Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss

Summary

In Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss, the author recounts her profound grief and struggle to find meaning after losing her son to suicide. She describes the intense physical and emotional pain she endured, feeling hopeless and alone. Seeking support from online groups and researching suicide, she gradually found solace and a way to move forward, carrying both ache and love for her son.

Introduction

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss reflects on the author’s journey with losing her son to suicide, a deeply personal and heartbreaking experience that has forever altered her life. This poignant narrative delves into the profound sorrow she feels, capturing the relentless ache that accompanies such a tragic loss.

Through her introspection, she explores the complexities of grief, love, and the struggle to find meaning in a world that feels irrevocably changed. The journey showcases not only her pain but also the enduring love she holds for her son, illustrating how that love continues to shape her existence even in the face of despair. As she navigates the emotions of guilt, confusion, and memories, the author invites readers to reflect on the impact of suicide and the universal themes of love and loss that connect us all.

Now, after all this time, Ache and Love walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still. 

Beth Brown, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss, My Forever Son

Carrying Ache After Losing My Son to Suicide

My life both imploded and exploded the day Dylan died. Inside I lay dead and dying; outside my inside self, I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, move. I openly share my personal experiences and the journey of grief in Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections on Losing a Child to Suicide which explores the profound pain and sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections on Losing a Child to Suicide offers compassionate coping strategies and a safe space for those navigating similar grief.

The Intense Ache of Early Grief

The pain of his suicide felt sharp, gripping, piercing, painful. My stomach felt like a lead block. Heavy. Weighted. Sick. As if an arrow had punctured clean through my heart, staying stuck inside me, rib-cage to backbone. My lungs didn’t want to breathe.

“Carrying Ache and Love” does not do justice to the piercing pain I felt during acute grief. My love for my son was infinite and deep, but his suicide immersed me in the utter chaos of traumatic death. I lived only a pain that consumed me and everything in my life.

I didn’t feel I would make it through my first year of grieving. I had lost my only child to suicide.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources shares my struggles in the first year of grief, introducing practical ways and strategies for parents to cope with grief after losing a child to suicide. Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, professional help, and support groups, offering coping strategies like creative pursuits, nature walks, and honoring the child’s memory.

I could only exhale my interior pain—screaming in my head, in my nightmares, out loud in my home, weeping, keening. Tears ran down my cheeks even when sleeping. which you can read about here: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide Frantic, I searched wildly. For my son. For my sanity. For a grip on my life, such as it was.

[Suggested Reading]: 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide includes valuable tips and insights for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, offering practical advice on seeking help, connecting with others, and finding ways to cope with grief. The personal experiences and suggestions offer meaningful support for parents dealing with this devastating loss. A comprehensive guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, this post offers support and resources to help parents who lose a child to suicide navigate this difficult journey.

Related Reads

• Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide
• I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss
• Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors

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My Forever Son

Table of Contents

Carrying Sorrow

Much as a compromised immune system is vulnerable to opportunistic infection, so too a diseased brain is made assailable by the eventualities of life. The quickness and flexibility of a well mind, a belief or hope that things will eventually sort themselves out—these are the resources lost to a person when the brain is ill.

Kay Redfield Jamison, M.D., Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide

Hope Was Elusive in Acute Grief

I felt paralyzed with grief.  I had no words. I couldn’t write. Grief consumed me. Heartache consumed me. I became physically ill. Hope was elusive and toughing it out meant watching who I was go away, forever, and ever and always. I could feel myself slipping away. 

I felt hopeless and helpless, and I knew that if I were to make it out alive of my now-life’s forever nightmare, I had to find help, solace, and support. I knew I had to know how others, especially other parents, especially other parents of an only child, made it through the first year.

Someone said early on that I would forget my first year of grieving, that, like childbirth, the pain eases, softens, blends into and then just moves into the distant background. That someone who told me that had never lost a child. 

