Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Suicide Grief is Different Because Loss Survivors:

1. Blame Themselves for what they did, what they missed, and what they did not do to prevent their loved one’s suicide.
2. Feel Responsible for the suicide of the loved one they lost and thus guilty for their loved one’s suicide.
3. Wonder Why over and over again, even knowing there will never be an answer why their loved one took their life.
4. Move through the Stigma and Trauma attached to a loved one’s death by suicide. Religious and community acceptance or conversely, their shunning of suicide, especially when addiction, alcohol, or substance abuse disorders are involved, can make suicide grief more difficult.
5. Question Everything. Suicide is not a choice, though it seems a preventable death. Suicide awareness and prevention can compound loss survivors’ grief.

We seek answers to questions that overwhelm us:

• Why did my child die by suicide?
• Am I alone in my grief?
• What does grief look like after suicide loss?
• Will I ever be able to find hope and healing?
• Where can I find support and resources?
• What did I miss?

These questions can drive us to seek answers in literature about suicide loss, allowing us to explore our emotions.

In early grief, I wanted to understand why my son took his life. I turned to books and research on suicide loss for clarity and companionship in my sorrow.

Now, over a decade later, I remain drawn to the subject. Reading about suicide helps me connect with others’ experiences, validate my feelings, and deepen my understanding of loss and healing.

Authors: Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch
Publisher: Hazelden Foundation, 2006In this heartfelt guide, co-authors Beverly Cobain—a crisis intervention specialist—and Jean Larch—cousin of the late Kurt Cobain—combine personal stories with practical advice. This book serves as a resource for families navigating the difficult journey of healing after losing a loved one to suicide.

Author: Brandy Lidbeck
Publisher: Gift Pub, 2016

In The Gift of Second, therapist and suicide loss survivor Brandy Lidbeck provides hope and valuable guidance for those coping with the aftermath of a suicide. This compassionate book explores grief and trauma while helping survivors let go of guilt and shame, fostering a healthy path towards healing.

Healing after the Suicide of a Loved One
Ann Smolin and John Guinan, Simon and Schuster, 1993.

Many survivors struggle with the questions “why?” and “what if?”  This book shares case studies and offers advice to help survivors begin to heal.

A Force Unfamiliar to Me: A Cautionary Tale
Jane Butler, Hamlet Books, 1998.

A mother’s personal account of her son’s depression and suicide, this book explores some of the familiar challenges survivor families face, such as how to handle the holidays and the grief struggles between the parents of a child lost to suicide.

All the Wrong Places: A Life Lost and Found
Philip Connors, W. W. Norton, 2015.

All the Wrong Places is an affecting and wryly funny memoir that details the author’s complex relationship with his brother and his struggle to cope with his brother’s death by suicide.

A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy
Sue Klebold, Crown, 2016.

Written by the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the shooters in the Columbine High School tragedy of 1999, this powerful book chronicles Sue Klebold’s journey as a mother trying to come to terms with the incomprehensible. Klebold shares her experience and the insights and understanding she has gained in the hope that they may help other families recognize when a child is in distress. The Times (London) calls the book “required reading for all parents of adolescents… soul-piercingly honest, written with bravery and intelligence… A book of nobility and importance.”

An Empty Chair: Living in the Wake of a Sibling’s Suicide
Sara Swan Miller, iUniverse, 2000.

This book combines interviews with more than thirty sibling survivors all over the U.S. with the author’s own account of losing a sister to suicide.

A Special Scar: The Experience of People Bereaved by Suicide
Alison Wertheimer, Routledge, 2001.

The author, who lost her sister to suicide, presents interviews with fifty survivors that cover a wide range of issues, such as the press, stigma, guilt, anger, and rejection.

Before Their Time: Adult Children’s Experiences of Parental Suicide
Mary and Maureen Stimming, Temple University Press, 199

Survivor accounts of loss, grief, and resolution following a parent’s suicide by adult children. Separate sections offer perspectives on the deaths of parents. Includes the reflections of four siblings on the shared loss of their mother.

Blue Genes: A Memoir of Loss and Survival
Christopher Lukas, Doubleday, 2008.

As a young boy, Christopher (Kit) Lukas, co-author of Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide, survived the suicide of his mother. Neither he nor his brother were told how she died, and both went on to confront their own struggles with depression, a disease that ran in their family. In 1997, Kit’s brother Tony, a Pulitzer-prize winning author, took his own life. Blue Genes is Kit’s exploration of his family history, his personal journey, and his determination to find strength and hope.

