A close-up of a pink peony bud surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing new beginnings and hope., My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Summary
The article “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief” explores the author’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son to suicide. Through a magnet symbolizing the struggle between pain and hope, the author reflects on the possibility of finding light and joy amidst profound loss. The author emphasizes that sorrow and joy are inseparable, and that light can coexist with darkness.
Key Takeaways
The article “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief” explores the transition from sorrow to joy through the lens of grief after losing a child to suicide.
The author reflects on a magnet that symbolizes the struggle between pain and hope, represented by a figure in a vivid, expressive background.
Over nine years, the author learns that light and darkness can coexist, allowing for moments of hope even amidst profound loss.
Colors of grief initially dominated the author’s world, filled with longing for their son, Dylan.
Ultimately, the author emphasizes the possibility of finding light and joy even in the depths of sorrow.
Introduction
The article “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief” shares the author’s heartfelt journey through grief and healing following the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide. Using a magnet as a powerful symbol of the continuous struggle between pain and hope, the author conveys the poignant message that even amidst profound sorrow, there exists a pathway to light and joy. She beautifully illustrates the profound connection between sorrow and joy, emphasizing that light can indeed coexist with darkness in our lives.
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
A vibrant image of pink peony buds surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal amidst grief, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
“Choose Hope”: Coping with a Loss So Permanent It Thrusts One Into the Permanence of Pain
A colorful depiction of a figure with outstretched arms, symbolizing the complex interplay between grief and hope, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Pain in Grief Colors Loss
It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with arms uplifted wide in a field of blue, green, and yellow brushstrokes. As if reaching for sky. Or stars. Or sun. As if embracing the whole of the sky, stars, sun, and horizon of the earth.
A vibrant magnet depicting the struggle between pain and hope, showcasing an expressive figure against bold brushstrokes, symbolizing grief and resilience, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
As if reaching for sky. Or stars. Or sun. As if embracing the whole of the sky, stars, sun, and horizon of the earth.
A vibrant, emotive depiction of a figure reaching for the sky, symbolizing the struggle between pain and hope in the context of grief, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Chaos of Emotions in Grief Bring An Unsteadiness, Tangible, Palpable
But a figure in a background whose purpose is unclear, elusive even. An unsteadiness tangible, palpable. Is this figure screaming, arms outstretched and field ablaze with such sharp colors because the artist is depicting pain? Loss? Grief? Is the figure letting go of pain? Or is the figure reaching for what can never be again–a loss so permanent as to thrust all of one’s self into the permanence of pain?
A Loss So Catastrophic All One Can Do is Scream to Sky, To Stars, To Sun
Perhaps the figure is reeling from a loss so catastrophic that all one can do is scream to sky, to stars, to sun–to wherever forever is, to where forever is out of reach forever again.
Beth Brown, “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief”, My Forever Son
Or is the figure reaching for what can never be again–a loss so permanent as to thrust all of one’s self into the permanence of pain?
A vibrant sunflower symbolizing hope and resilience amidst grief, showcased in a garden setting, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Lightness of Being? Perhaps There is Brilliance in the Rising Brushstrokes: Hope, Joy, Connection Even
A vibrant image depicting the transformative journey from sorrow to joy, featuring a silhouetted figure embracing the light of hope amidst colorful brushstrokes, embodying the message of resilience and healing, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
And it is only today that I saw another possiblity. After nearly 9 years of learning to live with both love and loss, integrating the pain of grieving the loss of my son to suicide, I can see that perhaps this figure is filled with light. Lightness of being. Sunlight. Translucent where golden rays of the sun’s light can shine through anything. Even darkness. Even descent. Even despair. Even the shadow of death.
Perhaps there is brilliance in the rising brushstrokes. Hope even. Joy even, Connection even. Even and when and in light of great loss. Even then, light can find its way through the catastrophic loss of a child to suicide.
Dylan’s darkness became my darkness. Dylan’s despairing (and sadly defining) moment of taking his life became my despair. I lost my life as I knew it to be-its size, shape, and colors-and it’s taken me these 9 years to see that light can still exist with darkness. That the two can exist in the same space and time. That the colors and shapes can change.
