Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”
Key Takeaways
- Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss” explores the emotional turmoil of grief and offers guidance for healing.
- Through personal narratives and expert insights, the article emphasizes that parents are not alone in their pain.
- It provides 16 practical tips for continuing the bonds with the lost child, promoting connection and remembrance.
- The piece highlights the importance of coping strategies, honoring deceased loved ones, and navigating the complexities of grief.
- Ultimately, it symbolizes hope and renewal in the journey of grief, encouraging parents to seek help and share their stories.
Summary
Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss” explores the emotional turmoil of grief and offers guidance for healing. Through personal narratives and expert insights, the article emphasizes that parents are not alone in their pain and provides 16 practical tips for continuing the bonds with the lost child. It highlights the importance of coping strategies, honoring deceased loved ones, and navigating the complexities of grief.
When we lose a loved one to suicide, it feels like we will never be the same. And in truth, we won’t be. The grief will always be there, but we can heal and begin to build a life of love around the loss.
David Kessler, Grief.com
Introduction
Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss” explores the heart-wrenching journey of grief, while gently guiding parents toward healing. This article embraces those who are suffering, assuring them they are not alone in their pain, and offers a glimmer of hope along with practical advice to help navigate the turbulent emotions of anger and sadness. Through heartfelt personal stories and compassionate expert insights, it emphasizes the necessity of discovering moments of joy even amid sorrow, and lovingly reminds families that healing is a unique journey for everyone, making it vital to seek support along the way.
Related Reads
My Forever Son
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
To Parents Grieving the Loss of a Child to Suicide:
This guide offers heartfelt support as you navigate the profound grief of losing your child. Your sorrow is a reflection of your deep love—a love that endures even in the face of unimaginable loss. Healing does not mean forgetting; it means learning to carry both pain and love together. Honor your child’s memory through personal rituals, sharing stories, and living in ways that reflect their values. Allow yourself to feel every emotion, seek support, and practice self-care. Healing is not linear, and there is no “right” way to grieve. Small steps forward, moments of comfort, and new connections do not diminish your love—they are signs of resilience. You are not alone, and hope can be found in gentle, everyday acts of remembrance and self-kindness.
Key Takeaways
Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around Loss“
- Grief is a reflection of deep love. The pain you feel is a testament to the bond you shared with your child. Grief after suicide is ongoing; it does not disappear, but its shape changes as you learn to carry it alongside your love.
- Honor your child’s memory. Create rituals, share stories, and live in ways that reflect your child’s values. Speaking their name and remembering them in daily life keeps their memory alive and meaningful.
- Allow all emotions. It’s natural to experience waves of sorrow, anger, guilt, and even moments of hope. Accept these feelings without judgment; healing is not linear, and there is no “right” way to grieve.
- Seek support and self-care. Lean on friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling. Gentle activities—walking, journaling, meditation, or simply resting—can nurture your body and spirit.
- Embrace new experiences. Exploring new interests and relationships does not diminish your love for your child; it enriches your life and honors their memory.
- Messages of hope. Small moments of comfort—a kind word, a gentle memory, a moment of peace—are signs of resilience. These do not betray your grief, but show your capacity to keep living, even in sorrow.
- You are not alone. Support, community, and self-compassion can help you move forward, one gentle step at a time. Healing means learning to carry both sorrow and love, and finding meaning in small moments.
Reflection Prompt: What is one small way I can honor my child’s memory today?
Building a Life of Love Around Loss
Building a life of love around loss is an ongoing process of growth. It is not about “getting over” grief. Instead, it acknowledges that grief and love are deeply intertwined—the pain experienced is a reflection of the love that was shared. Rather than minimizing the loss, the journey involves expanding your life to make room for both sorrow and emerging possibilities for joy.
Acknowledging and Processing Grief
Allow yourself to recognize and feel the pain of loss, giving yourself permission to experience all emotions—whether sadness, anger, fear, or guilt—without self-judgment. Attempting to numb or avoid these feelings may only delay healing, so it is important to accept and move through them.
Embracing grief means not resisting it, but instead learning to live with it as a part of your new reality. Recognizing that you have changed because of the loss allows you to gently welcome the person you are becoming.
Message of Hope: Your grief is honored, and hope can be found in small, everyday acts of remembrance and self-kindness.
Support is crucial during this time. Lean on friends and family who can provide comfort, and do not hesitate to seek help when needed. Joining a grief support group can offer connection with others who have similar experiences, and consulting with a grief counselor or therapist can provide valuable guidance and coping strategies.
Honoring Your Loved One’s Memory
Creating meaningful rituals or traditions is a powerful way to honor your loved one. This could include lighting a candle on significant occasions, visiting a place that held meaning, or assembling a memory box or photo album.
Keeping their memory alive in everyday life is also important. Mentioning their name and sharing their stories in natural conversations can help ease the silence that often surrounds grief and invite others to remember them with you.
Living a life that reflects their values is another way to honor their legacy. By embodying what they cherished, you give new life to their influence and continue to honor their memory through your actions.
Embracing New Life and Connections
It is vital to focus on your own happiness and well-being. Prioritizing self-care through activities such as exercise, meditation, or journaling can help foster healing and reinforce that you are deserving of happiness.
