Nature’s embrace: A serene view through lush green leaves, reflecting the journey of healing and growth, My Forever Son, “Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents”
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Key Takeaways
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents provides compassionate guidance for grieving parents.
It emphasizes the importance of self-care, support systems, and professional help during the healing process.
The article encourages sharing experiences and honoring the child’s memory to foster resilience and hope.
Resources for parents include professional organizations, support groups, and recommended readings.
Ultimately, healing after losing a child to suicide is an ongoing journey that requires time and understanding.
Summary
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents offers compassionate guidance for parents navigating the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The article emphasizes self-care, support systems, and professional help, along with encouraging parents to connect with others who understand their heartache. Through shared experiences and extensive resources, the guide aims to foster resilience and hope for a brighter future.
A person gently reading through a book, reflecting on healing and coping strategies after a profound loss of a child to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Introduction
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents offers a compassionate embrace for parents navigating the heart-wrenching aftermath of losing a child to suicide. Acknowledging the profound grief and emotional turmoil that accompanies such a devastating loss, this article provides tender guidance on how to cope, including insights into the complex feelings of guilt, anger, and confusion that may emerge during the healing process.
Immediate Support for Newly Bereaved Parents
If you are newly bereaved, you are not alone. The following contacts and organizations provide immediate, confidential support for those in crisis and their families:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress
Parents of Suicides:An international e-mail group that offers understanding, support, information and hope to bereaved parents. Send an email to Karyl Chastain Beal at arlynsmom@cs.com to ask for an application to join POS.
Alliance of Hope: Provides healing support for people coping with the shock, excruciating grief, and complex emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide.
The Compassionate Friends: A support group for those grieving the loss of a child to any cause. Members come together from diverse backgrounds to share their grief, hope, and support each other in building a future.
Key Suggestions for Navigating Suicide Grief
Seek Professional Help: Therapy and counseling can serve as essential sources of support during this difficult period.
Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar loss can help reduce feelings of isolation and offer hope.
Take Your Time: Grief is a deeply personal journey. Move at your own pace and allow yourself to rest as needed.
Use Books and Resources: Reading about others’ experiences and expert guidance can help you understand and process your feelings.
Honor your child’s memory in ways that feel right to you.
Parents grieving a child’s suicide may find comfort by giving themselves permission to heal at their own pace, participating in creative or meaningful activities, and honoring their child’s memory in personally meaningful ways. Connecting with support groups, seeking professional help, and engaging with helpful resources are essential steps in nurturing emotional and mental well-being. These practices support parents as they work toward healing in a difficult time.
Remember, you are not alone. Communities and resources are available to help you throughout your journey.
Importance of Seeking Support and Resources
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents delves into the importance of seeking support from loved ones and professional resources, highlighting the value of sharing one’s story while also emphasizing self-care practices that promote mental wellness.
Additionally, the article encourages parents to honor their child’s memory in meaningful ways, fostering a sense of connection even in the face of such an unimaginable tragedy.
Healing Strategies Emphasize Self-Care, Support, and Connection
The healing strategies shared in Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents emphasize vital self-care practices and invaluable support systems, encouraging parents to reach out for professional help and connect with others who deeply understand their heartache.
A delicate white flower surrounded by vibrant green leaves, symbolizing hope and healing in times of grief, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Resources and Support
The resources and support section a provides gentle, compassionate links to connect with others who understand and share in this profound journey. An extensive list of resources for parents is included at the end of this post–Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Glossary of Common Terms Related to Grief and Suicide Loss
Grief: The emotional response to loss, especially after the death of a loved one. May include sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
Bereavement: The period of mourning and adjustment following the death of someone close.
Survivor of Suicide Loss: A person who has lost someone to suicide and is coping with the aftermath.
Complicated Grief: Prolonged or intense grief that disrupts daily life and may benefit from professional support.
Support Group: A gathering of individuals with shared experiences, offering mutual understanding and encouragement after suicide loss.
Stigma: Negative attitudes, beliefs, or stereotypes about suicide and mental health that may prevent people from seeking help or speaking openly.
Postvention: Actions and interventions designed to support individuals and communities after a suicide has occurred.
Trigger: Anything that elicits a strong emotional reaction or brings back memories related to the loss.
Resilience: The capacity to adapt and recover after experiencing loss or trauma.
Counselor/Therapist: A professional who provides emotional support and guidance to those affected by grief and suicide loss.
Self-care: Activities and practices that support physical, emotional, and mental well-being during challenging periods.
Validation: Recognizing and affirming the feelings and experiences of individuals impacted by suicide loss.
Talking About Suicide Loss
When discussing suicide, it is important to use sensitive and accurate language. The phrase “died by suicide” is preferred, as it is nonjudgmental and recognizes suicide as a health issue. In contrast, “committed suicide” is outdated and potentially stigmatizing, as it suggests criminality or moral wrongdoing. Using compassionate and precise language helps foster understanding and reduces stigma for survivors and those affected by suicide loss.