It’s taken me these 9 years of grieving to see the light can still exist with darkness. That the two can exist in the same space and time. That the colors and shapes can change.
Close-up of a vibrant pink rose amidst green foliage, symbolizing beauty and resilience in the face of grief, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Colors of My Grief
I didn’t see this possibility before. All of the colors of my world were the color of grief and longing. I ached to have Dylan again, to see his 6 foot tall lanky college self flopped on the couch, gaming with friends. I felt the tangible absence of his deep voice: “Mom, can we order a pizza?”
All the shapes of my world were the life-sized hole and the noticeable absence of my son. I had welcomed his college years, I had welcomed his becoming a young adult. My son, Dylan, now forever just turned 20 and gone to wherever forever is, to where forever is out of reach forever again.
Yet grief, like the artist’s color palette, includes a breadth and depth of shades and tints, swirled and mixed, blended on the artist’s canvas, smeared together to express a menagerie of feelings.
Yet grief, like the artist’s color palette, includes a breadth and depth of shades and tints, swirled and mixed, blended on the artist’s canvas, smeared together to express a range of feelings. Art emotes feelings, both of the artist whose intentional brushstrokes evoke joy and sorrow, contemplation and chaos, expression and articulation, and of we who look into the art, seeking, searching to relate, to understand, to identify ourselves in the artist’s work, to feel what perhaps, might have been the artist’s intention.
Does the art change, or the perspective of looking at and living with the art?
But how different, over time, art can be. Does the art change, or the perspective of looking at and living with the art? Colors change over time, photographs age, materials once used for paint are no longer available, and new sources for colors become available. Are we changing the colors in the art? Does growing around our grief shape our perception of the color in our world?
It has taken me more than a decade of grief to see in color again.
It has taken me more than a decade of grief to see in color again. From the darkest black to the deepest blue, I felt shipwrecked and abandoned in early grief. I couldn’t find color anywhere, and the shape of my grief, the color of my grief, was drained of all color. There were no warm colors of the sun, no joy in the changing seasons where pinks and yellows offer reprieve from the long, cold winter, no place where I could linger and walk through the spectacular display or orange and red leaves in the fall. My world was monochromatic in deep grief. Shades of nothingness. Shades of despair. Agony. Pain.
My loss did not change. I still, today, miss Dylan more than ever. But the colors in my world slowly crept back in over time. Small glimpses of hope, especially in nature, small moments of peace and solace in the stillness of a cup of tea, bits of gratitude in seeing that life truly is beautiful.
My loss did not change. I still, today, miss Dylan more than ever. But the colors in my world slowly crept back in over time. Small glimpses of hope, especially in nature, small moments of peace and solace in the stillness of a cup of tea, bits of gratitude in seeing that life truly is beautiful. I am sad that Dylan couldn’t stay to see the multitude and richness of colors. His world lacked color and content, and his hopelessness was not unlike my early grief.
My grief has lingered. Holidays. Memorial Dates. Birthdays. But I have “built a life of love around the loss”
My grief has lingered. Holidays. Memorial Dates. Birthdays. But I have “built a life of love around the loss” (David Kessler, Grief.com). Two beautiful young cats, one a sable blue-gray and one a long-haired tabby Maine Coon, bring delight and laughter, comfort and solace. My life is filled once again with color, and my memories of my son, once drained of color in the early trauma of grief after his suicide, have returned in vibrant color.
And so I live with joy and sorrow, though not, I believe, because I had to feel deep sorrow to find joy. Dylan brought me joy–and sorrow–and my life now, as is, as now, brings me joy–and sorrow. I see in all colors of the spectrum now. Perhaps my color palette has been deepened because of the intensity of moving through a grief after losing a child to suicide.
I am grateful for days of vivid colors, bright with laughter with friends, rich in summer’s infinite sunshine, and muted in tucking in to the rich colors of fall. And I house colors of loss that will always be with me.
I see, all at the same time, Vincent Van Gogh and Edvard Munch, their sorrow and shadow grief, and at the same time, the happiness of a yellow figure reaching for a field of sunflowers and joy. I am grateful for days of vivid colors, bright with laughter with friends, rich in summer’s infinite sunshine, and muted in tucking in to the rich colors of fall. And I house colors of loss that will always be with me. Love never dies. But life does, and can, go on, one breath at a time, carrying ache and love together, the colors of sorrow and joy blended in my heart.
