A close-up view of colorful autumn leaves scattered on a stone pavement, highlighting various shades of red, yellow, and brown, A close-up view of colorful autumn leaves scattered on a stone pavement, highlighting various shades of red, yellow, and brown, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A collage of fallen leaves resting on cobblestone,, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A collage of fallen leaves resting on cobblestone, symbolizing the themes of loss and change, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Key Takeaways

  • Beth Brown shares her journey of healing a after losing her son to suicide in her Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: ‘Still from Sky I’m Falling’, focusing on guilt and self-blame.
  • The imagery of a falling bird symbolizes the loss of innocence and evokes strong emotions of powerlessness and fragility.
  • Brown emphasizes the importance of self-forgiveness in her journey through grief and offers resources for others facing similar challenges.
  • The poem reflects the complexities of parental bereavement, capturing the deep emotions associated with losing a child to suicide.
  • She connects with readers by sharing personal experiences and seeks to provide solace and understanding through her writing.

Summary

Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply emotive poem Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” she delves into the overwhelming guilt and grief that enveloped her in the wake of her son’s passing, vividly using the image of a falling bird to symbolize both the deep loss of innocence that accompanies such tragedy and her ongoing struggle with self-blame.

This poignant imagery in Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” resonates with anyone who has grappled with loss, bridging personal anguish and universal experience. Brown emphasizes the importance of self-forgiveness as she navigates the challenges of accepting her fallibility as a mother. Ultimately, she finds solace in writing, which allows her to articulate her pain and connect with others who have faced similar heartaches, inspiring hope and healing in their journeys toward recovery.

Introduction

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief, guilt, and regret after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy felt by many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem and other works that explore loss and healing, providing insights into the mourning process. It also offers valuable resources for support, guiding readers through dark moments while fostering community. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” anchors the collection, reflecting the emotions that arise during such times and inviting readers to connect with their own grief experiences.

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

This poem, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: Still from Sky I’m Falling,” may evoke strong emotions for some readers.The poem poignantly explores the harsh realities of nature, depicting hawks preying on defenseless baby birds while their mother is away in search of sustenance for her young.

  • Having lost my only son to suicide, I channel my grief into poetry, capturing the profound emotions of parental bereavement. Guilt often weaves through the sorrow experienced by parents navigating the heartache of such a tragic loss.
  • Healing from the guilt associated with losing a child to suicide is a journey that requires time, tears, and, for me, the catharsis of expressing my grief through writing. “Still From Sky I’m Falling” is a poignant and evocative poem that beautifully captures the complexities of guilt in grief and the path toward self-forgiveness.
Close-up of a bush with bright red leaves and small red berries, representing the transformative season of autumn, symbolizing change and reflection, My Forever Son, Haunted By Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A vibrant display of red and orange leaves representing the transformative season of autumn, symbolizing change and reflection, My Forever Son, Haunted By Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Author Chronicles Her Journey to Connect with Readers Facing Grief

The author, Beth Brown, candidly shares her experiences and emotions, offering a sense of understanding and solace to others facing similar challenges. The inclusion of additional resources, support groups, and related posts in Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Fallingeffectively extends support and guidance to the readers.


My Forever Son

Orange and Red Dogwood Leaves in Fall, My Forever Son, Dylan's Story: 7 Warning Signs of Suicide Every College Should Know

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents


Poem: “Still From Sky I’m Falling


Still From Sky I’m Falling

Still from sky I’m falling,
Your name calling my way down,
Silent screaming, up-churned spinning,
Turning earth the shade of blood,
Still-framed fragments from the filaments
Of my life that was your love.

For to lose is to live, and to live is to die,
Having once never told you,
How extinguished hope I would be,
My life, broken-hinged, falling faster–
Paralyzed–cross-wings downed,
A bird in flight, storm-forced spiral,
Death-winged cry.

Still from sky I’m falling,
Your name calling my way down,
Silent screaming, up-churned spinning,
Turning earth the shade of blood,
Still-framed fragments from the filaments
Of my life that was your love.

Bent knees collapse, down-grounding,
Weeping even in my sleep,
Searching skyward, look home angel,
Desperate seeking you in dreams,
Downed and falling, bough now broken,
The nest where love gave you your wings,
Baby bird I couldn’t save you from the violence

Life brings, where perched waiting for my returning,
A darkness filled the sun-soaked sky,
Shadows circling, stealth wings silent,
Swooping down without a sound,
Claws of hawks sharp, piercing, clenching,
Lifting you to feed their young.

Still from sky I’m falling,
Your name calling my way down,
Silent screaming, up-churned spinning,
Turning earth the shade of blood,
Still-framed fragments from the filaments
Of my life that was your love.

