A cozy holiday scene featuring a rustic table with a braided pastry, dried fruit slices, and decorative miniature trees, evoking the warmth of seasonal gatherings, My Forever Son, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss
Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss
Key Takeaways
Coping with Holiday Grief after Suicide Loss, especially when you’ve lost a child to suicide, involves acknowledging and expressing your feelings of sorrow and joy.
Consider modifying traditions, creating new ones, or taking breaks from celebrations that feel overwhelming.
Engage in acts of remembrance to honor your child’s memory during the holidays.
Prioritize self-care by setting realistic expectations, delegating tasks, and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals.
Remember, there is no right way to grieve; do what feels comfortable for you and your family.
Summary
Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, especially after losing a child to suicide, involves acknowledging and expressing feelings, modifying or creating new traditions, and prioritizing self-care. It’s important to communicate needs to family and friends, involve other grieving children, and seek professional support if needed. Remember, there is no right way to grieve, and it’s okay to do things differently this year.
Introduction
Coping with Holiday Grief after Suicide Loss is a deeply personal reflection by a mother, Beth, on her journey through grief after losing her only child, Dylan, to suicide, and how the holidays—especially Christmas—have changed for her over the years. She describes the evolving ways she copes with loss, from sending cards and decorating with symbolic items to gradually finding moments of hope and healing amid ongoing sorrow. The narrative highlights her struggle to create new traditions, her reliance on small comforts like her cats, and her gradual acceptance that honoring her feelings and memories is the best way forward.
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
A cozy scene featuring a cup of hot cocoa, a book, and festive star-shaped cookies, perfect for reflecting on memories during the holiday season, My Forever Son, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss
Grief Explained: Breaking Myths and Finding Healing
Your grief is your grief. It’s normal and necessary. Allow it to be what it is.
“Let Go of Destructive Misconceptions about Grief and Mourning”
“Let Go of Destructive Misconceptions about Grief and Mourning”
Bonnie Carroll is TAPS President and Founder and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. serves on the TAPS Advisory Board. They co-authored the book, “Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death” and is available at no cost to survivors. If you’re a survivor and would like to get a copy of the book, email info@taps.org. Please provide your current mailing address.
Most of us have internalized a number of our society’s harmful misconceptions about grief and mourning.
Here are some to let go of:
I need to be strong and carry on.
Tears are a sign of weakness.
I need to get over my grief.
Death is something we don’t talk about.
The more traumatic the death, the more I should try to put it behind me quickly and efficiently.
Other people need me so I need to “hurry up” and get back to my “normal” self.
Sometimes these misconceptions will cause you to feel guilty about or ashamed of your true thoughts and feelings.
Your grief is your grief. It’s normal and necessary. Allow it to be what it is.
Be Aware That Your Grief Affects Your Body, Mind, Heart, Social Self, and Spirit
Grief is physically demanding. This is especially true with traumatic grief. Your body responds to the stress of the encounter, and the immune system can weaken. You may be more susceptible to illness and physical discomforts. You may also feel lethargic, weak, or extremely fatigued.
You may not be sleeping well and you may have little appetite (or you may be overeating). Your stomach may hurt. Your chest may ache.
Cognitively, you may have trouble thinking clearly. Your thoughts may seem disorganized, and you might be finding it hard to concentrate or complete even the simplest task.
Likewise, the emotional toll of grief is complex and painful. You may feel many different feelings, and those feelings can shift and blur over time.
This death has probably also caused social discomfort. Because they don’t know what to say or do, some friends and family members may withdraw from you, leaving you isolated and unsupported.
You may ask yourself, “Why go on living?” “Will my life have meaning now?” “Where is God in this?” Spiritual questions such as these are natural and necessary but also draining.
Basically, your grief will affect every aspect of your life. Don’t be alarmed. Trust that if you do your grief work and meet your needs of mourning, you will find peace and comfort again.
Take Good Care of Yourself
Good self-care is nurturing and necessary for mourners, yet it’s something many of us completely overlook.
Try very hard to eat well and get adequate rest. Lay your body down two or three times a day for 20 to 30 minutes, even if you don’t sleep.