History of a Suicide: My Sister’s Unfinished Life
Jill Bialosky, Atria Books, 2011.

Writer Jill Bialosky was pregnant with her first child in 1990 when her 21-year-old half-sister, Kim, took her life. Just a few months later, Bialosky’s grief was compounded by the loss of her baby. In this memoir, written nearly twenty years later, she offers a deeply personal investigation into her family’s complicated history, and into Kim’s struggle with depression and addiction. This book is recommended for survivors who are further along in their grief. Newly bereaved survivors may find it overwhelming.

In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother’s Suicide
Nancy Rappaport, Basic Books, 2009.

Child psychiatrist Nancy Rappaport lost her mother to suicide at age four. Encouraged by her own children’s curiosity about their grandmother and fortified by her professional training in psychiatry, she began to look into her mother’s life and death. Drawing on court papers, newspaper clippings, her mother’s unpublished novel, and interviews with family and friends, Rappaport explores the impact of her mother’s suicide from the perspective of a daughter, psychiatrist, wife, and mother herself.

I’ll Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother’s Quest for Comfort, Courage and Clarity after Suicide Loss
Susan Auerbach, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2017.

This intimate memoir tells the story of a mother’s grief journey in the wake of her son’s suicide.  In the words of Dr. Jack Jordan, an international authority on suicide loss, the book is also “helpfully organized around themes and issues that survivors will inevitably encounter, such as the bodily impact of suicide loss and guilt and responsibility. Who should read this book? Anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide; … anyone who wishes to support a suicide loss survivor; and above all, any and every mother who has lost a child to suicide.”

Letters to Mitch: The Healing Power of Grief, Love & Truth
Marshall Dunn, Montego Creative Inc., 2016.

A memoir in the form of a series of raw, heartfelt letters, this account of the author’s grief and spiritual journey in the wake of the suicide death of his elder brother, Mitch, encourages readers to embrace change and honor the life with which they have been gifted.  This book is recommended only for longer-term loss survivors; the blunt, unvarnished nature of some of the writing may be upsetting to people who lost someone to suicide more recently.

Never Regret the Pain: Loving and Losing a Bipolar Spouse
Sel Erder Yackley, Helm Publishing, 2008.

In this memoir, a mother of three provides an intimate glimpse into her family’s struggle to understand, cope with, and grieve the bipolar disorder and ultimate suicide of her husband, a well-respected judge.

The Invisible Front: Love and Loss in an Era of Endless War
Yochi Dreazen, Crown Publishing, 2014.

Major General Mark Graham was a decorated officer who inspired his sons, Jeff and Kevin, to pursue military careers of their own. When Kevin and Jeff die within nine months of each other—Kevin dies by suicide and Jeff is killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq—their parents are astonished by the drastically different responses their sons’ deaths receive from the Army. While Jeff is lauded as a hero, Kevin’s death is met with silence, evidence of the stigma that surrounds suicide and mental illness in the military. Convinced that their sons died fighting different battles, Jeff and Kevin’s parents dedicate themselves to transforming the institution that is the cornerstone of their lives.

Hope after Suicide: One Woman’s Journey from Darkness to Light
Wendy Parmley, Cedarfort Publishing, 2014.

After losing her mother to suicide when she was twelve years old, Parmley learned firsthand the anguish, despair, and loneliness of survivors of suicide loss. Hope after Suicide shares her story of sorrow and healing, and of how she learned to open her once-shattered heart years after her mother’s suicide, giving hope and comfort to those affected by such tragedy.

No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One
Carla Fine, Broadway Books, 1999.

Drawing on the experience of losing her husband to suicide and subsequent interviews with scores of suicide loss survivors, as well as the expertise of counselors and mental health professionals, Carla Fine provides invaluable guidance to the families and friends who are left behind in the aftermath of a suicide.

Remembering Garrett: One Family’s Battle with a Child’s Depression
Gordon H. Smith, Caroll & Graf, 2006.

A personal account by the U.S. Senator from Oregon, whose 21-year-old son took his own life, and whose speech on the Senate floor led to overwhelming bipartisan support for the passage of the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act, which increased federal funding to prevent youth suicide.

Sanity & Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength
Judy Collins, Tarcher/Penguin, 2003.

