Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Poetic Journey
Summary
Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Poetic Journey by Beth Brown explores the profound grief of losing a child, specifically her son Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, photography, and gardening, Beth finds solace and healing, sharing her journey and resources for others navigating similar grief. The post emphasizes the importance of support, self-care, and honoring a child’s memory during the healing process.
Key Takeaways
- The article Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Poetic Journey discusses profound grief, focusing on the author’s loss of her son Dylan to suicide.
- Through poetry, photography, and gardening, the author finds solace and healing, emphasizing support and self-care.
- Each poem captures deep emotions such as longing, love, and helplessness associated with child loss.
- The blog offers resources for others navigating similar grief and stresses the importance of honoring a child’s memory.
- Overall, the article provides hope through heartfelt poems about losing a child.
Introduction
Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Poetic Journey evokes strong emotions and conveys the deep pain of losing a child through heartfelt poetry. Each poem captures the pain, love, and longing associated with child loss. The imagery and metaphors effectively convey the depth of the author’s emotions.
I write to heal the deep soul wound of losing a child. Each of the poems below represent an emotional part of the grief I was feeling at the time. Longing, wishing I could have stopped my son’s death, helplessness, profound love, remembering through the pain–these feelings are but a few of the many emotions of my grief.
I find hope here, through writing, and healing in the way poetry shapes words. I hope you do, too.
My Forever Son
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
A Heartfelt Message My Forever Son
Healing Through Gardening and Writing After the Loss of My Son
I write to mend my heart, grieving the loss of my only child, my precious 20-year-old son Dylan, who tragically died by suicide on June 25, 2012. In my journey towards healing, I find solace in capturing the beauty of flowers, shrubs, and trees that flourish through the seasons.
I share these heartfelt photographs along with my story of navigating deep grief in several posts throughout this blog, My Forever Son.
Finding Hope in Nature’s Resilience Through Spring Flowers is deeply moving, capturing the emotional journey of finding hope and healing through nature following the loss of a child to suicide. The heartfelt connection to nature is beautifully expressed, illustrating how the serene beauty of the natural world offers solace and strength during difficult times in grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Finding Hope, Healing, and Resilience in Nature: has been integral to moving through my grief after losing my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide eleven years ago. Healing the deep wound of losing my son is ongoing in my life. I find color, hope, and peace in nature. Spring brings the reawakening of all the flowers, shrubs, and trees that lay dormant over the long, cold, bitter months of winter.
Transforming Grief into Healing Through Writing
Gardening, capturing moments through photography, and expressing my feelings in poetry, blog posts, books, and songs have become my refuge in this turbulent time following the devastating loss of my son to suicide.
Gardening, capturing moments through photography, and expressing my feelings in poetry, blog posts, books, and songs have become my refuge in this turbulent time following the devastating loss of my son to suicide. Finding Immediate Support Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors offers links to vital resources and support that have played a crucial role in helping me rediscover hope and healing during this profound grief journey.
[Suggested Reading]: From Sorrow to Joy: How Pain Colors Loss in Grief shares the author’s heartfelt journey through grief and healing following the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide. Using a magnet as a powerful symbol of the continuous struggle between pain and hope, the author conveys the poignant message that even amidst profound sorrow, there exists a pathway to light and joy. She beautifully illustrates the profound connection between sorrow and joy, emphasizing that light can indeed coexist with darkness in our lives.
Helpful Resources from My Forever Son for Grief and Healing
Things I’ve learned through grieving the loss of my son to suicide: I can survive this. In the beginning, I didn’t feel I could survive the devastating sorrow.
Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief is a good place to find resources for understanding how suicide grief is different. For bereaved parents who lost a child to suicide, understanding suicide grief is crucial for navigating grief and healing.
The resources included below focus on feeling guilt, self-blame, and regret after losing a child to suicide. These feelings can be overwhelming for many suicide loss survivors and grieving parents. Parents, especially, feel the weight of responsibility to protect their child. Losing a child to suicide is a devastating tragedy.
Understanding Suicide and the Pain of Suicide Loss
Healing and moving through the heaviness of this grief can be helped by understanding suicide, acknowledging the ways in which suicide grief is different, and finding hope and healing along I’ve sought group support (Parents of Suicides has been key to my healing process), one-on-one counseling, resources online and in books and pamphlets, videos, blogs, and in reading other parents’ stories.
Does the pain end? For me, it’s become a part of me, the same way my deep love for my son is a part of me. I carry both ache and love. Carrying Ache and Love in Suicide Loss comes with healing along the way.
It is only in doing this that I’ve come to see I am not alone. In the beginning, I felt tremendously alone. Today, thirteen years after losing my son to suicide, I understand I am not alone.
My grief has not “ended” because my love for my son continues on, though my grief has changed throughout my journey. I am able, now, to find gratitude in the moment, serenity in nature, solace in my cats, writing, and gardening, and even happiness in my life, as is, as now.
What I know: You are not alone. Your grief is your love. And your deep love for your child is why your grief hurts so much.
Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief
These Helpful Resources for Navigating Guilt and Self-Blame in Grief offer invaluable support for parents grappling with the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. Rich in compassion and understanding, they provide personal narratives, expert insights on grief, and essential strategies for healing.
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources
Navigating Grief After Losing a Child to Suicide: Essential Resources provides a compassionate guide to support parents through the pain of losing a child to suicide. It explores the journey of grief, the importance of support networks, and self-care during this difficult time. The guide offers suggestions for honoring a child’s memory, creating a meaningful legacy to provide solace amidst heartache.
Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide
Coping with Guilt After Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt exploration of the overwhelming emotions that parents face after the tragic loss of a child to suicide. It delicately unravels the deep feelings of grief, guilt, and despair that can engulf those grappling with such an unimaginable sorrow. Through intimate personal stories and touching quotes, it provides a compassionate perspective that aims to comfort and support parents on their difficult healing journey.
Self-Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son
Self Blame and Guilt: I Couldn’t Save My Son is a deeply emotional narrative that explores feelings of self-blame and guilt after the loss of a son. This poignant story guides readers through the tumultuous emotions parents face, sharing the author’s deep sorrow and questioning what could have been done differently. It emphasizes the need for support and understanding during the arduous healing journey.
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief
“That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back”: Poem on Guilt in Grief is a powerful poem that reflects the overwhelming “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve” guilt parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poetic language directly addresses the haunting “What If?” and “Why Didn’t I See?” questions that plague those left behind, emphasizing the helplessness and regret that linger after such a tragic loss. The poem serves as a conduit for healing and self-forgiveness, exploring the possibility of moving beyond guilt and embracing acceptance, allowing love to shine through even the darkest of times.
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” is a poignant poem that captures the intense emotions of grief and guilt after losing a child to suicide. The verses convey heartbreak and the struggle to find solace, using nature as a symbol for the grief journey. Vivid imagery of hawks circling above parallels feelings of despair, evoking a sense of helplessness in processing pain. Every line resonates with the weight of memories and the ache of loss, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences with grief.
If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You
If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You
If Only a Mother's Love Could Have Saved You
Bones bear girth
Where once, love birthed you,
Arms cradled and rocking,
Love holding me to you.
If only a mother's love could have saved you,
Been there to catch your fall,
Tears stilled by the heavens to where now and forever,
You forever are.
Your descent of life hers, labored love born,
On wings beating too wildly and too soon your own.
Your beat of heart hers, now her own to live on,
Sick pulse of ache, holding death in her arms.
Oh my heart and oh my son,
Without you life empties, yet love forever beats on.
And so now my forever, "Why?" replete in my soul,
Which has always, and still child,
Moved in grooves you made whole.
If only a mother's love could have saved you,
If only she had heard your heart cry,
She could save you yet both together,
Take back that night you fell from the sky.
©Beth Brown,2021
All rights reserved
Beth Brown, My Forever Son,
If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You
He Left Too Soon
He Left Too Soon
He left too soon—
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
His absence—
Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring
Heart heaving, this beating of tears.
Breaking loose—
All hell in earth's upturned rupture,
Death shoveling shadows over me.
As I bend to lay flowers on his name—
Inscribed and bronzed,
A permanence come to stay,
My love laced now with pain—
Standing over my son's grave,
Death's Derecho forever laid in my shadow.
©Beth Brown, 2021
All Rights Reserved
"Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere"--Grief Poem "He Left Too Soon"
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
Should've, would've, could've,
If I'd only come to see,
That might I future forward live
To see all eternity.
That I might know when, and where somehow,
And here and now then see,
To erase the dark and stay the day
To bring back you to me.
If only and what if now child,
And why couldn't I just see,
To hold you close forever
Clutch you tight, just you and me.
That darkness might not permeate
My heart now and yours then,
That all of love could sweep time back
And bring back you again.
©Beth Brown, 2021
All Rights Reserved
"That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back"
Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon
Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon
Once upon a blue-sky moon,
We sailed our ships in your bedroom,
With stars for light, we fled the dark
But the lightening flashed,
And the blue sky arced.
You tucked away your childhood dreams
On wings that soared beyond infinity,
Your love in me and me in you,
But out of reach, beyond what I could do.
I launched your dreams,
You took great flight
On wings alone you soared too high,
But you found ways to onward flee
To galaxies beyond my means.
I watched you drift through hazy sky,
And chalked it up to a teenage angst,
But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul--
I would have held on,
I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me
“Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
So I kissed you and I held you,
And I said goodbye,
Not knowing, blue-star moon,
I would lose you that night.
You lived, you breathed, alive in pain
Through storm-dark nights and cloudy haze,
But I didn’t know what I couldn’t see,
The damage done beyond my means.
My sky is dark, my nights deep blue
My winter’s come, my star’s with you,
Without you here, I cannot fly
My wings you clipped
When you took your life.
And I live on and onward flee
Towards you my son and to infinity,
Where dreams come true and you live on,
And we fly again around planets and sun.
