Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Summary

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters by author Beth Brown explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. Her article highlights current research into understanding suicide and suicidal thinking, personal stories shared by bereaved parents, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health. The author focuses on breaking the stigma surrounding suicide, including breaking the myths of suicide. Emphasized is the importance of understanding the pain of suicide, including empathy for those died by suicide, as well as support for those affected by suicide, including bereaved parents and families. Her article also provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.

Introduction

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters offers a heartfelt and thoughtful exploration of the immense pain and grief tied to suicide, both for those who die by suicide and for those who grieve the loss of a loved one to suicide. This article, titled “Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die; It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop,” reaches out to bereaved parents and families, providing them with important research, statistics, and videos that cast light on this deeply personal issue.

By encouraging breaking the stigma surrounding this topic, the article weaves together personal narratives and expert insights, fostering a compassionate understanding of the crucial need to recognize pain in conversations about suicide. Resources for support are included.

HIGHLIGHTS: Key points covered in Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters include the following:

• A compassionate look at current suicide research (including 3 videos), and the facts, myths, and statistics of suicide
• Breaking the Myths and Breaking the Stigma of Suicide
• Videos about dispelling the myths and stigma of suicide
• Ongoing Suicide Epidemiology and Research about Depression, Pain, and the Prevalence of Suicide Amongst Youth
• A special focus on bereaved parents and families, this article, “Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die; It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop” presents important research, statistics, and videos that shed light on this critical issue

Recommended Reads

• When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’
• Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors
• Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
• What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
• Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss

My Forever Son

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents

Why Suicide Grief is Different

Suicide Grief: A Grief Like No Other

The Heavy Burden of Grief Following a Suicide

And if you’ve lost someone you love to suicide, then you already know the pain that suicide brings:

• A grief like no other.
• A grief that makes you question everything.
• A guilt that makes you feel you missed something crucial, something that could have prevented their death by suicide.

And if you’ve lost a child to suicide? A pain vast and deep, a grief that shatters your heart, your world, your life, your dreams.

Suicide grief alters your memories, makes you question everything, makes you wonder why you are here when your child is not. To read more about how learning to carry ache and love in suicide loss can take time, go here: Carrying Ache and Love in Suicide Loss.

Suicide Grief is Different: Self-Blame and Guilt Can Haunt Loss Survivors

Suicide Grief Haunts with the Darkness That Extinguished Their Life

Suicide grief haunts you with the darkness that extinguished their life. And it is a long night’s journey to find light enough in your own life to live again. To want to live again.

Suicide is Not a Choice: Surviving Your Child’s Suicide offers insight into my journey through the profound grief experienced after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide.

Break the Stigma: “Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice”

The excerpt below appears in its entirety here: “Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice” Nationwide Children’s

Why does reframing suicide as something different from a “choice” matter? It matters because those struggling with thoughts of suicide need all of us to understand that they don’t want to be in a place of overwhelming pain. They would typically rather be alive and living without that pain, and viewing their condition and behaviors as a choice only adds to the burden they already carry. 

It takes practice to empathize with someone who feels like death is a better option than life in a given moment. One has to be able to refrain from judgment, understand that suicide is not a personal weakness or someone’s “fault,” and recognize that suicide is often a product of mental health and environmental variables that we don’t fully comprehend. 

It can be hard for us to approach such extreme pain with a sense of compassion and curiosity. We would rather rely on simple explanations like “if we had just done this,” “if the parents had done a better job,” or “if he or she didn’t get bullied.” Suicide is nearly always more complex than that, but because answers are elusive and the trauma and loss remain for many years, we look for clarity. 

Stigma and discrimination make it less likely that those who stand to benefit from mental health treatment receive it. Too many people blame themselves for feeling depressed or like life is no longer worth living – they struggle to live rich and meaningful lives because of it. 

We need to reduce, not increase, the burden on those who struggle with thoughts of suicide. Breaking down stigma is a key to opening conversations, getting help and emerging from those struggles. Let’s commit to viewing people in emotional crisis similarly to those with a physical injury – with care, compassion and a plan for recovery.

John Ackerman, PhD, Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice, Pediatric Blog, Nationwide Children’s, Feb 15, 2024

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Frequently Asked Questions About the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Is Grief After Suicide Loss Unique?

Grief after a death by suicide is different due to the compounding layers of trauma, shame, guilt, and unanswered questions. While every loss is unique, suicide bereavement is often more complicated and can have longer-lasting effects than grief from other causes of death.

Read more here about Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief which explores the unique challenges of coping with suicide grief. The author, who lost her son to suicide, shares her personal experiences, her emotional journey, and provides resources for emotional support and understanding. The post includes a collection of articles and professional resources for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide.

What Are Some of the Differences in Grief After Suicide Loss?

