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15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After Losing a Child to Suicide
Summary
“15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After Losing a Child to Suicide” offers support and resources for grieving parents of suicide loss. It emphasizes seeking help, connecting with others, and coping with grief. The article also highlights the Parents of Suicides (PoS) online support group, providing a private space for parents to share stories and find solace.
Key Takeaways
The article provides 15 essential grief tips for parents after losing a child to suicide, offering practical advice and support for grieving parents.
It emphasizes the importance of seeking help, connecting with others, and coping with grief during this difficult journey.
The Parents of Suicides (PoS) online support group offers a private space for parents to share stories and find solace.
Related resources include insightful articles and personal experiences to aid in navigating the grief process after losing a child to suicide.
Marcia Gelman Resnick, a mother who lost her son to suicide, highlights tips for navigating grief, encouraging patience and time for healing after such a profound loss.
Introduction
15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After Losing a Child to Suicide includes valuable tips and insights for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, offering practical advice on seeking help, connecting with others, and finding ways to cope with grief. The personal experiences and suggestions offer meaningful support for parents dealing with this devastating loss. A comprehensive guide for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, this post offers support and resources to help parents who lose a child to suicide navigate this difficult journey. Remember, you are not alone. There is a community of parents who are ready to listen, understand, and support you through this painful chapter of your life.
Parents of Suicides Online Support Group
Information is provided, too, about a dedicated online grief support group called Parents of Suicides (PoS) that offers a private and secure online platform for parents to connect, share their stories, and find solace and support from others who have gone through a similar loss. Highlighted are the key features of Parents of Suicides (PoS,) such as peer support, resources and information, anonymity and confidentiality, and 24/7 support.
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
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Coping with the Loss of a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources for Parents
Following the suicide of a child, parents must navigate an intense and complex grief with no simple timeline for healing. Healing involves managing the intense emotions, self-care, and seeking professional support.
Know that common aspects of grief after suicide loss can include:
Intense and complex emotions: Grief after a suicide often involves an overwhelming mix of emotions, such as shock, despair, guilt, shame, and anger. These feelings are all part of the healing process and can come in waves, even years after the loss.
No “right way” to grieve: Every parent’s grieving journey is unique. It is important to avoid judging yourself or feeling pressured by others’ expectations. Allow yourself and other family members to grieve at your own pace and in your own way.
Physical and mental toll: The stress and trauma of a suicide loss can cause physical and mental exhaustion. Prioritizing rest, healthy eating, and light exercise can help you cope. Be aware that you may be at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
How to Cope with Grief after Suicide Loss: Strategies and Support
Acknowledge your feelings: Allow yourself to experience your emotions without shame or self-judgment. Suppressing your feelings will only prolong the pain. Consider writing in a journal to express difficult thoughts and feelings.
Talk about your loved one: Focus on remembering the full life of the child you lost, not just their final act. It is healthy to talk about their special qualities and share memories with others. This helps honor their life and aids in healing.
Find support:
Professional support: A mental health professional, especially one with experience in suicide grief, can provide tools for navigating this traumatic loss.
Support groups: Connecting with other parents who have experienced a similar loss can be incredibly validating and reduce feelings of isolation. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)offers local and online support groups.
Friends and family: Rely on your existing support systems. Accept practical help from loved ones, such as preparing meals or helping with errands.
Be patient with yourself: There is no schedule for healing. Some days will be easier than others, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Avoid making major life decisions while overwhelmed with grief.
Let go of guilt and blame: A common response to suicide is questioning if you could have prevented it. Understand that you cannot control the actions of others. The blame lies with the pain and mental health struggles that led to the suicide, not with you.
Create a memorial: Honoring your child’s memory can be a powerful part of the healing process. Consider lighting a candle, creating a scrapbook, or donating to a charity in their name.
Address the stigma: Be aware that stigma can make it difficult to talk about your loss openly. However, being honest can end rumors, encourage support from those with similar experiences, and help reduce the stigma surrounding suicide.
Support and Grief Tips: “Living with Grief for Suicide Loss Survivors”
Acknowledge your feelings: Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings may only prolong the grieving process.
Seek professional help: Mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate the intense emotions accompanying bereavement. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs, and can help you find healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive.