Exploring new activities or returning to old interests can bring moments of joy and help you reconnect with the present. Learning new things can also serve as a meaningful distraction and offer a renewed sense of purpose.
Message of Hope: Even in the bleakest moments, small glimpses of hope can appear—a kind word, a memory that brings a smile, a moment of peace. These are not betrayals of your grief, but signs of resilience.
Opening yourself to new relationships and experiences does not diminish the love you hold for your lost loved one. Instead, it allows for new love and support to enter your life, enriching it further.
Patience and an open mind are essential. Healing is a gradual process, and there is no single “right” way to grieve or move forward. Welcome new opportunities and relationships, even when they feel challenging at first.
Message of Hope: New experiences and relationships do not diminish your love for your child; they honor their memory by allowing you to keep living.
The ultimate goal is not to forget the love that was lost, but to carry it forward as a source of strength. By doing so, that love can continue to enrich your life, bringing renewed purpose, connections, and joy.
Honoring Your Child’s Memory
Honoring a child lost to suicide is an act of profound love and courage. It means keeping their memory alive through rituals, sharing stories, and living in ways that reflect their values. Lighting a candle on special days, creating a memory box, or speaking their name in daily conversation can help maintain a connection that endures beyond loss.
The Reality of Grief After Suicide
Losing a child to suicide is a grief that feels endless—a tsunami of pain, emptiness, and despair. The devastation can make hope seem impossible. This grief is not something to “get over”; it becomes part of your life’s fabric. Healing does not mean forgetting, but learning to carry love and sorrow together.
Reflection Prompt: When have I felt a moment of comfort, even briefly, since my loss?
Suicide Is Not a Choice
It’s vital to understand—and remind yourself often—that suicide is not a rational choice. Research, including insights from the Nationwide Children’s Hospital pediatric blog, shows that suicide is the result of overwhelming mental health struggles, not a freely made decision. It is not a failure of love or parenting. Death by suicide happens to families; it is not something anyone chooses or causes. This perspective can help ease misplaced guilt and blame.
[Suggested Reading]: Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice leads an in-depth discussion about why suicide is not a choice, featuring an article by John Ackerman, PhD, Nationwide Children’s Hospital and including current research on understanding suicide. The author reflects on her own journey of navigating grief after losing her son to suicide. She confronts the raw emotions of a grieving parent who loses a child to suicide: Depression, Guilt and Self-Blame, and Questioning Why Her Love Wasn’t Enough.
Self-Care for Grieving Parents
- Allow yourself to feel every emotion—sadness, anger, guilt, fear—without judgment. Suppressing feelings only delays healing.
- Seek support: Connect with others who understand, whether through support groups, counseling, or trusted friends and family.
- Prioritize self-care: Gentle activities like walking, journaling, meditation, or simply resting can nurture your body and spirit.
- Accept help. You do not have to carry this alone.
- Be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and there is no “right” way to grieve.
Message of Hope: Over time, integrating sorrow and joy can lead to a deeper sense of meaning and connection.
For Those Supporting Bereaved Parents
- Offer presence, not solutions. Listen without judgment or advice.
- Remember their child with them—say their name, share memories, acknowledge important dates.
- Encourage professional support and self-care, but never rush their grief.
Making Sense of the Senseless
There is no making sense of a child’s suicide. The loss will always feel senseless. Healing comes not from answers, but from embracing the complexity of grief, seeking support, and allowing love to coexist with sorrow. A holistic approach—honoring the child, caring for oneself, connecting with others, and finding meaning in small moments—can help parents move forward, one breath at a time.
Message of Hope: You are not alone, and even in the darkest times, hope can be found in small, gentle steps.
Finding Solace in Grief: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”
Remember, you hurt so much because your grief represents the size of your love for the child you lost. The deeper the bond, the more profound the pain feels, reminding you of their absence and the joy they brought into your life.
You grieve so much because you love them so much–memories shared, dreams unfulfilled, and the future that will never be. In this journey of mourning, it’s essential to honor that love, allowing it to flow through your sadness, a reflection of all the beautiful moments you shared together.
Remember, you hurt so much because your grief represents the size of your love for the child you lost. You grieve so much because you love them so much.
Beth Brown, Finding Solace After a Child’s Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss,”, My Forever Son
Reflection Prompt: What would I say to a friend experiencing this pain? Can I offer that same compassion to myself?
I Remember Sunshine
I remember sunshine. Once upon a time and 20 years too short, I didn’t have a hole in my heart to fill. I remember awakening to sunshine. Birds sing-songing their morning choruses. Joy in the nesting season. Joy in raising their young. Creaking boards on the hardwood floor, all familiar sounds on the way to the kitchen where surrounded by Cerulean blue and School-bus yellow walls, happiness dwells.
Ceramic red, green, and yellow chili peppers (which are all connected as part of an artistic sculpture from New Mexico) adorn the yellow walls by the stove. Water swooshes in the bright red tea kettle, whistling and singing its “Good Morning” refrain. Irish Breakfast tea steeps in my favorite blue stoneware mug. As always, good, strong, hearty–dependable. Life was dependable.
Note to Self: Life will never be the same, but remembering sunshine, joy, and love will, in its own time, return. The pain in the beginning feels bottomless, heart-wrenching, soul-crushing, as if pressing down on every moment, leaving no light to seep through.