“There is no suffering greater than that which drives people to suicide; suicide defines the moment in which mental pain exceeds the human capacity to bear it. It represents the abandonment of hope.”

John T. Maltsberger, M.D., past president of the American Association of Suicidology, practicing psychiatrist, and teacher at Harvard Medical School.

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Seeking an Understanding of Suicide

“When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain.”

Kaye Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide

Feeling So Alone

Because I felt so alone (I didn’t know anyone who had lost a child to suicide), I knew I had to seek help. Initially, during the week of planning my son’s funeral and burial, someone came to my house to talk to me about support groups in my area. She cautioned me not to join a grief group (the irony of which didn’t escape me then or now), as some of those bereaved members of support grief groups might not be empathetic or even sympathetic to a suicide loss.

I had no experience with suicide loss. The stigma around a death that seems chosen (it is not, any more than cancer or heart disease are chosen), represents a profound misunderstanding of suicide.

Losing a child to suicide also stymies those who do want to offer their condolences and support to the bereaved parent. It can be difficult to know what to say to bereaved parents in the wake of such a devastating loss.

Seeking Help in Support Groups

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Finding Other Parents Who Had Lost a Child to Suicide

Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

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Parents of Suicides is a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.

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Parents of Suicides (PoS) and Family and Friends of Suicides (FFoS)

In my early months of acute grief, I sought out support groups locally that dealt specifically with suicide loss. I found an online community of bereaved parents who have lost a child to suicide.

Still my words eluded me, though by late July, I had begun searching for any and everything about the suicide of a child, parent of a suicide, why suicide, losing an only child to suicide.

At the beginning of my grief, I read voraciously as many books as I could find about suicide and suicide loss of a child. I still pursue learning about current suicide research. I learned I was not alone as a parent who had lost a child to suicide.

I wrote at all hours of the night to my online support group of parents who have lost a child to suicide. Other parents in the group (parents of suicides) replied, sharing their experience and acknowledging my grief.

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Learning About Suicide Research

What I’ve Learned These Past 10 Years:

• Understanding Suicide: the amount of suicide research is increasing and ongoing
• Collecting Suicide Research: the quality, quantity, and caliber of suicide research is vast
• Implementing Suicide Awareness and Prevention: is being introduced and implemented in school systems amongst teachers, students, and administrative staff
• Studying Why: suicide epidemiologists are studying why suicides amongst children ages 10-14 are increasing
• Breaking the Stigma of Suicide: the news media and public are Being educated more about death by suicide
• Ongoing Efforts to Change How We Talk About Suicide: Semantics are everything–Efforts are ongoing to change “commit” suicide to “died by suicide.”

Ongoing Suicide Research

Published in March 2023, Biological Factors Underpinning Suicidal Behaviour: An Update includes numerous studies on suicide by collective researchers who seek a better understanding of suicide to address the growing suicide rate internationally, particularly amongst young people.

Suicide, a major global health concern and a leading cause of death among young people particularly, is caused by a cascade of interactions, reactions and alterations that when combined may pave the way towards SB [Suicidal Behavior].

The complexity in decoding SB is due to the interconnected basis, the branched probabilities and the major limitations against it, rendering research through this phenomenon a very convoluted journey to disentangle the real combination of causes leading to suicidality.

Abou Chahla MN, Khalil MI, Comai S, Brundin L, Erhardt S, Guillemin GJ. Biological Factors Underpinning Suicidal Behaviour: An Update. Brain Sciences. 2023; 13(3):505. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci13030505

Understanding Suicidal Behavior

While the researchers initially summarize their findings by stating that “In summary, there is no single aspect behind suicidal behavior,” the researchers conclude their extensive research studies by providing hope for future studies that will target specific biological:

The understanding of SB [suicidal behavior] represents the foundation to cure/prevent it.