©Beth Brown, 2024
“Still from Sky I’m Falling”


A close-up of a bush with vibrant red and yellow leaves, set against a textured brick wall, showcasing the transition of seasons,  symbolizing the beauty and transience of life, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A close-up view of vibrant autumn leaves, showcasing shades of red and yellow against a textured brick wall, symbolizing the beauty and transience of life, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

A Poignant Reflection on the Heaviness of Guilt that Accompanies Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” is a poignant reflection on the overwhelming heaviness of guilt that accompanies grief after the devastating loss of a child to suicide. It captures the raw emotions that arise in such heartbreaking circumstances, where the weight of sorrow can oftentimes feel unbearable. However, within the verses, there lies a transformative journey towards self-forgiveness; an essential component in healing.

Where in the poem is the self-forgiveness, the relinquishing of self-blame, and the lessening of guilt?

Where in the poem is the self-forgiveness, the relinquishing of self-blame, and the lessening of guilt? This introspective exploration invites readers to confront the complex reality of parental love, emphasizing that love, no matter how profound, does not grant the power to prevent tragedy.

It means recognizing that no matter how great my love for my son, I couldn’t be in two places at once, highlighting the impossibility of foreseeing every heartache or protecting loved ones from their pain.

Through the process of acknowledging this truth, the poem ultimately beckons towards a gradual release from the heavy shackles of guilt, allowing space for healing amidst the lingering echoes of love and loss.

“Baby Bird, I couldn’t save you from the violence life brings” means acknowledging my fallibility as a mother.

Beth Brown, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” My Forever Son

I couldn’t save my son “from the violence life brings”

Two hawks soaring in a bright sky, symbolizing freedom and the struggle of life, "Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: Still from Sky I'm Falling," My Forever Son
Two hawks soaring in the sky, symbolizing the struggle between predation and vulnerability in the context of grief and loss, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” My Forever Son

Analyzing Themes, Imagery, and Symbolism in “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Poem

A reflection of the fragility of life

The image of a falling bird in a poem about grief and guilt is deeply symbolic, evoking a range of powerful emotions and anxieties associated with loss and self-blame. This poignant imagery can serve as a reflection of the fragility of life, illustrating how something once free and full of potential can suddenly find itself grounded by circumstances beyond its control.

The descent of the bird mirrors the feelings of helplessness often felt in the wake of tragedy, reminding readers of their own vulnerabilities and the weight of unresolved emotions. Furthermore, the visual of the bird’s fall can evoke memories of personal loss, prompting a deeper examination of the ways in which guilt entwines itself with grief, emphasizing the often complex relationship between love and regret, and encouraging an exploration of the healing process that follows.

1. Theme: Loss of innocence, hope, and potential

Birds often symbolize innocence, freedom, and the lightness of being

  • Birds often symbolize innocence, freedom, and the lightness of being: A falling bird can represent the tragic loss of these qualities, particularly when applied to the heart-wrenching loss of a child or a beloved one whose life was cut short too soon, leaving behind a void that echoes the dreams and hopes never realized. The image of a bird in free flight contrasts sharply with the sorrow felt when that life is suddenly extinguished, embodying a poignant reminder of the fragility of existence and the deep sense of grief that accompanies such a profound loss.

The image evokes dashed hopes and unfulfilled potential

  • The image evokes dashed hopes and unfulfilled potential: The falling bird, unable to reach its intended destination or fully experience the joys of life, mirrors the painful awareness of what could have been, eliciting a profound sense of longing and regret that resonates deeply within the observer. The scene captures not only the physical descent but also the emotional turmoil associated with lost dreams, inviting a reflection on the fragility of aspiration and the harsh reality that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may find ourselves plummeting from the heights of possibility into the depths of disillusionment.

2. Theme: Powerlessness and helplessness

A falling bird signifies a loss of control and the inability to intervene

  • A falling bird signifies a loss of control and the inability to intervene: This resonates strongly with the helplessness a person might feel when faced with a tragic loss, especially if they believe they could have done something to prevent it. This imagery of a descending bird often evokes profound emotions, bringing to the forefront the deep sense of sorrow and resignation that accompanies such experiences.
  • A falling bird signifies a loss of control and the inability to intervene: The helplessness can be consuming, echoing in the mind, leading to reflections on choices made, actions not taken, and the overwhelming weight of guilt that can follow in the wake of loss. In many ways, the falling bird becomes a poignant symbol of vulnerability and the harsh realities of life’s unpredictability, where not every situation can be controlled or prevented.
  • A falling bird signifies a loss of control and the inability to intervene: The “frantic, torrid imagery” of a mother bird, desperately flapping her wings and calling out in distress, unable to save her baby from a hawk’s swift and ruthless attack, perfectly encapsulates this feeling of powerlessness in the face of overwhelming odds. In this chaotic moment, the natural instinct to protect and nurture collides with the harsh reality of unforeseen dangers, leaving both the mother and the observer with a profound sense of despair. The sight evokes emotions that resonate deeply within us, reminding us of our vulnerabilities and the fragile line between safety and peril in the creature-filled world.

