A decorative vase filled with a vibrant arrangement of red roses and white flowers, with some flower petals scattered around the base, serving as a poignant reminder of cherished memories, My Forever Son, Coping With Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
A beautifully arranged bouquet of red roses and white carnations symbolizes love and remembrance, serving as a poignant reminder of cherished memories, My Forever Son, Coping With Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide

Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

Summary

This article, Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide presents an intimate and deeply personal narrative about navigating grief after the loss of a child to suicide. Through heartfelt reflections and evocative poetry, the work captures the multifaceted experience of sorrow and enduring love. It shares compassionate strategies for coping with grief, highlights the critical role of support networks, and encourages those grieving to pursue healing and connection, reassuring them they are not alone in their journey.

Key Takeaways

  • Coping With Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide delves into the profound anguish of losing a child to suicide, blending personal accounts and poetry to offer insight into the grief experience.
  • The article provides compassionate guidance for managing grief and urges readers to seek healing and connection.
  • Grief and love are closely intertwined, resulting in a bittersweet emotional journey that shifts with time.
  • Survivors of suicide loss are reminded that they are not alone; resources and supportive communities are available.
  • Practical tips for coping, especially during the holidays, include engaging in self-care, seeking support, and allowing oneself to decline obligations.

Introduction

Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide offers a heartfelt and honest exploration of the deep pain and sorrow that accompanies the loss of a child to suicide. Through personal reflections, the author conveys the overwhelming impact of such a loss, complemented by poignant poetry that expresses the raw emotions experienced during this harrowing period.

The article’s narrative is further enriched with compassionate coping strategies, aiming to equip readers with practical tools for managing grief. It also establishes a safe, understanding space for those enduring similar heartaches, offering them a sense of belonging and understanding. The emotional depth and intimate perspective in Coping With Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide provide solace, encouraging readers to seek healing and connection during their darkest times and reminding them that they are not alone in facing grief.

My Forever Son

“My Forever Son” explores the depths of grief, hope, and healing in the aftermath of losing a child to suicide. It follows the author’s journey through intense grief, the search for hope, and the gradual process of healing, offering a candid and compassionate perspective for others traveling similar paths.

Author’s Note: A Poetic Journey of Healing After Loss

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide—a tragedy that profoundly changed my life. At the time, I was teaching college composition and literature, yet I found myself unable to express the depth of my grief. The loss silenced my voice and brought my professional and personal life to a standstill.

In the aftermath, journaling became a tool for processing my emotions. Over time, these reflections evolved into poetry, allowing me to navigate the complexities of grief and gradually rediscover hope. Nature and photography also played a significant role in my healing, offering moments of tranquility and renewal through the changing seasons.

My collection, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing, shares this journey. Through poetry and imagery, I aim to provide comfort and understanding to others coping with similar loss. The anthology explores themes of love, loss, guilt, and self-forgiveness, inviting readers to reflect and find solace.

For those seeking support, I have included resources and organizations dedicated to suicide loss survivors and mental health. These offer guidance, community, and professional assistance for navigating grief.

A Journey of Healing and Support

After the loss of my son, the path to healing was gradual and deeply personal. Writing became a vital outlet, helping me process grief and rediscover hope. Over time, poetry and nature offered comfort and perspective, guiding me toward renewal.

Recognizing the importance of support, I have included resources and organizations dedicated to suicide loss survivors and mental health. These provide guidance, community, and professional assistance for those navigating grief. My hope is that this collection not only shares my journey but also connects others to the help and understanding they need. presents an intimate and deeply personal narrative about navigating grief after the loss of a child to suicide. Through heartfelt reflections and evocative poetry, the work captures the multifaceted experience of sorrow and enduring love. It shares compassionate strategies for coping with grief, highlights the critical role of supportive networks, and encourages those grieving to pursue healing and connection, reassuring them they are not alone in their journey.

My Forever Son

“My Forever Son” explores the depths of grief, hope, and healing in the aftermath of losing a child to suicide. It follows the author’s journey through intense grief, the search for hope, and the gradual process of healing, offering a candid and compassionate perspective for others traveling similar paths.

Twelve years ago, I lost my only child, my beloved son Dylan, age 20, to suicide. The weight of grief was overwhelming, and for a long time, I struggled to find words for the pain and emptiness I felt. In those early days, I found myself drawn to writing—sometimes just a few lines in a journal, sometimes pages of raw emotion. It was through poetry that I began to move through the heaviness of grief.

I remember sitting at Dylan’s favorite spot in the garden, letting memories and sorrow flow onto the page. My poems became a way to honor his life, express my love, and navigate the complex emotions that come with losing a child. Over time, poetry helped me find moments of peace and hope, even in the midst of profound loss.

My poetry explores the rawness of grief, the search for meaning, and the gradual emergence of hope. Each poem is a reflection of my journey—sometimes dark, sometimes gentle, always honest. Sharing my story through the My Forever Son blog has connected me with other parents who understand this unique grief. My poetry collection, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing, grew from these writings and is meant to offer comfort and understanding to others walking a similar path.

I am also grateful to share my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems on Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, available on Amazon Kindle. This collection gathers the poems that helped me survive the darkest days and honors the enduring love I have for Dylan.

If you are grieving, please know you are not alone. The chaos of loss can feel isolating, but there are resources and communities ready to help. Below are support organizations and immediate resources, including links to my blog and poetry, to guide you as you navigate your own journey.


Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors


Space for Your Reflections

I invite you to use the space below to write about your healing journey. Writing freely—without worrying about grammar, structure, or judgment—can help you process your feelings and discover new insights. Consider these prompts as you begin:

  • Recall a moment when you felt supported or understood in your grief. Who was there for you, and how did their presence help?
  • Describe a ritual, memory, or activity that helps you honor your loved one. How does this practice support your healing?
  • Reflect on how your emotions or perspective have changed since your loss. What has surprised you about your journey?
  • Who or what brings you comfort during difficult times? How do you reach out for support when you need it?
  • What would you like others to understand about your experience with loss and healing?

Remember, your words are for you. Let them flow honestly and gently. Writing can be a powerful step toward healing, offering clarity, release, and hope.


My Forever Son

Glistening Snow reflecting sun's prisms in tree shadows in winter, rose bush with brown leaves of winter in foreground, my forever son, The holidays descend: suicide never ends and Reflections on Grief in Year 6 After Losing My Son to Suicide

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents



A scenic view of a mountainous landscape with lush green valleys and a prominent peak in the background against a partly cloudy sky, symbolizing the journey of healing and hope amidst grief, My Forever Son, Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing a Child to Suicide
A serene landscape showcasing majestic mountains and lush greenery, symbolizing the journey of healing and hope amidst grief, My Forever Son, Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

Deep Insights on the Challenges of Grief

Discover thought-provoking articles from My Forever Son blog that delve into the profound intricacies of understanding the unique aspects of suicide grief, particularly in connection with the devastating loss of a child to suicide. These articles offer invaluable insights into the emotional turmoil and complex feelings that arise in the wake of such an unimaginable tragedy. By exploring personal stories, expert opinions, and coping strategies, the blog aims to provide a compassionate space for parents and loved ones navigating their grief.

Close-up of a vibrant red rose surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief, My Forever Son
A striking red rose blooming amidst vibrant green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief is a beautifully written and profoundly personal piece that gently explores the unique hurdles of dealing with the grief that follows a suicide. The author shares her heartfelt emotional journey, illustrating how deeply grief has woven itself into the fabric of her life. By incorporating personal stories, expert insights, and supportive resources, this post not only provides authenticity but also offers a comforting hand to those who may be navigating similar paths of loss and sorrow.

A close-up of a vibrant pink flower with a yellow center, surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal amidst grief, My Forever Son, Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents
A vibrant pink flower surrounded by lush greenery, symbolizing hope and renewal amidst grief, My Forever Son, Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents

Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents

Compassionate Resources for Grieving Parents This letter from Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, Dylan, to suicide 14 years ago, offers compassionate guidance for newly bereaved parents. Beth’s healing journey is personal: she created the blog My Forever Son as a sanctuary for poetry and reflection. She shares how tending her gardens and her pets provided comfort during dark times, weaving in Alan Wolfelt’s Ten Touchstones for Hope and Healing along with practical coping strategies and moments of authentic hope.

A person wearing a black hoodie and carrying a backpack walks away from a building with tall columns, symbolizing the journey of navigating grief and loss, My Forever Son, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters
A contemplative young person walking towards a grand building, symbolizing the journey of navigating grief and loss, My Forever Son, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters offers a heartfelt exploration of the immense pain tied to suicide, affecting both those who die by it and their grieving loved ones. Titled “Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die; It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop,” this article reaches out to bereaved families with research, statistics, and videos that illuminate this personal issue. By breaking the stigma around suicide, it weaves personal stories and expert insights, fostering understanding of the need to acknowledge pain in these discussions. Resources for support are included.

A young individual with long hair stands outdoors, wearing a denim jacket over a red shirt, looking down contemplatively with a blurred natural landscape in the background, symbolizing the deep feelings associated with grief and loss, My Forever Son, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice
A reflective moment captured in nature, symbolizing the deep feelings associated with grief and loss, My Forever Son, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice is a compassionate article that explores the concept of “choice” in the heartbreaking context of a child’s suicide. It emphasizes the complexity of suicide, reminding us that various factors, such as mental health issues and social pressures, contribute to this devastating outcome. The piece encourages readers to recognize the importance of empathy and support for affected families while challenging societal misconceptions surrounding suicide. Through expert insights, it serves as a vital resource for those grieving or seeking to understand the influences behind such a loss, advocating for awareness and open dialogues on mental health among children and adolescents.

A serene view of a mountain landscape with a calm lake in the foreground, surrounded by dense forests and towering peaks under a partly cloudy sky.
A serene landscape featuring a calm lake surrounded by green forests and majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection in the context of grief, My Forever Son, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”


When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” is a poignant exploration of the complexities surrounding the topic of suicide, intricately challenging the prevalent notion that suicide is simply a choice made by individuals in despair. Beth Brown, the author of the powerful treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” delves deep into the emotional and psychological dimensions of this tragic phenomenon, emphasizing the inevitability of death for all, regardless of the circumstances or causes that may lead one to that final resolution. Her poetic reflections and deep discussions including current research on understanding suicide converge to illustrate why and When Love is Not Enough.


A vibrant red rose in full bloom surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother's Grief
A vibrant red rose blooming amidst green leaves, symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

A close-up of peach-colored flowers surrounded by vibrant green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty.
Delicate coral flowers surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing the beauty and resilience of nature amidst grief, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.

A large magnolia tree in full bloom with pink flowers, surrounded by a grassy area covered in fallen petals, A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, , My Forever Son, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience,
A majestic magnolia tree in full bloom, symbolizing resilience and beauty amidst grief, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, My Forever Son

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

A close-up of colorful fallen leaves, primarily featuring large red leaves amidst shades of pink and brown, resting on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief
A close-up of vibrant red and purple leaves scattered on the ground, symbolizing the beauty and transience of nature, My Forever Son, Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.