We know– you probably don’t care very much about eating well right now, and you may be sleeping poorly. But taking care of yourself is truly one way to fuel healing and begin to embrace life again.
Listen to what your body tells you. “Get some rest,” it says. “But I don’t have time,” you reply. “I have things to do.” “OK, then, I’ll get sick so you HAVE to rest,” your body says. And it will get sick if that’s what it takes to get its needs met.
Drink at least five to six glasses of water each day. Dehydration can compound feelings of fatigue and disorientation.
Exercise not only provides you with more energy, it can give you focused thinking time. Take a 20-minute walk every day. Or, if that seems too much, a five-minute walk. But don’t over-exercise, because your body needs extra rest as well.
Now more than ever, you need to allow time for you.
Breathe
When the demands of your grief—not to mention the demands of your daily life—feel overwhelming, stop what you’re doing for a few minutes and just breathe.
If you can, give yourself five full minutes to concentrate on your breathing. Breathe from your diaphragm: push your belly out as you breathe in and pull your belly in as you breathe out. Imagine that you’re inhaling the spiritual energy you need to heal and that you’re exhaling your sadness and bad feelings.
Breathing opens you up. Grief may have closed you down. The power of breath helps to fill your empty spaces. The old wisdom of “count to ten” is all about taking a deep breath to open up space for something else to happen.
Meditate if meditation helps center you. Find someplace quiet, be still, close your eyes, and focus on breathing in and out. Relax your muscles. Listen to your own heartbeat. When you notice yourself thinking about something other than your breathing, gently let the thought go and bring your attention back to your breath.
Consciously breathe in and out; you can slow the world down and touch the edges of your true self.
Know That You Are Loved
As Jane Howard wisely observed, “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Yes, love from family, friends, and community gives life meaning and purpose. Look around for expressions of care and concern. These are people who love you and want to be an important part of your support system.
Some of those who love you may not know how to reach out to you, but they still care about you. Reflect on those people and the ways in which your life matters to them. Open your heart and have gratitude for those who love you.
Feeling connected to people around you can be a great source of you and a cause for celebration. When you reach out to others, and they to you, you remember you are loved even during days of darkness and grief.
In contrast, if you lose this connection, you suffer alone and in isolation. Feeling pessimistic, you may retreat even more. You begin to sever your relationships and make your world smaller. Over-isolation anchors your loss and sadness in place.
You are connected to your family, friends, and community in a circle, with no end and no beginning. When you allow yourself to be a part of that circle, you find your place. You realize you belong and are a vital part of a bigger whole.
Bonnie Carroll is TAPS President and Founder and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. serves on the TAPS Advisory Board. They co-authored the book, “Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death” and is available at no cost to survivors. If you’re a survivor and would like to get a copy of the book, email info@taps.org. Please provide your current mailing address.
A serene holiday scene with a pinecone surrounded by evergreen branches, evoking feelings of remembrance during the holiday season, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
Practical Strategies for Navigating Grief During the Holidays
Talk about Your Grief
During the holiday season, don’t be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won’t make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen—without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.
Be Tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits
Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.
Eliminate Unnecessary Stress
You may already feel stressed, so don’t overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely “keeping busy” won’t distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.
Be With Supportive, Comforting People
Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings—both happy and sad.
Talk About the Person Who Has Died
Include the person’s name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.
Do What Is Right for You during the Holidays
Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend. Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family.
Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings
Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just react to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear, and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.
Embrace Your Treasure of Memories
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it’s alright to cry. Memories that were made in love—no one can ever take them away from you.
Renew Your Resources for Living
Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life– past, present, and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you.
Express Your Faith
During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony.
As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don’t let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.
Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., C.T. is an internationally noted author, educator, and grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the University of Colorado Medical School Department of Family Medicine faculty. Dr. Wolfelt is known for his compassionate philosophy model of “companioning” versus “treating” the bereaved. Among his many bestselling books on grief, he has published: The Journey Through Grief, Healing Your Traumatized Heart, The Mourner’s Book of Hope, and Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart. The Center for Loss and Life Transition website lists all of Dr. Wolfelt’s publications.