Grief is exhausting, heavy, seemingly unending, encased in my thoughts, hindering my ability to see beyond ache. Yet, amidst this despair, I hold onto the belief that this too shall pass, where life might again echo in my heart, and the warmth of beautiful memories might guide me through the dark. Each step forward, though slow and weary, is a promise that healing, though gradual, is indeed possible.
Yet understand that the depth of your grief is a reflection of the immense love you held for the child you lost. Your sorrow is profound because your love was boundless.
Finding Solace After Losing a Child to Suicide: “Build a Life of Love Around the Loss”
When we lose a loved one to suicide, it feels like we will never be the same. And in truth, we won’t be. The grief will always be there, but we can heal and begin to build a life of love around the loss.
David Kessler, grief counselor, Grief.com
16 Ways to Continue Your Bonds with Your Child
“You may be looking for ways to continue bonds with your loved one,” writes Litsa Williams, a grief counselor and contributing writer for What’s Your Grief? In her insightful piece, “16 tips for Continuing the Bond with Those We’ve Lost,”, Williams suggests various strategies that can help maintain the loving connection we share with our child even after their passing.
Grief is a journey that often lingers, manifesting in waves of emotion that can feel both overwhelming and isolating. The process of mourning is deeply personal and unique to each individual. While it may be tempting to bottle up those feelings or avoid thinking about the loved one we’ve lost, nurturing that connection can actually facilitate healing. This connection does not diminish the loss; rather, it celebrates the love that remains and the memories that continue to shape our lives.
Williams emphasizes that there are many creative and meaningful ways to remain bonded with those we have lost. Activities such as keeping a memory journal, engaging in rituals, or creating a tribute—whether through art, written letters, or small altars—can be profoundly therapeutic. These acts not only honor the memory of the child but also serve as a comforting reminder of the relationship that still exists in a different form.
Finding ways to connect can be a source of strength and support during the difficult moments of grief. It provides a way to express love and sorrow while building resilience in the face of profound loss. By participating in these acts, you may discover that love moves beyond the physical realm to be a guiding light in a journey marked both by deep sorrow and healing remembrance.
Reflection Prompt: What does hope look like for me right now, even if it’s just a tiny spark?
16 Tips for Continuing the Bond with Those We’ve Lost:
1. Talk to Them
Really! It’s okay—it doesn’t mean you’re crazy! The fact that we don’t have a post about this is mind-boggling to me because talking to a loved one who died is something we certainly do, it is something many (dare I say most?) grievers do, and it can bring a lot of comfort during the moments you miss them most. So talk away, be it out loud or in your head. This is a common way we continue a relationship with your loved one.
2. Write Letters to the Person You Lost
This is something you can do in a journal, on the computer, or in actual letters. There is an online resource to make writing even easier for you called AfterTalk where you can write privately to loved ones using their interactive writing tools. You can do it weekly, monthly, annually… whatever works for you.
You can keep the letters or you can get rid of them. If you choose the latter and you have physical letters, you can do it in creative ways: You can tear them up and collage with them, paint over them in an art journal, or whatever else works for you. No matter where you write them or what you do with them, these letters keep you connected with your loved one in the present. If you are looking for inspiration, check out this post on thought catalog: “An Open Letter to My Dead Best Friend”.
3. Keep Photos of the Person Around
This may seem absurdly obvious, but there will be people who make you feel uncomfortable about keeping photos. For example, a woman who wrote in to Ask Amy expressing concern that her widowed boyfriend still had pictures of his wife around. She didn’t ask our opinion, but luckily we decided to share what we thought anyway. Keeping photos around keeps us connected with our loved one and often helps us remember the ways that person continues to influence our lives.
4. Incorporate Your Loved One into Events and Special Days
For example, check out our suggestions for how you can remember your loved one on your wedding day. Or consider leaving an empty chair at holiday meals (or doing something else!) to honor your loved one. Discuss as a family other ways that you may want to involve your loved one’s memory at special events. You will certainly be thinking of them on these big days, so there is no reason to keep that inside if you want to find a more open way to involve your loved one in the event.
5. Imagine What Advice They Would Give You When Making Tough Decisions
Big decisions are often overwhelming and, when you have lost the person who you would have talked it over with, it can be especially hard. Imagining a conversation with them, what they would have said, and the advice they might have given can help us feel connected and also help make big life choices a little easier.
6. Talk About Them with New People, Who Never Got to Know Your Loved One
There will often be new and important people in your life who did not know your loved one. It may be new friends, a significant other, or children who never had the opportunity to meet your loved one when they were alive.
Find ways to tell new people about your loved one, sharing stories or photos. This is a way that your loved one’s legacy continues and you continue to keep them in your life as you move forward.
7. Live Your Life in a Way You Know They Would Be Proud Of
Be it a spouse, a parent, grandparent, child, or friend, we often struggle knowing our loved one won’t be there for accomplishments and milestones. Taking time to recognize that your loved one would be proud of you for a specific accomplishment can be comforting and remind us how we continue to be connected to our loved one.
8. Finish a Project They Were Working On
Read the entirety of this article here: What’s Your Grief? “16 Tips for Continuing Bonds with Those We’ve Lost”
Litsa Williams, “16 Tips for Continuing Bonds with Those We’ve Lost,” What’s Your Grief?