3. Theme: The weight of guilt

The fall itself can be a metaphor for the descent into the depths of grief and self-reproach 

  • The fall itself can be a metaphor for the descent into the depths of grief and self-reproach: The individual feels themselves “falling” from normalcy into a profound state of despair, as the weight of their emotions makes it difficult to find solace or hope. This overwhelming sense of isolation renders even simple tasks challenging, as they grapple with their internal struggle. This experience often compels them to confront their innermost fears and reflect on past relationships with a blend of nostalgia, regret, and longing, navigating their psyche in search of understanding and healing.

The guilt acts as a heavy weight, pulling the bird down despite its innate desire to soar

  • The guilt acts as a heavy weight, pulling the bird down despite its innate desire to soar: This overwhelming sensation symbolizes how guilt can burden the spirit, making it increasingly difficult to find peace or move forward after a loss. As the weight of remorse anchors the bird, it reflects the struggle many face in trying to reconcile their feelings with the need to embrace freedom and healing. In this way, the image of the bird serves as a poignant reminder of the tensions between our emotions and our aspirations for a lighter, more liberated existence.

4. Theme: The fragility of life

The suddenness of the fall highlights the fragility and vulnerability of life itself 

  • One moment, the bird is soaring, full of life, and the next, it’s plummeting downwards, breaking the silence of the sky. This stark reality can be a source of profound grief and can trigger feelings of guilt if the survivor believes they were somehow responsible for the brevity of that life, leading to a deep introspection on the nature of existence and the transience of all things around us.
"Still from Sky I'm Falling" (excerpt)

The nest where love gave you your wings,
Baby bird I couldn’t save you from the violence

Life brings,
where perched waiting for my returning,
A darkness filled the sun-soaked sky,
Shadows circling, stealth wings silent,
Swooping down without a sound,
Claws of hawks sharp, piercing, clenching,
Lifting you to feed their young.

"Baby bird I couldn't save you from the violence life brings."

©Beth Brown, 2024
"Still from Sky I'm Falling"

A close-up image of vibrant flowers in a garden, featuring pink and yellow blooms among green foliage, creating a serene and colorful natural scene, symbolizing hope and healing amidst grief, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still From Sky I'm Falling", My Forever Son
A lush garden filled with colorful flowers, symbolizing hope and healing amidst grief, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still From Sky I’m Falling”, My Forever Son

A Note from the Author: Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways. 

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

My journals, both written reflections of my grief and artistic expressions of my grief, hope, and healing, eventually included original poems that emerged from my writing.

Many of my poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son. But I also find glimpses of hope in my life. “Matins,” written by John O’Donohue, reflects how I’ve found my way forward after losing my son to suicide. Hope comes in the moments when I find solace in the mindfulness of my day. A cup of tea. A walk in nature. My cat curled up beside me as I write. Over time, these moments have grown to include parts of my life I used to enjoy, though lost to me completely in my first few years of early grief. The joy of spring flowers. A pink and peach sky at sunrise. The way colorful leaves crunch under my feet in fall.

In Losing My Son, I Lost Myself, Too

After 12 years of grief, hope, and healing, I have not fully returned to who I was, and perhaps I never will. The profound loss of Dylan left an indelible mark on my soul, reshaping my identity in ways I never anticipated. In losing him, I lost myself too, and the journey to rediscover who I am has been fraught with challenges and unexpected revelations. Every day feels like a delicate balancing act between honoring his memory and trying to stitch together the fragmented pieces of my heart, as I navigate a world that often feels foreign without him.

  • But I have retrieved, ever so slowly over the course of processing my grief, bits and pieces of myself.
  • I have learned to smile and even laugh again, play music, and write poems and posts for this blog.
  • Taking photographs of my gardens brings me a sense of tranquility.

POEMS FOR HEALING AFTER SUICIDE LOSS

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis Summary Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes…

When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’

When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…

“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: Poem on Child Loss

“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere – Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…

“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope

“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy Summary The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy features the grief poem, “Beat Still My Heart,”a powerful elegy that uses shipwreck imagery to convey the grief of losing a child to suicide. The grief poem, written by Beth Brown, explores…

[Suggested Reading]: Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide compassionately explores the complex emotions parents face after the suicide of a child. It addresses the intense feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can follow such a tragic loss. Through personal stories and poignant quotes, the guide provides relatable insights to comfort parents on their healing journey. It reassures them that their emotions are valid and that they are not alone.

A person sitting on the floor in a dimly lit room, appearing contemplative and surrounded by shadows cast by sunlight filtering through blinds, reflecting the inner turmoil and vulnerability associated with grief, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A contemplative moment captured in shadows, reflecting the inner turmoil and vulnerability associated with grief, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

The Inspiration Behind “Still From Sky I’m Falling”: Grief, Guilt, and Self-Forgiveness

Witnessing My Son’s Struggles

I watched my son unravel, both slowly over the years due to depression and unresolved childhood trauma, and then quickly as he struggled with the segue between high school and college.