A person wrapped in a cozy gray scarf and brown sweater, embodying warmth and comfort during challenging times, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
Frequently Asked Questions: Coping With Holiday Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
Following the loss of a child to suicide, the holiday season can be particularly difficult and painful. What can I do to cope with the holidays?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and how you cope may involve modifying old traditions, creating new ones, or taking a break from celebrations.
Do what feels right for you and your family.
Give yourself permission to feel. It is okay to feel sad, angry, or even experience moments of joy during the holidays. These feelings are all valid parts of grief and do not mean you have forgotten your child. Plan ahead. Decide which traditions you want to continue and which you want to change. Communicate with your family about these plans and what you may or may not feel up to doing. Having a “Plan B” is also wise, allowing you to change your plans at the last minute if you feel overwhelmed. Modify or change traditions. It’s okay to do things differently this year. This might mean keeping celebrations smaller, letting someone else host, or taking a year off from some traditions. Engage in acts of remembrance. Incorporating your child’s memory into the holidays can be a source of comfort. This could include:Lighting a special candle. Sharing favorite stories or memories during a meal. Creating a memory box with photos or special notes. Making a donation to a charity in their name. Set realistic expectations. Recognize that this year will be different. Don’t put pressure on yourself to perform past responsibilities or to “get in the holiday spirit”. Care for your emotional and physical health. Grief is exhausting. Be gentle with yourself and prioritize your well-being by getting enough rest, eating healthily, and incorporating gentle exercise. Avoid using alcohol to self-medicate.
Read more suggestions for self-care: 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide includes valuable tips and insights for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, offering practical advice on seeking help, connecting with others, and finding ways to cope with grief. The personal experiences and suggestions offer meaningful support for parents dealing with this devastating loss. A comprehensive guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, this post offers support and resources to help parents who lose a child to suicide navigate this difficult journey. Remember, you are not alone. There is a community of parents who are ready to listen, understand, and support you through this painful chapter of your life.
How do I navigate social interactions during the holidays?
Communicate your needs. Let friends and family know what you need. They may be unsure how to support you and will appreciate your guidance. If you don’t feel up to attending an event, it is okay to decline, but you can add, “Please keep asking, and eventually I will accept”. Talk about your loved one. Don’t be afraid to talk about your child. Sharing stories and looking at photos can help validate your memories and your love for them. Plan for difficult questions. Have a rehearsed response ready for inappropriate questions, such as those that seek details about your child’s death. You can simply say, “I’m not going to discuss that,” or “This isn’t helpful for me right now”. Connect with supportive people. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand and respect your grief. It is okay to lean more heavily on some people than others.
Involving other family members Include other grieving children. If there are other children in the family, involve them in holiday planning and rituals. This can help them feel heard and cope with their own grief. Let children express their feelings. Don’t hide your feelings from your children to appear strong. By showing your own grief, you give them permission to express theirs. Also, allow them to experience moments of joy without guilt.
Seek professional support if needed If your grief feels overwhelming or complicated by feelings of guilt, anger, or despair, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Therapy, grief support groups for suicide loss survivors, or other mental health resources can provide a safe space to process your emotions. Organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)offer valuable resources and support groups.
Need Help Now? Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors provides a comprehensive list of support resources, books for grieving a suicide loss, and poetry about losing a child to suicide. It aims to guide individuals through the complex emotions that often accompany such a tragic loss, offering a safe space where they can find both solace and understanding. The curated selection includes not only literature that addresses the multifaceted nature of grief but also practical suggestions for coping mechanisms, support groups, and online forums where survivors can share their experiences. By fostering connections with others who have faced similar heartache, this collection seeks to instill a sense of hope, encouraging the healing journey while honoring the memory of loved ones lost.
What does coping with holiday grief after losing a child to suicide involve?
Honoring their memory, creating new traditions, and prioritizing self-care, which may include setting boundaries with others and seeking professional support.
Acknowledge your grief instead of trying to suppress it, find ways to create new traditions that align with your current feelings, and remember it is okay to say “no” to overwhelming invitations.
