerment for survivors, nurturing community connections and facilitating a path toward healing and hope.

Included are the author’s personal story of losing her child, resources for emotional support, professional insights on suicide’s complexities, discussions on the duration of grief, and a selection of helpful resources for bereaved parents.

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice presents a heartfelt exploration of the complex and deeply emotional subject of suicide. The piece invites readers to reflect on the harrowing question of whether suicide can truly be seen as a choice. Insights from Dr. John Ackerman, a prominent suicide epidemiologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, shed light on this critical issue.

Dr. Ackerman emphasizes the often-overlooked factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts, stating, “We often underestimate the multitude of factors that impact such a complex and irreversible outcome as suicide. Individuals grappling with the profound emotional turmoil that gives rise to suicidal thoughts typically do not wish to end their lives; they are, instead, yearning for relief from the immense pain often exacerbated by the absence of supportive resources and understanding.”

This poignant examination not only raises awareness but also fosters empathy and understanding, making it a must-read for anyone seeking to support loved ones in need.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents offers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide

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Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.

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Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.

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The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Strategies to Help

Everyone experiences grief differently and it is important to find the approaches that are most effective for you and your experience. Here are a few strategies that may help: 

• Acknowledge your feelings: Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings may only prolong the grieving process. 

• Seek professional help: Mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate the intense emotions accompanying bereavement. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs, and can help you find healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive. 
• Connect with others: Isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to stay connected with friends and family. Share your feelings with those you trust and who can offer empathy and support. 
• Self-care: Regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and ample sleep can help manage the physical symptoms of grief, as well as promote improved mental health. Mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation, can also help you stay connected to your body and emotions. 
• Find your own pace: Everyone’s grief timeline is different. Do not rush the process or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors, American Association of Suicidology, AAS

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Support Resources for Coping with Suicide Loss

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Deep Insights on the Challenges of Grief

Discover thought-provoking articles from My Forever Son blog that delve into the profound intricacies of understanding the unique aspects of suicide grief, particularly in connection with the devastating loss of a child to suicide. These articles offer invaluable insights into the emotional turmoil and complex feelings that arise in the wake of such an unimaginable tragedy. By exploring personal stories, expert opinions, and coping strategies, the blog aims to provide a compassionate space for parents and loved ones navigating their grief.

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief is a beautifully written and profoundly personal piece that gently explores the unique hurdles of dealing with the grief that follows a suicide. The author shares her heartfelt emotional journey, illustrating how deeply grief has woven itself into the fabric of her life. By incorporating personal stories, expert insights, and supportive resources, this post not only provides authenticity but also offers a comforting hand to those who may be navigating similar paths of loss and sorrow.

Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents

Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents This letter from Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, Dylan, to suicide 14 years ago, offers compassionate guidance for newly bereaved parents. Beth’s healing journey is personal: she created the blog My Forever Son as a sanctuary for poetry and reflection. She shares how tending her gardens and her pets provided comfort during dark times, weaving in Alan Wolfelt’s Ten Touchstones for Hope and Healing along with practical coping strategies and moments of authentic hope.

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters offers a heartfelt exploration of the immense pain tied to suicide, affecting both those who die by it and their grieving loved ones. Titled “Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die; It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop,” this article reaches out to bereaved families with research, statistics, and videos that illuminate this personal issue. By breaking the stigma around suicide, it weaves personal stories and expert insights, fostering understanding of the need to acknowledge pain in these discussions. Resources for support are included.

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice is a compassionate article that explores the concept of “choice” in the heartbreaking context of a child’s suicide. It emphasizes the complexity of suicide, reminding us that various factors, such as mental health issues and social pressures, contribute to this devastating outcome. The piece encourages readers to recognize the importance of empathy and support for affected families while challenging societal misconceptions surrounding suicide. Through expert insights, it serves as a vital resource for those grieving or seeking to understand the influences behind such a loss, advocating for awareness and open dialogues on mental health among children and adolescents.

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” is a poignant exploration of the complexities surrounding the topic of suicide, intricately challenging the prevalent notion that suicide is simply a choice made by individuals in despair. Beth Brown, the author of the powerful treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” delves deep into the emotional and psychological dimensions of this tragic phenomenon, emphasizing the inevitability of death for all, regardless of the circumstances or causes that may lead one to that final resolution. Her poetic reflections and deep discussions including current research on understanding suicide converge to illustrate why and When Love is Not Enough.

The Pain Does Change, It Softens

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

Bereaved Mother Who Lost a Child to Suicide, Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?, My Forever Son

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources offers an extensive collection of resources aimed at helping parents understand the complexities of suicide to help with their profound grief. This invaluable guide not only provides insights but also connects parents with supportive communities, fostering a sense of belonging and emphasizing gentle pathways to hope and healing during such a heartbreaking time.

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.

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Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.

Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still. 

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,”explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.

Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

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Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

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From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/

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