Psychological differences

Unanswered “Why” questions: Loss survivors are often tormented by the need to understand why their loved one took their own life. This constant search for meaning can be painful, and a complete explanation may never be found.
Complex emotions: In addition to sadness, people often experience overwhelming feelings of guilt, anger, shame, and rejection.
Guilt: It is common to feel guilt or self-blame, replaying past events and wondering if they could have missed signs or done something to prevent the death.
Anger and abandonment: Loss survivors may feel intense anger toward their loved one for leaving them, or they may feel abandoned, questioning whether their relationship was meaningful enough to prevent the suicide.
Relief: If the person suffered from a long-term illness, it is not uncommon for survivors to feel a complex emotion of relief that their loved one’s pain is over. This feeling is often followed by guilt for feeling relieved.
Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS): The death may be sudden, unexpected, and violent, which can result in symptoms of post-traumatic stress, including flashbacks and nightmares. 

Social differences

Intense stigma: Despite progress, suicide is still heavily stigmatized, which can make people uncomfortable or hesitant to discuss the death This can leave loss survivors feeling judged, misunderstood, and isolated at a time when they most need support.
Isolation: The social stigma and awkwardness of others can lead to a lack of support from friends, colleagues, and even family members. Loss survivors may feel a need to conceal the cause of death, which further deepens their sense of isolation.
Strained family relationships: The grief can trigger pre-existing family tensions or cause new conflicts as family members struggle to cope. Differing views on why the suicide happened or who is to blame can create rifts. 

Increased health risks

Higher risk for complicated grief: Suicide loss survivors are at a higher risk of developing complicated grief (also known as prolonged grief), where acute grief is prolonged, intense, and interferes with daily functioning.
Increased risk for suicide: Research indicates that those who have lost a loved one to suicide are at a greater risk themselves for suicidal thoughts and behaviors. The pain and trauma can become so overwhelming that suicide seems like the only escape, or they may feel an intense yearning to join the person who died.
Psychiatric and physical health issues: Loss survivors also face an increased risk for depression, PTSD, anxiety, and physical health problems. 

The path to healing

Recognizing the unique nature of suicide grief is a critical step toward healing. For many, finding support from others who have experienced a similar loss can validate their complex emotions and offer a path forward. While the intensity of the pain will eventually fade, it is normal for reminders to trigger painful feelings, even years later. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve, and healing happens at its own pace. 

Read more about suicide grief here: Navigating Grief: Three Years After Loss, a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope, and healing three years after the tragic loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. These entries beautifully capture cherished memories, the challenges in grieving a child, and unexpected moments of joy that come with deep sadness.

Why is Grief After a Suicide Loss More Complicated?

Grief after a suicide loss is more complicated and intense than other forms of grief due to layers of trauma, stigma, and difficult emotions such as shame and guilt. While all grief is difficult, suicide loss introduces unique factors that can delay healing and leave survivors feeling isolated and overwhelmed. 

The traumatic nature of the death

Suicide is often a sudden and violent event, which is experienced by survivors as a trauma on top of the loss. 
Intrusive memories: Survivors, especially those who witnessed or discovered the suicide, can suffer from flashbacks, nightmares, and persistent distressing images of the death.
Shock and confusion: A suicide often comes as a shock, even if the person had a history of mental illness. This can cause survivors to struggle with feelings of unreality, confusion, and disbelief.
Heightened risk of PTSD: The traumatic circumstances of the loss put survivors at a higher risk of developing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or complicated grief, a prolonged and intense form of grief that severely impairs daily functioning. 

Persistent and intense emotions

Survivors of suicide loss experience an intensified range of emotions that are not typical for other types of bereavement. 
Guilt and self-blame: This is one of the most common and tormenting emotions. Survivors often replay “if only” scenarios, second-guessing past conversations and interactions and blaming themselves for failing to prevent the death.
Rejection and abandonment: It is common for survivors to feel abandoned or rejected, questioning why their relationship was not enough to keep their loved one alive.
Anger: Survivors often feel anger at the person who died for leaving them behind and causing such pain. This anger can also be directed at themselves, other family members, or mental health providers.
Relief: If the person who died struggled with mental or chronic physical illness, survivors may feel relief that their loved one’s suffering is over. This feeling can then be followed by intense guilt for feeling relieved. 

Shame and social stigma

Despite increased public awareness, suicide still carries a heavy social stigma that profoundly affects the bereaved. 
Social isolation: Many people are uncomfortable discussing suicide, causing them to avoid or distance themselves from survivors. This leaves the bereaved feeling isolated and unable to share their pain.
Fear of judgment: Survivors often feel ashamed and worry about being judged by others, which can make them reluctant to disclose the cause of death. They may internalize public misconceptions, fearing their loss will reflect negatively on them.
Impact on family dynamics: Stigma and the stress of the loss can cause immense rifts within families. Blame can be placed on other family members, further isolating and harming those who are grieving. 

