Healing Grief: Poetry for Parents After Child Loss to Suicide

Healing Grief: Poetry for Parents After Child Loss to Suicide

Summary

Healing Grief: Poetry for Parents After Child Loss to Suicide by Beth Brown is a poignant collection of poems and poetic reflections that explore the deep emotions of grief and healing following the loss of a child. After losing her son Dylan to suicide in 2012, Brown conveys the journey of mourning through tender poems that resonate with readers. Her heartfelt language and imagery honor the memory of those lost while offering comfort and pathways to resilience amid sorrow.

Introduction: When Love Isn’t Enough—From the Pages of My Forever Son

‘Healing Grief: Poetry for Parents After Child Loss to Suicide‘

June 25, 2012, is the day my world changed forever—the day I lost my only child, my son Dylan, age 20, to suicide. In the aftermath, I was left with questions that can never be fully answered. Why did my child die by suicide? What could I have done? The truth is, some things are beyond understanding. Suicide is not a choice made in the light, and love, no matter how fierce, is not always enough to save someone from their pain.

Grief after suicide is devastating. There were nights I could not breathe for the ache, days I wondered if I would ever feel hope again. I wrote my way through the darkness—first in fragments, then in poems, then in the pages of My Forever Son. Through writing, I found a way to carry both ache and love together, side by side.

As grief counselor David Kessler reminds us: “Build a life of love around the loss.”

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Guidance for Memorial Gatherings & Support Groups

For Memorial Dates (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays):

• Begin with a moment of silence or gentle reading of the introduction.
• Invite participants to share a memory, a word, or a poem that speaks to their heart.
• After each poem, pause for reflection. Encourage participants to write, speak, or simply sit with the words.
• Light a candle, place a flower, or read a favorite poem together in honor of your child.
• Allow space for both tears and laughter—grief and love walk together.

For Support Groups:

• Use journaling prompts to guide discussion or private reflection.
• Consider reading poems aloud in a circle, allowing each voice to honor the journey of grief and healing.
• Close with a message of hope, a ritual, or a reading from the final section.
• For those wishing to support bereaved parents, offer gentle presence, acknowledge the child’s life, and avoid trying to “fix” their grief. For guidance, visit What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide which offers compassionate insights and heartfelt guidance for comforting grieving parents.

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The Journey in Poems: From Raw Grief to Healing

Section I: Raw Grief

He Left Too Soon
I wrote this in the earliest days after Dylan’s death, when the shock of loss was overwhelming. The words spilled out as I tried to make sense of a world that no longer made sense. This poem is my cry into the abyss of grief—a lament for a life interrupted and a love that endures beyond absence.

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You
This poem is the echo of every “what if” and “if only” that haunted me. I poured my guilt and longing into these lines, wishing love could have been enough to save my child.

Bury My Heart
Standing at Dylan’s grave, I felt the finality of loss. This poem is a meditation on the unbearable pain of laying my child to rest, and the longing for what cannot be undone.

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon
As I pieced together the story of Dylan’s childhood, I found myself holding tight to the love we shared and the regret for what was hidden in his heart. This poem is a journey through cherished memories and unanswered questions.

Still from Sky I’m Falling
In the darkest nights, I felt suspended in grief, unable to find solid ground. These words came to me when sorrow felt endless and hope seemed far away.

Beat Still My Heart
When grief felt like a shipwreck, tossed in a storm with no shore in sight, I wrote this to give shape to the overwhelming loss and the struggle to keep going.

Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky
Some nights, hope felt impossible, and the ache of missing Dylan was all I could feel. This poem is about longing and emptiness after loss.

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon, Lifting Life from June”
The day Dylan died, a Derecho (fierce and unusual storm in the midwest) marked his funeral. The weather mirrored my heart—turbulent, broken, and forever changed. This is both a story and poem.

Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Holidays once meant celebration, now transformed by grief. This poetic narrative reflects on how loss reshapes even the most familiar days.

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Section II: Middle Grief & Searching

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
I yearned to undo what cannot be undone. This poem voices the struggle to accept the permanence of loss, and the wish to turn back time.