Connect with others: Isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to stay connected with friends and family. Share your feelings with those you trust and who can offer empathy and support.
Self-care: Regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and ample sleep can help manage the physical symptoms of grief, as well as promote improved mental health. Mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation, can also help you stay connected to your body and emotions.
Find your own pace: Everyone’s grief timeline is different. Do not rush the process or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.
Remember your loved one’s life was about more than their suicide. Their final act doesn’t need to define their life. Try to remember and celebrate the important, joyous aspects of their life and of your relationship together. Mark their achievements and share memories, photos, and stories with others who loved them.
Keep a journal. Even if you’re not yet ready to talk about the difficult thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing, writing them down can provide an important release for your emotions. It may also help to write a letter to your loved one, saying the things you never got to say to them.
Expect ups and downs. The healing process rarely moves in a straight line. Some days your grief may seem more manageable than others. Then a painful reminder such as a birthday, holiday, or a favorite song playing on the radio will cause the waves of pain and sadness to return—even years after your loved one’s suicide.
(Find extensive resources for support at the end of this blog post.)
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Offers free and confidential support 24/7. Call or text 988 to be connected with a trained counselor for support or help with finding local grief resources.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): Provides support groups, resources, and educational materials specifically for loss survivors.
Alliance of Hope: An online community and resource hub for survivors of suicide loss.
The Dougy Center: A national center that provides support and resources for grieving children, teens, and their families.
HelpGuide.org: Offers detailed guidance on coping with suicide loss, managing emotions, and finding professional help.
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Navigating Suicide Loss: Understanding Your Suicide Grief
The wilderness of your grief is your wilderness. The death of someone from suicide feels unlike any other loss you may have experienced. The traumatic nature of the death may leave you feeling turned inside out and upside down. Your wilderness may be rockier or more level than others. Your path may be revealed in a straight line, or, more likely, it may be full of twists and turns. In the wilderness of your journey, you will experience the topography in your own unique way.
When suicide impacts our lives, we all need to grieve and to mourn. But our grief journeys are never exactly the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own unique way. Do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a “one-day-at-a-time” approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.
There is No Time Limit. Your Grief Is Your Love for Your Child.
There is no defined end to the intense or acute phase of grief after losing a child. The process is a unique journey that can take years and may result in a transformed, lifelong sense of loss rather than a complete return to pre-loss functioning.
There isn’t a time limit to your grief because it is your child, and the love you shared creates an enduring bond that continues to influence your daily life, thoughts, and feelings.
Instead of a timeline, grief after a child’s death is often described as a “bumpy, winding road” with varying intensity, where deep sorrow is present but doesn’t mean happiness is absent. While the sharp pain may lessen, the emotions associated with the loss can be brought back by memories or significant dates and are likely to be a part of the parent’s life long-term.
There isn’t a time limit to your grief because it is your child, and the love you shared creates an enduring bond that continues to influence your daily life, thoughts, and feelings. Each day can bring a mix of memories, nostalgia, and longing, intertwining with moments of joy and sorrow as you learn to navigate a world forever changed by that loss.
It is crucial to honor this grief, allowing yourself the space and time to process the myriad of emotions without the pressure to move on. Your world has stopped spinning. Time stops. And grief is the love you have for yourchild.
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Does the Pain of Losing a Child to Suicide Ever End?
The Pain Does Change
“To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.”
Parent of a Child Who Died by Suicide, My Forever Son
The pain softens–eventually–but missing your child and feeling their absence will always be with you.
Losing a child to suicide is a forever grief (with hope and healing along the way) because your love for your child is forever. The pain softens–eventually–but missing your child and feeling their absence will always be with you.
Support groups can help parents process their grief and find hope
Support groups can help parents process their grief and find hope, even in the midst of their sorrow. Parents of Suicides (an online group) or The Compassionate Friends, for example, are two excellent resources to support parents after losing a child.
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15 Essential Tips for Grieving Parents After Losing a Child to Suicide
Marcia Gelman Resnick wrote “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents”in 2019, 20 years after losing her son to suicide. She shares her experience surviving the suicide of her son alongside 15 tips that may be helpful to other parents grieving the loss of their child to suicide.
