Coping with Holiday Grief: Self-Care Tips to Navigate the Season

Grief Tips from David Kessler for Holidays

Our grief is our love

1. Don’t believe what you see in the media, t.v., social media
2. Let go of the pressure
3. Let the day be the day
4. If the holiday is too hard, you have permission to cancel it
5. Go if you want if it brings you comfort (this is just a drop by)
6. If the ritual works, keep it; if the pressure to keep things the same is too much, let it go
7. Make new rituals, traditions, do what works for you
8. “No thank you” is a complete sentence
9. Grief doesn’t need a lot of time, but it needs dedicated time (lighting a candle, a walk, visiting their grave, self-care)
10. Dealing with decorations—if it brings you joy, great, if it feels like a hideous obligation, let it go. Let others do it.
11. A bank tree hotel lobby tree
12. A direct ask.  (The holiday season is going to be hard for me—let’s go for coffee or dinner)
13. Some of us are going to end up alone, be alone for the holidays
14. The pain is part of the love.   If you loved them intensely, you’re going to hurt intensely
15. No feeling is final it will change in time but we have to go through those dark nights of our soul (literary?)
16. Run into the storm because you minimize the pain—animals head into the storm, steer into the storm
17. Include our loved one in the holiday (cook their favorite dish; music; tell a story; say their name)
18. Loss of hope is temporary. Until you can find hope we’ll hold hope for you
19. Loss is permanent, but loss of hope is temporary. This too shall pass

“Our grief is our love”

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Coping with Holiday Grief: Self-Care Tips to Navigate the Season

Holiday Grief Series

Welcome to a heartfelt guide of essential self-care tips to support you through holiday grief. This time of year can amplify feelings of isolation and loneliness as memories and cherished family traditions take center stage. Surviving grief at the holidays can be difficult. Grief brings our world to a halt while the rest of the world, still surrounded by sparkle and joy, keeps on spinning.

If you have experienced the devastating loss of a child to suicide, the holidays may feel overwhelmingly difficult. Remember, it is absolutely okay to not feel okay during this time, and it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Please grant yourself the kindness and permission to say “No” when needed, even if and when you had previously said “Yes.” Help yourself heal during the holidays.

When I faced my first holiday season after losing my twenty-year-old son to suicide, I found myself at a loss for how to navigate this deeply painful experience. Suicide never lets go. Dealing with my own grief amidst an already excruciating time of year proved to be an immense challenge. Articles like the one below, titled “Taking Care of Yourself at the Holidays,” provide invaluable insights and practical self-care options.

These practical tips can help you find solace and strength during this holiday season. Remember, you are not alone.

It’s okay to feel both love and loss over the holidays. A gift you can give yourself this year is allowing emotional space for your feelings, whatever they may be. You can appreciate what you have this holiday, while also feeling deeply saddened by what has been lost. You can experience love toward those not present while missing their presence terribly

Doreen Marshall, “Taking Care of Yourself this Holiday Season,” The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

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“Taking Care of Yourself this Holiday Season”

The suggestions below for moving through the holidays after suicide loss can be found in their entirety at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Taking Care of Yourself this Holiday Season, by Doreen Marshall.

“Taking Care of Yourself this Holiday Season”

By Doreen Marshall

When we think about the holiday season, many of us connect to traditions which ground us in our histories, our feelings toward one another, and our hope for a new year. For many of us, there will be loved ones missing, along with accompanying sadness. Many are also experiencing financial stressors or other hardships. Some are feeling sheer exhaustion from the many changes we have had to navigate just to “get through.”  You may even wish to ignore that there is a holiday season this year.

Whatever your holiday season brings, we hope these tips help you navigate it in whatever way you need to stay healthy and well.

There’s no right or wrong way to spend the holidays

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