This article appears in its entirety here: What’s Your Grief? “16 Tips for Continuing the Bond with Those We’ve Lost.”
Reflection Prompt: How can I invite others to remember my child with me?
Finding Solace in Loss: Growing Around Our Grief
Growing Around My Grief: Finding Solace 11 Years Out from My Son’s Suicide
I’ve been at this awhile. It’s been eleven years since I lost my son to suicide. Here’s what I know: My grief didn’t go anywhere, but I’ve learned to live around losing my son by actively participating in my grief. I still talk to my son; I still write letters, especially on his birthday and memorial date, pouring out my thoughts and feelings, sharing memories and expressing my love. Writing has become a sacred practice for me—whether penning heartfelt poems that reflect my journey or crafting articles for My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, where I aim to connect with others navigating similar pain.
In addition to writing, I wear a memorial bracelet for my son, a tangible reminder of his presence in my life. It’s a small piece of jewelry, but it carries immense emotional weight. When I look down at it, I feel a connection that transcends the physical world. Sometimes, I make some of his favorite foods, like pancakes for supper, creating new memories while honoring the treasured ones we shared. Each bite is a moment of nostalgia, a way of keeping his spirit alive in our home.
Each night, I light a candle in his memory, watching the flame flicker and dance. It’s a ritual that helps me pause and reflect on my journey, allowing me to feel the depth of my loss while also celebrating the life he lived. Through these acts, I’ve learned that grief is not something to be erased or forgotten; instead, it lives on, coexisting with my love, memory, and hope.
Journaling Prompts for Reflection:
- What is one small way I can honor my child’s memory today?
- When have I felt a moment of comfort, even briefly, since my loss?
Suggested Reads
[Suggested Reading]: 11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe reflects on the enduring grief of losing a son to suicide 11 years ago. The author finds solace in nature, writing, and photography, using these outlets to express their emotions and navigate the complexities of grief. The author emphasizes the importance of understanding and support for those grieving the loss of a child to suicide.
[Suggested Reading]: In A Letter to My Son In Year Nine: Reflections on Lingering Grief, a mother reflects on nine years of grief after losing her son to suicide. She writes a heartfelt letter to him, expressing her enduring pain and the struggle to find hope and healing. Through writing and photography, she captures fleeting moments of beauty and finds solace in honoring his memory while embracing the future.
Meaningful Ways to Commemorate Loved Ones
Eleanor Haley, who writes about grief from a grief counselor’s perspective, suggests “64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones“ in her article for What’s Your Grief. In this insightful piece, Haley asserts that “Research has actually found that these individual, private rituals are surprisingly helpful in grief,” highlighting how such practices can create a meaningful space for healing. By engaging in these rituals, individuals can gain a sense of connection to their departed loved ones, allowing them to navigate their grief with greater resilience.
Haley discusses the benefit of continued bonds with the loved ones we’ve lost, emphasizing that these connections can provide comfort and solace during challenging times. Her article, “64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones,” is available in its entirety at What’s Your Grief, offering readers a comprehensive guide to various personal and communal ways to celebrate and remember those who have passed on, helping to transform grief into a profound expression of love and remembrance.
64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones
Grief is ongoing – this is one principle that is acknowledged by grief theorists, grieving professionals, and grieving people alike. The theory of continued bonds suggests that many people find comfort and connection through actions and rituals that help them honor deceased loved ones. And these connections evolve and change with time, just as we change. The thing that brought comfort in year one may be something completely different than in year six.
Eleanor Haley, “64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones,” What’s Your Grief?
“64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones”
“64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones,” is available in its entirety at What’s Your Grief.com?
- Listen to one of their favorite songs or albums.
- Adapt a small detail of their routines into your own.
- Journal your sensory memory of them.
- Share a story of why a random moment in the day reminded you of them.
- Try out their favorite activity or hobby.
- Write a poem about them.
- Recreate or order their favorite dish.
- Plant a tree.
- Wear a memorial bracelet (can be their name, a quote, a symbol, etc).
- Read their favorite book.
- Light a candle.
- Make a donation to a particular cause in their name.
- Finish their incomplete project(s).
- Write a letter “from” the person you’ve lost, imagining what they would say to you now.
- Visit their final resting place.
- Keep something of theirs close by.
- Plan a time for a celebration of their life.
- Look over their old photos with family or friends.
- Watch their favorite movie.
- Attend a grief camp.
- Leave an empty chair that was theirs around your house or at your holiday table.
- Create a memory jar.
- Develop a playlist of music they would have loved.
- Have their handwriting engraved on a piece of jewelry.
- Build something in their honor, like a memorial bench.
- Do a genealogy of their family (and/or make and display their family tree)
- Make a shadow box or a memorial keepsake of their belongings.
- Buy or grow their favorite flower or plant.
- Design a memorial trinket (a collage, holiday decor, office decor, etc).
- Share their recipes with their name attached to the dish’s title.
- Advocate for policy changes.
- Create a memoir of your relationship.
- Volunteer for a cause that had impacted their life.
- Write a song or a lullaby about them.
- Plan a get-together to share memories.
- Serve their favorite cocktail, wine, or other drink at special occasions.