“How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents”
Sept. 20, 2019- For 20 years, I have been healing from the loss of my son to suicide. I learned to survive one day at a time. I’ve put this list together, from one parent to another, in the hope that it will be of some help to other parents who are just starting this journey. You will survive.
You are not alone. You may think that as a parent whose child took his or her life, you are on another planet, all by yourself: but there are many parents walking the same road. You don’t yet know them. Find an AFSP chapter in your community, make use of the support they offer, and connect with other survivors of suicide loss. There are many people enduring the same pain as you. We all understand.
Get the help you need. After my son died, I found a therapist for my surviving son, as well as a grief counselor for myself. My husband and I continued to see our couple’s counselor. I eventually took anti-depressant meds. There is no shame in getting help. If you don’t have the energy to do it yourself, have a close friend find the appropriate therapist or support group for you. Speaking of which…
Let your friends provide support in whatever ways you or they can think of. If I had a doctor’s appointment, I asked a friend to call in advance to tell the doctor what had happened, because I couldn’t bear the thought of answering the typical question, “So did anything important happen this year?” As another example, I’m a lawyer, and eventually after my son’s death, I had to appear in court for clients. I took a friend with me for support each time. Everyone is different. Your friends want to help. Let them be there for you.
When you’re ready, re-connect with your regular routines. Before my son died, my daily routine included going to the gym. As emotionally shattered as I was, I continued to go. It wasn’t always easy, but in the end, it helped. Figure out what you liked to do before your child died. Knitting, reading, cooking, cross word puzzles, yoga, reality TV, painting. Everyone has their own thing. It will help you maintain your sanity.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Do whatever feels comfortable for you, and don’t do anything you don’t want to do. You have a “pass.” If you are invited somewhere, and don’t want to go, you can say something like, “I’m not up to it, but please keep asking. Eventually I will accept your invitation.”
When you go back to work, make sure you have a safe place to hide when you have a meltdown. Let those close to you know it will probably happen, and have them protect you as much as possible.
It’s okay to smile and laugh. You are miserable enough. You don’t have to prove, or show, how sad you are to anyone.
Plan ahead for holidays, or have several alternate plans, depending on how you’re feeling. Holidays can bring up a lot of complicated feelings after a loss. See how you feel that day, and do whatever feels right to you then.
Try not to make any big decisions for at least a year. Don’t move out of your home. Don’t clean up your child’s room or their belongings until you are ready.
Try your best not to spend a lot of time agonizing over the question of, “Why?” There is probably no good way to protect yourself from doing this. But try to keep in mind that no matter how long you think about the “why,” you may come up with possibilities, but never a conclusion.
Know that you will always be your child’s mom or dad. You might wonder, “If I lost my only child, am I still a mother or father?” You raised your child, and can keep your child’s memory alive in meaningful ways, when you are ready. My son’s picture is on a memorial quilt. You can share happy memories of your child with others. Some people find that giving their child’s friends a special item of theirs is meaningful. Many raise awareness and funds through Out of the Darkness Walk teams, or by creating their own events in honor of the people they’ve lost. Whatever feels right to you.
Many people feel guilty after the loss of a loved one to suicide. (Read Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide: Strategies and Support). You might think, “I should have done more, or done things differently.” Our children did not come with instructions. Know you did the best you could. We would give our own lives to have our children back. It was not within our control. Taking one’s life is not a rational decision.
Realize your child did not take their life to hurt you. You might feel angry; it’s a common response. Realize your child had tunnel vision in that moment, and just wanted to end their pain.
Know how to deal with inappropriate questions, like people wanting details about your child’s death. It is none of their business unless they are close to you and you feel like sharing. You can simply say, “I do not want to discuss it.” Or, “This isn’t helping me right now.” You need consoling. You do not need to console others.
When you’re ready, consider volunteering. Get involved with your local AFSP chapter. Whether it’s helping out with the annual International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, the Healing Conversations program, or any number of other ways you can get involved, I have found that once I had given myself time to process my loss, giving back to a community of fellow loss survivors aided me in my own grief journey.
We need to work hard not to be ashamed or embarrassed by the way our children died. Our children had an illness, just like cancer or any other disease. There’s no need to hide it. As survivors of suicide loss, we learn to survive and live a fulfilling, although different life than what we had expected. My hope is that you can use some of the ideas I’ve shared to help you find your own way forward.