The search for understanding

Unlike deaths from natural causes or accidents, suicide is an intentional act that leaves survivors desperate for answers and an explanation. 
The “Why” question: Survivors are haunted by the question of “why,” even if a suicide note was left behind. The search for a rational explanation can consume their thoughts and hinder the healing process.
Conflicting narratives: The deceased’s internal pain may be invisible to the outside world, creating a jarring contradiction between the public image and the private reality. Survivors must reconcile a person they saw as vital with a choice to end their life, which is profoundly confusing. 

Read more about suicide grief in Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing.

Why are suicide loss survivors at a higher risk of developing complicated grief?

Heightened risk for complicated grief

Suicide loss survivors are at a higher risk of developing complicated grief, a condition where intense and painful emotions persist for a prolonged period and interfere with daily life.
The trauma, stigma, and unresolved questions that are unique to suicide bereavement can extend the grieving process well beyond what is typically expected. 

Read more about understanding suicide and grief after suicide loss here: Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma that challenges the notion that suicide is a simple choice, emphasizing that suicide often stems from deep emotional pain and mental illness. Through personal narratives and research, the author highlights the importance of empathy and support for those struggling with suicidal thoughts, underscoring the need to address underlying pain rather than labeling suicide as a choice. The article also explores the complexities of suicide, debunking myths and shedding light on the contributing factors, including mental health conditions and life stressors.

What is complicated grief and what are symptoms of complicated grief?

Complicated grief after a suicide loss is 
an intense, prolonged, and disabling form of mourning, also known as Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD). The grief is complicated by the unique and painful circumstances of suicide, which often involve shocking trauma, unanswered questions, and profound feelings of guilt and abandonment. 

While typical grief gradually improves over time, complicated grief persists or worsens, interfering with a person’s ability to function and re-engage with life. Suicide loss survivors are at a significantly higher risk for developing complicated grief than those who lose a loved one to other causes. 

Factors that complicate grief after suicide

Several factors can make grieving a suicide loss especially difficult:
 
The search for answers: Many survivors are plagued by the unanswerable question, “Why?” This need to understand can lead to endless rumination, even when a suicide note is left behind, because the reasons may feel inadequate or fail to provide closure.

Guilt and responsibility: It is common for suicide survivors to engage in “if only” thinking and feel an exaggerated sense of responsibility or blame for not preventing the death. This guilt can be especially intense for parents who have lost a child.

Shock and trauma: Suicide is often a sudden and violent event, and survivors who witness or discover the death are at a higher risk of developing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Stigma and isolation: Societal stigma surrounding suicide can prevent survivors from openly discussing their loss. This lack of social support can lead to intense feelings of loneliness and isolation, hindering the healing process.

Feelings of rejection and abandonment: Survivors may feel rejected or abandoned by their loved one, which can trigger feelings of anger and lead them to question the worth of the relationship.

Disrupted religious or spiritual beliefs: Some religious or cultural beliefs related to suicide can impose shame on survivors, complicating their mourning rituals and making it harder to find comfort. 

Symptoms of complicated grief

Complicated grief (CG) after suicide loss is 
an intense, prolonged, and debilitating form of mourning that goes beyond normal grieving. Suicide loss is a major risk factor for complicated grief, where healing is stalled and the bereaved have trouble resuming their lives. 

A person who loses a loved one to suicide often experiences unique and painful factors that can lead to complicated grief:

Need for answers: Survivors are often tormented by the question “Why?” and may replay the loved one’s final days in their minds, searching for clues.

Guilt and responsibility: It is common for suicide loss survivors to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, questioning if they could have or should have done something to prevent the death.

Intense trauma: The shock, violence, and unexpectedness of suicide can be a traumatic experience, especially for those who witnessed or discovered the death. This can lead to symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Stigma and isolation: Many people are uncomfortable discussing suicide, which can cause survivors to feel shame, judgment, and isolation. This lack of social support can greatly hinder the healing process.

Feelings of rejection and abandonment: Survivors may feel rejected or abandoned by the deceased, wondering if their relationship was not enough to keep them alive. 

Symptoms of complicated grief
While some symptoms overlap with normal grieving, they are more persistent and severe in complicated grief and interfere with daily functioning.

Symptoms include: 

Intense and persistent longing or yearning for the deceased.
Intense emotional pain, sorrow, and rumination over the loss.
Inability to accept the death.
Excessive focus on or avoidance of reminders of the loved one.
Numbness, detachment, or bitterness related to the loss.
Feeling that life is meaningless without the deceased.
Isolation from others and withdrawal from social activities.
Difficulties carrying out normal routines.
Suicidal thoughts or a desire to join the deceased. 

Treatment and coping

For complicated grief after suicide loss, seeking professional help is vital. Untreated CG can lead to long-term physical and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts.
 
Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT): This is a structured psychotherapy approach that addresses the specific challenges of complicated grief. It helps survivors process the loss, manage intrusive thoughts, redefine life goals, and develop coping skills.

Trauma-focused therapy: For survivors also dealing with PTSD, therapy that addresses the traumatic aspects of the death is essential.

Medication: Antidepressant medication may be prescribed if the person is also experiencing clinical depression.

Support groups: Suicide loss support groups offer a safe, non-judgmental space for survivors to connect with others who understand their experience, which can reduce isolation and promote healing.

Healthy coping strategies: Techniques like stress management, regular exercise, and maintaining a connection to a faith community (if applicable) can also be helpful. 

Read more about complicated grief after suicide loss in Suicide Grief: Prolonged Grief Disorder? where the author describes what she moved through the first few years after her son’s suicide and her struggles with complicated grief.

How do you cope with suicide grief?

Give yourself time: Do not rush your grieving process. Healing from suicide loss is a long and non-linear journey.
Seek professional help: A therapist or grief counselor specializing in suicide bereavement can provide unique tools and strategies for navigating the intense emotions and trauma.
Join a support group: Connecting with other suicide loss survivors can validate your feelings and reduce the intense sense of isolation caused by stigma.
Practice self-compassion: Recognize that your complex and sometimes contradictory feelings are a normal response to an abnormal event. Gently challenge thoughts of blame and understand that you are not responsible for another person’s actions.
Create new traditions: Holidays and anniversaries can be particularly painful. Consider creating new rituals to honor your loved one in a way that feels meaningful to you. 

Read more about navigating suicide grief in Resources for Parents Coping with Suicide Loss a compassionate guide designed to support parents who are heartbroken from the loss of a child to suicide. This resource delves into the multifaceted emotions that accompany such profound grief, highlighting the crucial need for self-care, the value of seeking professional help, and the comfort of connecting with support groups. It offers coping strategies and thoughtful grief tips, such as engaging in creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory through meaningful memorials.

What is Prolonged Grief DisorderAfter Suicide Loss?

Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) after suicide loss is a chronic and intense response to bereavement, characterized by persistent, pervasive symptoms like intense longing, preoccupation with the deceased, disbelief, and an inability to accept the death.

This disorder, also known as complicated or traumatic grief, involves symptoms that are significantly distressing, last longer than socially expected (at least six months to a year, depending on the diagnostic criteria), and impair daily functioning. Survivors of suicide may be at higher risk for PGD due to the specific nature of the loss, which can involve intense guilt, unanswered questions, and other complex emotions. 

Key Characteristics

Intense and Persistent Grief: 
Symptoms of PGD are more severe and last longer than in normal grief, which typically fades over time. 
Impaired Functioning: 
The grief significantly interferes with work, social activities, and overall daily life. 

Specific Symptoms: 

These may include: Identity disruption, feeling a part of oneself has died.
Disbelief about the death.
Intense emotional pain, anger, bitterness, or sorrow.
Difficulty accepting the loss.
Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.
Emotional numbness or a feeling of meaninglessness.
Intense loneliness and isolation.
Why Suicide Loss Can Increase Risk

Specific Emotions: 

Suicide loss often involves feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame, and intense anger, which can complicate the grieving process. 
Unanswered Questions: 
There may be many unanswered questions, leading to rumination and difficulty making sense of the loss. 
Traumatic Nature: 
The sudden and often violent nature of suicide can be a traumatic experience, increasing the risk of developing complicated grief. 
Diagnosis and Treatment

Recognition:
 
The World Health Organization (WHO) and the American Psychiatric Association recognize PGD as a distinct condition, with criteria in both the ICD-11and DSM-5-TR. 
Professional Help: 
Evidence-based treatments and therapy can help individuals process the loss and move forward. 
Support Systems: 
Connecting with support groups and therapists experienced in suicide loss can be crucial for survivors. 

When to Seek Help
If feelings of depression or grief do not lift after a few weeks or seem more profound.
If you experience thoughts of suicide yourself. 
If your ability to function is severely impaired

Read more about Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide recounting a mother’s emotional struggle after the tragic loss of her son to suicide, a heart-wrenching experience that shattered her world. In the midst of her profound sorrow, she grapples with a whirlwind of feelings ranging from anger to confusion, trying to make sense of a reality that now feels unbearably heavy.

What does Prolonged Grief Disorder look like?

Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) after a suicide loss is 
a severe, persistent, and debilitating grief response that lasts for an extended period and significantly impairs a person’s daily functioning. While grief is a natural process, suicide bereavement presents unique challenges that increase the risk of PGD. 

Key characteristics of PGD after suicide loss

Distinct grief with added layers of complexity
Suicide loss adds layers of trauma and social complications that differentiate it from other forms of loss.
 