- Give a toast in their memory at family gatherings.
- Capture a picture of the moment in your day when you are reminded of them.
- Visit someone or the people that knew them.
- Paint a grief art piece.
- Get a memorial tattoo (such as an image, their handwriting, or their name).
- Wear their favorite scent.
- Use ‘Find a Grave’ to “visit” their grave if you are too far away. You can even leave flowers 💐
- Create six-word stories of your memories.
- Advocate for a project or movement that was related to the cause of your loss.
- Dedicate a shelf for their book collection.
- Start or continue a tradition in their memory.
- Produce a quilt from their clothes.
- Travel to a place they always wanted to visit but did not get the chance to.
- Join a grief support group.
- Curate a memorial space or altar in your home.
- Share their photos.
- Design a home decor or belonging that presents their favorite sayings or quotes. It can be on a shirt, pillow, mug, or frame etc..
- Make a memorial website.
- Put together a grant or a scholarship in dedication to them.
- Write a letter to them.
- Overlay their handwriting onto a photo.
- Visit the place (or places) they grew up.
- Have their voice recordings installed onto an item (like a teddy bear).
- Use phrases or expressions they used to say.
Read this article in its entirety here: Eleanor Haley, “64 Ways to Honor Deceased Loved Ones“, What’s Your Grief?
Journaling Prompts for Reflection:
- What would I say to a friend experiencing this pain? Can I offer that same compassion to myself?
- How can I invite others to remember my child with me?
- What does hope look like for me right now, even if it’s just a tiny spark?
Moving Through the Heaviness of Grief: Finding Solace After a Child’s Suicide
Life ends, but love is eternal.
David Kessler, Grief.com
Hole in Our Heart
Losing my son to suicide left a hole in my heart, a void so expansive as to consume all that I was. I felt like an outline, lightly penciled in, a mere tracing around the darkness that was the loss of my son and now the whole of my life.
I did not choose grief. Grief chose me. Grief is the physiological response to loss.
In the darkness, my grief consumed me. I no longer recognized days of the week, seasons of the year, all the beauty inherent in the colors and shapes of nature. Sleeping, remembering, focusing, eating, working, even breathing became impossible.
Growing Around Grief
I can relate to the passage below from Litsa Williams from her article, “Growing Around Grief.” My grief and the devastating loss of my only child, my son Dylan, to suicide, has never felt smaller, but my life around his loss has felt bigger in ways I couldn’t have anticipated.
As I navigate through the years, I find that the memories I hold of Dylan, once overwhelming, have become a source of strength and inspiration. The sorrow that initially consumed me has evolved, allowing me to embrace life more fully and cultivate deeper connections with those around me.
I often reflect on the thirteen years since his passing: I recognize how it has shaped my perspective on love, resilience, and hope. Each day, I strive to honor Dylan’s memory by living boldly and by supporting others who also find themselves in a devastating grief not of their choosing. In essence, I have indeed grown around my loss.
…grief is exactly the same size as it was to start. But her life around it is larger. The grief and loss never felt smaller, but her life slowly felt bigger. It grew around her loss. Her grief was always there, as large as ever, and she still spent time within it. As her life had slowly expanded around her loss, she was now able to experience life in the larger part of the circle as well. With this, the ‘Growth Around Grief’ concept was born.
Litsa Williams, “Growing Around Grief,” What’s Your Grief?
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
The idea of growing around grief, of my life growing bigger around my grief, makes sense. When I first lost my son, my world stopped. Time stopped. My world came to an abrupt halt, and my world became small and insular. Meanwhile, the rest of the world did go on. I would eventually be able to rejoin life (be able to smile again, go back to work, go out with friends, regain my focus, think outside my grief), but my grief hadn’t gone anywhere:
I had simply had enough time, talk, and tears to move through the acute pain of early grief.
Suggested Reads
[Suggested Read]: Carrying Ache and Love in Longterm Grief After Suicide Loss reflects on the author’s journey with losing her son to suicide, a deeply personal and heartbreaking experience that has forever altered her life. This poignant narrative delves into the profound sorrow she feels, capturing the relentless ache that accompanies such a tragic loss.
Through her introspection, she explores the complexities of grief, love, and the struggle to find meaning in a world that feels irrevocably changed. The journey showcases not only her pain but also the enduring love she holds for her son, illustrating how that love continues to shape her existence even in the face of despair. As she navigates the emotions of guilt, confusion, and memories, the author invites readers to reflect on the impact of suicide and the universal themes of love and loss that connect us all.
[Suggested Read]: Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide offers a compassionate exploration of “Prolonged Grief Disorder,” formerly referred to as complicated grief. This condition highlights the deeply challenging experience of long-term mourning, particularly following the loss of a loved one to suicide. The grief associated with suicide is often intertwined with feelings of guilt, shame, and societal stigma, making the healing journey particularly daunting. Although recognizing grief as a disorder can pave the way for essential professional support, it is important to remember that grief is a profoundly personal experience that deserves understanding and care.