Additional Resources
My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide Blog– Offers support and resources for parents who are grieving the devastating loss of a child to suicide. The author shares her profoundly personal journey of healing and resilience following the tragic loss of her son, Dylan. Support resources include articles about understanding suicide, including breaking the stigma and myths surrounding suicide, support for survivors of suicide loss, focusing especially on helping parents who lose a child to suicide find the support they need, personal stories and reflections on suicide loss, and original poems and poetic reflections on grief and healing
Nationwide Children’s Hospital: Provides research, expert articles, and mental health resources for families and children dealing with suicide loss. discusses the importance of understanding mental health and breaking stigmas surrounding it. Emphasizes that suicide is not a choice but a result of complex factors and emotional pain. A compassionate, well-researched site established and admistered by suicide epidemiologists and pediatricians. Includes a blog about issues surrounding suicide and suicidal ideation in children (bullying, demographics, trauma, mental health, and other topics).
Alliance for Suicide Survivors: Offers survivor support groups, educational materials, and advocacy resources. The organization provides 24/7 online support for suicide loss survivors, recognizing the high risk of suicide among this population. provide healing and compassionate support during the lonely and tumultuous aftermath of suicide.
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
A beautiful white peony flower surrounded by green foliage, symbolizing peace and remembrance, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Losing my son to suicide created a void of cataclysmic proportions in all areas of my life: professional, emotional, spiritual, community, friends, physical, health.
My well-being turned in the split second I learned my son had died by suicide, and it would be a long time coming before I could pick up the pieces of my life to move forward in grief, carrying love along with the permanent ache of losing my son.
Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide
Acute grief plunged my heart, soul, and sense of who I was into a chasm of despair. Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide shares the ferocity of my grief in the immediacy of my son’s suicide. Weeping even in my sleep, broken even as I was, I didn’t believe that the acute pain of early grief would ever cease. As I write, it’s been 12 years since Dylan died. My grief has changed shape over the course of my grieving, softening in the intensity of the agonizing sharp pain of my early grief.
Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature explores the journey of finding hope and healing through nature after the loss of a child. It illustrates the emotional connection we can forge with the natural world, highlighting its ability to soothe our grief. The arrival of spring symbolizes hope and renewal, reminding us of the resilience within us. The author emphasizes the spirit of spring, encouraging patience during life’s challenges while imparting a heartfelt message of trust and enduring hope.
A Note from the Author
I am no longer in the dark place where my son’s suicide left me, though I carry his ache and love with me always. While Dylan’s absence lingers, I’ve learned to embrace good memories, guiding me toward healing. Over a decade has passed since my son’s suicide. Time hasn’t healed my grief, but it has moved me beyond acute trauma to glimpses of hope and happiness. Losing my son has forever changed me, but I’ve found healing by carrying both ache and love for him.
Glimpses of Hope in Small Things
I find hope in small things—my gardens, a cup of tea, and sunshine streaming through the window. I honor Dylan’s memory by connecting with others, sharing my story, and advocating for mental health awareness, determined that his legacy inspires support for those in similar struggles. Writing has helped me release my grief. While hope and healing may feel distant, they have gently found me in my reality: living each day without my son.
Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide is a profoundly touching collection of journals from the author’s journey through grief, hope, and healing, marking three years since losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She has faced numerous challenges, grappling with emotions like anger and despair, ultimately discovering moments of clarity and acceptance. The thoughtfully selected images, often featuring her gardens, provide a visual reprieve and deepen the emotional impact of her words, inviting readers to reflect on their own healing.
Glimpses of Hope Amidst Darkness
Each entry in Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide illustrates her evolving grief and highlights how she finds glimmers of hope amidst darkness, encouraging others to embrace vulnerability and share their own stories. Through her candid reflections, the author offers companionship to those navigating their grief, reminding them they are not alone on this arduous journey.
Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers
In Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers, the author finds solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief and the hope for healing. Through journaling and photography, the author captures the beauty of nature and finds a poetic way to express her sorrow and search for self-forgiveness.
A Note from the Author
It’s true that one never fully “heals” from the loss of a child to suicide, yet I have gradually begun to bridge the profound gap between my own grief and the world around me, even if it happens at a pace that, at times, feels ‘ere so slow. I find profound hope and beauty in nature, and in its changing seasons, the steadfastness of life. Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers has been integral to moving through my grief after losing my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide eleven years ago.
A serene garden scene featuring vibrant violet flowers and a delicate pink lily, symbolizing beauty and resilience amidst grief, My Forever Son, Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss
Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss
Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss explores the heart-wrenching journey of grief and healing following the loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. She shares how grief can strike unexpectedly, flooding her with overwhelming despair. The struggle to rediscover joy after such a profound loss feels like an uphill battle, as even the smallest moments can be shadowed by sorrow. Learning to navigate life without him is a daunting challenge, with constant reminders of the void he left in her heart and home.
Yet, amidst the pain, the author finds comfort in fleeting moments—whether it’s a gentle breeze that whispers memories of Dylan or a warm smile from friends who truly understand her heartbreak. She clings to the hope of a future reunion with him, which gently guides her through the darkness. Ultimately, she comes to understand that honoring Dylan’s memory not only keeps his spirit alive but also provides her with the strength she needs to embrace each new day.
Suicide is an out of the natural order of life death, a perpetual questioning of why they took their life, a constant review of what if? if only. . .and should have, could have, would have.
Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a poignant and compassionate exploration of the overwhelming emotions and hurdles parents face following the tragic loss of a child to suicide. This heartfelt post delves deep into the raw and complex journey, offering understanding, support, and guidance tailored specifically for grieving families. It features meaningful quotes from mental health professionals and fellow bereaved parents, relating to other relevant posts that discuss different aspects of loss and resilience.
Crucial resources for seeking professional help, including hotlines, support groups, and therapy options, are provided to foster emotional recovery. This article addresses unspoken feelings of guilt and isolation, validating parents’ pain while inspiring hope through shared stories and coping strategies. The post encourages dialogue around mental health and underscores the importance of community support in healing.
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem is a poignant poem exploring the guilt parents face after losing a child to suicide. It captures the emotional anguish of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” reflecting the deep sorrow of their grieving journey. Each line invites readers to experience the despair of such a loss while suggesting that love can illuminate dark moments. The poem provides insight into the author’s experience with loss, using vivid imagery to express the tidal wave of emotions that follow. The blend of poetry, personal anecdotes, and support resources amplifies the author’s voice and connects with the audience, encouraging exploration of their own feelings about loss.
Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt many parents endure after losing a child to suicide. It addresses the struggle between cherishing memories and confronting harsh realities that feel insurmountable. Parents often grapple with guilt, wondering if they could have intervened or recognized their child’s distress. This journey through sorrow is intertwined with societal stigma and expectations about grieving. Finding healthy outlets for these feelings, like therapy or creative expression, can be healing.
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy that affects many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem along with others that examine loss and healing, providing various perspectives on mourning. It also offers resources for support, guiding readers through their darkest moments while fostering community and understanding. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” encapsulates the emotions of this journey, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences of grief.
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide for parents devastated by the loss of a child to suicide. It addresses the complex emotions of grief and emphasizes the importance of self-care, professional help, and support groups. The resource also shares coping strategies like creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory.
What I have learned these past 12 years of grief and healing is that my love was not enough to save my son, to protect my son, to prevent his suicide. Love, no matter how strong the connection, cannot prevent death.
A serene mountain landscape reflecting tranquility and healing, symbolizing the journey of grief, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
The Wilderness of Your Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
The Wilderness of Your Grief After Suicide Loss
The wilderness of your grief is your wilderness. The death of someone from suicide feels unlike any other loss you may have experienced. The traumatic nature of the death may leave you feeling turned inside out and upside down. Your wilderness may be rockier or more level than others. Your path may be revealed in a straight line, or, more likely, it may be full of twists and turns. In the wilderness of your journey, you will experience the topography in your own unique way.
When suicide impacts our lives, we all need to grieve and to mourn. But our grief journeys are never exactly the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own unique way. Do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a “one-day-at-a-time” approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.
A serene stream flowing over rocks, symbolizing the journey of healing and grief, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Parents Often Battle an Added Type of Guilt: Where Did I Go Wrong? What Di
Parents of children who die by suicide often battle an added type of guilt.
Even if they do not blame themselves for notdirectly intervening in the suicidal act, they often feel guilt over some perceived mistake in raising their children.
“Where did Igo wrong?,” “I pushed them too hard” and “If we hadn’t gotten divorced…” are just a few on the list of self-recriminations.
But parents need to remind themselves that, while they have great influence over their children’s lives, they do not personally create every aspect of their children’s being.Children are shaped by an assortment of outside influences beyond the control of parents.
A collection of insightful books dedicated to helping parents navigate the grief of losing a child to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Essential Reading for Parents Mourning a Child’s Suicide
Books for Navigating Suicide Grief
The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way
The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way is a compassionate suicide grief book by Alan Wolfert, Ph.D. that has helped me find my way through the grief of losing my son to suicide.
Essential Books for Parents: Healing After Suicide Recommendations
After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief Jack Jordan, Ph.D., and Bob Baugher, Ph.D. Caring People Press, 2016 (2nd edition). This excellent handbook is organized chronologically to follow the days, weeks, and months after a suicide loss. It includes straightforward information about psychiatric disorders, when to seek professional help, and practical strategies for coping and healing.
Suicide of a Child Adina Wrobleski Centering Corp., 2002. A basic guide for early bereavement after your child’s suicide that offers comforting, compassionate, easy-to-read observations and personal messages.
Voices of Healing and Hope: Conversations on Grief after Suicide Iris Bolton Bolton Press Atlanta, 2017. Includes DVD of interviews. Through an informal survey of family members impacted by suicide, Iris Bolton, author of My Son…My Son: A Guide to Healing after Death, Loss, or Suicide, identified eight issues that were among the most difficult for suicide loss survivors to cope with: why, guilt, shame, anger, pain, fear, depression, and faith. This poignant book includes the stories of more than twenty-five loss survivors as they relate to these challenges.
Why Suicide? Questions and Answers about Suicide, Suicide Prevention, and Coping with the Suicide of Someone You Know Eric Marcus HarperOne, 2010 (revised edition). Eric Marcus, who lost both his father and sister-in-law to suicide, addresses the myriad questions with which loss survivors are inevitably left in the wake of a loved one’s suicide. The Q&A format is accessible, informative, and reassuring.