Given that the different underpinnings of suicide described here including neuro-inflammation, engaged inflammatory pathways, alterations in specific brain regions, altered regulation of epigenetic mechanisms, malnutrition, social experiences, childhood traumas, social awareness, psychological factors, and relative mental vulnerability, it is very likely that the field will have to develop toward precision medicine and targeted therapy rather than a one-drug-fits-all model.

Abou Chahla MN, Khalil MI, Comai S, Brundin L, Erhardt S, Guillemin GJ. Biological Factors Underpinning Suicidal Behaviour: An Update. Brain Sciences. 2023; 13(3):505. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci13030505

Tapping Into What We Know About Suicide

Few understand that the death [suicide] is seldom self-determined, but rather driven by a distortion of perception by a biochemical effect…

People who die by suicide do not want to die; they simply want to end the pain.

Andrew Slaby, M.D., Suicide Perspective: Quotable Quotes

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Carrying Ache and Love in Suicide Loss

Time does not heal all wounds, but throughout the passage of time these past 10 years, my grief has evolved and changed shape. Who I was before Dylan took his life and who I am now are not the same, but at least there is a version of me to carry on.

Dylan’s memorial date (“anniversary” never seems befitting of such a solemn remembrance) as well as his birthday are still difficult days to move through. And holidays will never be the same. My world came to a screeching halt 10 years ago, but I have found a way to move forward in grief.

I have grown accustomed to carrying ache and love. Now, after all this time, Ache and Love walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still. 

Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

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Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

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From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Support Resources from My Forever Son Blog

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide compassionately explores the deep and painful emotions that parents endure after the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It offers a heartfelt discussion of the complex feelings of grief and guilt that can feel so heavy during these challenging times.

This guide provides soothing coping strategies and gently encourages parents to reach out for support through therapy, support groups, or community resources. It underscores the importance of self-compassion, creating a safe haven for parents to openly share their stories, reminding them that they are not alone in their suffering and that there is still hope and light to be found in the midst of their grief.

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Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author delicately navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.

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Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a powerful and heartfelt exploration of the crushing emotions and challenges that parents confront after the devastating loss of a child to suicide. This passionate post dives deep into the tumultuous and harrowing journey, offering unwavering empathy, steadfast support, and invaluable guidance for those who are suffering. Enriched with profound quotes, links to other relevant articles, and essential resources that lead towards professional help and healing, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide fully acknowledges the monumental struggle faced in the aftermath of such a tragic event.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilienceis a profound exploration of the author’s deep grief and healing after losing her son to suicide. In what is a deeply personal journey of healing, the author draws parallels between the cycles found in nature and the seasons of her grief and healing. She illustrates how the vibrant blooms of spring and the quiet dormancy of winter resonate with “Echoes of Joy” and “Shadows of Loss,”guiding us through the complexities of a devastating emotional landscape of the deep grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide.

The Pain Does Change, It Softens

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

Bereaved Mother Who Lost a Child to Suicide, Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?, My Forever Son

Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

The articles below include key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief. They offer compassionate guidance. Notably, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, provides solace. Grief involves stigma, guilt, and various emotions from anger to relief.

Research indicates that suicide is not a conscious choice, necessitating a non-judgmental emotional healing approach. Support groups and educational materials empower survivors, fostering community connections.

The content includes the author’s story of losing her child, emotional support resources, insights on suicide, grief duration discussions, and resources for bereaved parents.

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice explores the emotional complexities surrounding suicide, challenging the notion that it is a choice. Dr. John Ackerman highlights the myriad factors influencing suicidal thoughts, emphasizing that individuals often seek relief from overwhelming pain rather than wanting to end their lives. This piece encourages empathy and awareness, making it essential reading for those wanting to support loved ones in distress.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents offers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide

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Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.

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Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.

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The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Navigating Grief: Strategies for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

These resources for navigating grief offer helpful coping strategies and tips for suicide loss of a child. Practical advice and grief tips can help parents move through grief and healing.