Common questions about navigating life after the loss of a child to suicide, 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son
FAQs: Navigating Life After Suicide Loss
How Does Grief Affect Parents Physiologically After Suicide Loss of a Child?
Body and Brain Changes: Grief triggers changes in the endocrine, immune, and autonomic nervous systems, all influenced by brain function and neurotransmitters.
Physical Symptoms: Common physical reactions to grief include: Muscle tension Extreme fatigue Gastrointestinal (GI) issues, like upset stomach, nausea, and pain Chest tightness or pain Headaches or migraines Heart palpitations
Complicated Grief: Bereavement from suicide has a higher risk of complicated grief, a prolonged and intense form of grief that impairs functioning. Trauma: The traumatic nature of the loss can lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), with symptoms like intrusive thoughts and nightmares. Overwhelming Emotions: Survivors often experience intense guilt, anger, shame, confusion, and a strong need to find answers. Mental Health Impacts: Increased rates of depression, anxiety disorders, and even suicidal thoughts can occur.
If feelings of depression don’t lift after a few weeks or seem more profound.
If you experience persistent physical symptoms like intense chest pain, trouble breathing, or a racing heartbeat.
If you have intrusive thoughts or nightmares related to the loss.
If you are struggling to resume normal life activities. Seek professional help for grief if you have persistent distress and functional impairment for more than a year, experience intense thoughts of suicide, or have symptoms of prolonged (complicated) grief, such as avoiding reminders of the death, feeling emotionally numb, or having difficulty with social engagement. You can contact a mental health professional or call the 988 Suicide Crisis Hotline (by calling, texting, or chatting) if you are in immediate crisis.
What are the Signs You May Need Professional Help?
Persistent dysfunction: Grief is interfering with your ability to carry out daily routines, work, or social activities. Prolonged intense feelings: You experience intense sadness, anger, despair, or emotional numbness that doesn’t improve over time. Withdrawal and isolation: You withdraw from social activities and have trouble connecting with others.
Suicidal Thoughts: You have thoughts of harming yourself or wish you hadn’t been born. Physical health changes: You experience significant changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping, or substance abuse. Complicated grief symptoms: You might have a fixed preoccupation with the deceased, a sense of identity disruption, or feel that life is meaningless.
When to Seek Help in a Crisis If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or is in immediate danger, call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or your local emergency services right away.
What to Do: Contact a professional: You can start by speaking with your doctor or a mental health professional. Reach out for support: If you know someone struggling, encourage them to seek help from a healthcare provider or mental health professional. Utilize crisis lines: For immediate help, call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Lifeline, which provides free and confidential support.
How to Find Healing and Support After Suicide Loss?
Therapy and Medication: These can be vital tools to help resolve overwhelming reactions to loss. Support Groups: Peer support can offer comfort, validation, and a sense of community for those struggling with suicide bereavement. Professional Guidance: Understanding the unique challenges of grief after suicide is crucial, and professional help can provide effective coping strategies.
Parents typically do not “recover” or get over the death of a child, but rather learn to adapt to a life without them, integrating the loss into their lives and finding a new sense of purpose and meaning. This is an ongoing journey of lifelong grief, which evolves from raw pain to a more manageable, yet persistent, sorrow. The goal isn’t to forget, but to find a way to live with the void, keep the child’s memory alive, and eventually, achieve a degree of acceptance and peace.
Understanding the Nature of This Grief
Persistent, Not Temporary: Unlike other forms of grief, losing a child creates a profound, enduring loss that often lasts for the rest of a parent’s life. Adapting, Not Overcoming: The process involves adapting to a changed world and finding a way to live with the irreplaceable loss, rather than completely erasing the pain. A Scar, Not a Wound: The pain may ease over time, but a scar—a reminder of the loss—remains, changing the parent’s life forever. Pathways to Adaptation and Healing Find Meaning: Finding a new sense of purpose and meaning for both the deceased child’s life and the parent’s own life can be crucial for healing. Separate Memories from Pain: Parents may learn to separate the painful memories of the child’s death from the joyful memories of the child’s life. Seek Support: Connecting with other bereaved parents, therapists, or support groups can provide invaluable help in navigating this difficult journey. Prioritize Self-Care: Engaging in routines, like work, exercise, and socializing, can help provide stability and a sense of purpose. Embrace New Forms of the Relationship: The parent-child relationship can take on new forms as parents find new ways to connect with and remember their child.