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere
A literal storm mirrored the chaos inside me, reminding me how quickly life can change. This poem connects the chaos of nature with the chaos of grief.

If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)
As grief transformed over time, I learned to carry both ache and love together. This poem is a meditation on how love and pain become inseparable.

Sorrow Buried in Love
Navigating the expectations of others and the complexity of healing, I found ways to keep love alive, even as sorrow remained.

Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay
I realized grief would always walk beside me. This poem is about accepting that love and grief remain, and learning to live with both.

Haunted by Guilt in Grief: Still from Sky I’m Falling
Nights spent questioning everything led me to wrestle with guilt and regret. This poem is for the journey toward self-forgiveness.

I Couldn’t Save My Son
Confronting the harshest truths of my journey, I grappled with self-blame and the limits of love. This poetic reflection on finding forgiveness after self-blame and guilt marks the beginning of letting go of guilt.

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss
In the quiet hours, grief softened and memories brought both tears and warmth. This poetic reflection is a gentle invitation to notice small moments of peace.

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
Looking back on my journey, I saw how far I’d come. This poem reflects on how grief evolves, and the small moments of clarity and acceptance that emerge.

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
Family connections were reshaped by grief, but love endured through generations. This poetic narrative honors the ways family holds us together, even in loss. A heartfelt story of a grandmother’s love through both the good memories and the tragic loss of a grandchild.

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grief ripples through generations. This poetic narrative is for the grandparents who grieve not only for their grandchild, but for their own child’s pain.

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Section III: Healing & Reflection

On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings
As I began to find light again, I wrote this gentle guide toward healing, offering comfort and resources for navigating grief.

My Child on Earth Above in Heaven’s Care
A lullaby of hope, written to honor the enduring bond between parent and child, even across the divide of loss. This poem is a song, a prayer for Dylan, and for myself.

Travel On My Brave Soldier
Moving forward meant carrying Dylan’s memory with me. This poem is a message of resilience, for all who continue on after loss.

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Nature and writing brought small glimmers of hope. These poetic reflections share the verses and images that invited hope and renewal, even in the midst of sorrow.

Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
Learning to live with both ache and love, side by side, I honored the ways Dylan’s memory shapes my life.

Spring Brings Hope
Each spring, I found new reasons to believe in renewal. This poetic reflection celebrates nature’s resilience as a metaphor for healing. Beautiful photographs of my gardens lend healing as well.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The world keeps turning, even as we grieve. This poetic narrative reflects on finding hope and resilience in nature’s cycles, and learning that beauty can coexist with pain. Through the four seasons of a single Magnolia tree in my garden, hope is found in spring blossoms after the monochromatic winter.

Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts
I wrote this to keep Dylan’s memory alive, and to share the joy he brought to my life. It is a tribute to my son, honoring his life and the love that remains.

I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
Years after loss, I still search for hope. This poetic narrative is for those who keep looking for light, no matter how long it takes.

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Remembering the good times and honoring the legacy of love Dylan left behind, I wrote this to celebrate his life, his passions, and the love that endures.

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About the Author & Book

These poems are drawn from my journey and from my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, available on Amazon Kindle. If you wish to explore further, you’ll find more reflections and resources in My Forever Son.

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Guidance for Memorial Dates & Support

• On birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, gather with loved ones to share memories, read favorite poems, light candles, or place flowers in honor of your child.
• Allow space for both tears and laughter—grief and love walk together.
• Invite others to listen, share, and support without judgment or expectation.
• For those wishing to support bereaved parents, offer gentle presence, acknowledge the child’s life, and avoid trying to “fix” their grief. For guidance, visit https://myforeverson.com/what-to-say-to-parents-who-lose-a-child-to-suicide/.healing grief- poetry for parents after child loss.

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If you are reading this, know that you are not alone. There is a community that cares, and there is hope, even in the darkest seasons. Your love matters, your story matters, and your child will always be remembered. Healing does not mean forgetting—it means learning to carry both ache and love together, side by side.