The poem, “Still From Sky I’m Falling,” opens in raw emotions and poignant imagery expressing the sheer helplessness and utter chaos of losing a child to suicide.

One of my favorite hobbies is watching the birds at the bird-feeders in my backyard. But when the shadows of the afternoon come, the hawks fly silently in the sky above. Circling, oftentimes working in pairs, and with a patience that can outlast time itself, the hawks glide effortlessly until suddenly one dives straight down to the bird-feeders. The poor bird at the bird feeder doesn’t stand a chance. As it startles and starts to fly away, the second hawk dives down to grab the bird.

Seeking Help for the Collision Course My Son Was On

I sought help, treatment, and intervention measures of all kinds for my son, yet I could not stop the collision course of his life.

Dylan’s ups and downs were reflected in all areas of his life. Dylan was an academic scholar and awarded an academic scholarship to a prestigious university, but his grades ranged from solid “A’s” to unexplained “D’s”– mostly for not attending class and not completing assignments.

My Son’s Challenging Teenage Years

The road to Dylan’s adulthood was fraught with challenges.

Dylan’s laughter belied a deep depression that fooled us all. Yes, I could see his teenage angst; yes, I knew about his childhood depression; yes, I saw his struggle to adapt being away from home to attend college.

But no, I never suspected my son was on a path to end his life.

Teenage angst and depression look eerily similar, and Dylan seemed to be on the same path as his peers.

What I didn’t see was my son’s depression, how he took everyone else’s pain on, but never let his painful feelings out.


My Son’s Deepening Struggle with Depression

A person in a black hoodie and backpack walks away from the camera towards a historic building with steps and columns, symbolizing the journey of youth and the search for identity amidst life's challenges, College Student in the Fall, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
A young person walking with a backpack, symbolizing the journey of youth and the search for identity amidst life’s challenges, College Student in the Fall, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Echoes of “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

In “Still From Sky I’m Falling,” I am the mother bird watching helplessly as my son is taken from me by the swooping, swirling, and churning upheaval of a hawk striking down a baby bird.

Helplessly Watching: A Mother Bird’s Frantic Display, a Reflection of My Son’s Uncontrollable Fate

The poem, filled with the frantic, torrid imagery of a mother bird who, in returning to her nest having left only briefly to find food for her offspring, sees from the sky the attack of the hawk on her baby bird.

This poignant dilemma encapsulates the essence of the poem, as the mother bird must venture out in search of sustenance for her young, while simultaneously leaving her offspring exposed to potential predators. This delicate balance between nurturing her progeny and providing for their needs sets the stage for the profound turmoil within the verses.

Helpless in the Wake of My Son’s Previous Suicide Attempts

The images in the poem “Still from Sky I’m Falling” are stark and horrific because losing a child to suicide is stark and horrific. Feeling helpless in the wake of trauma quickly solidifies into an anxiety-provoking chronic feeling of guilt.


I couldn’t save my son any more than the mother bird could have saved her young from the sharp talons of the hawk, but somehow, I feel I should have been able to protect him.

Beth Brown, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

A young man with long hair, wearing a black T-shirt with a rock band graphic, sitting on a wooden surface and smiling.
The delicate balance between care and vulnerability as captured in ‘Still from Sky I’m Falling,’ reflecting the struggle of a mother bird watching her baby amidst the dangers of the world, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Key Approaches to Alleviating Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

The Mother Bird’s Dilemma: It’s Impossible to Be Everywhere at Once

This dilemma, of needing to leave the nest in pursuit of food and sustenance to feed her young, and in the process, leaving her young vulnerable to predators, sets the scene for the turmoil in the poem.

  • The mother bird, witnessing and watching the horror of her baby bird’s death, is helpless from the sky to save her offspring.
  • The mother bird sees the hawks, which had been circling silently from the sky above, dive rapidly down, striking suddenly, seemingly from out of nowhere.

Quickly, helplessly, the mother bird dives down, falling from the sky in an attempt to save her baby bird. But the mother bird, no matter how much she wants to, cannot match the hawk’s agility and speed.

Beth Brown, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” My Forever Son

I Couldn’t Be Everywhere at Once, Just As The Mother Bird Cannot Be Everywhere At Once

The mother bird can’t be everywhere at once: She needs to protect her nest from predators, and at the same time, needs to seek food for her young.