What to Expect
A New Normal: The parent will fall into a new routine and a new way of living, carrying the child’s memory with them. Pangs of Sadness: There will still be times of sadness, loss, and despair, but these may become less raw and intense over time. Personal Journey: The process is unique to each individual and can’t be rushed or defined by a specific timeline.
How to Find Happiness and Hope After Losing a Child
Finding joy after the loss of a child is a personal, non-linear journey that involves allowing yourself to grieve, practicing self-care, and finding moments of light without guilt. It doesn’t mean “moving on” but rather learning to hold both grief and joy simultaneously, often by honoring your child’s memory through acts of love, connecting with a strong support network, and finding new traditions or passions.
Allow for Grief
Don’t rush the process: Grief is a long and ongoing journey, not an event, and it’s okay to have days filled with deep sorrow and days with moments of joy. Give yourself permission to feel: Allow yourself to feel moments of laughter, lightness, or peace without feeling disloyal or guilty, as these moments don’t diminish your love for your child. Express your grief: Be open and honest about your pain, as expressing your grief helps you process the loss and eventually leads to healing. Nurture Yourself Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as getting enough rest, eating well, and setting boundaries to allow for your personal grieving space. Protect your energy: Grief is exhausting, so protect your energy by setting boundaries with people who offer unhelpful comments or advice. Acknowledge your strength: Recognize the incredible effort it takes to simply exist with this kind of loss, and allow yourself to take your time with it.
Find Connection and Meaning
Build a support network: Reconnecting with friends, family, or a support group can provide comfort and strength during your journey. Honor your child’s memory: Find ways to keep your child’s memory alive through new traditions, creative expression, or by channeling your energy into positive actions in their name, such as supporting a pediatric bereavement program. Find joy in small moments: Look for beauty, peace, and happiness in small, everyday moments, which can help illuminate your path forward.
Remember
Joy and grief can coexist: Joy does not cancel out grief; rather, it can sit alongside it, providing a different kind of comfort and hope. Your relationship continues: The love you have for your child is not severed but takes on new forms in your heart and in the world. There is no “right” way to grieve: Everyone’s journey is unique, and what helps one person may not help another. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you find your own path forward.
What are the psychological effects of losing a child?
Losing a child causes severe and complex psychological effects, including profound grief, depression, anxiety, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Parents may also experience intense guilt, anger, hopelessness, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and a lasting sense of loss for the child’s potential future. The trauma can lead to enduring emotional scars and a persistent feeling of injustice, making it a unique and particularly challenging form of bereavement.
Common Psychological Effects
Intense Sadness and Depression: Parents often feel deep hopelessness, despair, and may struggle to find joy in life, leading to symptoms of clinical depression. Anxiety and PTSD: The loss can trigger anxiety, panic attacks, and symptoms of PTSD, such as flashbacks, nightmares, and being easily startled. Guilt and Shame: Parents may feel irrational guilt or shame, questioning the fairness of life and directing blame towards themselves, others, or fate. Anger and Frustration: Intense rage, chronic irritation, and frustration are common reactions, often directed at others or even the deceased child. Confusion and Cognitive Issues: Difficulty concentrating, memory problems, and a general sense of confusion are frequent. Loss of Purpose and Identity: The death of a child can shatter a parent’s sense of purpose and future dreams, leading to feelings of despair.
Long-Term and Enduring Impact
Enduring Grief: For many parents, the grief is not temporary but a lifelong companion, sometimes referred to as enduring grief. Shattered Dreams: The loss of a child also means the death of all the dreams and hopes a parent held for their future, a particularly intense aspect of the grief. Social Alienation: Parents may feel a sense of alienation from the world and struggle to maintain or create close relationships with others.
Coping and Seeking Support
Professional Grief Counseling: Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide tools and strategies to manage these complex emotions and adjust to life after the loss. Allow for Grief: It’s important for parents to allow themselves the time and space to grieve fully, as there is no set expiration date for the pain. Support Groups: Connecting with other grieving parents or joining support groups can provide a crucial sense of community and understanding.