A celebrity and grieving mother shares her story about the loss of her son to suicide, and her own struggle with mental illness.

Suicide Survivors’ Club: A Family’s Journey through the Death of Their Loved One
Rebecca Anderson (author/suicide loss survivor), Laurie Phillips (artist/storyteller), 2016.

This beautifully illustrated five-book set depicts the aftermath of a husband/father’s suicide through the eyes and in the words of his wife and children (ages 19, 7, and 5). The brief books “Becky,” “Pattie,” “Aidan,” and “Will” explore the feelings of suicide loss survivors of any age and the healing power of art.  The fifth book, “Parenting the Suicide Survivors’ Club,” is a short memoir by mom Rebecca that reflects the challenges of holding a family together as the sole remaining parent.

Surviving Suicide: Searching for “Normal” with Heartache & Humor
Deena Baxter, Mascot Books, 2014.

This is the story of how a stepmother—an unusual perspective in loss memoirs—deals with the suicide death of her stepson while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy. Baxter combines humor with serious self-reflection to create a beautifully written book about the impact mental illness has on a person, and about the ways in which the author coped shortly after her loss.  The memoir is emotional, yet also very matter-of-fact on the subjects of suicide and mental illness.  Recommended for people who are several years removed from their loss.

The Empty Chair: The Journey of Grief after Suicide
Beryl Glover, In Sight Books, 2000.

The grief process, as experienced by people dealing with varying emotions following the suicide of a family member.

The Gospel According to Josh: A 28-Year Gentile Bar Mitzvah
Josh Rivedal

In his memoir, actor and playwright Josh Rivedal copes with his father’s and grandfather’s suicides, his own clinical depression and suicidal thoughts, and his recovery. The Gospel According to Josh is based in part on Rivedal’s acclaimed one-man show.

The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order
Joan Wickersham, Mariner Books, 2009.

Joan Wickersham’s artful memoir traces her search to understand her father’s suicide through interactions with friends, doctors, and other loss survivors. An unflinching and moving exploration of the complexity of losing a loved one to suicide and the necessary search for why.

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1995. In this memoir, an international authority on Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder describes her own struggle since adolescence with the disorder, and how it has shaped her life.

Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
William Feigelman, Ph.D., John Jordan, Ph.D., John McIntosh, Ph.D., Beverly Feigelman, LCSW, Springer Publishing, 2012. This book provides useful avenues for future research on suicide loss and offers new insights into the grief process that follows the death of a child, both in the short term and years after a loss.  Please note that, given its academic tone, the book is better suited to clinicians and educators than to recently bereaved lay readers.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., Alfred A. Knopf, 1999. Kay Redfield Jamison’s in-depth psychological and scientific exploration of suicide traces the network of reasons underlying suicide, including the factors that interact to cause suicide, and outlines the evolving treatments available through modern medicine.

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Andrew Solomon, Scribner, 2001.Winner of the National Book Award, this book shares the author’s story of chronic depression, and places depression in a broader social context.

Why People Die by Suicide
Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., Harvard University Press, 2005.
Drawing on extensive clinical and epidemiological evidence, as well as personal experience, the author, who lost his father to suicide, identifies three factors that mark those most at risk of considering, attempting, or dying by suicide.

Demystifying Psychiatry: A Resource for Patients and Families
Charles Zorumski and Eugene Rubin, Oxford University Press, 2010.

Two psychiatrists explain modern-day psychiatry, including the mental illnesses most closely associated with suicide risk, in this straightforward primer intended for a lay audience.

No One Saw My Pain: Why Teens Kill Themselves
Andrew Slaby and Lili Frank Garfinkle, W.W. Norton, 1995.

This book looks at many examples of adolescent suicide and explores the complex factors that may contribute to it.

November of the Soul: The Enigma of Suicide
George Howe Colt, Scribner, 2006.

From National Book Award finalist George Howe Colt comes this comprehensive, 500+ page scholarly exploration of suicide. Based on in-depth reporting and case studies, and extensively footnoted, the book considers suicide from cultural, historical, biological, and psychological perspectives. This book is recommended for survivors who are further along in their grief. Newly bereaved survivors may find it overwhelming.

Understanding Depression: What We Know and What You Can Do About It
J. Raymond DePaulo Jr., M.D., John Wiley & Sons, 2002.

A comprehensive, user-friendly guide to depression, including the latest research in brain chemistry, psychology, and pharmacology.