Beth Brown, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: Still from Sky I’m Falling, My Forever Son

I hope that someday we will have a better understanding – one that perhaps permits us to give grace to the one who took their life and see it as something that happened to them, rather than something they did to themselves and others.
Anonymous

A garden archway draped with bare branches and colorful autumn leaves, leading to a path covered with fallen leaves, symbolizing the beauty of nature's cycle and reflections on loss, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky  I'm Falling"
A peaceful garden archway adorned with colorful fallen leaves, symbolizing the beauty of nature’s cycle and reflections on loss, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Helpful Strategies for Overcoming Guilt and Self-Blame

Release Guilt and Self-Blame: Make “A Record of Your Love”

So what can you do to move forward? Instead of imprisoning yourself in a cell of self-recrimination, you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful. 

In other words, make a list with no “but”s or caveats such as I could have used different words in that conversation or I could have put him in a different school or I could have chosen a different treatment provider or rehab or I could have flown to see him when he called and asked me to come that time I was working or what have you. I want you to have a record of your love.Lori Gottlieb, “I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

Give Yourself Permission to Chase the “Why?” for as Long as You Need To

Why Suicide? 

Ronald Rolheiser, Losing a Loved One to Suicide, May 27, 2024

Thirdwe should not torture ourselves with guilt and second-guessing when we lose a loved one to suicide. 

“Where did I let this person down? If only I had been there? What if?” It is natural to be haunted by the thought, “if only I’d been there at the right time.” Rarely would this have made a difference. 

Indeed, most of the time, we weren’t there for the exact reason that the person who fell victim to this disease did not want us to be there. He or she picked the moment, the spot, and the means so that we wouldn’t be there. 

Suicide is a disease that seems to pick its victim precisely in such a way so as to exclude others and their attentiveness. This is not an excuse for insensitivity, but a healthy check against false guilt and painful second-guessing.

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and sometimes all the love and attentiveness in the world cannot prevent a loved one from dying. As a mother who lost a child to suicide writes: “The will to save a life does not constitute the power to prevent a death.”

Change your “What If?” to “Even Though”: Open a Space for All You Did Give Your Child

One strategy I’ve used to release guilt: Change your “What If?” to “Even Though….”

. . .you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful.

Lori Gottlieb, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020

So What Can You Do to Move Forward?

Lori Gottlieb, in her compassionate article, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” writes about what parents can do to move forward:

So what can you do to move forward? Instead of imprisoning yourself in a cell of self-recrimination, you can start by opening a space for all that you did give your son. You might want to make a list of things you did to try to help over the course of decades, even if you didn’t feel that they were helpful.

In other words, make a list with no “but”s or caveats such as I could have used different words in that conversation or I could have put him in a different school or I could have chosen a different treatment provider or rehab or I could have flown to see him when he called and asked me to come that time I was working or what have you. I want you to have a record of your love.

Lori Gottlieb, “Dear Therapist: I Blame Myself for My Son’s Death,” The Atlantic, September 7, 2020


Close-up of a vibrant red rose blooming among green leaves against a soft, blurred background symbolizing beauty and resilience in times of grief, Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide, My Forever Son
A single red rose blooming amidst the greenery, symbolizing beauty and resilience in times of grief, Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide, My Forever Son

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide explores the challenging journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. Heartfelt poems and evocative visuals create a soothing experience, inviting readers to connect with the deep emotions in each verse. This blend of poetry and photography from the author’s gardens fosters an emotional bond, offering comfort to those with similar experiences while encouraging them to acknowledge their pain, cherish memories, and seek healing amid despair.

“He Left Too Soon”: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow

He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow  is a poignant poem that bravely addresses the profound sorrow and anguish that comes with losing a beloved child to suicide. The poem aims to express the deep and complex emotions of grief, loss, and yearning, capturing the overwhelming turmoil that families face during such an unimaginable tragedy. The inspiration for the poem, “He Left Too Soon,” delves into the profound depths of early, acute grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide. This piece encapsulates themes of grief, mourning, remembrance, and the enduring love that persists even in the face of overwhelming sorrow.

A dramatic sky filled with dark storm clouds, hinting at an impending storm, with power lines and trees silhouetted against the background, symbolizing the emotional turmoil and grief explored in the poem 'He Left Too Soon.' Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere--Grief Poem: "He Left Too Soon"
A dramatic sky filled with dark, looming storm clouds, symbolizing the emotional turmoil and grief explored in the poem ‘He Left Too Soon.’ Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day of his funeral. Included in her publication, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, the poem that was inspired by the Derecho, “He Left Too Soon,” explores the profound grief and emotional turmoil she experienced. Through her eloquent writing, Brown aspires to offer solace to those enduring similar tragedies, thereby shedding light on the fragility of life and the enduring strength of love amidst sorrow.

A single red rose resting on white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, "On Baby's Breath and Angel Wings" Poem: Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son
A single red rose among delicate white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, reflects on the painful memories of her son Dylan’s life, his love for music, and the helplessness she felt in his final days. The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” juxtaposes the beauty of Dylan’s childhood memories with the devastating reality of his tragic end.

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon (excerpt)

But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul–

I would have held on,
I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go

But you told me
“Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.