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Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.
Parents of Suicidesis a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.
Support for Parents of Suicides: International Online Support Group (PoS
Parents of Suicides (PoS) is a dedicated online grief support group created specifically for parents who have tragically lost a child to suicide. Losing a child to suicide is a devastating and isolating experience, and Parents of Suicides aims to provide a safe space for parents to connect, share their stories, and find solace and support from others who have gone through a similar loss.
To join the group and connect with other parents who share a similar experience, please visit Parents of Suicidesand follow the registration instructions.
Key Features of Parents of Suicides Online Support Group
Online Community: PoS offers a private and secure online platform where parents can join discussions, exchange experiences, and offer support to one another, regardless of geographic location. The platform ensures a safe and understanding environment, fostering empathy and connection.
Peer Support: Members of PoS understand the unique complexities of losing a child to suicide, as they have faced this unimaginable pain themselves. With heartfelt compassion, parents in this supportive community share their grief, offer understanding, and provide practical advice to help navigate the difficult journey of healing.
Resources and Information: PoS provides access to a wealth of resources, including articles, books, and expert advice on coping with grief, understanding the grieving process, and finding ways to honor and remember their lost children. These resources serve as a guiding light during the darkest times.
Anonymous and Confidential: Confidentiality is of utmost importance in PoS. Parents have the option to participate anonymously, allowing them to share their stories and emotions without fear of judgment or stigma. The group’s guidelines prioritize respect, empathy, and a non-judgmental approach.
24/7 Support: Grief knows no time constraints, and PoS understands the importance of being there for parents whenever they need it. With 24/7 accessibility, parents can reach out and connect with others, receive support, or simply find solace in knowing there are people who truly understand.
Join Parents of Suicides
If you are a parent who has lost a child to suicide, joining Parents of Suicides can offer a lifeline of comfort and support during this incredibly challenging journey. To join the group and connect with other parents who share a similar experience, please visit Parents of Suicides and follow the registration instructions.
The Grief of Parents When a Child Dies
The pain of grief is extremely intense as parents digest the finality of never seeing their child again and the loss of future hopes and plans.
While memories of the child flood their mind, they also experience a deep emptiness and unimaginable void in their lives.
Grief impacts a parent’s whole identity as well as the identity and security of other members of the family.
Frequently Asked Questions About Losing a Child to Suicide
“More thoughts” by Marcia Gelman Resnick, author of “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents,” responds to key questions and concerns of parents who lost a child to suicide.
As survivors of suicide loss, we learn to survive and live a fulfilling, although different life than what we had expected. My hope is that you can use some of the ideas I’ve shared to help you find your own way forward.
–People will ask you inappropriate questions- like wanting details about your child’s death. It is none of their business unless they are close to you and you feel like sharing. You can simply say “I do not want to discuss it” and hold your ground, even if they become annoying.
Or “This isn’t helping me right now”. Or walk away if they are persistent. Do the same if someone approaches you with a sad, tormented face. Compassion for you is not the same as making you feel even worse than you already do. You need consoling, you do not need to console others.
–People will ask you how many children you have, which many consider a conversation starter. It’s also asked of someone who wanted, but could not have, a child.
How you answer depends upon who is asking, and how you feel. Possibilities are: “I had two children but one died.” Or “one, or 2, or 10″.
You do not have to answer any further questions unless you want to. If you decide to tell your sad story, try not to feel sorry for them or that you need to protect them.
General Information
At first you feel like you are walking with a huge boulder on your back. As time passes, the boulder stays the same but your back gets stronger. (Wise words from a fellow survivor).
Suicide notes are usually not helpful. If there is one, it usually says that you were a good parent and they love you, that everyone would be better off without them, etc.
Remember our children were not in their right minds when they took their lives. They had a pain that they thought would never go away. They did not think about those left behind.
–Our children did not commit a crime. Try not to use “committed suicide” and correct others who do. “Died by suicide” or “took their life” is more appropriate, in my opinion.
–The stigma of suicide. We need to work hard not to be ashamed or embarrassed by the way our children died. Our children had an illness, just like cancer or any other disease. No need to hide it.