A woman with a pained expression rests her head in her hands, conveying deep emotional distress capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent's Guide, My Forever Son
A woman reflecting on her grief, capturing the profound emotions associated with loss and healing, Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide, My Forever Son

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide

Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.

A close-up of a blooming orange rose, surrounded by green leaves, with water droplets on the petals, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son
A delicate orange rose embodying beauty and resilience, symbolizing love and remembrance, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents, My Forever Son

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.


Close-up of coral pink flowers with delicate petals and green leaves, showcasing nature's beauty, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son
A vibrant display of peach-colored flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, My Forever Son

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss

Scenic view of a river flowing through a forested area with mountains in the background, under a clear blue sky, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn't Enough: "Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand," My Forever Son
A serene landscape featuring a calm river surrounded by lush green trees and majestic mountains, symbolizing peace and reflection in the journey of grief, When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” My Forever Son

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.

Meet Dylan, My Forever Son

A young man with long hair, wearing a black 'Ibanez' graphic t-shirt, sitting on a staircase and smiling, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.


A pathway lined with greenery and scattered fallen leaves, creating a tranquil and reflective atmosphere, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
A serene pathway lined with fallen leaves, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.


A close-up image of a lion statue sitting on a stone surface, surrounded by red fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
A serene lion statue surrounded by fallen leaves, symbolizing strength and remembrance in the context of cherished memories, My Forever Son, I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son

I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.


Vibrant deep-red autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son
Vibrant autumn leaves showcasing shades of red and green, symbolizing the beauty of change and memory, My Forever Son, I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.


A black and white photo of a woman, a mother,  sitting on the floor, tenderly holding and smiling at a young child dressed in striped overalls. A birthday cake with a candle sits in front of them, decorated with the name 'Dylan', My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered
A tender moment between a mother and her joyful child, celebrating cherished memories of Dylan’s early years, My Forever Son, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.


Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss

A single red rose resting on a bed of white flowers, symbolizing love and remembrance, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A vibrant red rose resting on delicate white flowers of Baby’s Breath, symbolizing love and remembrance, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches. 

A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.

A close-up of a golden puppy with soft fur and expressive eyes, sitting on a bed of pine needles, wearing a blue collar and leash, Grandparents' Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
A fluffy puppy sitting outdoors, embodying innocence and companionship, My Forever Son, Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.

A mother sitting beside her son in a hospital bed, expressing concern and sadness as he sleeps, and embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son
A mother watches over her son in a hospital bed, embodying the pain and hope intertwined with the journey of healing and survival, My Forever Son, Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.

Close-up of a soft white peony flower with delicate pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay" A Poem on Suicide Loss
A close-up of a delicate white flower with soft pink accents, symbolizing beauty and remembrance, My Forever Son, Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.

A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
A vibrant yellow rose symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe

11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.



Heartfelt Stories of Love, Loss, and Remembrance

Explore heartfelt narratives and reflections on the profound strength of love, the agony of loss, and the enduring essence of remembering those we cherished and lost. In these stories, delve into the intricate tapestry of emotions that love weaves, showcasing not only the joyous moments but also the poignant struggles that arise in times of sorrow.

A close-up of a young woman with long hair, gazing down thoughtfully, with gentle shadows highlighting her face., symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother's Grief, My Forever Son
A woman reflecting on her emotions, symbolizing the journey of grief and remembrance, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s experience of losing her son to suicide, highlighting her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” emerged as a way for her to navigate this devastating loss, serving as a platform for sharing experiences and finding solace in community. My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt blog by Beth Brown that chronicles her profound journey through grief and healing following the suicide of her son, Dylan, using poetry, reflections, and nature photography.

Overview of My Forever Son Blog

Beth Brown’s blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide, is an intimate account of her life after losing her 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide. The blog captures her harrowing experience of grief, the guilt and despair she faced, and the ways she has sought healing over the years. Through writing, particularly poetry, she expresses emotions that had been otherwise inexpressible during the early, overwhelming stages of her mourning 

Content and Themes

  • Poems as Reflection and Healing: The blog features a series of poems, including Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing which explore the depth of sorrow, longing, and hope experienced after losing a child. These poems often intertwine personal narratives and memories, offering readers insight into the emotional journey of a bereaved parent.
  • Personal Journey: Beth shares the timeline of her grief, describing the initial devastation, the silencing of her voice, and her struggle to find hope. Writing began as a journal, eventually transforming into a poetic endeavor that allowed her to process sorrow while reconnecting with her creative and expressive self.
  • Photography and Nature as Healing: The blog incorporates photographs of Beth’s gardens across seasons, showing how observing the cycles of nature helped her find moments of calm, renewal, and hope amid grief. Spring blooms and gradual seasonal changes symbolize resilience and the eventual emergence of joy following loss 
  • Community and Support: The blog also emphasizes the importance of connecting with others who have experienced similar loss, highlighting that shared grief can reduce the sense of isolation that often accompanies bereavement 

Purpose and Impact

The aim of My Forever Son is to offer solace and understanding to parents confronting child loss, providing a space for reflection and healing. Through her poetry, Beth Brown shows that grief can endure, yet moments of hope and remembrance are possible. Her work is part of Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing including 19 poems on love, loss, and recovery, sharing her son’s life and her reflections on carrying grief with cherished memories.