Acknowledge and honor your child’s memory: Create memorial rituals: Light a candle, hang a special ornament, or place a photo on the tree. Share stories: Ask family and friends to share favorite memories, photos, or videos of your child. Create new traditions: Instead of trying to replicate old ones, start new ones that can honor their memory, such as a special meal, a donation in their name, or creating a new family activity. Write letters: Write letters to your child and place them in a special basket or holiday stocking.
Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being: Set boundaries: It is okay to decline invitations or change plans based on how you feel. You don’t have to do the same things you did before. Rest and delegate: Grief is exhausting; allow yourself to rest and accept help from others, such as friends bringing meals or helping with chores. Use grounding techniques: Practice deep breathing or other calming exercises to help manage intense emotions. Journal or talk: Writing or talking about your feelings can help you process them. Take care of your physical health: Try to maintain healthy habits like eating and sleeping as much as you can.
Seek and accept support: Talk to your family: Have an open conversation with your immediate family about how everyone is feeling and what they are up to. Lean on your support system: Be open with trusted friends about what you need, and accept help from them. Consider professional help:
If you are struggling with complicated grief, anxiety, or depression, seek professional help from a therapist or grief counselor. Join a support group: Connecting with other suicide loss survivors can provide a unique understanding and support.
Read more: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parentsoffers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.
How do I handle the holidays after suicide loss?
Do what you think will be comfortable for you.
Remember, you can always choose to do things differently next time.
Below are some considerations and guidance for the holidays:
•Think about your family’s holiday traditions; consider whether you want to continue them or create some new ones
•Remember that family members may feel differently about continuing to do things the way they’ve been done in the past; try to talk openly with each other about your expectations
•Consider whether you want to be with your family and friends for the holiday, or whether it would be more healing for you to be by yourself or go away (this year)
•Keep in mind that sometimes the anticipation of an event can be more difficult than the event itself
•If you find it comforting to talk about your loved one, let your family and friends know that; tell them not to be afraid to mention your loved one’s name.
Some survivors find it comforting to acknowledge the birthday of their loved one by gathering with his/her friends and family; others prefer to spend it privately.
Some survivors have found the following ritual helpful for a variety of occasions:
— Light two candles, and then blow one out; explain that the extinguished candle represents those we’ve lost, while the one that continues to burn represents those of us who go on despite our loss and pain.
— Simply leave the one candle burning (you can put it off to one side) for the duration of the holiday meal or event; the glowing flame acts as a quiet reminder of those who are missing.
Above all, bear in mind that there is no “right” way to handle holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays; you and your family may decide to try several different approaches before finding one that feels best for you.
Read More: Finding Beauty in Loss: Poetic Reflections shares author Beth Brown’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry and nature photography, she finds solace and a way to express her overwhelming emotions. Her collection, “Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing,” offers a poignant exploration of love, loss, and the enduring bond between a mother and her son. Her book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide,is available on Amazon Kindle.
Coping Strategies and Suggestions for Grief
Holidays bring expectations of merriment, traditions rich in meanings, and memories of past holidays. When you’ve lost your child to suicide, holidays can be impossible. Suggestions and ways to cope with grief are plentiful. Some ideas for moving through the holidays have helped me.
This I know: Each holiday season can be gotten through, even in the midst of acute grief, even when the pain feels overwhelming, even when tears come unexpectedly.
When you lose someone special, your world lacks its celebratory qualities. Holidays magnify that loss.
David Kessler, Grief.com
Dealing With the Pain
How even to explain that I lose my son all over again at the holidays. Tinsel and ornaments, colorful lights and candles, gingerbread cookies and family gatherings all bring memories both beautiful and sad.
The sadness deepens and the loneliness can feel isolating. The need for support may be the greatest during the holidays. Pretending you don’t hurt and/or it isn’t a harder time of the year is just not the truth for you. But you can – and will – get through the holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid, it is the pain. No one can take that pain away, but grief is not just pain, grief is love.