Need for understanding: Survivors often feel haunted by the question, “Why?” This intense search for an explanation, whether a note was left behind or not, can prolong the grieving process.
Guilt and self-blame: Many survivors feel a sense of responsibility and guilt, believing they could have prevented the death. This false guilt and counterfactual thinking (“if only I had…”) is a very common feature of suicide bereavement.
Rejection and abandonment: A person grieving a suicide may feel rejected or abandoned by the deceased, believing that their relationship wasn’t enough to prevent the death.
Increased stigma and isolation: The stigma surrounding suicide can cause discomfort in others, leading to a breakdown in social support. This can leave survivors feeling isolated and reluctant to talk about their experience, which can stall the healing process.
Traumatic nature of the death: A sudden and potentially violent death can lead to trauma symptoms, including intrusive thoughts and flashbacks of the event. This trauma can compound the grief and intensify the pain.
Family tensions: The intense emotions and blame associated with a suicide can cause friction and conflict within families, straining relationships at a time when support is most needed. 

Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder

For an adult to be diagnosed with PGD, they must experience intense and persistent longing for or preoccupation with the deceased most days, for at least one year since the loss.

Additionally, for at least one month, they must experience at least three of the following symptoms most days: identity disruption, emotional numbness, intense emotional pain, disbelief about the death, avoidance of reminders of the death, difficulty reintegrating into life, feeling life is meaningless without the deceased, or intense loneliness. 

Risk factors and treatment

Individuals who have lost someone to suicide are at a higher risk for developing PGD. If left untreated, PGD can contribute to other mental and physical health issues, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal ideation or behaviors. 

Targeted psychotherapy, such as Prolonged Grief Therapy, is supported by research as an effective treatment for PGD, including for suicide loss survivors. Support groups specifically for suicide loss survivors can also offer valuable connections with others facing similar challenges.

Read more about When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ which includes a poem by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” a poignant exploration of the complexities surrounding the topic of suicide, intricately challenging the prevalent notion that suicide is simply a choice made by individuals in despair.

Documentary: “Understanding the Pain of Suicide”

Rory O’Connor, a Professor at the University of Glasgow, researches and studies the why behind suicide. O’Connor’s videos are available at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and on YouTube.

Here are 3 videos–available in full in the Suicide Research Resource Videsos at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, by Rory O’Connor, Professor at the University of Glasgow–that have helped me learn more about suicide:

Video: “Understanding the Suicidal Mind – Wanting the Pain to Stop”

Video: Breaking Myths and Stigmas Around Suicide Attempts

“When It’s Darkest: Making Sense of Suicide”: Dispelling the Myths and Breaking the Stigma

“When It’s Darkest: Making Sense of Suicide” is a long video available on YouTube. I especially like the part of the video where Professor Rory O’Connor talks about dispelling the myths of suicide:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3leyZTSAGE&t=1803s

The Myths of Suicide: Breaking the Stigma

By Rory O’Connor, “When It’s Darkest: Making Sense of Suicide” video

Debunking Myths: Opening Conversations on Suicide and Supporting Those in Grief

Breaking the Stigma: The Truth Behind Suicide Myths

• Teenagers who talk about attempting suicide are doing it for attention.
  True, and they NEED the attention. There is something going on that’s causing them to feel this way. They need people to listen, and professionals to help them.
• All teenagers who are suicidal are depressed.
  This statement is true, but the reverse is not true, most people will experience times in their lives when they are depressed, but have no suicidal ideation.
• Suicidal people really want to die, so there’s no way to stop them.
  False. They are depressed and need help. With help, they can feel better and find other solutions.
• Talking about suicide will cause a student to attempt suicide.
  False. It’s just the opposite: not talking about it could escalate the problem. Even thinking about it makes the suicidal person feel worse. Talking will help bring understanding. Talking about it can relieve suicidal students and get them the help that’s needed. Discussing the subject openly shows that you take the person seriously and that you care.
• If a person really wants to kill himself or herself, no one has the right to stop him or her.
  False. We would help a person who was physically sick or injured; we need to help a person who is mentally ill.
• Once a person is suicidal, they’re suicidal forever.
  False. Teens who are suicidal can go on to lead useful lives, once they get help. Usually the suicidal feelings are for a limited period of time.
• Improvement following a suicidal crisis means that the suicide risk is over.
  False. Most suicides occur within 3 months following the beginning of “improvement”, when the teen has the energy to put their morbid thoughts and feelings into effect. Relatives and physicians should be especially vigilant during this period.

PBS, Suicide Prevention– Myths of Suicide, PBS Video

Download PBS’s “Myths of Suicide” here: Suicide Prevention– Myths of Suicide, PBS Video

Understanding Suicide: Essential Facts and Statistics

Increase in Suicide Attempts

Along with suicides, since 2011, there’s been nearly a 400 percent increase nationally in suicide attempts by self-poisoning among young people. “Suicide attempts by the young have quadrupled over six years, and that is likely an undercount,” said Henry A. Spiller, director of the Central Ohio Poison Center, who called the trend “devastating.” “These are just the ones that show up in the E.R.”