The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Companion Press, 2010. Using the metaphor of grief as a wilderness, this guidebook, written by a grief counselor, offers ten wisdom teachings, including being open to the presence of loss, misconceptions about suicide and grief, and reaching out for help. The author also offers an expanded version titled Understanding Your Grief: Ten Touchstones of Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, and the companion workbook, The Understanding Your Suicide Grief Journal.
Coping with Suicide Grief: A Downloadable Handbook
Written by fellow suicide loss survivor Jeffrey Jackson, the booklet is an easy read that offers insight and essential information covering common experiences by those impacted by suicide loss – from the emotional roller-coaster, to the elusive quest for “Why?” to how to supportive resources, and impactful topics related to one’s suicide grief and loss.
A person walking on a wooden path symbolizes the journey of healing and coping after losing a loved one to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Embrace Healthy Coping Strategies for Healing from Suicide Grief
The aftermath of a loved one’s suicide can be physically and emotionally exhausting. As you work through your grief, be careful to protect your own well-being
A vibrant orange rose symbolizing hope and healing amidst the grief of losing a child, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Supportive Strategies for Healing After a Suicide Loss
The tips below from the Mayo Clinic are some of the best grief suggestions I’ve found. Suicide Grief is unique and complicated, and losing a child to suicide is overwhelming. The stigma surrounding suicide can keep others from reaching out. Know when to seek professional help, and find groups and organizations that can help.
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Embrace Healthy Coping Strategies After a Suicide Loss
Keep in touch. Reach out to loved ones, friends and spiritual leaders for comfort, understanding and healing. Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen when you need to talk, as well as those who’ll simply offer a shoulder to lean on when you’d rather be silent.
Grieve in your own way. Do what’s right for you, not necessarily someone else. There is no single “right” way to grieve. If you find it too painful to visit your loved one’s grave-site or share the details of your loved one’s death, wait until you’re ready.
Be prepared for painful reminders. Anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions can be painful reminders of your loved one’s suicide. Don’t chide yourself for being sad or mournful. Instead, consider changing or suspending family traditions that are too painful to continue.
Don’t rush yourself. Losing someone to suicide is a tremendous blow, and healing must occur at its own pace. Don’t be hurried by anyone else’s expectations that it’s been “long enough.”
Expect setbacks. Some days will be better than others, even years after the suicide — and that’s OK. Healing doesn’t often happen in a straight line.
Consider a support group for families affected by suicide. Sharing your story with others who are experiencing the same type of grief might help you find a sense of purpose or strength. However, if you find going to these groups keeps you ruminating on your loved one’s death, seek out other methods of support.
Practical Strategies for Parents Coping with Suicide Grief
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Strategies for Dealing with Suicide Grief
Everyone experiences grief differently, and it is important to find the approaches that are most effective for you and your experience. Grieving can be a complex process, often influenced by the nature of the loss, your personal circumstances, and your emotional resilience.
Here are a few strategies that may help: consider seeking support from friends and family members who can provide comfort; explore professional counseling options that offer a safe space to express your feelings; engage in creative outlets like writing, art, or music that allow you to process your emotions; practice self-care through activities such as exercise, mindfulness, or meditation to nurture your well-being during this challenging time.
Strategies for Grief and Healing from the American Association of Suicidology
Acknowledge your feelings: Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings may only prolong the grieving process.
Seek professional help: Mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate the intense emotions accompanying bereavement. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs, and can help you find healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive.
Connect with others: Isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to stay connected with friends and family. Share your feelings with those you trust and who can offer empathy and support.
Self-care: Regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and ample sleep can help manage the physical symptoms of grief, as well as promote improved mental health. Mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation, can also help you stay connected to your body and emotions.
Find your own pace: Everyone’s grief timeline is different. Do not rush the process or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.
A serene garden scene featuring vibrant pink flowers blooming near a tranquil pond, symbolizing healing and peace, My Forever Son, A Parent’s Guide to Healing After Child’s Suicide
Support for Parents Coping with Suicide Loss
There are many different types of resources available to support suicide loss survivors in their journey toward healing. You can find suicide loss support in these areas and more:
mental health organizations that offer therapy and counseling specifically tailored for those grieving a loss
online support groups that connect individuals going through similar experiences
local community resources that provide workshops and seminars focused on coping strategies
Nonprofit Organizations and Hotlines
Additionally, many nonprofit organizations and hotlines are dedicated to helping survivors navigate their emotions and find a path toward recovery, ensuring that no one has to walk this difficult journey alone.
For a complete list of resources and support groups, go to the end of this post. There you can find extensive help, including a Parents of Suicides online support group.
Support Groups and Resources
Support groups: There are many support groups specifically designed for suicide loss survivors. These groups offer a safe, understanding space for survivors to share their experiences, learn from others, and receive support from others who understand this kind of grief.
Online communities and resources: If in-person support feels too daunting, there are a number of online communities and forums that can provide insight and companionship in a more anonymous setting. You can also find online resources to help you through your loss and connect you with supportive and understanding communities.
Crisis lines: In moments of crisis or intense grief, crisis lines such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can support on the phone, through text-message, or web-based messaging) can provide immediate support.
Therapy: The process of healing from the trauma of suicide is multifaceted and layered. It is not just about managing the pain, but also about finding a new normal, learning to live with the loss, and reconstructing a meaningful life. Licensed therapists who specialize in complex grief can provide a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space to explore these complex emotions and challenges.