David Kessler, Grief and the Holidays, Dealing with the Pain
Surviving Suicide Loss
Surviving a Suicide Loss Resource and Healing Guide (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, AFSP) offers these ideas for surviving suicide loss at the holidays:
Think about your family’s holiday traditions; consider whether you want to continue them or create some new ones.
• Remember that family members may feel differently about continuing to do things the way they’ve been done in the past; try to talk openly with each other about your expectations.
• Consider whether you want to be with your family and friends for the holiday, or whether it would be more healing for you to be by yourself or go away (this year).
• Keep in mind that sometimes the anticipation of an event can be more difficult than the event itself.
• If you find it comforting to talk about your loved one, let your family and friends know that; tell them not to be afraid to mention your loved one’s name
• Some survivors have found the following ritual helpful for a variety of occasions: — Light two candles, and then blow one out; explain that the extinguished candle represents those we’ve lost, while the one that continues to burn represents those of us who go on despite our loss and pain — Simply leave the one candle burning (you can put it off to one side) for the duration of the holiday meal or event; the glowing flame acts as a quiet reminder of those who are missing
• Above all, bear in mind that there is no “right” way to handle holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays; you and your family may decide to try several different approaches before finding one that feels best for you
AFSP, Surviving a Suicide Loss Resource and Healing Guide
“Know you can survive; you may not think so, but you can.”
AFSP, Surviving a Suicide Loss Resource and Healing Guide
Tools and Tips for Navigating the Holidays
Prepare for your feelings ahead of time: You may want to set aside a time to share memories. Or make a donation of money, clothing or toys to a homeless shelter in your loved one’s memory. If you want to stay busy, you could volunteer to organize donations.
Plan a getaway: If your loved one died near the holidays and the memories become overwhelming, consider getting away by taking a vacation removed from the places where your memories might be the most intense. If you decide to stay home, it may help to go to a restaurant or a friend’s house to avoid the stress of preparing a holiday meal. If you find cooking therapeutic, consider preparing a meal and inviting others over.
Ask your friends for help: If you have children at home, it may be especially stressful to try and celebrate the holidays while enduring your grief. You may want to ask a friend or relative to help by inviting your children to events with their family.
Request help with gifts: You may be too exhausted and distracted to even think about shopping, but if you still want your children to have some special gifts, consider asking a friend to help with this, too. Give them money to pick out a certain gift or gifts. Most people are aching to do something to help a bereaved friend.
Start a new tradition: Consider starting a new tradition, such as joining Wreaths Across America or volunteering at a homeless shelter or hospital. Or carry on a tradition that your loved one enjoyed.
Keep your memories alive: If remembering your loved one during the holidays brings you comfort, add those memories into your holiday festivities. You might tell funny stories you shared with them, or create a special ornament or burn a candle in their memory. Or perhaps visiting the cemetery and decorating your loved one’s grave would bring you comfort.
Talk among your immediate family about how you are all feeling and what you are up to. Don’t let anyone push you to go to an event that you are not ready for. Not everyone has to attend. Do what you think will give you the most strength and energy. That may be different from what other people tell you or push you to do. Only you truly know what you are up to doing for these events.
You don’t have to do the same activity as you have done in years past. In fact, trying to do the same event without the missing person may only make things worse. You can do something different: have a Thanksgiving breakfast, just have desserts, have a coffee tasting, or go out to a restaurant. You can take out all your photos and leave them around for people to talk about, ask people to bring stories, videos, or photos of your loved one to share with the group. Or you can stay home and have a quiet day. For a few years, we shifted to just stopping in on family and friends for only coffee and dessert after the event was mostly over. That allowed us to see everyone, but not feel the pressure to stay the whole time. Folks just want to see how you are doing.
If you attend a gathering, it may help to have a “friend” in the room – someone with whom you can speak honestly. Your trusted ally can help get you out of uncomfortable conversations. They can be your “wingman” for the day, and provide any added strength and support you might need.
Have a “Plan B” – just in case. You may wake up and find you don’t have the strength to follow through with your original plans. That’s when you shift to “Plan B.” It is not a failure; it is just a different choice for the day. It might be something as simple as a walk in the park, stopping by a house of worship, or visiting someplace that gives you strength and happiness. People know you are grieving and will understand that you might need a change of plans for that day.