–Don’t sweat the small things. Unless someone is dead or dying, it is a small thing.
–You never get over it, but you learn to live with it.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
-When you are ready, if you so choose, do something to remember your child. My son’s picture is part of a memorial wall, I made a square for a memorial quilt. Every year, I host an event at Belmont racetrack in honor of my son, who loved horses. We built a softball field at Doug’s camp, dedicated to him. Whatever is appropriate for you.
-Share happy memories of your child with others.
-Some people find that giving their child’s friends a special item oft heirs is meaningful.
-You learn who your true friends are. And try to rid yourself of toxic people (those who take more than they give, or stress you). You need to preserve whatever energy you have, and take care of yourself and your family.
Give yourself time, time and more time. It takes months, even years, to open your heart and mind to healing. Choose to survive and then be patient with yourself. In time, your grief will soften as you begin to heal and you will feel like investing in life again.
What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.
Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.
Meet Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.
Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicideoffers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches.
A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.
“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.
Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Coping with the Loss of a Child
Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way. HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
A collection of books focused on understanding grief, suicide, and mental health support, My Forever Son, Finding Support After Losing a Child to Suicide
Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.
Darkness Visible William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.
Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss. Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.
Why People Die by Suicide Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005. Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.
Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.
A grieving parent visits their child’s grave, reflecting on loss and remembrance, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource
My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Just Breathe: My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide A mother's reflections on losing her only child–her 20-year-old son–to suicide, this blog (My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide) includes messages of hope and healing amidst acute, complicated, …
A bright moon shines in a dark sky, symbolizing hope and remembrance amid grief, reflecting the themes of loss in Understanding 'Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon' Poem's Heartfelt Message, My Forever Son Understanding 'Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon' Poem's Heartfelt Message Key Takeaways Understanding 'Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon' Poem's Heartfelt Message by Beth Brown …
A beautiful white peony flower in full bloom, symbolizing love and remembrance, My Forever Son, Holding True to My Son's Narrative: "Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay" Poem Analysis Holding True to My Son's Narrative: "Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay" Poem Analysis Key Takeaways Holding True to My Son's Narrative: …
A striking piece of red glass art shaped like a heart, symbolizing love and loss, My Forever Son, If Only a Mother's Love: A Poem on Loss If Only a Mother's Love: A Poem on Loss Summary If Only a Mother's Love: A Poem on Loss highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love …
An ethereal cosmic scene capturing rays of light and swirling clouds, evoking themes of loss and remembrance, My Forever Son, "Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky": Poem on Child Loss "Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky": A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Key Takeaways The poem "Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky" addresses …
A serene winter landscape featuring snow-covered trees, symbolizing the quiet and heaviness of the winter season, My Forever Son, Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months Summary Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months acknowledges the unique pain of …
Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.
At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales
22 replies on “15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide”
[…] Support groups specifically tailored for parents who have lost a child to suicide can provide a uniq…These groups bring together individuals who share similar experiences and emotions, creating a safe and empathetic environment for parents to express their feelings and find com […]
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[…] I also found hope in parents who had more time out from the suicide of their child. From these parents, I learned that pain “softens” over time, that I could survive, one moment at a time, that self-care was an imperative, and that grief after suicide loss of a child is messy, not linear, and not on a timeline. […]
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[…] of a professional therapist, the warmth of local grief support groups, and the understanding of an online community of parents who have lost a child to suicide—I find myself in a space that feels so much more hopeful and resilient than when I first began […]
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22 replies on “15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide”
[…] Support groups specifically tailored for parents who have lost a child to suicide can provide a uniq…These groups bring together individuals who share similar experiences and emotions, creating a safe and empathetic environment for parents to express their feelings and find com […]
[…] I also found hope in parents who had more time out from the suicide of their child. From these parents, I learned that pain “softens” over time, that I could survive, one moment at a time, that self-care was an imperative, and that grief after suicide loss of a child is messy, not linear, and not on a timeline. […]
[…] of a professional therapist, the warmth of local grief support groups, and the understanding of an online community of parents who have lost a child to suicide—I find myself in a space that feels so much more hopeful and resilient than when I first began […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
[…] “How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents” […]
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[…] 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide […]
[…] 15 Essential Grief Tips for Parents After a Child’s Suicide […]
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