Navigating suicide loss is an arduous journey, but no one has to walk this path alone. With understanding, self-care, and support, loss survivors can find their way to healing and hope.
A woman reflecting on her grief, encapsulating the emotional turmoil faced by parents after losing a child to suicide, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Navigating the Heartache of Parental Grief After Suicide
The quoted passages that follow are from a book I highly recommend, The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way, by Alan Wolfert, Ph. D. Wolfert’s discussion of the challenges inherent in a suicide death is a thorough explanation of what makes grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide so difficult.
Why is Suicide Grief Challenging?
Self-blame and guilt for parents who lose a child to suicide often manifest as a deeply painful cycle of self-questioning
Ultimately, parents carry the heavy weight of responsibility for their child. The feelings of guilt can often become overwhelming, rooted in the deep-seated belief that their role in ensuring their child’s safety persists through every stage of life, regardless of how old their child may be.
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The Painful Cycle of Self-Blame and Guilt
Self-blame and guilt for parents who lose a child to suicide often manifest as a deeply painful cycle of self-questioning:
“What if?”
“What did I miss”?
“What could I have done differently?”
“What did I do?”
“What didn’t I do?”
“Should Have, Would Have, Could Have”
The trauma of my son’s suicide made me question everything about my parenting. I felt responsible for not having saved my son. I wanted to keep Dylan safe from all things. I wanted what so many parents want: For my child to be happy and to feel loved.
Why is Suicide Grief Challenging?
Why [is Suicide Grief Challenging? Because of] The circumstances of the suicide
Obviously, the circumstances of suicide impact the terrain of your journey. I have outlined below many specific features surrounding potential aspects of your experience. As you explore these, I encourage you to reflect on those that apply to you.
Nature of the death is traumatic
A suicide death is often very traumatic. You have come to grief before you are prepared to mourn. By its very nature, your grief is naturally complicated in that the death is premature, usually unexpected, and calamitous. The combination of sudden shock and the stigma and taboo associated with suicide result in a kind of psychic numbing to your spirit.
Potential “why?” questions
The nature of the death can lead to natural “why?” questions. You may instinctively feel the death was preventable and should not have happened.
Potential self-blame
As you mourn the death of someone to suicide, you may judge your own actions, attitudes, and any sense of responsibility related to the death.
Potential investigation by law enforcement
Often, suicide deaths initially have to be investigated as if a crime may have taken place. At a time when your heart is broken, you may have felt you were under suspicion and experienced being interrogated surrounding the circumstances of the death.
Potential focus on the act itself
Some people around you may put more focus on the act of suicide itself than on the importance of supporting you. Sometimes the first question people ask is, “How did he do it?”
Multiple losses
You may not only be mourning the death, but loss of support from some insensitive friends and family.
Support may be lacking:
Some people do not know what to say or do, therefore they say or do nothing. The result for you is an experience of abandonment at the very time you need unconditional love.
Potential relationship cut-offs
You may find some people who literally go away and let it be known they have no desire to talk to you or support you in any way. Again, this creates more hurt on top of your overwhelming grief.
Potential discovery of or witnessing the suicide
You may have discovered the body of the person you loved or even witnessed the act of suicide. This may result in you having additional special needs and may require an experienced trauma or grief counselor. This is not in any way to imply that something is wrong with you, but rather that your experience was so horrific that you may need special help to support you in your grief.
Potential autopsy
Often, a coroner will request an autopsy as standard procedure. Some people have strong emotional and spiritual reservations surrounding an autopsy being carried out. If this decision is out of your hands, it can become very painful.
Potential life insurance problems
Many life insurance policies contain a suicide clause that prohibits any claims for a suicide for a set period of time (often two years) from the life of the policy. Some families have difficulty collecting on these policies, resulting in additional grief on top of grief. Consult a qualified attorney if this is your circumstance.
Potential media coverage
A close-up of two people holding hands, symbolizing support and connection during difficult times, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Parents Speak Out: Why is Suicide Grief Challenging?
Why is Suicide Grief Challenging? Because of your relationship with your child
“Obviously, the relationship you had with the [child] who [died by] suicide will have a major influence on your grief experience. At one end of the spectrum, maybe you were very close and considered yourselves soul mates. Or, maybe you were “best friends” as well as husband or wife. Or, if your child completed suicide, you may be struggling with the loss of all the various aspects of the parent child relationship….”
At the Other End of the Spectrum: When You Had A Difficult Relationship with Your Child
“At the other end of the spectrum, perhaps you had a very difficult relationship with this person. Maybe the person had an alcohol or drug problem or was in and out of trouble with the law. Perhaps you were abused or neglected by this person. Maybe there were some mental health problems that naturally made your relationship complicated. Or, you might have had a very ambivalent relationship that was full of ongoing conflict. In some situations, it is very normal to feel a sense of relief or release after the death. Sometimes you mourn for what you wish you could have had in your relationship with the person.
Whatever the circumstances, you are the best person to describe and work toward understanding your relationship with the person who died.”
A PARENT SPEAKS
A PARENT SPEAKS: “I had been trying to help my son for years. I always loved him, but he wasn’t easy to like. I know I will always have some sadness around what I wish we could have had in our relationship.”