Love never dies. But life does, and can, go on, one breath at a time, carrying ache and love together, the colors of sorrow and joy blended in my heart.
A vibrant peony flower in full bloom, symbolizing beauty and resilience, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Painting Grief: A Journey from Sorrow to Joy
Creative Expression for Healing After Loss
Introduction
If you are reading this, you may be carrying a weight that words can scarcely hold—the loss of a beloved child to suicide. The pain of such a loss is profound, often leaving parents and families adrift in a sea of sorrow, confusion, and longing. In these moments, finding a way to express the inexpressible can feel impossible.
You are not alone in this journey. Many parents have stood where you stand now, searching for meaning and comfort in the aftermath of unimaginable loss. One mother, for example, described how she would sit in her child’s empty room, surrounded by silence, unable to speak her grief. She found herself reaching for a paintbrush, not to create a masterpiece, but to let her hands say what her heart could not. With each stroke—sometimes dark and heavy, sometimes trembling and tentative—she began to see her pain take shape on the canvas. Over time, colors shifted, and small glimmers of hope emerged amidst the darkness.
Painting grief is not about artistic skill or creating something beautiful for others. It is about giving yourself permission to feel, to remember, and to honor your child’s memory in a way that words cannot. Through color, texture, and movement, you can create a safe space for your sorrow, anger, love, and—eventually—moments of peace or even joy.
If you are seeking further understanding or connection, the articles in this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, offer insights into how creative expression can help navigate the complex emotions of suicide loss. You may find comfort in knowing that others have walked this path and have found ways to honor both their grief and their child’s life.
As you begin or continue your own journey, remember: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself to move at your own pace. Let painting be a gentle companion—a way to hold your child close, to express your love, and to find, in time, small steps toward healing.
A close-up of a painter’s palette with various vibrant colors, symbolizing the emotional journey through grief and healing, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
Color as Emotional Language
Colors act as a visual vocabulary for internal states. Dark blues, purples, and blacks can represent sorrow, isolation, or despair. Muted grays and browns may evoke feelings of loss, emptiness, or mourning. Soft pastels, warm yellows, and gentle greens can symbolize peace, hope, or emerging joy. Reds and deep oranges may channel anger, frustration, or intense emotional energy, providing a safe outlet for release.
One father shared that he began his painting with deep, swirling blues and blacks, reflecting the overwhelming sadness he felt after losing his son. As weeks passed, he noticed lighter colors—gentle greens and yellows—appearing in the corners of his canvas, almost without conscious thought. These colors became a symbol of his gradual movement toward hope.
A vibrant watercolor palette, filled with various colors, representing the emotional spectrum of grief and healing, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief
From Abstract Sorrow to Structured Joy
The progression of painting can mirror the emotional journey of grief. In the early stages, broad, heavy brushstrokes, smears, or chaotic forms capture the rawness of sorrow. Tools like palette knives, fingers, or thick paint help express immediate feelings of loss without restraint.
A grieving mother painted with her hands, pressing dark paint onto the canvas in moments of intense sadness. Later, she began using brushes to add lighter, more structured patterns, representing memories of her child and moments of connection.
As one reflects and experiences catharsis, lighter shades can be layered, more structured patterns introduced, or symbolic elements like spirals, rays, or abstract shapes representing memories or loved ones can be incorporated. In the later stages, the emergence of joy can be celebrated by introducing brighter hues, flowing lines, or uplifting motifs. These deliberate choices visually signify the subtle shift from grievance to acceptance and emotional renewal.
An artist’s workspace filled with paint tubes, brushes, and jars, reflecting the emotional journey of grief through creative expression, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss
Symbolic and Tactile Techniques
Incorporating mixed media, such as textures like sand, fabric, or paper, adds physicality to emotions. Memory objects or imagery—through collage elements, photographs, or symbolic representations of lost loved ones—integrate memory with expression.
One parent glued a small piece of their child’s favorite blanket onto their painting, creating a tactile connection to cherished memories. Another included photocopies of handwritten notes, blending them into the artwork as a tribute.