15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide

15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide includes valuable tips and insights for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, offering practical advice on seeking help, connecting with others, and finding ways to cope with grief. The personal experiences and suggestions offer meaningful support for parents dealing with this devastating loss. A comprehensive guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, this post offers support and resources to help parents who lose a child to suicide navigate this difficult journey. Remember, you are not alone. There is a community of parents who are ready to listen, understand, and support you through this painful chapter of your life.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources s a compassionate guide designed to support parents who are heartbroken from the loss of a child to suicide. This resource delves into the multifaceted emotions that accompany such profound grief, highlighting the crucial need for self-care, the value of seeking professional help, and the comfort of connecting with support groups. It offers coping strategies and thoughtful grief tips, such as engaging in creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory through meaningful memorials.

Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”

Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”explores the emotional turmoil of grief and offers guidance for healing. Through personal narratives and expert insights, the article emphasizes that parents are not alone in their pain and provides 16 practical tips for continuing the bonds with the lost child. It highlights the importance of coping strategies, honoring deceased loved ones, and navigating the complexities of grief.

Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide: Guidance, Resources, and Healing

Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide: Guidance, Resources, and Healing is a guide offering support and resources for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. It emphasizes seeking professional help, joining support groups, and practicing self-care. The guide includes book recommendations, support organizations, and a glossary of terms to aid in understanding and navigating grief. Compassionate support is available to help you with your journey.

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Losing my son to suicide created a void of cataclysmic proportions in all areas of my life: professional, emotional, spiritual, community, friends, physical, health.

Finding Beauty After Loss: Poetic Reflections is an exploration of how navigating profound grief meant finding support, which you can read about here: Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources.

My well-being turned in the split second I learned my son had died by suicide, and it would be a long time coming before I could pick up the pieces of my life to move forward in grief, carrying love along with the permanent ache of losing my son.

Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide

Acute grief plunged my heart, soul, and sense of who I was into a chasm of despair. Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide shares the ferocity of my grief in the immediacy of my son’s suicide. Weeping even in my sleep, broken even as I was, I didn’t believe that the acute pain of early grief would ever cease. As I write, it’s been 12 years since Dylan died. My grief has changed shape over the course of my grieving, softening in the intensity of the agonizing sharp pain of my early grief.

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature explores the journey of finding hope and healing through nature after the loss of a child. It illustrates the emotional connection we can forge with the natural world, highlighting its ability to soothe our grief. The arrival of spring symbolizes hope and renewal, reminding us of the resilience within us. The author emphasizes the spirit of spring, encouraging patience during life’s challenges while imparting a heartfelt message of trust and enduring hope.

A Note from the Author

I am no longer in the dark place where my son’s suicide left me, though I carry his ache and love with me always. While Dylan’s absence lingers, I’ve learned to embrace good memories, guiding me toward healing. Over a decade has passed since my son’s suicide. Time hasn’t healed my grief, but it has moved me beyond acute trauma to glimpses of hope and happiness. Losing my son has forever changed me, but I’ve found healing by carrying both ache and love for him.

Glimpses of Hope in Small Things

I find hope in small things—my gardens, a cup of tea, and sunshine streaming through the window. I honor Dylan’s memory by connecting with others, sharing my story, and advocating for mental health awareness, determined that his legacy inspires support for those in similar struggles. Writing has helped me release my grief. While hope and healing may feel distant, they have gently found me in my reality: living each day without my son.

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide is a profoundly touching collection of journals from the author’s journey through grief, hope, and healing, marking three years since losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She has faced numerous challenges, grappling with emotions like anger and despair, ultimately discovering moments of clarity and acceptance. The thoughtfully selected images, often featuring her gardens, provide a visual reprieve and deepen the emotional impact of her words, inviting readers to reflect on their own healing.

Glimpses of Hope Amidst Darkness

Each entry in Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide illustrates her evolving grief and highlights how she finds glimmers of hope amidst darkness, encouraging others to embrace vulnerability and share their own stories. Through her candid reflections, the author offers companionship to those navigating their grief, reminding them they are not alone on this arduous journey.

Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers

In Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers, the author finds solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief and the hope for healing. Through journaling and photography, the author captures the beauty of nature and finds a poetic way to express her sorrow and search for self-forgiveness.

A Note from the Author

It’s true that one never fully “heals” from the loss of a child to suicide, yet I have gradually begun to bridge the profound gap between my own grief and the world around me, even if it happens at a pace that, at times, feels ‘ere so slow. I find profound hope and beauty in nature, and in its changing seasons, the steadfastness of life. Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers has been integral to moving through my grief after losing my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide eleven years ago.

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss explores the heart-wrenching journey of grief and healing following the loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. She shares how grief can strike unexpectedly, flooding her with overwhelming despair. The struggle to rediscover joy after such a profound loss feels like an uphill battle, as even the smallest moments can be shadowed by sorrow. Learning to navigate life without him is a daunting challenge, with constant reminders of the void he left in her heart and home. 

Yet, amidst the pain, the author finds comfort in fleeting moments—whether it’s a gentle breeze that whispers memories of Dylan or a warm smile from friends who truly understand her heartbreak. She clings to the hope of a future reunion with him, which gently guides her through the darkness. Ultimately, she comes to understand that honoring Dylan’s memory not only keeps his spirit alive but also provides her with the strength she needs to embrace each new day.

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Suicide is an out of the natural order of life death, a perpetual questioning of why they took their life, a constant review of what if? if only. . .and should have, could have, would have.

Beth Brown, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a poignant and compassionate exploration of the overwhelming emotions and hurdles parents face following the tragic loss of a child to suicide. This heartfelt post delves deep into the raw and complex journey, offering understanding, support, and guidance tailored specifically for grieving families. It features meaningful quotes from mental health professionals and fellow bereaved parents, relating to other relevant posts that discuss different aspects of loss and resilience.

Crucial resources for seeking professional help, including hotlines, support groups, and therapy options, are provided to foster emotional recovery. This article addresses unspoken feelings of guilt and isolation, validating parents’ pain while inspiring hope through shared stories and coping strategies. The post encourages dialogue around mental health and underscores the importance of community support in healing.

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem is a poignant poem exploring the guilt parents face after losing a child to suicide. It captures the emotional anguish of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” reflecting the deep sorrow of their grieving journey. Each line invites readers to experience the despair of such a loss while suggesting that love can illuminate dark moments. The poem provides insight into the author’s experience with loss, using vivid imagery to express the tidal wave of emotions that follow. The blend of poetry, personal anecdotes, and support resources amplifies the author’s voice and connects with the audience, encouraging exploration of their own feelings about loss.

Self-Blame and Guilt–I Couldn’t Save My Son

Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt many parents endure after losing a child to suicide. It addresses the struggle between cherishing memories and confronting harsh realities that feel insurmountable. Parents often grapple with guilt, wondering if they could have intervened or recognized their child’s distress. This journey through sorrow is intertwined with societal stigma and expectations about grieving. Finding healthy outlets for these feelings, like therapy or creative expression, can be healing.

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy that affects many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem along with others that examine loss and healing, providing various perspectives on mourning. It also offers resources for support, guiding readers through their darkest moments while fostering community and understanding. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” encapsulates the emotions of this journey, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences of grief.

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Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide for parents devastated by the loss of a child to suicide. It addresses the complex emotions of grief and emphasizes the importance of self-care, professional help, and support groups. The resource also shares coping strategies like creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory.

What I have learned these past 12 years of grief and healing is that my love was not enough to save my son, to protect my son, to prevent his suicide. Love, no matter how strong the connection, cannot prevent death.

Beth Brown, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources, My Forever Son

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Beth Brown, Author

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
— “He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
— “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

—“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.

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If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.

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Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.

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I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.

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I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.

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Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.

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The Story of My Forever Son

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Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/

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