A Magnolia tree with golden leaves stands against a backdrop of a sunny sky and a brick wall, symbolizing resilience and the cyclical nature of grief, My Forever Son, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
A Magnolia tree showcasing vibrant yellow leaves, symbolizing resilience and the cyclical nature of grief, My Forever Son, The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience is a heartfelt exploration of the author’s journey through grief after losing her son to suicide. It draws parallels between the cycles of nature and the seasons of healing, illustrated by the vibrant blooms of spring and the dormancy of winter. The magnolia tree symbolizes both grief and resilience, representing enduring love and remembrance of “My Forever Son.” With its association of strength, dignity, and perseverance, the magnolia serves as a fitting emblem for perseverance in the face of loss. Its blooms evoke purity and beauty, creating a gentle tribute to a loved one.

In mourning a child, the magnolia embodies the pain of loss and the hope of healing. Planting one acts as a living memorial, where love grows alongside the tree, and its blooms symbolize the endurance of the heart. Magnolia trees signify the continuity of life, offering comfort during grief, and many families choose them for gardens, finding a representation of both sorrow and hope. The magnolia stands as a living tribute to grief and eternal memory.

A family gathering around a dining table, featuring a young girl serving a sausage dish, with adults smiling and enjoying the meal together. ymbolizing connection and tradition, My Forever Son, A Grandmother's Love Held Together the Family Table
A warm family gathering around the dinner table, sharing food and laughter, symbolizing connection and tradition, My Forever Son,“A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A grandmother’s enduring love is the invisible thread that binds generations, keeping the family together and filling hearts with warmth.

“A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table” is a heartwarming story about a family’s enduring love, symbolized by a family table. The table, originally purchased by the grandmother, becomes a sacred space where the family gathers, sharing laughter, joy, and celebrations. The narrative explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide, highlighting how the family table becomes a site of reflection and remembrance.

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table beautifully captures the essence of family connection. A grandmother serves as the cornerstone of family life, nurturing traditions and offering unconditional love. Her presence weaves comfort and wisdom into daily moments, inspiring kindness in children. A grandmother’s love acts as the glue that holds a family together, creating warmth and shared memories around the table.

A young man smiling while sitting on a porch, wearing a black t-shirt with a graphic design, against a wooden background, 
A vibrant young man smiling joyfully while sitting casually, embodying the spirit of camaraderie and warmth, Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered, My Forever Son
A vibrant young man smiling joyfully while sitting casually, embodying the spirit of camaraderie and warmth, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, My Forever Son

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan My Forever Son” is a heartfelt blog post that honors Dylan Andrew Brown, reflecting on his life, enduring love, and the profound grief of losing a child to suicide.

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan is a beautiful guest post by the author’s sister that looks back over the life of Dylan, reflecting on cherished memories, significant milestones, and the profound impact he had on the lives of those who loved him. The post invites readers to journey through the years alongside Dylan, celebrating his accomplishments, the lessons learned, and the indelible mark he left on the hearts of family and friends alike. It serves not only as a tribute but also as a heartfelt reminder of the power of love and remembrance, encouraging everyone to hold tight to their own memories of those who have touched their lives. Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, gone too soon. 

Key themes in this post include:

  • Enduring Love: A mother’s connection with her son continues even after death, showing that grief is interwoven with remembrance and devotion 
  • Grief and Healing: The blog is part of a broader effort to chronicle grief and share hope, offering support to others coping with the loss of a child 
  • Personal Tribute: Dylan is remembered as a gifted student, musician, friend, and beloved son, with his achievements and personality celebrated alongside the grief 

A close-up image of a golden cocker spaniel puppy with soft fur and expressive eyes, wearing a red collar with a decorative pattern, Cocker Spaniel Puppy, Grandparents' Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide, My Forever Son
A cute golden puppy with soulful eyes, wearing a red collar, capturing the essence of innocence and joy, Cocker Spaniel Puppy, Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide, My Forever Son.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide explores the profound grief experienced by grandparents who endure the heartbreaking loss of a grandchild to the tragic circumstances of suicide, delving into the emotional turmoil, feelings of helplessness, and the complex process of mourning that accompanies such a devastating multiple loss. A grandparent grieves not just for their grandchild, but also for their own child whose life is forever changed.

The grief grandparents experience after losing a grandchild to suicide is profound and multifaceted, often described as a “double grief” because it involves mourning both the grandchild and the deep pain of their own child, the parent.

Unique Emotional Journey for Grandparents
Grandparents’ grief is often intense and complicated by feelings of helplessness knowing their own child is deeply suffering. They may experience shock, numbness, guilt, anger, and profound sadness, sometimes feeling invisible or “forgotten mourners” as attention tends to focus on the parents. This grief often lasts much longer than society expects and involves many emotional ups and downs. Grandparents may struggle to express their loss openly, yet their need to acknowledge and remember the grandchild remains strong.

Pink saucer cup Magnolia in bloom and trailing down a brick wall, My Forever Son, Grief Reflection: 3 Years After Losing My Son
Pink Magnolia Trailing Over a Brick Wall, My Forever Son

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

The articles below include key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief. They offer compassionate guidance. Notably, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, provides solace. Grief involves stigma, guilt, and various emotions from anger to relief.

Research indicates that suicide is not a conscious choice, necessitating a non-judgmental emotional healing approach. Support groups and educational materials empower survivors, fostering community connections.

The content includes the author’s story of losing her child, emotional support resources, insights on suicide, grief duration discussions, and resources for bereaved parents.

A stack of books related to grief and suicide, featuring titles like 'The Worst Loss' and 'Suicide: Survivors'. A coffee mug is partially visible in the foreground, with green plants in the background, Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide, My Forever Son
A selection of supportive literature addressing the grief and healing process for parents after losing a child to suicide, Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents My Forever Son

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Close-up of a yellow orchid flower next to a rain-covered window, with a view of a wet landscape outside, symbolizing growth and reflection amidst sorrow, Understanding Suicide: It's Not a Choice, My Forever Son
A serene view from a window featuring a blooming orchid and a rainy landscape outside, symbolizing growth and reflection amidst sorrow, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice, My Forever Son

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice explores the emotional complexities surrounding suicide, challenging the notion that it is a choice. Dr. John Ackerman highlights the myriad factors influencing suicidal thoughts, emphasizing that individuals often seek relief from overwhelming pain rather than wanting to end their lives. This piece encourages empathy and awareness, making it essential reading for those wanting to support loved ones in distress.