With stars that glow against the moon,
Your love in me and me in you.
I will hold you,
You will clutch me,
We will never let go,
And you’ll tell me,
“Mom, I love you”
And tears from earth will overflow,
And I’ll know then, blue sky-moon,
To never ever let you go.
© Beth Brown, 2021
All rights reserved
"Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon"
If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)
If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)
If earth were sky and sky above,
Then heart could hold this ache of love,
Suspended, like rain, in clouds wanting to fall,
But bound to sun’s joy because heart touches all.
I fall ‘ere so slowly most cannot yet tell,
My pain lives so deep and my heart goes through hell.
I crawl more than walk through days such as these,
Heavy with sorrow, wanting only ache relieved.
And yet truly what is can’t be undone,
I’ve lost my life in the loss of my son.
For seven years counting this marking of time
Having lost in him life, both his then and mine.
I stay hollow inside though try as I might,
Come to from the damage of my now soiled life.
I’d rather be still with my son by my side,
My heart filled with love and my joy still alive.
©Beth Brown, 2021
All Rights Reserved
If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)
My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care-A Lullaby for My Son (Audio)
My Child on Earth Above, In Heaven's Care
As I tuck you in, I lay me down
As I hold you now, I lift my arms
As I fall asleep, I pray for you
My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too
My child, my love, my heart, May God keep and love you
And you will be forevermore
Safe from this world and so adored
And God will be your comforter
And I will always thank God for rescuing you
And I will always praise God for loving you too
And so I live my life in memory
Surrendering to God, what now must be
But here on earth I know the angels sing
When I hear your voice I know God’s listening
And I will always be your mother here
And I will speak your name for all to hear
And God will be with you ’til I get there
My child on earth above in heaven’s care
My child on earth above in heaven’s care-
©Beth Brown, 2021
My Child on Earth Above, In Heaven's Care
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A Poem of Love, Loss, and Hope: Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil
Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil
We are the tillers of the earth and the tenders of the soil.
These trees and plants and water garden were here before us, and they will be here after we go.
We take care of them that they might take care of us and that love might be this caring for one another.
We are the tillers of the earth and the wakers of the soil.
How wonderful to see purple this late in the fall and orange on the kindling.
Insects swarm madly. What are they doing? Where are they going?
Where go all of us when stand we no longer (further) on grounds hallowed and loved?
We are all tired of blooming, and so rest we now where hallowed love lies and dreams live on even past this point where we are one.
We sit, we watch, we wait, for time has a way of catching us all a little off guard and unwilling to wield yield.
Tired I rest, tired I fall, and so wonder when, then, I can no longer be this tiller of earth, tender of soil?
When no longer I can mother these roots, bark, leaves, budding and blooming, where then must I go?
Where must I be when all that mothers me isn’t any more green and growing?
Where must we be when tender no more this sky-earth reach where love in-between sends nights' sky sleep songs to ease her sorrow?
That always we could be crickets at dusk and water-lilies opening.
That always we could be skimming iridescent hues past this pain of knowing that even seasons lose their way.
That Sun-sky could hold ache of us now–tangled branches caught in January, berries spindled against stark limbs.
© Beth Brown, 2021, "Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil"
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Read moreProfessional Resources
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
http://www.personalgriefcoach.net
This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
http://www.allianceofhope.org
This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival
http://www.friendsforsurvival.org
This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide
http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org
This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS)
http://www.pos-ffos.com
This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)
https://www.taps.org/suicide
This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors
https://unitesurvivors.org/
This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology
suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280
Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends
compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010
Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center
The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
dougy.org • (503) 775-5683
Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare
thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919
Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277)
Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS
losscs.org
Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope
allianceofhope.org
Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide
helpguide.org
Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS)
pos-ffos.com
An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998
Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss
siblingsurvivors.com
Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
Finding professional care and support
Find a mental health provider
- afsp.org/FindAMentalHealthProfessional
- findtreatment.samhsa.gov
- mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help
- inclusivetherapists.com
- afsp.org/suicide-bereavement-trained-clinicians
Find a provider for prolonged grief
Find additional resources for marginalized communities
Crisis Services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org
A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line
crisistextline.org
Text TALK to 741-741 for English
Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish
Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
Share your story of grief in year three:
As the third year after losing a child unfolds, grief transforms into a complex tapestry of emotions. The initial pain may dull, but the absence remains palpable. Many parents grapple with a new layer of sorrow that is hard to articulate. You may notice unexpected joy mixed with intense longing, as life moves on while an irreplaceable void lingers.
In this stage, it’s common to reflect on milestones that should have been shared—birthdays, graduations, or simply daily routines that feel incomplete. You might begin to discover what “moving forward” means for you, while still being anchored in the memory of your child.
What does your experience look like in year three?
- How have you learned to cope with the ongoing feelings of loss and love during this time?
- What reflections or memories bring both comfort and sorrow as you navigate this part of your grief journey?
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3 replies on “Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Poetic Journey”
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