Jane E. Brody, December 2019, The New York Times, “The Crisis in Youth Suicide”

Suicide Has Emerged as The Second Leading Cause of Death for Children Ages 10-19

Suicide Grief is Often Prolonged and Complicated After a Child’s Suicide

Losing a Child to Suicide: A Grief that is Devastating, Complicated, and Prolonged

“A Crisis in Youth Suicide”

Too often, suicide attempts and deaths by suicide, especially among the young, become family secrets that are not investigated and dealt with in ways that might protect others from a similar fate. . . .

“We’re at a point now where this issue really can’t be ignored,” said John P. Ackerman, clinical psychologist and coordinator of suicide prevention at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. “We invest heavily in crisis care, which is the most expensive and least effective means of preventing suicide.”

He [Ackerman] proposed instead that more time and money be spent ‘on identifying kids who are most vulnerable, helping them respond effectively to stress, and teaching them what they can do in a crisis. And we need to start early, in the elementary grades. We haven’t even begun to use the resources that we know work. We have to be proactive.’

Jane E. Brody, December 2019, The New York Times, “The Crisis in Youth Suicide”

For a complete breakdown and thorough analysis of the most current suicide statistics, go to 2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis. Even though these statistics are from 2023, they are the latest published suicide statistics.

Navigating the Deep Sorrow of Losing a Child to Suicide

The devastating grief of losing a child to suicide

What follows below are poignant portrayals about the devastating grief and heartbreak of parents who lose a child (or children, as in the case of the author, Yiyun Li, who lost her twin sons) to suicide.

As a writer and mother who lost her only child to suicide, I understand the paradox of author Yiyun Li’s ongoing “abyss”of grief and her ability to find happiness in her everyday life.

In my own life, I carry both ache and love for my son lost to suicide. I live in two worlds at the same time: one world where I am always with my son, missing him, sad without him, and the other world where I function in my day-to-day life.

My writing, my gardens, my cats, my art and music keep me grounded in the here and now, but I am also and at the same time, always with my son Dylan. I live this dichotomy because I must. I am a mother who carries ongoing love and sorrow for the child I lost, and I am still here–a writer, a gardener, still capable of finding happiness in daily living.

“I Don’t Ever Want to Be Free From the Pain of Missing My Children“: Author Yiyun Li on Losing Her Twin Sons

‘I Don’t Ever Want to Be Free From the Pain of Missing My Children,’ Yiyun Li, author and mother who lost her twin sons (excerpt is available in full here: Alexandra Alter, ‘I Don’t Ever Want to Be Free From the Pain of Missing My Children,’ Yiyun Li, author, Published May 16, 2025; Updated May 18, 2025, The New York Times)

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When four police officers arrived at Yiyun Li’s home in Princeton, N.J., late on a Friday afternoon last February, she didn’t wait for instructions to sit down. As soon as the detective spoke — “There is no good way to say this” — she sank into a chair in her living room, gesturing for her husband to join her.

Li already sensed the devastating news they had come to deliver, even though she couldn’t fathom it. The detective confirmed the worst. Her son James, a freshman at Princeton University, had died, struck by a train near the campus.

The policemen said they were investigating the circumstances surrounding his death and avoided calling it a suicide. But Li and her husband knew it wasn’t an accident — that James had chosen to end his life, in the same way his older brother had.

A little more than six years earlier, James’s brother Vincent died by suicide at age 16, also killed by an oncoming train nearby. That night in 2017, Li had arrived home to find two detectives waiting for her. The police suggested she sit down before they told her about Vincent, which is why she did so instinctively when they came to deliver the news about James.

After the officers left, Li and her husband, Dapeng Li, sat in their living room, stunned. She felt like time was collapsing around her, as though she was stuck in an eternal present.

The detective’s statement — “There is no good way to say this” — struck Li, an acclaimed novelist, as both a cliché and undeniably true. No words could capture the devastation she felt, losing both of her sons. Shattering, wrenching, aching: Words that came close felt meaningless. But Li knew that words were the only way to anchor her thoughts to reality….

Sitting in her sunroom, Li told me that there’s something she wishes she’d known earlier in her life, so that she could have shared it with her children: that it’s possible “to suffer better,” to be both sad and happy. It’s a place she’s arrived at in recent months. When she’s gardening, when she’s reading, or writing, or listening to music, or taking a walk in the woods with her husband, she feels happy, she said.

“We’re sad, we’re very sad, but we’re not unhappy,” she said. “So long as we live, we carry our love for the children, even though they’re not here.”

A version of this article appears in print on June 8, 2025, Page 12 of the Sunday Book Review with the headline: Profile / Yiyun Li.