With compassion and understanding,
—from the pages of My Forever Son

Related Reads

• Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
• Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
• Finding Hope Through Grief: Poems of Love and Loss
• Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Understanding Suicide: Grief and Healing Insights

Featured Poem

On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings: Grieving a Child’s Suicide deeply explores the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide, while also offering essential resources to help navigate the difficult journey of grief. With heartfelt personal reflections and practical coping strategies, this post serves as a compassionate guide for those facing similar heartache.

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Table of Contents

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Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child

“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”

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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere– Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon”

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“My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care: A Lullaby of Hope”

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“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”

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“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon“

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“If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)“

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Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide

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My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide

Healing the Deep Wound of Losing My Son

Grief and Healing After Losing a Child: “To Hold This Pain and This Beauty Side-by- Side”

The light is soft, it is beautiful here, there is a breeze. The pain is always there for us. It will be waiting at the apartment when we return tonight, it will be lying next to us in bed or come to us when we wake; we always have it. But we have to let this beauty in, too. That will be the work of all the rest of our days: to hold this pain and this beauty side by side, without letting the one crush or crowd out the other. We have to let this beauty in, too.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

Grieving the Deep Wound of Losing My Son

Healing the deep wound of losing my son is ongoing in my life. It always will be. Always he is there. In my sleep, my waking hours. On his birthday and mine. When on his memorial date I go to see him where he is not. His grave. For he walks with me. We remember, and I smile with love and with heartbreak. These are not easily separated. Ache and love walk together, joined in my heart.

In early grief, only ache flowed through me. All the time. Everywhere. In his room. In my work. I couldn’t breathe without him.

Healing Through Carrying Pain and Love Together

Now, thirteen years later, my love for my son and my ache of missing him have joined together. My ache is my love, and I have grown accustomed to carrying the weight. I have moved forward in my life. Not moved on, for that implies I left something, someone, behind.

Dylan is always with me. Nudging me to smile at the little things in life. The silly antics of my two rescue kittens. The depth and brilliance of my gardens–flowers, shrubs, trees, a water pond. He reminds me how precious life is. How fragile.

My Forever Son Reminds Me How Precious Life Is. How Fragile.

I capture life’s fragility in my photographs of my gardens. I find color, hope, and peace in nature. Spring brings the reawakening of all the flowers, shrubs, and trees that lay dormant over the long, cold, bitter months of winter. Each year, purple and yellow crocus emerge from their winter’s sleep, then yellow and white daffodils, and shortly thereafter, red tulips rising tall, even when cooler temperatures still prevail.

But come spring, when the brilliance of sun, blue skies, and flowers seemingly appear against an impossible, immutable winter, I find hope in nature’s resilience.

Finding Healing in Nature

I try to reorient myself walking each morning. I try to see the blooming flowers, the wild potato blossoms that run the stretch of the path near my home, the fecundity of August, the greenery that rushed in during the months since Orli left us here, to fend for ourselves. I find I cannot talk to people I see at the farmers market, but I can appreciate the ripening fruit, the taste of late summer, the heat in the skin of each peach.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

I Couldn’t Save My Son: Grappling with Guilt in Grief

I still have a tendency to wake in the night and go over and over all of the things that went wrong and where I imagine I might have protected Orli. I berate myself for having failed her. It is completely irrational; it is also true. I could not save her; she could not be saved. I am her mother; ergo, I failed. In the light of day, I see the faulty logic of 4 a.m.

Sarah Wildman, I Am Trying to See What My Beautiful Daughter Saw, Aug. 25, 2023, New York Times

Coping with Guilt in Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide

It is not easy to reconcile the guilt of losing a child, the heaviness of the guilt of losing my only child. I included the passage above about Sarah Wildman’s guilt over losing her daughter because it so eloquently amplifies a parent’s response to losing a child.

Losing my son to suicide changed everything about my life. This blog, My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, is my attempt to make sense of a world that can never make sense. Suicide doesn’t make sense. But finding a way to live in peace with who I am now does make sense. I live on that my son might live too.

Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing and Peace

Gardening, along with the art of photography and the expression of my emotions through poetry, blog posts, books, and songs, brings me solace. Preserving the temporal, ephemeral fragility of flowers in my photographs brings resolve and sometimes, even acceptance of what I can and cannot change in this life.

Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son

Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.

During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.