Gradual transitions from dark to light tones across the canvas visually narrate the transformation from grief toward hope.
A close-up of a hand holding a paintbrush, surrounded by vibrant paint containers, illustrating the creative process of painting after grief, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss
Structured Exercises
Grief Mandala: Draw concentric circles, coloring each segment with shades corresponding to current emotions. The center can represent grief, gradually radiating outward into lighter or warmer colors. A parent described how their mandala began with a black center, slowly radiating outward into blues, then greens, and finally yellows, reflecting their journey from despair to hope.
Emotion Wheel: Segment a circle and assign a predominant feeling to each wedge, using appropriate colors to map the emotional spectrum. One mother found comfort in mapping her emotions each week, noticing how anger and sadness slowly gave way to acceptance and gratitude.
Journey Map: Illustrate the trajectory of loss—beginning with chaotic, dark strokes for initial grief, progressing through layered exploration, and ending with warmer or brighter tones, symbolizing growth, remembrance, and emerging joy. A father painted a winding path, starting in darkness and gradually leading to a sunrise, symbolizing his ongoing journey toward healing.
A vibrant rainbow umbrella capturing the spectrum of emotions associated with grief and healing, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss
Additional Creative Exercises
Memory Collage: Collect small objects, photos, or handwritten notes that remind you of your loved one. Arrange and glue them onto a canvas or sturdy paper, then paint around or over them, blending memories with color and texture.
Light and Shadow Painting: Paint two versions of the same scene—one using only dark, muted colors to express sorrow, and another using lighter, brighter colors to represent hope or cherished memories. Reflect on the differences and what each version reveals.
Affirmation Canvas: Write words or phrases that bring comfort, hope, or remembrance directly onto your canvas before painting. Let the words show through or cover them with color, knowing they are present beneath the surface.
A vibrant collage artwork embodying the emotional journey from grief to healing, expressing the complexity of loss through layered colors and textures, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss A moment of reflection with a warm cup of tea and a journal, symbolizing solace and healing after loss, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss
Reflective Journaling Prompts
After each painting session, or whenever you feel moved, consider writing about your experience. Here are some prompts for mindful contemplation:
What emotions surfaced as I painted today? Did any memories or thoughts surprise me?
How did my choice of colors, shapes, or textures reflect my inner state?
Did I notice any shifts in my feelings during or after painting?
What did I find comforting or challenging about the process?
Are there symbols, words, or images I want to include in future paintings?
How does my artwork help me honor my loved one’s memory?
What do I need most for my healing right now, and how might creative expression support that need?
Process over Product
The therapeutic benefit arises from the act of expression, not the artistic quality of the outcome. Each stroke, color choice, or texture manifests internal states, serving as a conduit for reflection, validation, and emotional release. The transformation from dark, heavy hues to lighter, lively ones can mirror a realignment of emotional energy—a bridge from sorrow to moments of joy.
After each painting session, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: What emotions surfaced? Did any memories come to mind? How did the colors or textures change as you painted?
Integration for Personal Healing
Allow yourself a safe space and uninterrupted time to paint. Reflect periodically on your painting to recognize subtleties in emotional shifts. Adjust techniques based on energy and mood—using dynamic strokes for intensity or delicate washes for calm introspection. Accept the fluidity of grief; painting provides a structured yet flexible medium for navigating its nonlinear nature.
One parent set aside a quiet hour each week to paint, noticing that some days were filled with tears and dark colors, while others brought laughter and lighter shades. Over time, these paintings became a visual diary of their healing journey.
Conclusion
Painting grief fosters a visual catharsis, permitting sorrow to find form and joy to emerge organically. By navigating through color, texture, symbol, and composition, your art becomes a pathway from loss toward healing. The journey from sorrow to joy is not linear, but each purposeful stroke can facilitate acknowledgment, release, and emotional reconnection, ultimately providing solace and insight through creative expression.
Next Steps: Consider sharing your artwork with a trusted friend, support group, or therapist. Remember, every painting is a step forward, and every color is a testament to your love and resilience.