Alexandra Alter, ‘I Don’t Ever Want to Be Free From the Pain of Missing My Children,’ Yiyun Li, author, Published May 16, 2025; Updated May 18, 2025, The New York Times)

To read more from author Yiyun Li about the loss of her son James: THINGS IN NATURE MERELY GROW, author Yiyun Li

Go here to read a New York Times’ book review of Yiyun Li’s book, Things in Nature Merely Grow

A Parent’s Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Existing in Two Realities that Seem Incompatible”

The author of the article above from The New York Times, Alexandra Alter, notes: “What’s perhaps most surprising about talking to Li is witnessing her ability to exist in two realities that seem incompatible: one where she’s living in a desolate state she calls the abyss, and another where she finds fulfillment, amusement and even joy in her work, her friendships and her marriage, in little moments and memories.”

Parents don’t “move on” from losing their child, though they can–and do–learn to “move forward” with both their grief and their deep love for their child.

For parents who come through the devastating loss of a child to suicide, I’m not sure Yiyun Li’s account of her ability to exist in two realities is surprising at all. Losing a child is a lifelong grief, a heavy burden lightened somewhat by carrying grief as time moves forward. Parents don’t “move on” from losing their child, though they can and do learn to “move forward” with the grief and deep love they carry for their child.

Perhaps this understanding of the dual reality in which bereaved parents live comes only from losing one’s child to suicide.

Perhaps this understanding of the dual reality bereaved parents live in comes only from losing one’s child. I’ve heard other parents say that “the pain doesn’t go away, but the pain becomes softer as it becomes something parents learn to carry.” One mother has said that “the pain just becomes a part of you.”

The pain just becomes a part of you. Profound. Succinct. And for parents who lose a child to suicide, so very true.

Why the Pain Matters: The Stigma and Myths Surrounding Suicide

Stigma also affects those bereaved by suicide

Stigma also affects those bereaved by suicide. Research suggests that those bereaved by suicide experience negative attitudes from others and social awkwardness.[4] 

People bereaved may feel rejection, shame and blame. Misinformed reactions to suicide can result in avoidance and uncertainty about how to approach someone about their grief and loss.

Many people bereaved by suicide find themselves avoiding the disclosure of the cause of death due to the anticipated stigmatised responses.

“Stigma Around Suicide,” Suicide Call Back Service

Stigma around Suicide: How Does it Affect People?

The unfortunate impact of stigma around suicide is people not seeking help when they need it. Those who have lived experience of suicidal distress and suicide may internalise their feelings of shame because of this perception of how their peers and society view them. If a person has experienced stigma in the past, they may be reluctant to reach out for help again.[3] And stigma around suicide can also prevent others from offering support.

Stigma around suicide can have the following effects on a person who is experiencing it:

• Lowers hope and increases distress
• Worsens mental health and wellbeing
• Increases feelings of self-doubt, shame and embarrassment
• Negatively impacts self-esteem
• Reduces the likelihood of seeking support or treatment
• Increases difficulties in personal and working relationships due to a lack of understanding
• Increases social isolation.

Stigma also affects those bereaved by suicide. Research suggests that those bereaved by suicide experience negative attitudes from others and social awkwardness.[4] People bereaved may feel rejection, shame and blame. Misinformed reactions to suicide can result in avoidance and uncertainty about how to approach someone about their grief and loss. Many people bereaved by suicide find themselves avoiding the disclosure of the cause of death due to the anticipated stigmatised responses.

“Stigma Around Suicide,” Suicide Call Back Service

” Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide is Not a Choice”

…[We] often underestimate how many factors contribute to an outcome as complex and final as suicide. Those who experience the kind of emotional pain associated with suicide do not typically want to die; they wish for an end to unbearable emotional pain and, often, the resources that allow them to hold on aren’t available. Individuals who struggle with thoughts of suicide usually have a hard time thinking flexibly and their ability to see an end to pain and a life worth living is greatly compromised.

John Ackerman, PhD, Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Center for Suicide Prevention and Research, February 2024

Breaking the Stigma: Insights and Research at Nationwide Children’s

Key Facts: Culled from Research by Suicide Epidemiologists at Nationwide Children’s

*Nearly 1 in 6 teens has seriously contemplated suicide in the past year.

*Suicide affects people of all backgrounds. 

*Early identification of risk factors can aid behavioral health specialists in prevention strategies for youth at risk of suicide.

*Suicide is complex and tragic yet often preventable if communities are provided with the right tools.

Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Center for Suicide Prevention and Research

Frequently Asked Questions: How Do We Break the Stigma of Suicide?