Why is Suicide Grief Challenging?: Because of the people in your life
“Mourning the death of someone to suicide requires the outside support of other human beings. Because suicide is a topic where many people don’t know how to support you, some people in your world will probably pull away. This potential lack of support can be painful and agonizing.
To integrate suicide grief into your life demands an environment of empathy, caring, non-judgment, and gentle encouragement. The good news is that even one compassionate, supportive person can be a real difference-maker for you. Find a trusted family member, friend, fellow survivor, or sensitive counselor to companion you through the terrain of your grief. This person can and will help you survive at a time you are not sure you can.
Yes, I recognize that asking for support can be more challenging than it may sound. Early in grief it is a major accomplishment to get your feet out of bed and take a shower, let alone have the capacity to reach out for help. Yet, you need and deserve unconditional love and support.”
“Sometimes other people will assume you have a support system when you don’t. For example, you may have family members and friends who live near you, but you discover they have little, if any, compassion or patience for you and your grief. Sadly, some people (in an effort to protect their own emotions) like to assume you should be “over it” and “put the past in the past.”
In addition, some people, fearing they will be insensitive, tend to create an environment of mutual pretense. This is where they know it was a suicide death, you know it was a suicide death, yet the unstated rule is: Don’t talk about it! When this happens, a vital ingredient to your eventual healing is missing.“
At the Other End of the Spectrum, Do Look for People Who Are Willing to Patiently Help You By Listening without Criticism or Judgment
“At the other end of the spectrum, do look for people who are more willing to patiently help you by listening without criticism or judgment. Those people know you are the expert of your own experience and gently allow you to teach them where you are in the terrain. They know to use your loved one’s name and realize you may need to re-tell your story over and over. They often offer, when you are ready, to locate a support group or a sensitive counselor to help you on your path. In my experience, these people have often been impacted by suicide at some point in their own lives.
Even when you’re fortunate enough to have a solid support system in place, do you find that you are willing and able to accept support? If you project a need to “be strong”, “carry on” and “keep your chin up,” you may end up isolating yourself from the very people who would most like to walk with you in your journey through the wilderness of your grief.”
A PARENT SPEAKS
A PARENT SPEAKS: “Many of my friends think they are helping me by not talking to me about my [child] . But I have come to realize I need to talk about him and what happened. People don’t think they should use the word suicide, but I need to hear it.”
Why is Suicide Grief Unique and Challenging?: Because of your unique personality
“What words would you use to describe yourself? What words would people use to describe you? Are you a serious person? Light-hearted? Quiet and deeply reflective? Are you a nurturer? A fixer? Are you openly expressive or do you tend to naturally inhibit your emotions? In other words, what is your personality like?
The point is that whatever your unique personality, rest assured it will be reflected in your grief. For example, if you are quiet by nature, you may express your grief quietly. If you tend to be expressive, you may openly express how you feel about your grief.
How you have responded to other changes, losses, or crises in your life may be consistent with how you respond to this death. If you tend to run away from stressful aspects of life, you may have an instinct to do the same thing now. If, however, you have always confronted crisis head on and openly, you may walk right into the center of the wilderness. Keep in mind there is no one right and only way to mourn. Part of your experience will be to accept that you are mourning in ways that reflect your unique personality.“
A PARENT SPEAKS
A PARENT SPEAKS: “I have always been a person who thinks better than I feel. Yet, now I realize I have no choice but to stop thinking in my head, and really feel with my heart. It is so scary, but I’m doing the best I can.”
Why is Suicide Grief Challenging?: Because of the unique personality of the child who completed suicide
Just as your own personality is reflected in your grief journey, so, too, is the unique personality of the person who completed suicide. What was this person like? What did he or she bring to the dance of your life? You, in part, have known who you were based on having this person in your life. Now you have and essentially lost a “mirror” that helped you know who you were. The world feels different without him or her in it.
In part, personality is the sum total of all the characteristics that made this person who he or she was. The way she talked, the way he smiled, the way she ate her food, the way he worked, the way she related to the world around her—all these and so many more little things go into creating personality. It’s no wonder there’s so much to miss and that grief is so naturally complex when all these little things are gone all at once. Also, depending on the relationship you had, there may be things about the person that you don’t miss.
So ask yourself: What do I miss about this person? What, if anything, do I not miss? Is there anything I wish I could have changed (but realize I couldn’t) about his or her personality?
Whatever your feelings are about the personality of the person who completed suicide, find someone who will encourage you to talk about him or her openly and honestly. The key is finding someone you can trust who will listen to you without sitting in judgment of you. Yes, authentic mourning requires you be open about what you miss and what you don’t miss about this person’s personality. If you don’t have someone who can listen to you, at the very least write about it in the accompanying journal.
A PARENT SPEAKS
A PARENT SPEAKS: “He struggled with depression for years, but when he told a joke, he got this huge smile on his face. Yep, that is what I miss so very much, that big smile that could make me so happy to be around him.”
A poignant moment of emotional vulnerability during a counseling session, highlighting the journey of healing after the loss of a loved one to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Expect to Feel A Vast Array of Emotions After Losing a Child to Suicide
Suicide is Not a Desire to End Life: It Is a Need to End Pain
Suicide is Not a Desire to End Life. It is a need to end pain. This is the single most important thing for you to remember about suicide.