Beth Brown, excerpt from "Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon": A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message captures the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Through vivid imagery, it honors the enduring love between parent and child, providing solace and hope for reunion. The poem is a poignant tribute to Brown’s son, Dylan, where the author remembers her son’s growing-up years, both cherished memories and moments where “If I’d Only Known” echo in her refrain. A powerful poem for parents who have lost a child to suicide.

A shipwreck caught in a tumultuous ocean storm, surrounded by high waves and debris, symbolizing the emotional turmoil of loss, The Emotional Depth of 'Beat Still My Heart': A Powerful Elegy, My Forever Son
A shipwreck amidst turbulent ocean waves, symbolizing the emotional turmoil of loss and grief, , My Forever Son, The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of “Beat Still My Heart”: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy explores the deep emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. This poignant reflection through poetry captures the sorrow and despair of such a loss, blending personal experiences with universal themes of love and remembrance.The author navigates grief with verses that resonate, inviting readers to confront raw emotions and unanswered questions. Vivid imagery of a shipwreck in a storm encapsulates the unbearable loss, making the elegy a powerful tribute to a tragic experience.


A grieving couple at a cemetery; a woman kneeling on the ground, holding a red rose while crying, and a man standing behind her, offering support.
A heart-wrenching moment at a grave site, capturing the profound grief of losing a child, as a woman kneels in sorrow while a companion offers support, “Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents My Forever Son

“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents


A close-up of vibrant pink roses with water droplets on the petals, surrounded by lush green foliage,  symbolizing beauty and remembrance amidst grief, Bury My Heart: A Poem of Unimaginable Loss, My Forever Son
A cluster of soft pink roses adorned with droplets, symbolizing beauty and remembrance amidst grief, Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss, My Forever Son

“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss

A collection of red and pink leaves scattered on the ground, showcasing the beauty of autumn foliage.
A carpet of vibrant red and pink leaves, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, invites reflection on loss and memory, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”


Close-up of a white peony flower with soft petals and hints of pink, symbolizing softness and compassion in the journey of healing through grief, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis, My Forever Son
A close-up of a delicate, white peony, symbolizing softness and compassion in the journey of healing through grief, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis, My Forever Son

“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.

Beth Brown, If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: A Poem on Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son

“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: Powerful Poem

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You: Powerful Poem explores the deep emotional pain of losing a child to suicide. The author conveys their experience through poignant verses that depict the raw essence of grief, reflecting the complex emotions of sorrow and longing. The heartfelt language serves as a reminder of enduring love in the face of unimaginable loss.

Scenic view of a tranquil lake surrounded by towering mountains and lush greenery under a partly cloudy sky, symbolizing peace and reflection amidst grief, My Forever Son, When Love Isn't Enough: "Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand"
A serene view of a tranquil lake surrounded by majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection amidst grief, My Forever Son, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.

Beth Brown, Author

A close-up portrait of a smiling woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing a light blue denim shirt, set against a blurred outdoor background.
Beth Brown, author and educator, sharing her journey of healing through poetry after the loss of her son

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
“He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
“Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
“Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl
.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.


If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide


A stack of books on grief and healing after losing a child, with a decorative mug and plants in the background, My Forever Son
A collection of books focused on grief and healing after the loss of a child, highlighting resources for support, My Forever Son

Resources for Support

Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief

These Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief offer invaluable support for parents grappling with the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. Rich in compassion and understanding, they provide personal narratives, expert insights on grief, and essential strategies for healing.

A close-up of a vibrant pink flower surrounded by green leaves, placed against a backdrop of textured foliage, Navigating Grief: Support for Parents After Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant pink flower surrounded by lush green foliage, symbolizing hope and healing amidst grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources provides a compassionate guide to support parents through the pain of losing a child to suicide. It explores the journey of grief, the importance of support networks, and self-care during this difficult time. The guide offers suggestions for honoring a child’s memory, creating a meaningful legacy to provide solace amidst heartache.

A decorative lion statue sitting on a stone surface, surrounded by fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and courage, surrounded by autumn leaves, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
A serene lion statue, symbolizing strength and courage, surrounded by autumn leaves, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt exploration of the overwhelming emotions that parents face after the tragic loss of a child to suicide. It delicately unravels the deep feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf those grappling with such an unimaginable sorrow. Through intimate personal stories and touching quotes, it provides a compassionate perspective that aims to comfort and support parents on their difficult healing journey.

A close-up of a person's hand holding a pen while writing on a sheet of paper, with a blurred background emphasizing the reflection and processing of emotions during the grief journey, Self Blame and Guilt: I Couldn't Save My Son, My Forever Son
A person writing on a piece of paper, emphasizing the reflection and processing of emotions during the grief journey, Self Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son, My Forever Son

Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son

Self Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son is a deeply emotional narrative that explores feelings of self-blame and guilt after the loss of a son. This poignant story guides readers through the tumultuous emotions parents face, sharing the author’s deep sorrow and questioning what could have been done differently. It emphasizes the need for support and understanding during the arduous healing journey.