Understanding Grief for Healing
According to the National Library of Medicine, the terms grief, mourning, and bereavement have slightly different meanings: grief refers to the internal feelings of sadness and emotional pain that arise from a significant loss, often related to death; mourning is the external expression of grief, which can include rituals, behaviors, and cultural practices that help individuals and communities cope with the loss; and bereavement is the state of having lost someone, encompassing both the emotional experience and the social implications of that loss. Understanding these distinctions highlights the complexities of human emotions and the various ways people can process their experiences in the wake of loss.
“Grief Reaction and Prolonged Grief Disorder,” National Library of Medicine
- Grief is a person’s emotional response to loss.
- Mourning is an outward expression of that grief, including cultural and religious customs surrounding the death. Mourning is also the process of adapting to life after loss.
- Bereavement is a period of grief and mourning after a loss.
- Anticipatory grief is a response to an expected loss. It affects both the person diagnosed with a terminal illness as well as their families.[4]
- Disenfranchised grief… [is] grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported. [The Stigma of Suicide]
Saba Mughal; Yusra Azhar; Margaret M. Mahon; Waqas J. Siddiqui.
Last Update: November 14, 2023.
Journaling Prompts for Reflection:
- Who can I reach out to for support, or simply to share a memory?
- What is one thing I can let go of, even for a moment, to lighten my burden?
- How has my grief changed shape over time? What do I notice about myself now?
Common Grief Reactions
Grief is a deep physiological response to loss, as Caroline Schoo describes in “Grief and Prolonged Grief Disorder, and those grieving may not realize how this sorrow can lead to physical complaints. Recognizing the link between emotional pain and physical well-being is essential in navigating grief. Those affected often face challenges like fatigue, headaches, and gastrointestinal discomfort, impacting their daily lives and sense of stability. The prolonged nature of grief, especially after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide, can significantly impact one’s physical health, emphasizing the need for those mourning to seek emotional support and medical guidance.
Grief and Prolonged Grief Disorder Include the Body’s Physiological Response to Loss
Common grief reactions: Reactions to loss are called grief reactions and vary from person to person and within the same person over time. Grief reactions lead to complex somatic and psychological symptoms.
Feelings: The person who experiences a loss may have a range of feelings, including shock, numbness, sadness, denial, anger, guilt, helplessness, depression, and yearning. A person may cry for no reason.
Thoughts: Grief can cause a sense of disbelief, confusion, difficulty concentrating, preoccupation, and hallucinations.
Physical sensations: Grief can cause physical sensations like tightness and heaviness in the chest or throat, nausea or stomach upset, dizziness, headaches, numbness, muscle weakness, gastrointestinal upset, tension, or fatigue.
Behaviors: Difficulty sleeping, loss of interest in daily activities, and becoming more aggressive or irritable may be expected in those experiencing grief.
Somatic symptoms: Chest tightness and choking, shortness of breath, abdominal distress, decreased muscle power, and lethargy.
Psychological symptoms: Guilt, anger, hostility, restlessness, inability to concentrate, lack of capacity to initiate and maintain an organized pattern of activities.
Takosubo cardiomyopathy: Chest pain and shortness of breath after severe stress (emotional or physical), electrocardiogram changes that mimic heart attack with no coronary artery occlusion, movement abnormalities of the left ventricle, and ballooning of the left ventricle.
Caroline Schoo, “Grief and Prolonged Grief Disorder,” National Library of Medicine, 2023.
Understanding the Multifaceted Nature of Grief
Grief is a multifaceted experience. As grief expert David Kessler states, “Grief is not just one emotion; it is a blending of many feelings and responses. It touches every part of us—our physical being, our emotions, our beliefs, and our intellect—shaping how we navigate the experience of loss.” This intricate interplay creates a uniquely challenging journey for each of us.
Physical Aspects of Grief
The physical manifestations of grief can be surprising, with individuals experiencing fatigue, insomnia, or appetite changes. The body reacts to emotional pain in various ways, leading to symptoms like headaches and muscle tension. This highlights the connection between mind and body, showing how emotional distress translates into physical discomfort. Self-care practices, such as gentle exercise, proper nutrition, and rest, can help alleviate these symptoms and support overall well-being during this challenging time.
Emotional Dimensions of Grief
Emotionally, grief encompasses a wide range of feelings, from sadness and anger to guilt and confusion. Grief often includes waves of intense sorrow that can feel overwhelming. Emotions can fluctuate unpredictably and not follow a linear path. Sharing one’s feelings with trusted friends, family, or support groups can provide a safe space for expression and affirmation.
Spiritual Considerations in Grief
Grief often invokes spiritual questions and reflections. Individuals may grapple with their beliefs about life, death, and the afterlife, leading to feelings of existential angst or a search for meaning in the midst of loss. For many, the grieving process can trigger a deepening connection to spirituality or religion, providing solace through rituals, prayer, or community support. Others may find comfort in nature, creative expression, or mindfulness practices to gain a sense of connection to something greater than themselves.
Intellectual Engagement with Grief
Grieving can create a desire to seek understanding about loss and the experiences of others. This quest might involve reading books on grief, attending workshops, or participating in discussions. Engaging with grief intellectually helps individuals contextualize their feelings and experiences, providing insights for healing. Writing about one’s experiences, whether through journaling or creative expression, can also be a therapeutic way to process thoughts and emotions during the grief journey.