Avoid hosting the event at your home. If you suddenly feel overwhelmed, it is hard to disappear if you need a quiet moment. Consider letting someone else host the event this year. You deserve a break.
Don’t hesitate to mention and acknowledge the person who is missing around the table. There are many ways to do this. Some people go around the table and ask each person to tell a short, positive, or funny memory about the person who is missing. Some people make a remembrance jar that can be used at any family event. Some folks even set a place at the table for the missing person and place a picture or candle on their plate. Here is an article about doing a candle lighting ceremony.
It all comes down to healing the way you need to and acknowledging that those around you are also healing.
One more important tip: avoid alcohol or other intoxicating substances during these events. You need to stay sharp and manage your emotions, even though folks around you are having too much. There are always people in the crowd that will say the wrong thing and you want to be able to respond or walk away with a clear head. Alcohol can also lower your energy and just make your day worse. It is never a good idea to get lost in a drink when your emotions and grief are causing you pain.
And last, remember it is only 24 hours. Most survivors start thinking and worrying about the events long in advance. Be kind to yourself and know that you will wake up the next day and the sun will rise once again.
Dealing with the Holidays after a Suicide Loss
A candle burning beside a decorated cookie, symbolizing remembrance and healing during the holidays after loss, My Forever Son, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss
My Story: Ways that I Cope with the Holidays
Based on the author’s reflections in her writing, the main emotions she experiences throughout her journey of grief and healing after the loss of her son Dylan are:
1. Overwhelming Grief and Sorrow
In the first years after Dylan’s passing, Beth describes feeling “enormous weighted grief,” “paralyzed with grief,” and “consumed by grieving, longing, desperate sobbing and aching.” The holidays, especially Christmas and Thanksgiving, intensify these feelings, making traditional celebrations painful and isolating.
2. Frustration and Anger
Beth expresses frustration and anger toward receiving generic holiday cards and greetings, which feel out of touch with her reality. She feels misunderstood by those who send “cookie-cutter” messages, highlighting a sense of alienation from people who don’t grasp the depth of her pain.
3. Numbness and Disconnection
She recounts periods of numbness and emotional disconnection, describing times when she felt “unplugged from my grief, from the world, from my feelings, from life.” This numbness is something she dislikes, as it separates her from both her sorrow and her ability to feel.
4. Hope and Healing
Over time, Beth notices a shift: she begins to experience hope and moments of healing. She describes feeling “hopeful much more often,” and for the first time since Dylan’s death, she has a “fantastic Thanksgiving Day” where joy and presence coexist with sorrow.
5. Acceptance and Relief
Beth starts to accept her new reality, finding relief in small moments of happiness and in creating new traditions that honor her journey and Dylan’s memory. She feels “elevated, lightened, unburdened,” and recognizes these feelings as a “reprieve” and a sign of healing.
6. Love and Connection
Despite her loss, Beth’s love for Dylan remains central. She finds comfort in her cat Lily May, whom she believes Dylan may have sent to her, and she continues to express her love through rituals, memories, and subtle tributes in her home.
7. Resilience and Self-Compassion
Beth demonstrates resilience by adapting her holiday traditions, focusing on self-care, and allowing herself to feel whatever comes—whether sorrow or joy. She acknowledges her progress and gives herself permission to honor her feelings as they are.
In summary: The author’s emotional journey moves from deep grief, anger, and numbness toward moments of hope, acceptance, and healing, all while maintaining a profound love for her son and a growing sense of resilience.