Close-up of vibrant red roses surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing beauty and resilience, "That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back": Guilt in Grief Poem
A close-up view of vibrant red roses amidst lush green leaves, symbolizing the beauty and complexity of emotions in grief, “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Guilt in Grief Poem, My Forever Son

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief is a powerful poem that reflects the overwhelming “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve” guilt parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poetic language directly addresses the haunting “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” questions that plague those left behind, emphasizing the helplessness and regret that linger after such a tragic loss. The poem serves as a conduit for healing and self-forgiveness, exploring the possibility of moving beyond guilt and embracing acceptance, allowing love to shine through even the darkest of times.

Close-up of vibrant red and yellow leaves on a tree, set against a clear blue sky, symbolizing change and reflection amid the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: "Still from Sky I'm Falling"
Vibrant autumn leaves symbolizing change and reflection amid the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” is a poignant poem that captures the intense emotions of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide. The verses convey heartbreak and the struggle to find solace, using nature as a symbol for the grief journey. Vivid imagery of hawks circling above parallels feelings of despair, evoking a sense of helplessness in processing pain. Every line resonates with the weight of memories and the ache of loss, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences with grief.

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

The articles below include key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief. They offer compassionate guidance. Notably, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, provides solace. Grief involves stigma, guilt, and various emotions from anger to relief.

Research indicates that suicide is not a conscious choice, necessitating a non-judgmental emotional healing approach. Support groups and educational materials empower survivors, fostering community connections.

The content includes the author’s story of losing her child, emotional support resources, insights on suicide, grief duration discussions, and resources for bereaved parents.

A stack of books related to grief and suicide, featuring titles like 'The Worst Loss' and 'Suicide: Survivors'. A coffee mug is partially visible in the foreground, with green plants in the background, Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A selection of supportive literature addressing the grief and healing process for parents after losing a child to suicide, Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents My Forever Son

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Close-up of a yellow orchid flower next to a rain-covered window, with a view of a wet landscape outside, symbolizing growth and reflection amidst sorrow, Understanding Suicide: It's Not a Choice, My Forever Son
A serene view from a window featuring a blooming orchid and a rainy landscape outside, symbolizing growth and reflection amidst sorrow, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice, My Forever Son

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice explores the emotional complexities surrounding suicide, challenging the notion that it is a choice. Dr. John Ackerman highlights the myriad factors influencing suicidal thoughts, emphasizing that individuals often seek relief from overwhelming pain rather than wanting to end their lives. This piece encourages empathy and awareness, making it essential reading for those wanting to support loved ones in distress.

Close-up of a vibrant yellow flower with intricate petals and green foliage in the background, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief and loss, Healing After Suicide Loss: Essential Resources and Support, My Forever Son
A vibrant yellow flower surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief and loss, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents, My Forever Son

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Close-up of red and green leaves, showcasing the vibrant autumn colors in nature.
A vivid display of red leaves intertwined with green foliage, symbolizing the journey of grief and healing, Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?, My Forever Son

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide


A woman kneeling in front of a gravestone marked 'SON' in a cemetery, appearing emotional while holding her head in one hand. The background features multiple gravestones, highlighting the profound pain of loss, My Forever Son, Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: "When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched"
A grieving mother at her son’s grave, highlighting the profound pain of loss, My Forever Son, Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.


A young person with long hair, wearing a denim jacket over a red shirt, looking pensively towards the ground, with a blurred background of trees and buildings, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters, My Forever Son
A young person reflecting in a somber environment, embodying the emotional complexities of grief and understanding related to suicide, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.


A contemplative young woman with long hair, resting her chin on her hands, illuminated by soft light and shadows,  reflecting the complexities of grief and loss discussed in the article on coping with a child's suicide, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son
A contemplative young woman expresses deep emotions, reflecting the complexities of grief and loss discussed in the article on coping with a child’s suicide, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Love and Loss: Profound Narratives and Poems of Grief

A beautifully arranged family dining table, featuring pink roses, symbolizing love and remembrance amidst the backdrop of loss, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table, My Forever Son

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table offers a deeply personal and moving exploration of love and grief associated with family gatherings and the loss of a child. Framed through the lens of her son, Dylan, the story of the family table unfolds through his loving childhood memories. Against this backdrop of cherished memories, the author reveals the profound grief of losing a child, her son Dylan, to suicide.