Close-up of a vibrant yellow flower with intricate petals and green foliage in the background, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief and loss, Healing After Suicide Loss: Essential Resources and Support, My Forever Son
A vibrant yellow flower surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing in the context of grief and loss, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents, My Forever Son

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Close-up of red and green leaves, showcasing the vibrant autumn colors in nature.
A vivid display of red leaves intertwined with green foliage, symbolizing the journey of grief and healing, Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?, My Forever Son

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide


A woman kneeling in front of a gravestone marked 'SON' in a cemetery, appearing emotional while holding her head in one hand. The background features multiple gravestones, highlighting the profound pain of loss, My Forever Son, Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: "When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched"
A grieving mother at her son’s grave, highlighting the profound pain of loss, My Forever Son, Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.


A young person with long hair, wearing a denim jacket over a red shirt, looking pensively towards the ground, with a blurred background of trees and buildings, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters, My Forever Son
A young person reflecting in a somber environment, embodying the emotional complexities of grief and understanding related to suicide, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.


A contemplative young woman with long hair, resting her chin on her hands, illuminated by soft light and shadows,  reflecting the complexities of grief and loss discussed in the article on coping with a child's suicide, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son
A contemplative young woman expresses deep emotions, reflecting the complexities of grief and loss discussed in the article on coping with a child’s suicide, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Navigating Grief: Strategies for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

These resources for navigating grief offer helpful coping strategies and tips for suicide loss of a child. Practical advice and grief tips can help parents move through grief and healing.

Close-up of white daffodils with yellow centers, surrounded by green foliage, symbolizing resilience and hope, reflecting the journey of healing after profound loss, My Forever Son, 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide
Beautiful purple wildflowers symbolizing resilience and hope, reflecting the journey of healing after profound loss, My Forever Son, 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide

15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide

15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide includes valuable tips and insights for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, offering practical advice on seeking help, connecting with others, and finding ways to cope with grief. The personal experiences and suggestions offer meaningful support for parents dealing with this devastating loss. A comprehensive guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, this post offers support and resources to help parents who lose a child to suicide navigate this difficult journey. Remember, you are not alone. There is a community of parents who are ready to listen, understand, and support you through this painful chapter of your life.

A close-up of a vibrant pink flower with pointed petals and green leaves in the background, symbolizing hope and renewal in times of grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
A vibrant pink flower among green foliage, symbolizing hope and renewal in times of grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Close-up of a vibrant orange rose in bloom, surrounded by green leaves, symbolizing resilience and hope amidst grief, Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”My Forever Son
A beautiful orange rose in full bloom, symbolizing resilience and hope amidst grief, Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”My Forever Son

Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”

Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”explores the emotional turmoil of grief and offers guidance for healing. Through personal narratives and expert insights, the article emphasizes that parents are not alone in their pain and provides 16 practical tips for continuing the bonds with the lost child. It highlights the importance of coping strategies, honoring deceased loved ones, and navigating the complexities of grief.

A cozy living room scene with a red coffee cup on a white saucer, a small vase of flowers, and a stack of notebooks on a wooden table, with soft lighting from nearby windows, reflective moments in the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide: Guidance, Resources, and Healing
A comforting scene featuring a cup of tea and fresh flowers, representing solace and reflective moments in the journey of grief, My Forever Son,Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide: Guidance, Resources, and Healing

Support for Parents Grieving a Child’s Suicide: Guidance, Resources, and Healing

a stack of books about grief, hope, and healing after suicide loss, My Forever Son, Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents
Books for Grief, Hope, and Healing After Suicide Loss, My Forever Son, Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents


Woman at her desk with a small vase of pink flowers, a laptop open, and a gray cat sitting on the keyboard of the laptop, My Forever Son, The Family Table: A Story of a Grandmother's Love and Connect with Us! Keep in Touch and Contact Us at My Forever Son
Th, My Forever Son

Surviving Suicide Grief: A Personal Journey

Walking through Shadows In Acute Grief

Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide describes what I felt in my early days of grief after learning of my son’s suicide.

I lived in the shadows of grief, and I passed through 15 months without “seeing” the world around me.

My inner world was bleak, dark, deep in the bowels of grief. A darkness and hellscape I had never been through. Keening. Weeping. Distraught.Constantly reliving the trauma of my son’s suicide.

But the intensity and ferocity of my grief was the unending depth of my love for my son. I would only learn this truth much later along in my grief.

The depth of love and the pain of grief are two sides of the same coin. Or perhaps better worded: Love is the brilliance of sunlight in a Cerelean blue sky resting on puffy white clouds; Grief, which shares the same sky as the sun and blue sky, is represented as the underside of storm clouds shading out the world beneath it with heavy rain agains an infinitely bleak, gray sky.

The sun is still shining above the puffy white clouds, even in the wake of heavy storms which cast only gray skies thunder, lightening, and heavy rain

Constricted by This Undertow of Grieving

Dying Inside. Holding my breath. Pain on the inhale. Pain in the exhale. Sharp pierce of pain. Heart pain. Constant. Mighty. Rhythmic. The rhythm now of my life, my lifeblood stifled, plugged, narrowed, struggling, constricted by this undertow of grieving.