People who take their own life have been suffering — through no fault of their own — from a condition that amplifies and sustains emotional pain to a degree that makes life unbearable.
Because of this, it’s inaccurate to even think of suicide as a “choice.”
In the words of Adina Wrobleski in her book, Suicide: Why?, “Choice implies that a suicidal person can reasonably look at alternatives and select among them. If they could rationally choose, it would not be suicide. Suicide happens when… no other choices are seen.”
A man sitting in contemplation, grappling with emotions after a profound loss, embodying the complex emotions surrounding the loss of a child to suicide, My Forever Son,Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Navigating the Complex Emotions of Suicide Grief
David Kessler, at Grief.com, has extensive resources for those grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide, including grief and healing after losing a child to suicide. He co-write with Elizabeth Kubhler-Ross, The Stages of Grief
The Five Stages of Grief?
You may have heard or read about the classic [traditional] “stages of grief,” but it’s truly different for each person. Some of the common emotions experienced by all mourners are listed below. You may encounter some or all of them, and in no particular order…
Shock. The daze one feels immediately after a tragedy is actually the mind’s first line of defense. It insulates you from having to process the entire magnitude of it, allowing you to function until you can get your bearings.
Denial. Death is the most difficult of all realities to accept. It is common to feel a sense of impossibility, or that it’s all just a bad dream. In time, our minds become more able to analyze the tragic event in a rational way, allowing denial to give way to less troubling emotions.
Guilt comes from the mistaken belief that we could or should have prevented the death from happening, or from regret over [irreconcilable] aspects of the relationship. In truth, we all do the best we can given our human limitations. We cannot predict the future, nor do we have power over all events in our universe. It’s human nature to subconsciously blame oneself rather than accept these truths.
Sadness. Once the “reactive” emotions have either passed or become manageable, the basic sadness that accompanies any loss moves to the forefront. This may be felt more acutely when confronted with reminders or special occasions. As we gradually learn to accept our loss and embrace happy memories of our lost loved one, we make room in our hearts for happiness to re-enter.
Anger. It is common to feel anger toward the person you have lost. Many who mourn feel a sense of abandonment. Others feel anger toward a real or perceived culprit.
Acceptance. This is the mourner’s goal, to accept this tragic event as something that could not have been prevented, and cannot be changed. Only with acceptance, can you move [forward] with your life.
But suicide is different.The person you have lost seems to have chosen death, and that simple fact makes a world of difference for those left to grieve. The suicide griever faces all the same emotions as anyone who mourns a death, but they also face other unique and painful feelings on top of their grief…
Guilt. Rarely in other deaths do we feel responsible. Diseases, accidents, old age… we know instinctively that we can’t cause or control these things. But with suicide — even if we were only on the periphery of the deceased’s life — we invariably feel that we might have, could have, or should have done something to prevent the suicide. But this is a mistaken assumption. (See page 15.)
Stigma. Society still attaches a stigma to suicide, and it is largely misunderstood. While mourners usually receive sympathy and compassion, the suicide griever may encounter blame, judgment, or exclusion.
Anger. It’s not uncommon to feel some form of anger toward a lost loved one, but it’s intensified for those coping with suicide grief. For us, the person we lost is also the murderer of the person we lost, bringing new meaning to the term “love-hate” relationship. (See page 19.)
Disconnection. When we lose a loved one to disease or an accident, it is easier to retain happy memories of them. We know that, if they could choose, they would still be here with us. But it’s not as easy for the suicide griever. Because our loved one seems to have made a choice to leave us, we feel disconnected from their memory. We are in a state of conflict with them, and we’re left to resolve that conflict alone.
Grief for suicide loss survivors is often marked by an array of conflicting emotions, including shock, anger, guilt, and profound sadness.
Loss survivors often grapple with ‘why’ questions that cannot be answered, or feel a sense of guilt or responsibility for the suicide. Additionally, a portion of suicide loss survivors experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
A moment of comfort and support between loved ones navigating the grief of losing a child to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Navigating the Grieving Journey After a Child’s Suicide: Does the Pain Ever End?
Grief after losing a child to suicide is profound and ongoing
Grief after losing a child to suicide is profound and ongoing, often manifesting in a complex web of emotions that can feel overwhelming. This heartache is not simply a phase to be endured; it is a relentless journey that shapes your very existence.
Learning to Navigate a World Forever Changed by Losing a Child to Suicide
There isn’t a time limit to your grief because it is your child, and the love you shared creates an enduring bond that continues to influence your daily life, thoughts, and feelings. Each day can bring a mix of memories, nostalgia, and longing, intertwining with moments of joy and sorrow as you learn to navigate a world forever changed by that loss.
A grieving parent reflects in solitude, embodying the complex emotions surrounding the loss of a child to suicide, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Acknowledge Your Grief and Provide Time and Space Necessary for Complex Emotions
It is essential to acknowledge your grief, providing yourself with the time and space necessary to navigate the complex emotions you are experiencing, without the pressure to hastily move forward.
When you lose a child, your whole world feels as though it has come to a standstill.