A young man with shoulder-length hair smiles while sitting on a wooden floor, wearing a black graphic t-shirt featuring a musician design, photo of author's son, Dylan, age 17, embodying the spirit of youthful joy, My Forever Son
A cheerful young man, Dylan, age 17, sitting on a porch, embodying the spirit of youthful joy, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan delves deeply into the personal journey of grief and loss, offering heartfelt memories and reflections on the life of Dylan. The emotional impact is palpable, and the piece effectively captures the enduring love and pain experienced by the author. The inclusion of links to additional readings about Dylan and resources for support is valuable.

A worried mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, looking somber while he sleeps, capturing the deep emotional bond and concern during a vulnerable moment, My Forever Son
A mother sits worried beside her son in a hospital bed, capturing the deep emotional bond and concern during a vulnerable moment, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unimaginable Grief beautifully conveys the profound heartache and unwavering love that a mother feels for her son. The author shares her deeply moving journey of navigating the pain and challenges that arise from her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day, illuminating the complexities of a mother’s grief intertwined with a glimmer of hope.

Close-up of red rose buds surrounded by green leaves in a garden setting, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son
A close-up of vibrant red rosebuds surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide, My Forever Son

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide is a compassionate exploration that acknowledges the intricate emotions that arise in the wake of a loved one’s suicide, focusing specifically on the experiences of parents. This guide delves into the deep, often conflicting feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf parents who have experienced such an unimaginable loss.

A pathway lined with greenery and scattered autumn leaves, creating a serene atmosphere, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, My Forever Son
A serene path lined with fallen leaves, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide has a profound and emotional narrative in the form of a narrative poem that sheds light on the struggle of losing a child to suicide. The personal experiences shared provide an authentic and raw look into the journey of grief and healing. The author emphasizes the importance of staying true to one’s narrative and finding support.

Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.


Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

Find a provider for prolonged grief

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups


A stack of books related to mental health and suicide prevention placed on a wooden table, with a blue mug and green plants in the background.
A collection of books focused on understanding grief, suicide, and mental health support, My Forever Son, Finding Support After Losing a Child to Suicide

Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.


Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

Cover of a handbook titled 'A handbook for coping with suicide grief' by Jeffrey Jackson, featuring illustrations of people and greenery, My Forever Son
Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

A close-up of a vibrant red rose with droplets of water on its petals, accompanied by the title 'Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide' by Beth Brown,
Book cover of ‘Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide‘ by Beth Brown, featuring a vibrant rose, symbolizing remembrance and hope, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource

Books

  • Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
  • Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
  • Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
  • Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
  • Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
  • Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
  • Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
  • Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
  • Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
  • Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
  • Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
  • Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
  • Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
  • Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
  • Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
  • Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
  • O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
  • Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
  • Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
  • Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.
A woman in a brown coat kneels beside a grave, visibly emotional, with a vase of red and white flowers placed on the gravestone that reads 'SON.' The background shows a cemetery with multiple gravestones, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents' Resource
A grieving parent visits their child’s grave, reflecting on loss and remembrance, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource

Memorial Sites


RECOMMENDED READS

Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide

Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide Summary Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide provides a detailed description of and discussion of “Prolonged Grief Disorder,” “previously known as complicated grief, describes long-term mourning after loss, especially from suicide. Suicide grief is complicated by guilt, shame, and societal stigma, making it difficult to move through. While labeling…

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Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief Summary Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief explores the unique challenges of coping with suicide grief. The author, who lost her son to suicide, shares her personal experiences, her emotional journey, and provides resources for emotional support and understanding. The post includes a collection of articles and…

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Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice Summary The article, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice, affirms with well-documented research that suicide is not a choice, but a tragic outcome of intense emotional pain and distorted judgment. The stigma surrounding suicide persists, hindering understanding and perpetuating the misconception that it is a selfish act. Suicide epidemiologists…

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Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters Summary Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters by author Beth Brown explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. Her article highlights current research into understanding suicide and suicidal thinking, personal stories shared by…

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Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” Summary The article “Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” explores the profound grief and struggles faced by those left behind after a loved one dies by suicide. It features Father Ronald Rolheiser’s insightful…

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Breaking the Stigma: Facts About Suicide and Compassion

Breaking the Stigma: Facts About Suicide and Compassion Summary Breaking the Stigma: Facts About Suicide and Compassion systematically dismantles the myths and misconceptions associated with suicide, promoting a comprehensive understanding anchored in empathy and care. It methodically examines the cultural, social, and economic factors that influence suicide rates, providing essential global statistics and expert insights…

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2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis

2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis Introduction ABOUT THIS POST: 2023 Suicide Statistics: A Deep Dive Into the Crisis provides a comprehensive overview of suicide facts and figures, highlighting the urgent need for increased awareness and accessible mental health resources. The post includes quotes from leading suicide epidemiologists and researchers, emphasizing the…

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From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief

From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief Summary The article “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief” explores the author’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son to suicide. Through a magnet symbolizing the struggle between pain and hope, the author reflects on the possibility of finding…

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Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers

Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers Summary In Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers, the author finds solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief…

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By Beth Brown

Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.

At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales

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