Dark blue and black stormy seas with high waves symbolizing deep grief and mourning with only a hint of light from the sky faraway, My Forever Son, Exploring "Beat Still My Heart" Poem: A Grief Elegy, and Coping with Grief: Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
Coping with Grief: Navigating the Loss of a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Making Progress Moving Through Grief?

I’d like to think I’ve made “progress,” though in the end, I’m not sure what this even means.

Progress towards what exactly?

Learning to live again?

I am altered, twisted beyond recognition of my former self. A constant fog rolling in, I am seeing who I was only through glimpses of light. But I am grateful for these glimpses of light, these glimmers of hope.

Am I more open? More raw?

More vulnerable, deeply compassionate, growing accustomed to this constant rhythm of ebb and flow of grieving in my life?

Have I changed?

I am changed. Shaped by grief. My world before suicide. My world now without my son. These are not the same. I am learning to live again, though in the margins of life, in the disparity between past and present, present but not future forward.

Surviving Suicide Grief: In It For the Long Haul

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? explores how the pain of grief can change as time moves forward.

Does the Pain Ever End After Losing a Child to Suicide?

The pain changes, softens, but it doesn’t go away completely. My grief is my love for my son.

Suicide never goes away, never lets go, never the release, never the tapering down, never the stillness of an ocean calmed.

Losing a child to suicide is a forever kind of grief. A grief come to stay. A grief to learn to live with. A grief I’ve learned to carry along with an infinite love for my son.

These are not separate, my love and my grief. They share space in my heart, casting shades of permanence sturdier than the self where I now reside. A bittersweet hue. A time I remember and a love I will never forget.

A pot of vibrant yellow nasturtium flowers with green leaves, set against a blurred garden background, symbolizing resilience and remembrance in grief, My Forever Son
Vibrant yellow nasturtium flowers flourishing in a pot on a stone wall surrounded by greenery, symbolizing resilience and remembrance in grief, My Forever Son

Coping with Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

And yet, at 12 years out from my son’s suicide, I have grown more accustomed to carrying the pain of ache and love, all at the same time.

Helpful Resources

A Mother’s Reflections: Coping with the Loss of My Son to Suicide shares my journey with learning how to cope with unfathomable loss.

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss offers a glimpse of hope in the midst of grief.

Resilience is Living in the Glare of My Son’s Suicide shows how my son’s narrative has become my own.


Deep Red and Yellow Striped Daylily, My Forever Son, Grieving After Losing a Child to Suicide: Coping and Healing
Deep Red and Yellow Striped Daylily, My Forever Son

Coping with Grief: Personal Reflections After Losing My Son to Suicide

Surviving The First Year of Suicide Grief

In the beginning, June 25, 2012, I felt hurled, swept violently out to sea, lost, alone, screaming in jet black darkness, screaming for my child, my son, my only child, Dylan.

How to Survive the First Year of Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide shares some of the ways I survived unbearable grief.

The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide shares my struggle losing my only child to suicide.

Navigating Suicide Loss: Books for Healing After Losing a Loved One shares helpful resources for support and healing.

I Only Hurt When I Breathe

The First Year of Grief: A Tsunami, all-encompassing, all-embracing, its open jaws consuming all of my life–my child of 20 years, myself as I’d known her, my relationships with all of my community, my future bright and brimming with hopes and dreams for a son accepted to Ohio University on a full academic scholarship in their Journalism School.

Digital media. Class of 2014. Graduation. His first job. His career launch. A steady girlfriend becoming his be-all, end-all, the settling down–my son gone, my future gone, my past obliterated in violence and a single breath. I had to be reminded to breathe. Just breathe. I Only Hurt When I Breathe.

Beat Still My Heart: A Poem on the Heaviness of Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide describes my experience losing my only child to suicide.

Surviving Suicide Grief in Year 3: My Personal Journey

Coping & Healing, Yet Still Hurting

Grief in Year 3: Have I come along? Still, after 3 years and 2 months, I still think of my son every day–always on rising, always in the falling asleep, always in a moment where I pause, always in my errands and outings, always when I see a film, a movie, listen to music, drive my car, prepare my meals, cook foods I cooked that Dylan loved and adored. I still can’t steam broccoli, his favorite vegetable. I love it, but I can’t cook it–there’s just too much pain.

Close up of A delicate pink flower, a day-lily,  adorned with droplets, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son
A delicate pink flower adorned with droplets, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son, Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide, My Forever Son

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

Introduction

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide is a deeply heartfelt collection of five poignant blog posts that chronicles my emotional journey through the third year following the tragic loss of my only son, Dylan, to suicide on June 25, 2012. This intimate compilation offers reflections and valuable resources that document a parent’s harrowing experience with overwhelming grief.

This heartfelt collection of blog posts from year three of my grief offers a profound exploration of sorrow and the healing journey, illuminating stories of love, remembrance, and a connection that transcends the boundaries of death. By sharing both the struggles and transformative experiences, this blog, My Forever Son, aspires to provide solace, practical insights, and a glimmer of hope to those navigating the intricate complexities of grief.

Navigating Grief: Reflections Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide powerfully captures the intricate emotions of grief and the slow journey toward healing. During this early phase of grieving, I expressed the profound feelings I endured, alongside the challenging changes I encountered as I learned to navigate life without my cherished son. The three-year mark became a pivotal moment in my grief journey as I slowly began to reclaim my life.

My Journals: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope

During this tumultuous time of trying to regain order in my life after the loss of my son to suicide, I grappled with deep grief and confusion. My journals recorded not only my sorrow but also unexpected moments of joy as I navigated a world that felt forever changed.