My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
Delicate pink flowers blooming amidst vibrant green leaves, symbolizing hope and renewal, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
Healing the Deep Wound of Losing My Son
Grief and Healing After Losing a Child: “To Hold This Pain and This Beauty Side-by- Side”
The light is soft, it is beautiful here, there is a breeze. The pain is always there for us. It will be waiting at the apartment when we return tonight, it will be lying next to us in bed or come to us when we wake; we always have it. But we have to let this beauty in, too. That will be the work of all the rest of our days: to hold this pain and this beauty side by side, without letting the one crush or crowd out the other. We have to let this beauty in, too.
Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times
Grieving the Deep Wound of Losing My Son
Healing the deep wound of losing my son is ongoing in my life. It always will be. Always he is there. In my sleep, my waking hours. On his birthday and mine. When on his memorial date I go to see him where he is not. His grave. For he walks with me. We remember, and I smile with love and with heartbreak. These are not easily separated. Ache and love walk together, joined in my heart.
In early grief, only ache flowed through me. All the time. Everywhere. In his room. In my work. I couldn’t breathe without him.
Healing Through Carrying Pain and Love Together
Now, thirteen years later, my love for my son and my ache of missing him have joined together. My ache is my love, and I have grown accustomed to carrying the weight. I have moved forward in my life. Not moved on, for that implies I left something, someone, behind.
Dylan is always with me. Nudging me to smile at the little things in life. The silly antics of my two rescue kittens. The depth and brilliance of my gardens–flowers, shrubs, trees, a water pond. He reminds me how precious life is. How fragile.
My Forever Son Reminds Me How Precious Life Is. How Fragile.
I capture life’s fragility in my photographs of my gardens. I find color, hope, and peace in nature. Spring brings the reawakening of all the flowers, shrubs, and trees that lay dormant over the long, cold, bitter months of winter. Each year, purple and yellow crocus emerge from their winter’s sleep, then yellow and white daffodils, and shortly thereafter, red tulips rising tall, even when cooler temperatures still prevail.
But come spring, when the brilliance of sun, blue skies, and flowers seemingly appear against an impossible, immutable winter, I find hope in nature’s resilience.
Finding Healing in Nature
I try to reorient myself walking each morning. I try to see the blooming flowers, the wild potato blossoms that run the stretch of the path near my home, the fecundity of August, the greenery that rushed in during the months since Orli left us here, to fend for ourselves. I find I cannot talk to people I see at the farmers market, but I can appreciate the ripening fruit, the taste of late summer, the heat in the skin of each peach.
Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times
I Couldn’t Save My Son: Grappling with Guilt in Grief
I still have a tendency to wake in the night and go over and over all of the things that went wrong and where I imagine I might have protected Orli. I berate myself for having failed her. It is completely irrational; it is also true. I could not save her; she could not be saved. I am her mother; ergo, I failed. In the light of day, I see the faulty logic of 4 a.m.
Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times
Coping with Guilt in Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
It is not easy to reconcile the guilt of losing a child, the heaviness of the guilt of losing my only child. I included the passage above about Sarah Wildman’s guilt over losing her daughter because it so eloquently amplifies a parent’s response to losing a child.
Losing my son to suicide changed everything about my life. This blog, My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, is my attempt to make sense of a world that can never make sense. Suicide doesn’t make sense. But finding a way to live in peace with who I am now does make sense. I live on that my son might live too.
Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing and Peace
Gardening, along with the art of photography and the expression of my emotions through poetry, blog posts, books, and songs, brings me solace. Preserving the temporal, ephemeral fragility of flowers in my photographs brings resolve and sometimes, even acceptance of what I can and cannot change in this life.
These key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief provide compassionate guidance for readers as they navigate the challenging landscape of loss. In particular, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, offers solace and a new perspective. The journey of coping often means confronting feelings of stigma, guilt, and isolation, intermixed with a complex array of emotions, ranging from anger to relief.
Research compassionately underscores that suicide is not a conscious choice, emphasizing the importance of a non-judgmental approach to emotional healing. Engaging with support groups and educational materials can be a source of empowerment for survivors, nurturing community connections and facilitating a path toward healing and hope.