The Interconnectedness of Grief
The multifaceted nature of grief intertwines with every aspect of life, impacting relationships, roles, and personal identity. Healing is not about erasing pain but integrating it into our lives. Allowing oneself to feel, reflect, and seek support across these dimensions can lead to renewed hope and connection. Grief is a testament to love; the deeper the bond, the more profound the grief. Acknowledging this complexity can guide individuals from sorrow to solace, cultivating resilience amidst loss.
Your Grief is Unique to You
Our grief is as individual
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving
as our lives.
Grief doesn’t come with an order. Grief is messy, oftentimes circling round itself when poignant reminders happen. A song, a voice, a scent, others talking about the holidays, vacation, their children and grandchildren, seeing someone who resembles or reminds you of your child. It can feel like an endless loop of emotions that crash in waves, often when least expected.
The process of grieving is unique for everyone, and it cannot be confined to a strict timeline or set of rules. Each startling moment that evokes memories can lead to sudden bursts of emotion, whether it be joy, sadness, or even anger. It’s a reminder of the love that once was and the void that now exists. The unpredictability of grief means that on some days, a joyful memory can bring comfort, while on others, it can deepen the sense of loss.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler have corrected misinterpretations of Kubler-Ross’s well-known five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). These stages are not linear; rather, they represent a framework in which individuals may experience overlapping emotions and reactions.
Often, people loop through these stages multiple times and in varying directions, demonstrating that grief does not conform to a sequential order. Understanding this fluidity can help in navigating your own grief, creating a sense of compassion for yourself and for others who are navigating their own paths through loss. It highlights the importance of allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions, giving permission to grieve in a way that feels most authentic.
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving
There Are No “Typical” Stages of Grief
“The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades,” writes David Kessler.
“They [the stages of grief] were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. Instead, they serve as a framework that reflects the complexity of human experiences in the face of loss. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Each individual’s journey through grief is profoundly personal, shaped by unique circumstances, relationships, and individual coping mechanisms. This variability underscores the importance of recognizing that while some may pass through certain stages in a predictable order, others may find themselves cycling back or skipping stages entirely. Understanding this fluidity can foster greater compassion and support for those navigating their own paths through grief.”
David Kessler, from grief counselors David Kessler and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (co-authors of On Grief and Grieving). This quote highlights that the Five Stages of Grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) are not a rigid checklist but a descriptive framework showing common reactions to loss, emphasizing that everyone grieves uniquely, cycling, skipping, or revisiting stages as they navigate a personal journey, not a linear path.
Prolonged Grief Disorder
Losing a child is out of life’s natural order. Losing a child to suicide is not just outside life’s natural order; it represents an incomprehensible tragedy that forever alters the lives of those left behind.
A child’s death by suicide is profoundly traumatic and life-changing, leaving an indelible mark on parents, siblings, and the wider community. The emotional turmoil that follows is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, anger, and profound sadness, making the grieving process uniquely complex.
Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder After Suicide can occur when the death of a child has been traumatic, manifesting as a prolonged and debilitating state of grief that can hinder one’s ability to heal and find a path forward in life. This underscores the necessity for compassionate support and understanding during such a devastating time, as navigating the aftermath of such loss requires significant emotional resilience and often professional guidance.
Thirteen Years of Grief: Finding Solace Through Writing
Where I Was 13 Years Ago
How Now to Sing On?
To find joy in the morning and reason to go on?
How now to say all that needs saying, only in hindsight?
Only in the glare of headlights:
Too late. Too fast. Too soon. Too young.
Suicide changes everything.
I've come undone--
And never again shall life be the same--
My son, my child, my love, my name.
Lost and falling into an abyss of deep grief,
Life futile and useless, despair accompanying me.
Dark ache my heart where once you lived,
The song in my heart, my life's sacred gift.
How now to find you? How now to go on?
However to love you where you've forever gone?
Hope lived in love and love dwelled in joy,
And without here you now, I don't know the way
To breathe, to sleep, to eat, to live,
To work, to dream, to teach, to hold on
When with you, still beating, my heart
Travels on. Captive I live and captive I breathe,
Your life my own, your absence my grief.
©Beth Brown, "How Now to Sing On?"
Where I Find Solace Now
- Solace in writing. Solace in poems of the heart, poems of love and loss, poetry in the shape and motion of my son.
- His heartbeat now my own, my words written in ways that march on past the pain, past the sorrow, past the anguish.
- Words reckoning with guilt, wrestling with regret, tallying pain and remorse.
Poems written. A book of poems published. My Forever Son blog whose aim is to help those who have lost a child to suicide feel they are not alone.
Healing in the margins. Healing in the chorus. Healing in getting to know others parents who have lost a child to suicide.
Hope found in learning about grief. Hope in time, talk, and tears. Hope in hearing others’ stories, and hope in telling my own. H0pe in believing I will see him again some day.
Help in books and resources. Help in support. Help in reading about grief and suicide loss. Help in knowing I am not alone. Help in parents of suicides.
Hope means H.O.P.E: Hold On Pain Eases.
Journaling Prompts:
- What is one thing I am grateful for today, no matter how small?
- What memory of my child brings a gentle smile or warmth to my heart?
- How did I care for myself today? What could I do tomorrow to nurture myself?