I reflected on cherished memories, revisiting the laughter and love we shared, despite the profound emptiness my son’s absence left behind. Writing became a means to navigate my emotions and begin to heal amidst enduring heartbreak.


Close-up of delicate pink flowers with dewdrops on the petals, set against lush green foliage, symbolizing beauty and resilience in the face of grief, Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son, My Forever Son
A close-up of pink flowers adorned with raindrops, symbolizing beauty and resilience in the face of grief, Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son, My Forever Son

Healing Grief: 3 Years After Losing My Son


Delicate white blossoms of a Serviceberry symbolizing hope and renewal amidst grief, Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son , My Forever Son
Delicate white blossoms of a Serviceberry symbolizing hope and renewal amidst grief, Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son , My Forever Son

Healing After Loss: 3 Years of Grieving My Son


A close-up view of a delicate peach-colored Iris flower, symbolizing resilience and beauty amidst grief, Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3, My Forever Son
A close-up view of a delicate peach-colored Iris flower, symbolizing resilience and beauty amidst grief, Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3, My Forever Son, as featured in Year 3 of Grief: Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

Living Backwards Going Forward-A Grief Journey in Year 3: Reflections from a Mother’s Heart


Close-up of pale pink flowers of a peach flowering quince blooming among green leaves in a garden setting, Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss, My Forever Son
Delicate pink blossoms amidst lush green leaves, symbolizing beauty and resilience in the journey of grief, Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss,My Forever Son

Healing Grief: Embracing Quiet Tears After 3 Years of Loss

A close-up of white daffodil flowers with yellow centers, surrounded by green leaves in a garden setting, "I Only Hurt When I'm Breathing": A Grief Journey, My Forever Son
Daffodils blooming in a garden, symbolizing renewal and healing during the journey of grief, I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Journey Through Grief , My Forever Son

I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing”: A Grief Journey


Pink flowers trail over a cream and brown stoneware flower pot resting on bricks, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Pink flowers trail over a cream and brown stoneware flower pot resting on bricks, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

Wild purple geraniums surrounded by green leaves near a water pond  in mid-summer, symbolizing hope and a moment of tranquility, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Wild purple geraniums surrounded by green leaves in mid-summer, symbolizing hope and a moment of tranquility, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

A close-up of a vibrant red rose surrounded by green leaves, set against a textured gray wall, symbolizing hope and renewal, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
A vibrant red rose blooms amidst lush green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal in the journey of healing, My Forever Son, Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.


Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.


From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

FIND HOPE HERE: POEMS AND POETIC REFLECTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…

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When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’

When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…

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The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience Summary The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in…

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Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing

Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing Key Takeaways Summary Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing shares author Beth Brown’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry and nature photography, she finds solace and a way to express her overwhelming emotions after suicide loss.…

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“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope

“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…

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Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.


Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

Find a provider for prolonged grief

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.


What I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After the Suicide of My Son shares the significant struggle of coping and healing with grief after losing my only child to suicide.

Quiet Tears at 3 Years

Quiet Tears at 3 Years: I can smile now, sort of, kind of, for awhile, enough to get by. I know how to turn a conversation away from myself. I know how to bring a smile to others. I’ve learned the art of small talk because it takes the focus off the pain, because this way I don’t let others in to where I’m still raw and grieving.


Glistening Snow reflecting sun's prisms in tree shadows in winter, rose bush with brown leaves of winter in foreground, my forever son, The holidays descend: suicide never ends and Reflections on Grief in Year 6 After Losing My Son to Suicide
Glistening Snow in Tree Shadows, My Forever Son

Surviving Suicide Grief at the Holidays: Grief Strategies and Tips

Valuable Resources for Navigating Holiday Grief

Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies

Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies Summary The article “Navigating Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss: Support and Strategies” offers guidance for coping with grief during the holidays, particularly for those who have lost a child to suicide. It emphasizes open dialogue about grief, respecting personal boundaries, and embracing memories through simple activities.…

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Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents

Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents Summary The article “Coping with Holiday Grief: A Guide for Parents” provides support for parents grieving a child lost to suicide during the holidays, a time that can be especially painful for those in mourning. It emphasizes self-care, encouraging parents to prioritize their well-being while seeking supportive…

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Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss

Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss Summary Coping with Holiday Grief After Suicide Loss, especially after losing a child to suicide, involves acknowledging and expressing feelings, modifying or creating new traditions, and prioritizing self-care. It’s important to communicate needs to family and friends, involve other grieving children, and seek professional support if needed. Remember,…

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Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss Summary In Holiday Grief Series: Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss, author Beth Brown recounts her experience of grief during the holidays after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She describes the pain of missing him and the struggle to find joy in traditions. Beth emphasizes…

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The Pain of Losing a Child: Holidays Bring Reflection

Summary In The Pain of Losing a Child: Holidays Bring Reflection, the narrator struggles with the pain of losing a child to suicide, focusing on grief at the holidays.The author, grieving the loss of her son Dylan to suicide, finds the holiday season particularly painful. Despite attempts to distract herself, memories of Dylan intensify, highlighting…

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Dreading the Holidays

The Holidays Descend: Suicide Never Ends Holidays? I don’t have holidays anymore. They are all loaded and heavy and weighted and belong to a life I will never live again. I have learned to sort of, kind of, move through them, but I find myself playing a game I cannot win. Avoidance, mostly, just sheer, plain avoidance.

Surviving Holiday Grief

A close-up of a cream-colored flower with a deep red center and yellow stamen, surrounded by green foliage and rocky background, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
A close-up of a delicate white flower with a maroon center blooming amidst stones, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, Coping with Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

Online Support for Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide

Two Email Support Groups

We have two email support groups for anyone whose life has been affected by the suicide of another person. Both groups are led by volunteers; the groups don’t offer advice, and there is no charge to join them.