A collection of essential books on coping with grief after a child’s suicide, symbolizing support and healing, Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
Professional Resources
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress http://www.personalgriefcoach.net This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors http://www.allianceofhope.org This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival http://www.friendsforsurvival.org This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS) http://www.pos-ffos.com This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) https://www.taps.org/suicide This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors https://unitesurvivors.org/ This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280 Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010 Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center The National Center for Grieving Children & Families dougy.org • (503) 775-5683 Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919 Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS) taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277) Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS losscs.org Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope allianceofhope.org Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide helpguide.org Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) pos-ffos.com An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998 Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss siblingsurvivors.com Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 988lifeline.org Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line crisistextline.org Text TALK to 741-741 for English Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents Summary The article “Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents” provides support for parents grieving a child lost to suicide during the holidays, a time that can be especially painful for those in mourning. It emphasizes self-care, encouraging parents to prioritize their well-being while seeking supportive…
Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss Summary In Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss, author Beth Brown recounts her experience of grief during the holidays after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She describes the pain of missing him and the struggle to find joy in traditions. Beth emphasizes…
Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss Summary Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, especially after losing a child to suicide, involves acknowledging and expressing feelings, modifying or creating new traditions, and prioritizing self-care. It’s important to communicate needs to family and friends, involve other grieving children, and seek professional support if needed. Remember,…
Summary In The Pain of Losing a Child: Holidays Bring Reflection, the narrator struggles with the pain of losing a child to suicide, focusing on grief at the holidays.The author, grieving the loss of her son Dylan to suicide, finds the holiday season particularly painful. Despite attempts to distract herself, memories of Dylan intensify, highlighting…
Silent Night: Navigating Holiday Grief After the Loss of a Child to Suicide Summary The article “Silent Night: Navigating Holiday Grief After the Loss of a Child to Suicide” acknowledges the ongoing journey of grief after losing a child to suicide. It emphasizes that it’s okay to not be okay during the holidays and offers…
Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies Summary The article “Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies” offers guidance for coping with grief during the holidays, particularly for those who have lost a child to suicide. It emphasizes open dialogue about grief, respecting personal boundaries, and embracing memories through simple activities.…
Grief Tips from David Kessler for Holidays Our grief is our love “Our grief is our love” Grief and trauma get healed in connection. Join a group. Find a group where you are known for your weakness, not your strength. If you are not part of this group, start a group. Get resources at grief.com…
Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss Summary In Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss, author Beth Brown recounts her experience of grief during the holidays after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She describes the pain of missing him and the struggle to find joy in traditions. Beth emphasizes…
Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents Summary The article “Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents” provides support for parents grieving a child lost to suicide during the holidays, a time that can be especially painful for those in mourning. It emphasizes self-care, encouraging parents to prioritize their well-being while seeking supportive…
Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies Summary The article “Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies” offers guidance for coping with grief during the holidays, particularly for those who have lost a child to suicide. It emphasizes open dialogue about grief, respecting personal boundaries, and embracing memories through simple activities.…
Summary In The Pain of Losing a Child: Holidays Bring Reflection, the narrator struggles with the pain of losing a child to suicide, focusing on grief at the holidays.The author, grieving the loss of her son Dylan to suicide, finds the holiday season particularly painful. Despite attempts to distract herself, memories of Dylan intensify, highlighting…
Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary This article, Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide presents an intimate and deeply personal narrative about navigating grief after the loss of a child to suicide. Through heartfelt reflections and evocative poetry, the work captures the multifaceted experience of sorrow and enduring…
Grief Tips from David Kessler for Holidays Our grief is our love “Our grief is our love” Grief and trauma get healed in connection. Join a group. Find a group where you are known for your weakness, not your strength. If you are not part of this group, start a group. Get resources at grief.com…
Silent Night: Navigating Holiday Grief After the Loss of a Child to Suicide Summary The article “Silent Night: Navigating Holiday Grief After the Loss of a Child to Suicide” acknowledges the ongoing journey of grief after losing a child to suicide. It emphasizes that it’s okay to not be okay during the holidays and offers…
Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss Summary Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, especially after losing a child to suicide, involves acknowledging and expressing feelings, modifying or creating new traditions, and prioritizing self-care. It’s important to communicate needs to family and friends, involve other grieving children, and seek professional support if needed. Remember,…
Suicide: It Never Lets Go Grief Begins After Losing My Only Child to Suicide Read the entire post at My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Suicide: It Never Lets Go Grief Begins Dying Inside. Holding my breath. Pain on the inhale. Pain in the exhale. Sharp pierce of pain. Heart pain. Constant. Mighty. Rhythmic.…
Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.
At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales
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