Time itself seems to freeze, and it’s important to remember that grief is a reflection of the deep love you hold for your child.
The loss of a child to suicide brings a profound and enduring sorrow that exists alongside flickers of hope.
Your love for your child remains unchanging and eternal, and although the sharp edge of your pain may dull with time, the ache of your child’s absence will forever be woven into your existence.
“How I Survived the Suicide of My Son: 15 Tips for Grieving Parents”
Vibrant pink flowers blooming amidst stones, symbolizing resilience and renewal in grief, My Forever Son, Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Understanding Suicide Loss: Essential Insights
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) offers a host of supportive resources for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. The article that follows, “Grieving a Suicide Loss: Eight Things I Know for Sure” by Doreen Marshall, Ph.D. includes important reminders about the nature of grieving a suicide loss.
“Grieving a Suicide Loss: Eight Things I Know For Sure”
Here are some other things I know for sure about suicide grief:
There are ways to practice self-care while grieving a suicide loss (and it’s important!) Even though grief from a suicide loss can sometimes feel overwhelming, it is important to make sure that we do as much as we can to take care of our body’s basic needs as we grieve. Make sure to drink enough water, get some gentle daily exercise and sleep when you can. Ask others to help you so you can take a nap, get out for a walk in nature, or prepare some nutritious food, for example.
Grieving a suicide loss takes time. You don’t have to be “over” it. Getting to a place in which your grief doesn’t feel as raw and painful as it does at first will take time. There’s no way (or no need) to rush it. We don’t get over the loss of a loved one to suicide, we get through it, and there is no set timetable for the emotions that occur.
Others will grieve differently than you, even when experiencing the same loss. Human relationships are both unique and complex. Our experiences of suicide loss are a reflection of our individual relationships with our loved one. No one on the planet had the exact relationship that you had with the person you lost. Let yourself grieve the way you need to.
You don’t have to have all of the answers to begin healing. You may not know everything that contributed to your loved one’s death by suicide or how you will go on without them. You can still heal. Leave yourself open to what you may discover about yourself and your relationship with your loved one as time goes on. It’s okay to think differently about the loss as time passes. Healing can happen whether the path is clear or not.
Grieving can be exhausting. Take time to rest and recharge. Days where our grief is particularly difficult can physically feel like we have run a marathon. This can be especially true on days in which you have been more present with your grief (such as those in which you share your feelings in a suicide loss support group or a therapy appointment). Build in some time for rest and recovery during these days by asking those around you to help lessen your daily load, such as help with errands or other tasks. People often want to help after a suicide loss, but may not know exactly what would be helpful to you.
Your grief is not a burden. It is an expected reaction to loss. We grieve because we experience love and connection. No need to apologize for your grief or your changing emotions in response to losing your loved one to suicide.
It’s okay to say their name, even if others can’t right now. Say their name, even if you are the only one that can in the moment. Doing so also helps others to know that it’s okay to talk about the person who has died by suicide, and that you want to do that. Sharing stories and memories can be healing.
There are resources out there to support you in your grief. There is a community of suicide loss survivors who want to support you as you grieve.
Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents
Pink Rose with Green Leaves in Bloom, symbolizing hope and remembrance in grief, Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents, My Forever SonA collection of books offering guidance and support for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Grieving Parents
Resources and Support
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280 Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010 Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center The National Center for Grieving Children & Families dougy.org • (503) 775-5683 Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919 Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS) taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277) Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS losscs.org Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope allianceofhope.org Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide helpguide.org Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) pos-ffos.com An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998 Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss siblingsurvivors.com Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
The Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare (404) 256-2919 www.thelink.org
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress http://www.personalgriefcoach.net This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors http://www.allianceofhope.org This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival http://www.friendsforsurvival.org This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS) http://www.pos-ffos.com This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) https://www.taps.org/suicide This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors https://unitesurvivors.org/ This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Beth Brown, Author
Beth Brown, author and educator, sharing her journey of healing through poetry after the loss of her son
About the Author
Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.
Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss
byBeth Brown
There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.
I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.
He left too soon, Lifting life from June, Casting torrents of rain. — “He Left Too Soon”
There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.
Beat still my heart, Beat still my mind, Weary though thou art, Carry his love along with thine, Though heavy on thy shoulders Crost fields throughout all time. — “Beat Still My Heart”
My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.
My child sleeps in a cradle of stars, Gently rocked by the moon Lullabies in his heart, Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound Of a mother and child’s love beating on.
Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights, Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight, Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green, Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.
There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul— I would have held on, I would have clutched you, I would have never let you go But you told me “Mom I love you” Oh my child, if I’d only known. — “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”
In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.
Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged, Weeping tears falling still throughout time, Carrying weight of mourning and grieving Falling broken when thou wert mine. — “Beat Still My Heart”
I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.
Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright, To remember his mother that darkest of nights, When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth, Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth. — “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.
If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.
But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth, And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth, Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night, Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky. — “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.
My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Just Breathe: My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide A mother’s reflections on losing her only child–her 20-year-old son–to suicide, this blog (My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide) includes messages of hope and healing amidst acute, complicated,…
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis Summary Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes…
If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss Summary If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”which explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. It delves into themes of guilt, love, and the struggle to find healing.…
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…
Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.
At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales
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