In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.

My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.

Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.

Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.

My Life Before Losing My Son

Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.

I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.

Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.

On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.

The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill

The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.

The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.

All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.

Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.

A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing

Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.

“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.

Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.

On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing

In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.

Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens

A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.

This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.

But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.

Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens

Spring Brings Beauty and Hope

Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.

What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.

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Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing

Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections

Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.

Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.

Each poignant poem in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a dedicated blog post in its own right, replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

The poems included in Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing appear below. Each poem is a blog post in its own right, oftentimes replete with the inspiration behind the poem.

Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.

Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.

Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.

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From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss

Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing

If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.

Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.

Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.

You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Contemplation Prompt:
Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?

About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief

The love you shared endures beyond loss.

This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace

You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.

Journaling Prompt:
What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.

You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.

Message of Hope:
Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.

Embracing Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey

From journaling to discovering the poetic language that encapsulates my grief, I penned my path to healing, culminating in the creation of my book, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide.

The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Losing my son to suicide created a void of cataclysmic proportions in all areas of my life: professional, emotional, spiritual, community, friends, physical, health.

Finding Beauty After Loss: Poetic Reflections is an exploration of how navigating profound grief meant finding support, which you can read about here: Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources.

My well-being turned in the split second I learned my son had died by suicide, and it would be a long time coming before I could pick up the pieces of my life to move forward in grief, carrying love along with the permanent ache of losing my son.

Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide

Acute grief plunged my heart, soul, and sense of who I was into a chasm of despair. Coping with the Grief of Losing a Child to Suicide shares the ferocity of my grief in the immediacy of my son’s suicide. Weeping even in my sleep, broken even as I was, I didn’t believe that the acute pain of early grief would ever cease. As I write, it’s been 12 years since Dylan died. My grief has changed shape over the course of my grieving, softening in the intensity of the agonizing sharp pain of my early grief.

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature

Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature explores the journey of finding hope and healing through nature after the loss of a child. It illustrates the emotional connection we can forge with the natural world, highlighting its ability to soothe our grief. The arrival of spring symbolizes hope and renewal, reminding us of the resilience within us. The author emphasizes the spirit of spring, encouraging patience during life’s challenges while imparting a heartfelt message of trust and enduring hope.

A Note from the Author

I am no longer in the dark place where my son’s suicide left me, though I carry his ache and love with me always. While Dylan’s absence lingers, I’ve learned to embrace good memories, guiding me toward healing. Over a decade has passed since my son’s suicide. Time hasn’t healed my grief, but it has moved me beyond acute trauma to glimpses of hope and happiness. Losing my son has forever changed me, but I’ve found healing by carrying both ache and love for him.

Glimpses of Hope in Small Things

I find hope in small things—my gardens, a cup of tea, and sunshine streaming through the window. I honor Dylan’s memory by connecting with others, sharing my story, and advocating for mental health awareness, determined that his legacy inspires support for those in similar struggles. Writing has helped me release my grief. While hope and healing may feel distant, they have gently found me in my reality: living each day without my son.

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide

Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide is a profoundly touching collection of journals from the author’s journey through grief, hope, and healing, marking three years since losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. She has faced numerous challenges, grappling with emotions like anger and despair, ultimately discovering moments of clarity and acceptance. The thoughtfully selected images, often featuring her gardens, provide a visual reprieve and deepen the emotional impact of her words, inviting readers to reflect on their own healing.

Glimpses of Hope Amidst Darkness

Each entry in Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide illustrates her evolving grief and highlights how she finds glimmers of hope amidst darkness, encouraging others to embrace vulnerability and share their own stories. Through her candid reflections, the author offers companionship to those navigating their grief, reminding them they are not alone on this arduous journey.

Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers

In Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers, the author finds solace and healing in nature’s resilience, particularly during spring, after losing her son to suicide. The cyclical nature of the seasons, with the promise of renewal and rebirth, mirrors the author’s journey through grief and the hope for healing. Through journaling and photography, the author captures the beauty of nature and finds a poetic way to express her sorrow and search for self-forgiveness.