Surviving Suicide Grief on Memorial Dates: A Personal Journey

Navigating Grief on Memorial Dates: A Personal Journey

Coping With Grief On Memorial Dates Introduction ABOUT THIS POST: In Coping With Grief On Memorial Dates, the author’s personal anecdote serves as a poignant reflection on her journey through the depths of grief after losing her son to suicide. This deeply personal experience resonates with readers, drawing them into the raw and unfiltered reality…

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Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflections on Love, Loss, and Unbearable Tragedy ABOUT THIS POST: Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflections on Love, Loss, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully conveys the profound heartache and unwavering love that a mother feels for her son. The author shares her deeply moving journey of navigating the pain and challenges that arise…

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Coping with Grief and Healing at Memorial Dates

Memorial Day: Color My Heart Forever Blue. My heart has been interminably broken since January 2012, Dylan’s first suicide attempt near my birthday, the first hospital, the first psych ward, the only time I remember hearing him say upon awakening from his overdose, “This is the best day of my life because I’m alive.” I remember his laughing and smiling easily with a high school friend who visited him.

And I remember the sullenness and moodiness, sitting watching Dylan eating ice cream and putting his head down and forward into his hands, pulling at his now chip-chopped hair, tugging, rubbing his hands on his jeans, anxious, nervous, changed, forever changed–I just didn’t know it.

One Suicide Attempt After the Other

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop: Dylan had multiple suicide attempts–one suicide attempt after another. January, February, March, May, and June. It’s been difficult to not always be reliving those hell-on-earth months. Broken. His life abruptly stopped.

The interruption and disfiguring, the disassembling of my life. The stripping away. The barrenness. This life now of chronic pain where I practice mindfulness and radical acceptance and distraction, tons and tons of distraction, just to move through my days.

Orange Canna Lily at the edge of a water pond and surrounded by rocks , My Forever Son, Grieving After Losing a Child to Suicide: Coping and Healing
Orange Canna Lily and Water Pond, My Forever Son

Making Plans to Remember My Son on His Memorial Date

Some parents find it helpful to make plans ahead of their child’s memorial date. Doing so provides a sense of purpose, a direction to turn, some stability on a day of unbearable pain.

Some parents make no plans at all. They may or may not visit their child’s grave or memorial. They may or may not follow their ordinary routine. There’s a certain freedom in being able to express grief in whatever way you find helps you move through your child’s memorial date.

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Coping with Grief on Memorial Dates: A Personal Journey

12 Years Out: I am now 12 years out from Dylan’s suicide. As I approach his memorial date, I have open-ended plans to go to lunch with a close friend. I usually visit my son’s grave and bring fresh flowers. Writing a letter to my son on his memorial date helps me cope with a flood of feelings. Sometimes, I will write a song for his memorial date.

Always, I give myself permission to not do anything on my son’s memorial date. Dylan’s memorial date is not something I thought I’d ever know. Now I move through that date on the calendar every 12 months. Carrying both love and ache is hard to grow accustomed to.

Read more personal reflections on grief at a child’s memorial date:

A Deluge of Feelings: Year 8 Memorial Date is deeply personal and emotionally powerful, eloquently capturing the author’s experience and emotions with her son’s 8th Year Memorial Date. The vivid descriptions of nature and the juxtaposition of beauty and pain create a poignant narrative.



Personal Reflections on Coping and Healing with Suicide Grief

Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents

Pink Rose with Green Leaves in Bloom, symbolizing hope and remembrance in grief, Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents, My Forever Son
Pink Rose with Green Leaves in Bloom, symbolizing hope and remembrance in grief, Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents, My Forever Son

Does the Pain Ever End?

Does the Pain Ever End? Yes. To an extent. And in the beginning of my grief journey in June of 2012, something I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) have believed.

And no. Because my grief is my love for my son. But my grief now is a bittersweet pain, worse on his birthday, his memorial date, the holidays; more manageable when tucked away and carried in my heart. I grieve the loss of Dylan because I love my son. I always feel his absence.

Dylan is part of my life still, as is both the love I carry for him, and the pain I carry missing him. And Dylan is, was, and forever will be my heart and my love.

‘You will be able to live with [the pain]. It just becomes part of you.

Mother who lost her child to suicide

The Pain Does Change

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy
life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide, Parents of Suicides

Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.


Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

Find a provider for prolonged grief

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups


A stack of books related to mental health and suicide prevention placed on a wooden table, with a blue mug and green plants in the background.
A collection of books focused on understanding grief, suicide, and mental health support, My Forever Son, Finding Support After Losing a Child to Suicide

Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.


Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

Cover of a handbook titled 'A handbook for coping with suicide grief' by Jeffrey Jackson, featuring illustrations of people and greenery, My Forever Son
Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

A close-up of a vibrant red rose with droplets of water on its petals, accompanied by the title 'Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide' by Beth Brown,
Book cover of ‘Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide‘ by Beth Brown, featuring a vibrant rose, symbolizing remembrance and hope, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource

Books

  • Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
  • Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
  • Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
  • Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
  • Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
  • Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
  • Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
  • Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
  • Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
  • Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
  • Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
  • Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
  • Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
  • Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
  • Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
  • Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
  • O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
  • Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
  • Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
  • Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.
A woman in a brown coat kneels beside a grave, visibly emotional, with a vase of red and white flowers placed on the gravestone that reads 'SON.' The background shows a cemetery with multiple gravestones, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents' Resource
A grieving parent visits their child’s grave, reflecting on loss and remembrance, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource

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By Beth Brown

Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.

At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales

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