Included are the author’s personal story of losing her child, resources for emotional support, professional insights on suicide’s complexities, discussions on the duration of grief, and a selection of helpful resources for bereaved parents.
Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents
Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.
A serene view from a window featuring a blooming orchid and a rainy landscape outside, symbolizing growth and reflection amidst sorrow, Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice, My Forever Son
Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice
Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice presents a heartfelt exploration of the complex and deeply emotional subject of suicide. The piece invites readers to reflect on the harrowing question of whether suicide can truly be seen as a choice. Insights from Dr. John Ackerman, a prominent suicide epidemiologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, shed light on this critical issue.
Dr. Ackerman emphasizes the often-overlooked factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts, stating, “We often underestimate the multitude of factors that impact such a complex and irreversible outcome as suicide. Individuals grappling with the profound emotional turmoil that gives rise to suicidal thoughts typically do not wish to end their lives; they are, instead, yearning for relief from the immense pain often exacerbated by the absence of supportive resources and understanding.”
This poignant examination not only raises awareness but also fosters empathy and understanding, making it a must-read for anyone seeking to support loved ones in need.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents offers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.
Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.
To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.
Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”
Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.
A young person reflecting in a somber environment, embodying the emotional complexities of grief and understanding related to suicide, Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters
Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters
Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.
A contemplative young woman expresses deep emotions, reflecting the complexities of grief and loss discussed in the article on coping with a child’s suicide, The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, My Forever Son
The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Pink flowers trail over a cream and brown stoneware flower pot resting on bricks, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.
During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.
In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.
My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.
Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.
Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.
Wild purple geraniums surrounded by green leaves in mid-summer, symbolizing hope and a moment of tranquility, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
My Life Before Losing My Son
Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.
I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.
Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.
On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.
The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill
The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.
The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.
All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.
Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.
A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing
Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.
“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.
Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.
On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing
In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.
Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens
A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.
But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.
Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens
Spring Brings Beauty and Hope
Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.
What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.
Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing
Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections
Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.
Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.
Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.
Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.
Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.
From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.
Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.
Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.
You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Contemplation Prompt: Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?
About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief
The love you shared endures beyond loss.
This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace
You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Journaling Prompt: What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.
You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.
Message of Hope: Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.
FIND HOPE HERE: POEMS AND POETIC REFLECTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on the Devastating Loss of a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” in the post, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth…
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…
“He Left Too Soon, Lifting Life from June” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow Summary “He Left Too Soon” is a poem about the profound sorrow and anguish of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal experience of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through her writing,…
Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents Summary “Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents” explores the profound grief and complex emotions experienced by parents who have lost a child to suicide. The poem emphasizes the importance of honoring the child’s memory while navigating the challenging path of healing, highlighting that…
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Summary Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply…
The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy Summary The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy features the grief poem, “Beat Still My Heart,”a powerful elegy that uses shipwreck imagery to convey the grief of losing a child to suicide. The grief poem, written by Beth Brown, explores…
Grieving a Child’s Suicide: “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You” Poem Summary Grieving a Child’s Suicide: “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You” Poem highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You” which explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. It delves…
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing Summary Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems on love and loss that tenderly explores the profound pain of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her deeply personal journey through grief, illustrating how she…
“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss Summary “Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound grief and longing experienced after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the author’s personal journey of navigating life without her son, Dylan, and…
‘That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back’: Poem on Guilt in Grief Summary “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound guilt and sorrow parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the haunting questions of “What If?” and “Why…
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…
When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…
Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil: A Poem of Love and Loss Summary “Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil”: A Poem of Love and Loss is a heartfelt reflection on the themes of love and loss, born from the deep and painful grief of the author following the heartbreaking…
“If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss Summary “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss depicts a deeply personal and emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. The author effectively conveys the profound impact of grief through heartfelt words and metaphors. The…
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience Summary The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in…
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis Summary Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes the author’s refusal to change her narrative of grief, asserting…
Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing Key Takeaways Summary Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing shares author Beth Brown’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry and nature photography, she finds solace and a way to express her overwhelming emotions after suicide loss.…
“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss conveys a powerful message of hope for parents grieving a child’s suicide. Acknowledging the profound sorrow of loss and the traumatic grief of losing a child to suicide,…
“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…
The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.