Understanding Suicide: Wanting the Pain to Stop

In his book Why People Die by Suicide, Thomas Joiner outlines three factors that contribute to an individual’s acquired capacity for suicide:

1. You are born with it. Some people just come into the world with a temperament for risk-taking. They do not seem to be afraid of anything. Natural risk-takers in our society include law enforcement personnel and military, skydivers, adventure explorers, race car drivers, and emergency room doctors. These folks are not at risk for suicide unless they have the first half of the diagram, “desire for suicide.” Should that desire ever develop, however, they have less distance to cross to self-harm because the fear of death or pain is not as great as in other people.
2. You learn it. Other people may not be born with this innate sense of courage, but they learn it over time by living through painful and provocative experiences. By being exposed to violence and life-and-death situations, people become more accustomed and less afraid. For some people, this means a history of physical or sexual abuse. For others, it is chronic injuries or illnesses that require adapting to high levels of pain. For still others, it may be repeated suicidal thoughts or attempts.
3. You have access to and familiarity with lethal means. For example, you might have at hand firearms, lethal medications, and access to high places. The more comfortable a person is with the lethal means of suicide, the more likely he or she will choose that method should he or she find themselves wanting to die by suicide.

Further Reading: Thomas Joiner, Why People Die by Suicide (Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 2006).

Research Continues to Break Through the Myths that Surround Suicide

Suicide epidemiologists and those who study suicidology lend important research, insight, and understanding to a means of death that leaves an inordinate amount of pain behind in its wake. Their work is invaluable in uncovering the underlying factors contributing to suicidal behavior, including mental health issues, societal pressures, and personal crises. These studies identify risk factors and inform prevention strategies that can save lives.

It’s not about wanting to die; it’s about wanting the pain to stop.

It’s not about wanting to die; it’s about wanting the pain to stop. This crucial distinction highlights the struggles of those in despair. They long for relief from their emotional turmoil, unaware that such a permanent decision will send ripples of suffering to those left behind.

And sadly, it is we who live on past our loved one’s suicide who want the pain to stop the most. The grief of losing someone to suicide is complex There is the emotional agony of longing for their presence, the guilt of unanswered questions, and the frustration of not being able to prevent their decision.

My son is no longer in pain, but the pain of losing him to suicide will always be with me

My son is no longer in pain, but the pain of losing him to suicide will always be with me. I hope that by sharing my story and the stories of others, I can contribute to a narrative that encourages open discussions about mental health and inspires those who suffer to seek help.

In a world that can sometimes feel profoundly isolating, it is essential to remind everyone that healing is possible and that there is hope beyond despair.

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

Compassionate Guidance for Navigating Loss

These key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief provide compassionate guidance for readers as they navigate the challenging landscape of loss. In particular, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, offers solace and a new perspective. The journey of coping often means confronting feelings of stigma, guilt, and isolation, intermixed with a complex array of emotions, ranging from anger to relief.

Research compassionately underscores that suicide is not a conscious choice, emphasizing the importance of a non-judgmental approach to emotional healing. Engaging with support groups and educational materials can be a source of empowerment for survivors, nurturing community connections and facilitating a path toward healing and hope.

Included are the author’s personal story of losing her child, resources for emotional support, professional insights on suicide’s complexities, discussions on the duration of grief, and a selection of helpful resources for bereaved parents.

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice presents a heartfelt exploration of the complex and deeply emotional subject of suicide. The piece invites readers to reflect on the harrowing question of whether suicide can truly be seen as a choice. Insights from Dr. John Ackerman, a prominent suicide epidemiologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, shed light on this critical issue.

Dr. Ackerman emphasizes the often-overlooked factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts, stating, “We often underestimate the multitude of factors that impact such a complex and irreversible outcome as suicide. Individuals grappling with the profound emotional turmoil that gives rise to suicidal thoughts typically do not wish to end their lives; they are, instead, yearning for relief from the immense pain often exacerbated by the absence of supportive resources and understanding.”

This poignant examination not only raises awareness but also fosters empathy and understanding, making it a must-read for anyone seeking to support loved ones in need.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents offers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Meet the Author, Beth Brown

Getting to Know the Heart Behind the Words

A Heart Unbroken: The Journey of Healing

I’ve created a poignant collection of poems, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, that explores the profound journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. This collection is now available on Amazon Kindle, offering heartfelt comfort and solace for those navigating their grief.

The Story of My Forever Son

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources offers an extensive collection of resources aimed at helping parents understand the complexities of suicide to help with their profound grief. This invaluable guide not only provides insights but also connects parents with supportive communities, fostering a sense of belonging and emphasizing gentle pathways to hope and healing during such a heartbreaking time.

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.

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Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.

Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still. 

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,”explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan” offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, weaving together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.

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Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.

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I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.

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I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.

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Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.

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Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” A Poem on Suicide Loss explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.

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Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Meet the Author, Beth Brown

Getting to Know the Heart Behind the Words

A Heart Unbroken: The Journey of Healing

I’ve created a poignant collection of poems, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, that explores the profound journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. This collection is now available on Amazon Kindle, offering heartfelt comfort and solace for those navigating their grief.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

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