A Note from the Author

It’s true that one never fully “heals” from the loss of a child to suicide, yet I have gradually begun to bridge the profound gap between my own grief and the world around me, even if it happens at a pace that, at times, feels ‘ere so slow. I find profound hope and beauty in nature, and in its changing seasons, the steadfastness of life. Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers has been integral to moving through my grief after losing my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide eleven years ago.

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss

Matins: Reflections on Hope After Loss explores the heart-wrenching journey of grief and healing following the loss of her son, Dylan, to suicide. She shares how grief can strike unexpectedly, flooding her with overwhelming despair. The struggle to rediscover joy after such a profound loss feels like an uphill battle, as even the smallest moments can be shadowed by sorrow. Learning to navigate life without him is a daunting challenge, with constant reminders of the void he left in her heart and home. 

Yet, amidst the pain, the author finds comfort in fleeting moments—whether it’s a gentle breeze that whispers memories of Dylan or a warm smile from friends who truly understand her heartbreak. She clings to the hope of a future reunion with him, which gently guides her through the darkness. Ultimately, she comes to understand that honoring Dylan’s memory not only keeps his spirit alive but also provides her with the strength she needs to embrace each new day.

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide

Suicide is an out of the natural order of life death, a perpetual questioning of why they took their life, a constant review of what if? if only. . .and should have, could have, would have.

Beth Brown, Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide, My Forever Son

Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a poignant and compassionate exploration of the overwhelming emotions and hurdles parents face following the tragic loss of a child to suicide. This heartfelt post delves deep into the raw and complex journey, offering understanding, support, and guidance tailored specifically for grieving families. It features meaningful quotes from mental health professionals and fellow bereaved parents, relating to other relevant posts that discuss different aspects of loss and resilience.

Crucial resources for seeking professional help, including hotlines, support groups, and therapy options, are provided to foster emotional recovery. This article addresses unspoken feelings of guilt and isolation, validating parents’ pain while inspiring hope through shared stories and coping strategies. The post encourages dialogue around mental health and underscores the importance of community support in healing.

“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief Poem is a poignant poem exploring the guilt parents face after losing a child to suicide. It captures the emotional anguish of “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” reflecting the deep sorrow of their grieving journey. Each line invites readers to experience the despair of such a loss while suggesting that love can illuminate dark moments. The poem provides insight into the author’s experience with loss, using vivid imagery to express the tidal wave of emotions that follow. The blend of poetry, personal anecdotes, and support resources amplifies the author’s voice and connects with the audience, encouraging exploration of their own feelings about loss.

Self-Blame and Guilt–I Couldn’t Save My Son

Self-Blame and Guilt—I Couldn’t Save My Son explores the heavy burden of self-blame and guilt many parents endure after losing a child to suicide. It addresses the struggle between cherishing memories and confronting harsh realities that feel insurmountable. Parents often grapple with guilt, wondering if they could have intervened or recognized their child’s distress. This journey through sorrow is intertwined with societal stigma and expectations about grieving. Finding healthy outlets for these feelings, like therapy or creative expression, can be healing.

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” offers a personal exploration of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide, a tragedy that affects many parents and caregivers. This collection includes the featured poem along with others that examine loss and healing, providing various perspectives on mourning. It also offers resources for support, guiding readers through their darkest moments while fostering community and understanding. The poem, “Still from Sky I’m Falling,” encapsulates the emotions of this journey, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences of grief.

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Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources

Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources is a compassionate guide for parents devastated by the loss of a child to suicide. It addresses the complex emotions of grief and emphasizes the importance of self-care, professional help, and support groups. The resource also shares coping strategies like creative pursuits, finding peace in nature, and honoring your child’s memory.

What I have learned these past 12 years of grief and healing is that my love was not enough to save my son, to protect my son, to prevent his suicide. Love, no matter how strong the connection, cannot prevent death.

Beth Brown, Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources, My Forever Son

The Story of My Forever Son

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A Song for Child Loss, As I Tuck You In

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Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Coping with the Loss of a Child

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Professional Resources

Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress

After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.

Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.

HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.

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Resources and Support Groups

Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.

United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.

Professional Organizations

American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.

The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.

Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.

Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.

LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.

Online resources

Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.

Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.

Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.

Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.

Finding professional care and support

Find a mental health provider

• afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
• findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
• inclusivetherapists.com
• afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians

Find a provider for prolonged grief

• prolongedgrief.columbia.edu

Find additional resources for marginalized communities

• afsp.org/mental-health-resources-for-marginalized-communities

Crisis Services

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.

Support Groups

• Alliance for Hope for suicide loss survivors – https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
• American Society of Suicidology – https://suicidology.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
• British Columbia Bereavement Helpline, Suicide Grief Support – https://bcbh.ca/grief-support/suicide-grief-support/
• Coalition of Clinician-Survivors – https://www.cliniciansurvivor.org/# 
• Community Support After Suicide (Peachtree Comprehensive Health) – https://www.pchprofessionals.com/community-support-after-suicide  
• Compassionate Friends Loss to Suicide group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcflosstosuicide
• Emotions Matter Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Loss Group – https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/bpd-loss-group (note that not all losses are suicide, though many are. All losses have a connection to BPD.)
• Friends and Families of Suicide (FFOS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/ffos.htm
• Friends for Survival – https://friendsforsurvival.org/
• Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide – https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/services
• Helping Parents Heal: Special Interest Group -Moving Forward After Suicide – https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/affiliate-groups/special-interest-groups/ (note that Helping Parents Heal “goes a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and afterlife evidence—in a non-dogmatic way.  HPH affiliate groups welcome everyone regardless of religious or non-religious background and encourage open dialog.”)
• Long Island Survivors of Suicide – https://lisos.org/ 
• The Lounge – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/about-4 
• Parents of Suicide (POS) – https://www.pos-ffos.com/groups/pos.htm
• Sail to Heal – https://www.sail2heal.org/ 
• Smile through the Storms – https://www.smilethroughthestorms.com/ 
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) – https://save.org/save-support-groups/
• Working on My Grief  – https://www.workingonmygrief.com/ 

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Books for Understanding Suicide And Mental Health

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Darkness Visible
William Styron, Random House, 1990. A powerful and moving first-hand account of what depression feels like to the sufferer.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

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Recommended Reading

Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever Son

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Books

• Beal, Karyl Chastain (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018). Faces of Suicide, Volumes One to Five.
• Brown, Beth (2023) Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Cacciatore, Joanne (2017). Bearing the Unbearable. Wisdom Publications.
• Clark, Ann (2020). Gone to Suicide. A mom’s truth on heartbreak, transformation and prevention. Iuniverse.
• Collins, Eileen Vorbach (2023). Love in the Archives. a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss. Apprentice House Press.
• Cross, Tracey (2013). Suicide among gifted children and adolescents. Understanding the suicidal mind. Prufrock Press.
• Dougy Center, The (2001). After a Suicide: An Activity Book for Grieving Kids. Dougy Center.
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (1988). The Faithful Gardener. HarperCollinsSanFrancisco.
• Fine, Carla (1997). No Time to Say Goodbye. Surviving the suicide of a loved one. Broadway Books.
• Heilmann, Lena M.Q. (2019). Still with Us. Voices of Sibling Suicide Loss Survivors. BDI Publishers.
• Hickman, Martha Whitmore (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. William Morrow Paperbacks
• Jamison, Kay Redfield (2000). Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Vintage.
• Johnson, Julie Tallard (1994). Hidden Victims, Hidden Healers. An eight-stage healing process for families and friends of the mentally ill. Pema Publications.
• Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press
• Joiner, Thomas (2010). Myths About Suicide. Harvard University Press.
• Kushner, Harold S. (2004). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Anchor Books
• O’Connor, Mary-Francis (2022). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
• Rasmussen, Christina (2019). Second Firsts. Hay House Inc.
• Shapiro, Larry (2020). Brain Pain. Giving insight to children who have lost a family member or a loved one to suicide. Safe Haven Books.
• Wickersham, Julie (2009). The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order. Mariner Books.

Memorial Sites

• Faces of Suicide – memorial site for those who died by suicide –  https://www.facesofsuicide.com/
• Suicide Memorial Wall – tribute site for those who died by suicide – https://www.suicidememorialwall.com/