A Message of Enduring Love and Hope for Grieving Parents
Grief after losing a child is not something you “get over.” It is the measure of your love—a love so deep that its absence echoes through every part of your life. The pain may feel endless, a weight that cannot be set down. This is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to the profound bond you share with your child.
Over time, grief does not disappear, but it does change shape. Its sharp edges soften, and while the ache remains, you learn to carry it alongside your love. The heaviness becomes something you learn to carry, alongside your love. Healing is not about forgetting or moving on; it is about making space for both sorrow and joy, for memory and hope.
There will be days when the darkness feels overwhelming, when hope seems out of reach. In those moments, remember: even the smallest glimmer of comfort—a gentle memory, a kind word, a moment of peace—is a sign of resilience. These are not betrayals of your grief, but reminders that love endures and that you are still capable of living, even in the shadow of loss.
Allow yourself patience and compassion. There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline for healing. Seek support when you need it, and let others walk beside you. Honor your child’s memory in ways that feel meaningful—through rituals, stories, or simply by speaking their name. Let your love for them guide you as you find new ways to live, love, and remember.
Above all, know that you are not alone. The journey is hard, but hope can be found in small, gentle steps. With time, you may discover that your grief, while ever-present, is no longer all-consuming. In its place, love remains—enduring, unbreakable, and forever a part of you.
Your grief is honored here, and so is your hope.
Journaling Prompts for Reflection:
- What does self-compassion look like for me today?
- What is one thing I wish others understood about my grief?
- What helps me feel most present in the moment?
Mindfulness & Meditation Exercises
- Simple Breathing: Sit quietly and focus on your breath. Notice the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. If your mind wanders, gently return to your breath. Even a few minutes can bring calm and help you stay present.
- Five Senses Check-In: Pause and notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This exercise grounds you in the present moment.
- Gratitude Pause: Each day, write down one thing—no matter how small—that brings you comfort or gratitude. It could be a warm drink, a kind word, or a memory.
- Nature Connection: Step outside and notice something in nature—a tree, a bird, the sky. Let yourself be present with that simple beauty, even briefly.
- Loving-Kindness Meditation: Silently repeat: “May I be gentle with myself. May I find moments of peace. May I allow hope to return, even in small ways.”
Reflection and Encouragement
Remember, your grief is honored here. Healing is not about forgetting, but about learning to carry sorrow alongside love. Allow yourself patience and compassion. Seek support when you need it, and let others walk beside you. Even in the wilderness of grief, small glimpses of hope—a gentle memory, a kind word, a moment of peace—can guide you forward.
You are not alone, and even the smallest acts of self-care and presence can help you find moments of solace and hope.
Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.
During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.
In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.
My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.
Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.
Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.
My Life Before Losing My Son
Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.
I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.
Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.
On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.
The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill
The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.
The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.
All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.
Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.
A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing
Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.
“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.
Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.
On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing
In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.
Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens
A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.
But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.
Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens
Spring Brings Beauty and Hope
Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.
What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.
Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing
Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections
Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.
Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.
Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.
The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.
Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.
Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.
Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.
From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.
Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.
Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.
You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?
About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief
The love you shared endures beyond loss.
This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace
You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.
You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.
Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.
FIND HOPE HERE: POEMS AND POETIC REFLECTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on Grieving a Child’s Suicide
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Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message
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“He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow
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“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents
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Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
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The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy
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Grieving a Child’s Suicide: “If Only a Mother’s Love” Poem
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Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing Summary Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems on love and loss that tenderly explores the profound pain of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her deeply personal journey through grief, illustrating how she…
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“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss
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“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief
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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere – Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”
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When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’
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Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil: A Poem of Love and Loss
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“If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss
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“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: Poem on Child Loss
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The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
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Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis
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Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing
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“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss
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Read MoreEmbracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey
From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.
The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.
The Story of My Forever Son
What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources offers an extensive collection of resources aimed at helping parents understand the complexities of suicide to help with their profound grief. This invaluable guide not only provides insights but also connects parents with supportive communities, fostering a sense of belonging and emphasizing gentle pathways to hope and healing during such a heartbreaking time.
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.
Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,”explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.
Meet Dylan, My Forever Son
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan” offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, weaving together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.
Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.
Heartfelt Stories and Poems of Love and Loss
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches.
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.
“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” A Poem on Suicide Loss explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.
Professional Resources
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
Finding professional care and support
Find a mental health provider
- afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
- findtreatment.samhsa.gov
- mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
- inclusivetherapists.com
- afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians
Find a provider for prolonged grief
Find additional resources for marginalized communities
Crisis Services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.
Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, National Library of Medicine
Parents of Suicides is a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.
Support and Resources for Grieving Parents of Suicide Loss
Support Groups
- Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
- American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
- British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
- Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/#
- Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide
- Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
- Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
- Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
- Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
- Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
- Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way. HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
- Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/
- The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4
- Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
- Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/
- Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/
- Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
- Working on My Grief – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/
Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.
Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.
Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss. Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.
Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.
Recommended Reading
Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son
Books
- Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
- Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
- Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
- Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
- Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
- Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
- Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
- Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
- Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
- Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
- Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
- Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
- Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
- Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
- Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
- Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
- O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
- Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
- Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
- Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.
Therapies
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) – https://dbt-lbc.org/index.php
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) – https://www.emdria.org/
- Prolonged Exposure (PE) – https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/prolonged-exposure
Memorial Sites
- Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide – https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
- Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/
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