What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources offers an extensive collection of resources aimed at helping parents understand the complexities of suicide to help with their profound grief. This invaluable guide not only provides insights but also connects parents with supportive communities, fostering a sense of belonging and emphasizing gentle pathways to hope and healing during such a heartbreaking time.
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.
Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,”explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.
Meet Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan” offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, weaving together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.
Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicideoffers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches.
A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son,A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.
“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” A Poem on Suicide Loss explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.
A cozy moment with a red coffee cup and small vase of flowers, inviting reflection and warmth in times of sorrow and joy, My Forever Son, From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss
Professional Resources
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress http://www.personalgriefcoach.net This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors http://www.allianceofhope.org This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival http://www.friendsforsurvival.org This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS) http://www.pos-ffos.com This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) https://www.taps.org/suicide This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors https://unitesurvivors.org/ This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280 Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010 Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center The National Center for Grieving Children & Families dougy.org • (503) 775-5683 Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919 Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS) taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277) Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS losscs.org Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope allianceofhope.org Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide helpguide.org Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) pos-ffos.com An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998 Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss siblingsurvivors.com Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 988lifeline.org Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line crisistextline.org Text TALK to 741-741 for English Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide
Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.
Parents of Suicidesis a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.
A close-up of white roses surrounded by lush green leaves, symbolizing remembrance and hope, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource
Support and Resources for Grieving Parents of Suicide Loss
Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way. HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
A collection of books focused on understanding grief, suicide, and mental health support, My Forever Son, Finding Support After Losing a Child to Suicide
Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.
Darkness Visible William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.
Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss. Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.
Why People Die by Suicide Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005. Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.
Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.
A grieving parent visits their child’s grave, reflecting on loss and remembrance, My Forever Son, Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: Parents’ Resource
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience Summary The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in…
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis Summary Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes the author’s refusal to change her narrative of grief, asserting…
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources Summary Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide designed to support parents who are heartbroken from the loss of a child to suicide. This resource delves into the multifaceted emotions that accompany such profound grief, highlighting the crucial…
Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope Summary ‘Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope’ is a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope,…
A Letter to My Son In Year Nine: Reflections on Lingering Grief Summary In A Letter to My Son In Year Nine: Reflections on Lingering Grief, a mother reflects on nine years of grief after losing her son to suicide. She writes a heartfelt letter to him, expressing her enduring pain and the struggle to…
Grandparents’ Double Grief: When Losing a Grandchild to Suicide Means Grieving Their Child, Too Summary The article Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide explores the profound grief experienced by grandparents who lose a grandchild to suicide, a grief compounded by witnessing their child’s suffering. It emphasizes the unique bond between grandparents and grandchildren…
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table Summary “A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table” is a heartwarming story about a family’s enduring love, symbolized by a family table. The table, originally purchased by the grandmother, becomes a sacred space where the family gathers, sharing laughter, joy, and celebrations. The narrative explores the…
When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…
‘That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back’: Poem on Guilt in Grief Summary “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound guilt and sorrow parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the haunting questions of “What If?” and “Why…
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Summary Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply…
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…
Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.
At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales
8 replies on “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief”
[…] Because I lost my son to suicide at the precious young age of just-turned 20 Because I have learned to live with a child in heaven (which equates to my being only present here, but there, in heaven with Dylan, finding my heart and true joy) Because I have had to scrounge and scrape together and assemble, one breath at a time, a means of keeping on keeping on Because I find I am quite alone in my surroundings on this journey Because I have had to lay out the trappings of a way of life unstudied, unmapped, quite foreign to most Pink Peony, My Forever Son […]
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[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
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[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
8 replies on “From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief”
[…] Because I lost my son to suicide at the precious young age of just-turned 20 Because I have learned to live with a child in heaven (which equates to my being only present here, but there, in heaven with Dylan, finding my heart and true joy) Because I have had to scrounge and scrape together and assemble, one breath at a time, a means of keeping on keeping on Because I find I am quite alone in my surroundings on this journey Because I have had to lay out the trappings of a way of life unstudied, unmapped, quite foreign to most Pink Peony, My Forever Son […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]
[…] From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief […]