A solitary figure sitting in shadow, symbolizing the emotional pain, struggle, and isolation often experienced by those dealing with mental health issues, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Summary
The article “Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma” challenges the notion that suicide is a simple choice, emphasizing that suicide often stems from deep emotional pain and mental illness. Through personal narratives and research, the author highlights the importance of empathy and support for those struggling with suicidal thoughts, underscoring the need to address underlying pain rather than labeling suicide as a choice. The article also explores the complexities of suicide, debunking myths and shedding light on the contributing factors, including mental health conditions and life stressors.
Key Takeaways
The article Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma challenges the stigma surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it often stems from deep emotional pain and mental illness rather than being a simple choice.
Personal narratives illustrate the profound struggles of those dealing with suicidal thoughts and the importance of empathy and support.
Research indicates suicide is linked to various factors, including mental health conditions, life stressors, and social determinants.
The concept of suicide as merely a choice overlooks the complex realities those affected experience.
Support for those battling suicidal thoughts is crucial, and addressing underlying pain should take precedence over labeling suicide as a choice.
Introduction: Is Suicide Really a Choice?
Is Suicide Really a Choice?Breaking the Stigma delves deeply into the harsh realities of the stigma and misconceptions that shroud suicide, igniting a powerful conversation about the reality of it being considered a choice. This article confronts the profound struggles of depression, shining a light on the intricate relationship between this relentless condition and the alarming risk of suicide, aiming to foster understanding, compassion, and unwavering empathy for those who are courageously battling these invisible demons.
Through poignant personal narratives and thoughtful quotes from various authors, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma, captures the profound emotional pain experienced by those grappling with suicidal thoughts. The author thoughtfully challenges the idea that suicide is merely a choice, underscoring the vital importance of providing support and understanding to both those who are enduring such deep suffering and to those who are enduring the tragic loss of a loved one to suicide.
My Forever Son: Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide
I want to share a deeply personal story about my son, Dylan, who I lost to suicide on June 25, 2012. He was just 20 years old and my only child. At the time, he was a sophomore in college, studying Digital Media at a prestigious university on a full academic scholarship.
Dylan was an incredible young man—always at the top of his class and navigating that challenging transition from high school to college with such promise and potential. He brought joy and purpose to my life, serving as my reason to rise each morning with hope in my heart.
Over the past 12 years, I have navigated the unique challenges of grief that accompany the loss of a child to suicide. Yet, within that sorrow, I have experience glimpses of hope and healing. My narrative embodies loss and resilience, highlighting the unbreakable bond between a mother and her son.
My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.
My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.
Table of Contents
A contemplative young man sits alone, reflecting on emotional pain, struggles, and the complexities surrounding mental health, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma with Facts
Key Facts About Suicide
More than 720 000 people die due to suicide every year.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15–29-year-olds.
Seventy-three per cent of global suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries.
The reasons for suicide are multi-faceted, influenced by social, cultural, biological, psychological, and environmental factors present across the life-course.
For every suicide there are many more people who attempt suicide. A prior suicide attempt is an important risk factor for suicide in the general population.
“Key Facts,” World Health Organization, March 2025
Challenges to Breaking the Stigma and Taboo of Suicide
Stigma, particularly surrounding mental disorders and suicide, means many people thinking of taking their own life or who have attempted suicide are not seeking help and are therefore not getting the help they need. The prevention of suicide has not been adequately addressed due to a lack of awareness of suicide as a major public health problem and the taboo in many societies to openly discuss it. To date, only a few countries have included suicide prevention among their health priorities and only 38 countries report having a national suicide prevention strategy.
Raising community awareness and breaking down the taboo is important for countries to make progress in preventing suicide.
Data quality
Globally, the availability and quality of data on suicide and self-harm is poor. Only some 80 WHO Member States have good-quality vital registration data that can be used directly to estimate suicide rates. This problem of poor-quality mortality data is not unique to suicide, but given the stigma surrounding suicide – and the illegality of suicidal behaviour in some countries – it is likely that under-reporting and misclassification are greater problems for suicide than for most other causes of death.
Improved surveillance and monitoring of suicide and self-harm are required for effective suicide prevention strategies. Cross-national differences in the patterns of suicide, and changes in the rates, characteristics and methods of suicide, highlight the need for each country to improve the comprehensiveness, quality and timeliness of their suicide-related data. This includes vital registration of suicide, hospital-based registries of self-harm and nationally representative surveys collecting information about self-reported self-harm.
World Health Organization, March 2025
A person with red hair sits thoughtfully, illuminated by soft shadows, reflecting the complexity of emotions surrounding the topic of suicide and mental illness, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Suicide Epidemiology: Research Finds that Suicide is Not a Choice
Research in suicide epidemiology reveals that suicide is not a rational choice. Findings from suicide epidemiologists highlight the following:
1. Suicide is often not seen as a rational choice:
People who die by suicide are often experiencing intense emotional pain, hopelessness, and distorted thinking due to mental illness or life stressors.
Research suggests individuals in these situations may lack the capacity to make rational decisions or see alternative options clearly.
The idea that suicide is simply a “choice” overlooks the complex interplay of factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts and actions, including mental health conditions, life stressors, and biological factors.
2. Suicide epidemiology research confirms contributing factors:
Epidemiological studies show that mental health conditions, such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, are major risk factors for suicide.
Substance abuse also plays a significant role, with studies indicating that intoxication can worsen suicidal thoughts and impel action. (National Alliance for Mental Health, NAMI)
Social determinants of health, like poverty, lack of social support, and access to lethal means, are also identified as contributing factors to suicidal behavior.
Suicide Epidemiologists’ Research: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI); World Health Organization (WHO); The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP); Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Columbus, OH; and the Mayo Clinic
A stunning mountainous landscape, symbolizing the journey through emotional struggles and the quest for understanding in the context of suicide awareness, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”: Poetic Reflections on Love and Loss
Breaking the Stigma of Suicide: Suicide Is Not a Choice
I hope that someday we will have a better understanding – one that perhaps permits us to give grace to the one who took their life and see it as something that happened to them, rather than something they did to themselves and others.
Anonymous
Poem:”Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand
That we might understand: All illness can be fatal.
That we might understand: "Is suicide a choice?"
Swirls that still yet pervasive,
Stigma of suicide--
That somehow, losing a loved one,
-to suicide--
Can be controlled:
That losing a loved one could have,
Might have been,
Prevented, Implying, of course,
That we missed something,
A fatal flaw in the way we loved;
That we somehow failed
At what is elemental to all love:
We failed to control death.
Oh that Death Could be Controlled!
That we might live past pain, past illness, past affliction, past disease, past accidents, past the constructs of the frailty of all life.
That we might understand all illnesses can be fatal.
That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness.
That we might acknowledge no matter how great our love, We cannot see inside another's pain.
That while advances in medicine, advocacy, and breaking the stigma serve all of us well, no one of us can escape succumbing to what we still don't understand: Death in itself.
That we might understand: We do not choose death, Though death lives inside us all. Life chooses fight, flight, freeze, fawn; but life does not choose death.
Death creeps in on silent stealth wings, casting shadows of hope in our darkest despair, the song of the siren in a sweet serenade meant to harness the instinct, the will spirited and strong, to live and to love to keep carrying on.
A woman seated amidst photographs and rose petals, embodying grief and reflection, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Navigating Conversations After My Son’s Suicide
Is suicide really a choice? haunts survivors of suicide loss. It seems a senseless death, an avoidable death, a preventable death.
Beth Brown, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma, My Forever Son
Losing My Son Meant Losing Who I Was
In having lost my child to suicide, I lost everything. I lost myself. I lost hope. I lost the will to live. And in losing my son to suicide, I lost my ability to make sense of anything.
Challenging the Stigma of Suicide
In the depths of my early grief, I found myself grappling with difficult questions:
How should I communicate my loss to others?
Should I reveal my son’s cause of death in his obituary, or would that lead to judgment?
Would it overshadow the brilliance of his life, reducing how my son is remembered to merely the circumstances of his passing?
The question “Is suicide a choice?” lingers in the hearts of those left behind after a loss, often prompting feelings of confusion and heartache. Those grappling with this question may replay memories and conversations, searching for signs or clues that might have indicated the individual’s struggles.
Meaningful Support: What Parents Truly Need to Hear
I’m here for you. It is not your fault. You are not alone.
Beth Brown, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma, My Forever Son
Suicide Grief is a Unique Grief
Parents who lose a child to suicide will wrestle repeatedly with the unique grief that a death by suicide brings, including evaluating their role in their child’s death. (Read more about how suicide grief is unique here: 5 WaysSuicide Grief is Different.) Feelings of guilt and self-blame can haunt a parent for a long time.
“It Was Not Your Fault”
“It was not your fault” is something many suicide loss survivors need to hear over and over and over again, as is “You are not alone.”
And a suicide loss survivor is not alone, even though it may feel that way when one is grieving; suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, and the World Health Organization estimates that one million people take their lives worldwide each year. Often, the greatest gift you can provide to a survivor is your own presence.
But don’t feel afraid to say the name of the person who died, to share your memories of that person, to create space for the survivor to share their own memories, to honor their loved one’s life. Let the grieving person say what they need to say, feel what they need to feel.
Navigating Inappropriate Comments: Essential Tips for Parents
Know that you will always be your child’s mom or dad. You might wonder, “If I lost my only child, am I still a mother or father?” You raised your child, and can keep your child’s memory alive in meaningful ways, when you are ready. My son’s picture is on a memorial quilt. You can share happy memories of your child with others. Some people find that giving their child’s friends a special item of theirs is meaningful. Many raise awareness and funds through Out of the Darkness Walk teams, or by creating their own events in honor of the people they’ve lost. Whatever feels right to you.
Many people feel guilty after the loss of a loved one to suicide. You might think, “I should have done more, or done things differently.” Our children did not come with instructions. Know you did the best you could. We would give our own lives to have our children back. It was not within our control. Taking one’s life is not a rational decision.
Realize your child did not take their life to hurt you. You might feel angry; it’s a common response. Realize your child had tunnel vision in that moment, and just wanted to end their pain.
Know how to deal with inappropriate questions, like people wanting details about your child’s death. It is none of their business unless they are close to you and you feel like sharing. You can simply say, “I do not want to discuss it.” Or, “This isn’t helping me right now.” You need consoling. You do not need to console others.
A moment of deep reflection among military personnel, addressing the emotional toll of suicide and the importance of support for mental health, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Suicide is Not Cowardly
In his article “Suicide is Not Cowardly,” Robert Gebbia, Chief Executive Officer of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, asserts with conviction that “Suicide is not a choice; it is a critical health issue.”
Suicide is Not a Choice; Suicide is a Health Issue
…Is suicide a selfish or cowardly act? Is it a choice? But the questions present us with an opportunity to educate the public and shape the discussion about suicide.
Suicide is not a choice. Suicide is a health issue. Suicide can result if a mental illness—like major depression or bipolar disorder—goes untreated, in the same way that a patient can die from pneumonia if they go untreated.
It’s especially important to be mindful of the way we discuss suicide because with mental illness, words matter. Telling a suicidal person that they are being selfish or cowardly does not inspire courage, it could even make them feel worse. It’s important to understand that people who are feeling suicidal do not choose to feel that way; their feelings are a symptom of their mental illness.
Research suggests that those who do attempt suicide are not thinking rationally. For example, one study found that lower levels of serotonin, a key factor in brain function related to behavioral control and decision-making, led to inability to make choices, impulsivity, and lack of flexibility.
Karyn Beal, a member of AFSP’s Loss and Bereavement Council, writes that her daughter, Arlyn, died of Bipolar Disorder. “Her death was the result of a chemical imbalance and the way it controlled her,” Karyn said. “It was not a rational choice.”
A powerful portrayal of emotional pain and struggle, emphasizing the realities of mental health issues, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice
In his article, “Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide is Not a Choice, “ John Ackerman, PhD from Nationwide Children’s Hospital asserts “Those who experience the kind of emotional pain associated with suicide do not typically want to die; they wish for an end to unbearable emotional pain and, often, the resources that allow them to hold on aren’t available.”
The excerpt below is from “Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice” and can be read in its entirety at Nationwide Children’s Hospitalblog.
“Don’t Say It’s Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice“
…some people still believe that engaging in suicidal behavior is a personal “choice.” This is often followed by the unfair assumption that “suicide is a selfish choice.”
One might reasonably ask, “Given the unbearable loss and pain felt by those left behind, how can suicide not be considered selfish?”
First, we often underestimate how many factors contribute to an outcome as complex and final as suicide. Those who experience the kind of emotional pain associated with suicide do not typically want to die; they wish for an end to unbearable emotional pain and, often, the resources that allow them to hold on aren’t available. Individuals who struggle with thoughts of suicide usually have a hard time thinking flexibly and their ability to see an end to pain and a life worth living is greatly compromised.
Second, viewing suicide as a choice promotes the misunderstanding that people who engage in suicidal behavior are selfish. Selfishness has been defined by Merriam-Webster as “seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” Suicide does not generate pleasure, advantage or well-being. People who take their own lives commonly feel like a burden to others or experience intense emotional pain that overwhelms their capacity to continue with life. Making others feel guilty is typically the furthest thing from their mind.
Third, a choice usually involves making a selection based on multiple factors or preferences. Sadly, an inability to make rational, life-affirming decisions is a hallmark of suicidal thinking. Intense emotion pain, hopelessness and a narrowed, negative view of the future interferes with balanced decision-making. A person may believe they are making the best decision among their options, but it certainly isn’t reflective of all possible choices. What makes this more challenging is that those choices may not be accessible until the crisis has resolved.
These are some additional variables that impact whether a suicide occurs – little of which have to do with choice:
Access to highly lethal means during a crisis, such as firearms
Availability and awareness of crisis supports to delay action – personal and community connections influence whether one has the opportunity to find hope and recovery
Why does reframing suicide as something different from a “choice” matter? It matters because those struggling with thoughts of suicide need all of us to understand that they don’t want to be in a place of overwhelming pain. They would typically rather be alive and living without that pain, and viewing their condition and behaviors as a choice only adds to the burden they already carry.
It takes practice to empathize with someone who feels like death is a better option than life in a given moment. One has to be able to refrain from judgment, understand that suicide is not a personal weakness or someone’s “fault,” and recognize that suicide is often a product of mental health and environmental variables that we don’t fully comprehend.
It can be hard for us to approach such extreme pain with a sense of compassion and curiosity. We would rather rely on simple explanations like “if we had just done this,” “if the parents had done a better job,” or “if he or she didn’t get bullied.” Suicide is nearly always more complex than that, but because answers are elusive and the trauma and loss remain for many years, we look for clarity.
Stigma and discrimination make it less likely that those who stand to benefit from mental health treatment receive it. Too many people blame themselves for feeling depressed or like life is no longer worth living – they struggle to live rich and meaningful lives because of it.
We need to reduce, not increase, the burden on those who struggle with thoughts of suicide. Breaking down stigma is a key to opening conversations, getting help and emerging from those struggles.
A contemplative moment captured through a misted window, reflecting the emotional struggles discussed in ‘Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma’, My Forever Son
Understanding the Connection Between Depression and Suicide Risk
Suicide Has a Strong Association with Depression
Over 50 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75%.
Suicide is a complex multifactorial phenomenon. Up to 60% of people who [die by] suicide have a major depressive disorder (MDD) [1], and depressive patients have suicide mortality about 20 times higher than that of the general population [2]. Moreover, in patients with treatment-resistant depression (TRD), the suicide attempt (SA) was sevenfold higher compared to those with non-TRD patients [3,4,5], suggesting that suicide has a strong association with depression.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. (Or 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. Find more information about the Lifeline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
An impactful visual illustrating the connection between depression and suicide risk, emphasizing the serious mental health issues faced by many, ‘Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma’, My Forever Son
Depression and Suicide Risk
Most people who die by suicide have a mental health issue. It may be a depressive or substance abuse disorder. They may feel lonely, depressed, or isolated. They may have had a traumatic life experience. Many of the warning signs of suicidal feelings are also signs of depression.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) states that “research has found that 46% of people who die by suicide had a known mental health condition.”
A risk of suicide over the course of a lifetime among patients with untreated depressive disorder is nearly 20%,. according to Gotlib & Hammen.”
The link between suicide and mental disorders (in particular, depression and alcohol use disorders) and a previous suicide attempt is well established in high-income countries. However, many suicides happen impulsively in moments of crisis with a breakdown in the ability to deal with life stresses, such as financial problems, relationship disputes, or chronic pain and illness.
In addition, experiencing conflict, disaster, violence, abuse or loss and a sense of isolation are strongly associated with suicidal behaviour. Suicide rates are also high among vulnerable groups who experience discrimination, such as refugees and migrants; indigenous peoples; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex (LGBTI) persons; and prisoners.
A collection of insightful quotes on depression and suicide, emphasizing the complexities of mental health struggles, ‘Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma’, My Forever Son
Insightful Quotes on Depression and Suicide by Renowned Authors
Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the self-to the mediating intellect-as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode, although the gloom, “the blues” which people go through occasionally and associate with the general hassle of everyday existence are of such prevalence that they do give many individuals a hint of the illness in its catastrophic form.
It is not an immediately identifiable pain, like that of a broken limb. It may be more accurate to say that despair… comes to resemble the diabolical discomfort of being imprisoned in a fiercely overheated room. And because no breeze stirs this cauldron… it is entirely natural that the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion.
Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, “Never real and always true,” and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true.”
There are no simple theories for suicide, nor are there invariable algorithms with which to predict it; certainly, no one has ever found a way to heal the hearts or settle the minds of those left behind in its dreadful wake.
Recommended Reading for Navigating Suicide Grief: A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief by Jeffrey Jackson
Book Recommendation: ‘A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief’ by Jeffrey Jackson, providing support for survivors of suicide loss, My Forever SonA magnifying glass focusing on ‘Frequently asked Questions,’ highlighting the importance of addressing misconceptions about suicide, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
Frequently Asked Questions: “Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma”
Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
While some philosophical viewpoints characterize suicide as a choice, modern mental health and suicide prevention experts overwhelmingly reject this idea. From a clinical and public health perspective, suicide is not a rational or freely chosen action but rather a tragic outcome of severe emotional distress, mental illness, and other complex factors. Breaking the stigma requires understanding that suicidal individuals are suffering from intense, unbearable pain, not making a selfish choice.
The clinical perspective: Suicide is not a choice
Impaired decision-making: Intense emotional pain, hopelessness, and a distorted view of reality can significantly impair a person’s ability to think rationally and see other options. Research has found that those who attempt suicide often have neurobiological changes that affect decision-making and impulse control. A desire to end suffering, not life: People who feel suicidal typically do not want to die; they want to end their pain. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)emphasizes that suicidal ideation is a serious mental health symptom, not a free decision. Mental illness: The majority of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental health condition, such as depression, bipolar disorder, or substance use disorder. Viewing these conditions as a moral failing or a personal choice is inaccurate and harmful. External factors: Suicide risk is also influenced by complex factors like relationship problems, life stressors, abuse, social isolation, and chronic pain. For many, these circumstances create an overwhelming sense of helplessness and burden, leading them to see suicide as the only escape.
Read more: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents offers compassionate guidance for parents navigating the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The article emphasizes self-care, support systems, and professional help, along with encouraging parents to connect with others who understand their heartache. Through shared experiences and extensive resources, the guide aims to foster resilience and hope for a brighter future.
Is Suicide a Free Choice or a False Choice?
Suicide is not a choice in any meaningful sense of the word. Here’s why.
Suicide does not claim anyone against their will. No matter how depressed you are, you never have to make that choice. That choice.
Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
“That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die — it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.” (Psych Central, “Is Suicide a Free Choice or a False Choice?”, Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — Written by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.)
Why Suicide isn’t the Choice You Think it Is
Suicide is the result of un-treated or under-treated depression.
Suicide comes about as the result of the feelings and thoughts associated with depression; it is not the free choice made in a vacuum that some people would have you believe. There is little rational decision-making done with suicide, and it’s rarely done outside of some intense emotional turmoil.
People who die by suicide do so because they believe all other avenues in their life have been cut off. They often feel compelled toward suicide, because, simply, the pain of living has become greater than the resources they have to deal with it. People who die by suicide aren’t making a choice — they’re losing a fight against intolerable pain, emotional turmoil, and loss of hope.
What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide? offers heartfelt insights and guidance for supporting grieving parents during the devastating loss of a child to suicide. Author Beth Brown shares her personal journey and provides essential resources to help others navigate the intricate emotions linked to a suicide loss. The blog, “My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide,” delves into themes of grief, hope, and healing, creating a compassionate space for sharing stories and finding comfort. Explore meaningful ways to stand by parents facing the unimaginable tragedy of losing a child to suicide, and uncover invaluable advice in this poignant blog post from a mother who has endured such a profound loss.
How Do We Break the Stigma and Myths of Suicide?
Breaking the stigma
The misconception that suicide is a “selfish choice” is one of the most damaging stigmas, as it dismisses the reality of the person’s suffering and increases feelings of guilt and shame for them and their loved ones.
By shifting the narrative away from judgment and toward compassion, we can: Create a safe space for dialogue: Openly discussing suicide reduces the taboo and encourages people to seek help without fear of being shamed or misunderstood. Encourage help-seeking: Stigma is a major barrier to people accessing mental healthcare. By reframing suicide as a public health issue rather than a moral failing, we can increase the likelihood that individuals will seek treatment for the underlying conditions that lead to suicidal thoughts. Change how we talk about suicide: Using empathetic language is crucial. For instance, experts recommend using phrases like “died by suicide” or “took their own life” instead of “committed suicide,” which links it to the outdated idea of a crime. Support survivors: The families and friends of those lost to suicide often feel guilt or blame. Breaking the stigma helps reduce the suffering of these survivors by allowing them to mourn without judgment.
“Does asking someone about suicide put the idea into their head?” (National Alliance of Mental Health, NAMI)
No. Studies have shown that asking people about suicidal thoughts and behaviors does not cause or increase such thoughts. Asking someone directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” can be the best way to identify someone at risk for suicide.
Suicidal thoughts or actions are a sign of extreme distress and an indicator that someone needs help. Talking about wanting to die by suicide is not a typical response to stress. All talk of suicide should be taken seriously and requires immediate attention.
A man appears contemplative and distressed, reflecting the emotional struggles often associated with mental health challenges, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma
“Is Suicide Really a Choice?“: A Reflective Narrative in its Entirety
(Written by David W. Covington)
After multiple trips down the hall, I dumped the last bucket of ice into the bathtub, then topped it off with cold water. Just a couple hours earlier, I had completed my first marathon in New York’s Central Park, finishing fifteen minutes north of three hours. My legs cramped badly in the last half-mile, and after returning to our hotel, my friend Michael and I thought it would be a good idea to do what the professionals do to expedite recovery: take an ice bath.
With his teasing encouragement to go first, I stepped into the tub and quickly sat down, immersing my body in the ice and water up to my neck… Jesus! I have always tried to avoid the cold, but the pain I encountered upon entering the tub was instantly and completely unbearable. I don’t really recall the specific nature of the pain, but the memory is vivid. I was filled with an all-consuming terror that I would not be able to get out of the water fast enough. In the next moment, I was thrashing in the water, desperate to escape the acute pain I was experiencing.
That type of reaction is hard-wired in all of us. Our immediate response to acute pain is physiological: our pupils dilate and eyelids widen, our heart rate and blood pressure spike, our breathing quickens. It is part of our body’s built-in defense system, and in a micro-second we are into fight-or-flight mode. I didn’t choose whether to exit the ice bath; my primal reaction was to simply GET OUT.
Last year, at the American Association of Suicidology annual board meeting, I challenged a friend of mine regarding the relative absence of survivors of suicide attempts at the meeting, and told him how incongruous I thought it was. “What if the American Cancer Association meetings lacked survivors of cancer?” I asked. He replied that such a comparison was inappropriate. “Individuals choose to die by suicide; no one chooses cancer.”
Perhaps we have all thought about suicide in this same way, but I’m not sure how helpful or even how accurate that frame actually is. In “A Darkness Visible,” one of our most-skilled American authors, William Styron, expresses his frustration with finding the words to adequately convey the utterly crippling nature of his suicidal depression. Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the self—to the mediating intellect–-as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode.
Styron says that for those of us who have not experienced this kind of darkness, it is extraordinarily difficult to grasp how much like physical pain this anguish can be. Our more typical life experiences of disappointment and sadness, grief and loss, and the normal ups and downs of being human do not provide any accurate translation.
When my friend talked about choice, I relayed my experience with the ice bath. I told him I didn’t go through a decision-making algorithm on the benefits and drawbacks of leaving the tub, nor did I white-board potential solutions. Like any animal in pain, I instinctively bolted away from the source of it. No one needed to offer me the idea of exiting the tub, because that idea had already filled every neural pathway of my mind. (Many who have experienced psychic anguish are offended by the concept that someone who mentions suicide might give them an idea that they have not already had.)
My example references an acute pain, but extend that into a chronic day-over-day anguish that blinds the person to the possibility of a better day tomorrow. Perhaps people do not choose suicide so much as they finally succumb because they just don’t have the strength, supports, resources, hope, etc. to hold on any longer.
Recently, I have been offering a multiple choice question to audiences.
The idea that “suicide is a choice”is central to our disbelief that we could actually save everyone. But, we know we can extend and strengthen a person to hold on, even in spite of desperate pain.
Last year, I had the pleasure of meeting Major General Mark Graham and his wife Carol, who tragically lost two sons, Kevin and Jeff, in the military within seven months of one another. One died as a result of an IED in Iraq; the other was taken by suicide. You expect courage from leaders in the army, but I was so inspired by the choice this couple made to speak out about their pain and make themselves vulnerable in order to help and support others. Their choice demonstrates bravery to the tenth power.
In his appearances, Maj. General Graham speaks of Rabbi Kushner’s famous book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” in which the author highlights a study done regarding how much pain one can endure and for how long. Individuals were timed on how long they could hold their feet in a tub of ice water, first by themselves, and then with another individual in the room with them. The study found they could persevere almost twice as long when they were not alone. Kushner’s conclusion: “The mere presence of at least one caring person doubles the endurance of an individual.”
I think it’s a fair statement that almost no one chooses cancer. We simply would never frame someone’s struggle with such a disease in that fashion. Why should suicide be any different? Yes, the individual did something: they pulled a trigger or they took an overdose. But I would argue that all of us react to pain, instinctively and immediately. The vast majority of us can only remain in a tub of ice water for so long. Imagine living day after day with extreme psychological pain and anguish.
Many of us have considered the phrase “committed suicide” as an inappropriate way to talk about the deaths of individuals who, despite their most tenacious efforts, could no longer endure unbearable pain. Perhaps Maj. General Graham has a better focus. I haven’t heard him talk about choice; he talks about sitting with the person in pain and helping them hold on. That’s even better.
Written by David W. Covington, “Is Suicide Really a Choice?”
Beth Brown, Author
Beth Brown, author and educator, sharing her journey of healing through poetry after the loss of her son
About the Author
Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.
Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss
byBeth Brown
There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.
I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.
He left too soon, Lifting life from June, Casting torrents of rain. — “He Left Too Soon”
There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.
Beat still my heart, Beat still my mind, Weary though thou art, Carry his love along with thine, Though heavy on thy shoulders Crost fields throughout all time. — “Beat Still My Heart”
My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.
My child sleeps in a cradle of stars, Gently rocked by the moon Lullabies in his heart, Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound Of a mother and child’s love beating on.
Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights, Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight, Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green, Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.
There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul— I would have held on, I would have clutched you, I would have never let you go But you told me “Mom I love you” Oh my child, if I’d only known. — “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”
In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.
Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged, Weeping tears falling still throughout time, Carrying weight of mourning and grieving Falling broken when thou wert mine. — “Beat Still My Heart”
I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.
Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright, To remember his mother that darkest of nights, When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth, Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth. — “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.
If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.
But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth, And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth, Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night, Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky. — “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”
Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.
What Happened? The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief
I started this blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide in 2015, three years into my journey of grief. You can read more about what happened here: The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing, especially through works like the “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” poem: reflections on love and loss. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing offers a heartfelt collection of poems that deeply resonate with the profound sorrow of parents who have experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. These poignant verses navigate the intense emotions of this tragic loss, beautifully capturing the stages of grief while gently guiding readers towards hope and healing on their journey through grief.
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience, explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in writing, gardening, and nature’s resilience. The Magnolia tree’s resilience symbolizes renewal and the possibility of finding joy again despite profound heartbreak. After reflections on nature’s resilience, the author reflects on grief and healing (echoes of joy and shadows of loss) after losing her son to suicide.
Understanding the Unique Aspects of Suicide Grief compassionately delves into the profound challenges of navigating the grief that follows a suicide. The author, who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of her son, shares her deeply moving personal journey, offering comfort and understanding to those who find themselves in similar anguish. This heartfelt post not only shares her story but also provides a thoughtful collection of articles and professional resources, aimed at helping parents cope with the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide.
Navigating Guilt in Grief: A Parent’s Guide offers a gentle and understanding perspective on the complex emotions that emerge after the devastating loss of a loved one through suicide, particularly from the vantage point of parents.This guide thoughtfully addresses the overwhelming and often contradictory feelings of grief, guilt, and sorrow that can envelop parents navigating such profound heartache.
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: A Guide for Parents gently supports parents navigating the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This heartfelt article acknowledges the intense grief that such a tragedy brings and offers compassionate guidance on finding a way forward. The healing strategies shared emphasize self-care and the importance of seeking professional help, while inviting parents to connect with others who understand their pain.
Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss
I have shared my grief journey on this blog, My Forever Son, reflecting on those painful early years and sharing glimmers of hope along the way. Through sleepless nights and tears, I found that my deep love for my son sustains me through his absence.
Carrying both ache and love after losing my son to suicide has been the crux of my grief journey these past 12 years. I share insights into healing from deep grief in the article, Carrying Ache and Love: Healing Longterm Grief in Suicide Loss, where ache for his absence and love for my son walk together in my heart. Holding hands, one is never without the other, but ache and love have carried me—and carry me still.
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”
When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” explores the difficult topic of suicide through the touching treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” which challenges the idea that it is just a choice. This meaningful work discusses the certainty of death, no matter the cause, and the limits of love in preventing such loss. Beth Brown, who wrote both the treatise and this article, shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding comfort in writing and nature photography.
Meet Dylan, My Forever Son
A joyful moment captured of Dylan, radiating happiness while seated outdoors, My Forever Son, Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan
Twenty Years of Love: Dylan offers a poignant exploration of grief and loss, blending together cherished memories and reflections on Dylan’s life. The emotional resonance of this piece is deeply felt, beautifully portraying both the love and sorrow that the author carries in their heart. The thoughtful inclusion of links to further readings about Dylan and resources for support is a compassionate touch that adds immense value to those who may be navigating similar journeys.
Walking Through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide
Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicideoffers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son
I Want It All Back: Remembering Dylan, My Forever Son lovingly encapsulates the profound heartache and cherished memories tied to the author’s beloved son, Dylan. Through heartfelt imagery and poignant personal stories, it invites readers to share in an emotional journey that resonates deeply, fostering a compassionate understanding of loss and love.
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide
I Want to Believe: Searching for Hope After Losing My Son to Suicide is a heartfelt collection of personal reflections and cherished memories that navigates the profound journey of grief and hope following the heartbreaking loss of a son to suicide. The rawness of the emotions is deeply felt, drawing readers into a shared space of empathy. Through vivid descriptions and nostalgic elements, the work evokes a sense of connection and understanding, while the stunning images inspire hope and healing amidst the sorrow.
Dylan: Forever Loved and Remembered in Our Hearts invites readers into the heart/h-wrenching yet beautifully profound journey of a mother’s grief after the devastating loss of her beloved 20-year-old son, Dylan, who tragically died by suicide. Through a heartfelt collection of original poems and personal reflections, she courageously shares the painful complexities of her sorrow, the small moments of hope that emerged, and her ongoing path toward healing.
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide delves into the deep, heart-wrenching sorrow of losing a child to suicide. This poignant piece not only articulates the immense pain of such a loss but also provides vital resources to navigate the challenging journey of grief. With tender personal reflections and thoughtful coping strategies, the post and poem, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” serves as a compassionate companion for those who are enduring similar heartaches.
A family gathering at a beautifully set table, featuring candles and a vase of pink roses, reflecting moments of love, loss, and healing, My Forever Son, A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table
A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table chronicles a family’s journey through the loss of their beloved son, Dylan. This tragedy alters their connections, turning a joyful gathering space into one of reflection. The narrative captures the struggle between despair and acceptance, underscoring love’s enduring power amidst heartache. In honoring Dylan’s memory, they find unexpected joy in their grief, illustrating the resilience of the human spirit in the face of loss.
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide
Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide gently delves into the profound and heart-wrenching sorrow experienced by grandparents who endure the unimaginable loss of their grandchild. This painful journey envelops them in a dual mourning, as they grieve not only the precious life that is gone but also the shattered dreams and cherished memories that will sorrowfully remain unrealized for their own child, the grieving parent.
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy
Memorial Day: A Mother’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and Unbearable Tragedy beautifully captures the deep sorrow and unwavering love a mother feels for her son. The author bravely shares her heartfelt journey, navigating the immense pain and heartbreak tied to her son’s fourth suicide attempt on Memorial Day. Through her poignant narrative, she reveals the complex layers of a mother’s grief, intricately woven with fleeting moments of hope that resonate powerfully with anyone who is facing loss.
“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis explores the profound sorrow a parent endures after losing a child to suicide. It addresses themes of grief and guilt, highlighting the heavy shadow such a tragedy casts on life. This poignant narrative captures a parent’s transformative journey in the wake of their child’s absence, revealing emotions of shame while confronting societal stigma surrounding suicide. With compassion and insight, the poem resonates with anyone who has faced similar heart-wrenching experiences.
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe
11 Years After Suicide Loss: I Still Want to Believe powerfully conveys the depths of my unyielding grief and a relentless yearning for my beloved son, Dylan, whose vibrant spirit was tragically stolen by suicide eleven heart-wrenching years ago at merely twenty. As my only child, his absence has carved an immense void in my soul, reshaping every facet of my life while perpetually stirring the cherished memories of the beautiful moments we once savored together.
A blurred portrait conveying complex emotions, reflecting the struggles depicted in discussions about mental health and suicide, My Forever Son, Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the StigmaPink flowers trail over a cream and brown stoneware flower pot resting on bricks, symbolizing hope and resilience, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Author’s Note: A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
Twelve years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide, a heartbreaking event that shattered my world and plunged me into a dark period of grief.
During those long months, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, questioning everything around me and struggling to make sense of what will never make sense. I entered into a deep grief filled with solitude and despair, a darkness so bleak I questioned ever being able to see light again.
In the beginning, I had no words. No voice. No ability to express the grief I was feeling.
My words were lost in torrents of tears, in stark contrast to the vibrant discussions I used to lead in my college composition and literature classes.
Perhaps it’s important to preface that I was teaching college composition and literature when I lost my son to suicide, a tragedy that shattered all of me. The irony of discussing the complexities of human emotion with my students while grappling with my own profound sorrow was not lost on me.
Each day, I faced the challenge of maintaining my professional facade, all the while battling an internal tempest that seemed insurmountable, wondering how to bridge the chasm between my role as an educator and the personal devastation I was enduring.
Wild purple geraniums surrounded by green leaves in mid-summer, symbolizing hope and a moment of tranquility, My Forever Son, A Poetic Quest for Healing After Losing My Son
My Life Before Losing My Son
Books, lectures, teaching—I once felt empowered by my voice, a resonant tool for sharing ideas and knowledge. It was a time when I believed in the strength of my words and the influence they carried, inspiring others to think deeply and engage in meaningful conversations.
I reveled in the connections I forged through sharing my thoughts, feeling a sense of purpose in my contributions to the world. But when Dylan died by suicide, I felt consumed by my grief. My heart collapsed inward in sharp pain, I retreated from the outside world, and my words eluded me.
Teaching was impossible. Losing Dylan shattered my life, leaving me, on the outside at least, grappling with an overwhelming silence that echoed louder than any lecture or written page.
On the inside, I was screaming sounds I did not recognize as my own.
The Depth of My Loss Brought My Life to a Standstill
The vibrant energy that once fueled my passion for writing vanquished, and I found myself questioning everything without being able to lend voice to the confusion and overwhelming feelings I was moving through in my grief.
The depth of my loss silenced the joy I once derived from sharing my thoughts and connecting with others.
All of my life came to a standstill as I entered a place of deep grief. It is only in retrospect and in these twelve years past my son’s suicide that I see how all-consuming my grief was.
Diminishing the confidence that fuels expression, my grief stifled my voice completely. It’s been a difficult battle to reclaim my sense of self amidst such sorrow.
A Poetic Quest for Self-Forgiveness and Healing
Journaling was awkward. I couldn’t put all the pain I was feeling into words that did justice to the enormity of my heartbreak. But I kept writing. Slowly, in keeping a record of my grief, I realized I was creating a poetic journey about losing a child to suicide.
“Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing”
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems and reflections by Beth Brown, the compassionate voice behind the My Forever Son blog. This poignant work navigates the deep, overwhelming sorrow that accompanies the tragic loss of a child to suicide. In her writing, Brown bravely shares her personal journey through grief, revealing how the act of writing poetry and connecting with the beauty of nature became vital sources of comfort and healing for her in the midst of such profound pain.
Through the author’s heartfelt verses, she reaches out with warmth and understanding to those who are journeying through their own sorrows. With her enchanting photography of the trees, shrubs, and flowers that grace her gardens throughout the seasons, Brown lovingly shares a beacon of hope, brightly illuminating the shadows cast by grief.
On Finding Hope: Photographing My Gardens Brings Healing
In nature, I find calm in the wake of profound sorrow and healing in the cycling of the seasons. Predictable. Beautiful in the spring, promising renewal after a long winter’s rest. Brilliant hues in the summer months. Autumn bringing trees and shrubs bejeweled in vivid reds, oranges, and reds. And then the stillness and monochromatic sketch of what can be a too long winter’s sleep.
Winter Wonderland: Captivating Photos in My Gardens
A Long Winter’s Rest for Trees, Shrubs, and Flowers
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken.
This dormant season in winter echoes the hopelessness of my grief: everything feels, looks, seems bleak and forsaken. An empty landscape. Gray skies for months. A blanket of snow in white, though only the stark limbs of trees and shrubs. At times, though, red berries appear on some shrubs, supplying food for birds and wildlife. All this to say I can’t see life against this wintry scene.
But in photographing nature through the seasons, I began to see (again), the brilliance of a long winter’s rest for trees, shrubs, and flowers. To study nature and botany is to realize that what appears lifeless is actually the process of life within all of nature renewing itself. Trusting in what I cannot see brings hope and healing.
Spring Brings Hope: Photographs of My Gardens
Spring Brings Beauty and Hope
Even against the cold remnants of a long winter–scattered clumps of snow, a robin redbreast plumped out to keep itself warm against a late March frost, brown dried leaves with nary a sign of color anywhere, spring breaks through. At first just small bits of color. A hint of purple as crocus push through thawing ground, then the vivid yellows of daffodils leaning towards the sun and the suddenness of blue bells. Rhododendron yawns and stretches its lavender limbs to awaken azalea, still sleepy with snow though greening beneath it all.
What seems forever gone in the gray doldrums of winter arrives with an abundance of joy come spring.
Writing My Way Through Grief to Find Hope and Healing
Snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections
Three years into my grief, I began writing journal entries. Short. A few feelings. About my day and where I was in my grief journey. Then slowly, snippets of language emerged as poetic reflections. Words shaped the deep feelings and emotional longing in my heart, and as I continued writing, I began to find small glimpses of hope in unexpected ways.
Photographing my gardens garnered a way to coalesce all the many feelings and words I’d been unable to express. And the more I photographed through the seasons, the more glimmers of hope I found along the way.
Each poem moves the reader through the profound emotions of grief and healing after losing a child.
Many of the poems tell narratives I remember from my son’s childhood. This is significant–reconstructing the narrative of our lives during his growing-up years brings release for all the love and beautiful memories before the trauma of losing him. Writing these poems and narratives, these poetic reflections on love and loss, have helped me learn to carry love and ache together.
Still I write. Still I heal. Still I miss my son.
From Shattered Hearts to Quiet Hope: Poems and Reflections for Parents of Suicide Loss
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing
If you are reading this, you know the unique and overwhelming grief of losing a child to suicide. This collection is for you—a place to find words and images that honor your pain, offer comfort, and gently invite hope.
Curated by Beth Brown, who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide, these poems and reflections move through the rawness of early trauma, the depths of acute grief, and the slow journey toward healing, even thirteen years later. Each post pairs heartfelt writing with stunning garden photography, inspired by Beth’s own search for solace in nature’s resilience.
Hope can be quiet—listen for it in moments of rest.
You are invited to explore at your own pace. Choose what resonates—whether it’s a poem that mirrors your sorrow, a reflection that offers comfort, or an image that whispers hope. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Contemplation Prompt: Pause with a garden image. What does it say to you about survival, growth, or hope?
About the Author, Beth Brown: Writing My Way Through Grief
The love you shared endures beyond loss.
This collection is lovingly curated by Beth Brown, a mother who lost her only child, her 20-year-old son Dylan, to suicide. Over thirteen years, Beth’s journey through the depths of grief has been shaped by poetry, reflection, and the healing presence of her gardens. Through My Forever Son, she shares how nature’s resilience and beauty offer moments of solace and hope, even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Explore These Poems and Reflections at Your Own Pace
You are invited to explore these poems and reflections at your own pace. Each post pairs heartfelt words with stunning garden photography, offering comfort, understanding, and gentle encouragement for wherever you are in your grief. Select what speaks to you—let these pages be a companion on your path toward healing. For more resources, stories, and support, visit the My Forever Son blog and discover a community that understands.
Journaling Prompt: What memories of your child bring both tears and warmth? Write a few lines, letting your heart speak freely.
You are not alone. Healing is a journey, and hope can bloom—even here.
Message of Hope: Even in the darkest seasons, a single flower can remind us that beauty and life persist. Let these poems be gentle companions as you move through your grief.
FIND HOPE HERE: POEMS AND POETIC REFLECTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING
“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on the Devastating Loss of a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” in the post, “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: A Poem on Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth…
Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message Summary Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message explores the profound grief and regret of losing a child to suicide through the poem, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon,” by author Beth Brown. Through vivid imagery and heartfelt repetition, the poem captures the enduring love…
“He Left Too Soon, Lifting Life from June” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow Summary “He Left Too Soon” is a poem about the profound sorrow and anguish of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal experience of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through her writing,…
Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents Summary “Sorrow Buried in Love: A Poem for Grieving Parents” explores the profound grief and complex emotions experienced by parents who have lost a child to suicide. The poem emphasizes the importance of honoring the child’s memory while navigating the challenging path of healing, highlighting that…
Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling” Summary Beth Brown, a devoted mother who suffered the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide, recounts her profound journey of healing through the power of poetry in her poignant blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide. In her deeply…
The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy Summary The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy features the grief poem, “Beat Still My Heart,”a powerful elegy that uses shipwreck imagery to convey the grief of losing a child to suicide. The grief poem, written by Beth Brown, explores…
If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss Summary If Only a Mother’s Love: A Poem on Loss highlights the powerful poem “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”which explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. It delves into themes of guilt, love, and the struggle to find healing.…
Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing Summary Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing is a heartfelt collection of poems on love and loss that tenderly explores the profound pain of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, shares her deeply personal journey through grief, illustrating how she…
“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss Summary “Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound grief and longing experienced after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the author’s personal journey of navigating life without her son, Dylan, and…
‘That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back’: Poem on Guilt in Grief Summary “That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back” is a poignant poem by Beth Brown, exploring the profound guilt and sorrow parents experience after losing a child to suicide. The poem delves into the haunting questions of “What If?” and “Why…
Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem, “He Left Too Soon” Summary Beth Brown’s poignant poem, “Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere -Grief Poem “He Left Too Soon,” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day…
When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ Summary When Love Isn’t Enough: ‘Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand’ unravels the profound complexities surrounding suicide, featuring an impactful poem and a heartfelt treatise by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand.” This poignant article and poetic reflection encourage readers…
Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil: A Poem of Love and Loss Summary “Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil”: A Poem of Love and Loss is a heartfelt reflection on the themes of love and loss, born from the deep and painful grief of the author following the heartbreaking…
“If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss Summary “If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above)” Poem: Reflections on Love and Loss depicts a deeply personal and emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. The author effectively conveys the profound impact of grief through heartfelt words and metaphors. The…
“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide Summary The poem “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”: A Poem on Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt piece on losing a child to suicide that explores the profound grief and longing experienced after such a tragic loss. The…
The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience Summary The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience explores the author’s journey of grief through the metaphor of a Magnolia tree’s cyclical seasons. The author uses photography to illustrate the parallels between nature’s cycles and the seasons of grief, finding hope and healing in…
Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis Summary Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis by Beth Brown explores the profound connection between love and grief following the loss of her son to suicide. The poem emphasizes…
Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing Key Takeaways Summary Finding Beauty in Loss: Reflections on Grief and Healing shares author Beth Brown’s journey of grief and healing after losing her son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry and nature photography, she finds solace and a way to express her overwhelming emotions after suicide loss.…
“Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss conveys a powerful message of hope for parents grieving a child’s suicide. Acknowledging the profound sorrow of loss and the traumatic grief of losing a child to suicide,…
“Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope Summary “Travel On My Brave Soldier”: A Poem of Hope addresses grieving parents who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide. It underscores the profound importance of honoring their child’s memory through meaningful rituals, sharing heartfelt stories, and engaging in advocacy events that…
The anthology of poems in this book provides a profound and moving examination of grief, intricately intertwining original verses that delve into themes of loss, guilt, hope, self-forgiveness, and the path to healing. Expertly curated, the arrangement of poems invites deep reflection, serving as a treasured companion for those in search of solace and connection during difficult times.
Professional Resources
Online Directory for Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress
After A Suicide Resource Directory: Coping with Grief, Trauma, and Distress http://www.personalgriefcoach.net This online directory links people who are grieving after a suicide death to resources and information.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors http://www.allianceofhope.org This organization for survivors of suicide loss provides information sheets, a blog, and a community forum through which survivors can share with each other.
Friends for Survival http://www.friendsforsurvival.org This organization is for suicide loss survivors and professionals who work with them. It produces a monthly newsletter and runs the Suicide Loss Helpline (1-800-646-7322). It also published Pathways to Purpose and Hope, a guide to building a community-based suicide survivor support program.
HEARTBEAT: Grief Support Following Suicide http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org This organization has chapters providing support groups for survivors of suicide loss in Colorado and some other states. Its website provides information sheets for survivors and a leader’s guide on how to start a new chapter of HEARTBEAT.
Resources and Support Groups
Parents of Suicides and Friends & Families of Suicides (POS-FFOS) http://www.pos-ffos.com This website provides a public message board called Suicide Grief Support Forum, a listserv for parents, a separate listserv for others, and an online chat room for survivors of suicide loss.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) https://www.taps.org/suicide This organization provides resources and programs for people grieving the loss of a loved one who died while serving in the U.S. armed forces or as a result of their service. It has special resources and programs for suicide loss survivors.
United Survivors https://unitesurvivors.org/ This organization is a place where people who have experienced suicide loss, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts and feelings, and their friends and families, can connect to use their lived experience to advocate for policy, systems, and cultural change.
Professional Organizations
American Association of Suicidology suicidology.org • (202) 237-2280 Promotes public awareness, education and training for professionals, and sponsors an annual Healing After Suicide conference for suicide loss survivors. In addition to the conference, they offer a coping with suicide grief handbook by Jeffrey Jackson. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
The Compassionate Friends compassionatefriends.org • (877) 969-0010 Offers resources for families after the death of a child. They sponsor support groups, newsletters and online support groups throughout the country, as well as an annual national conference for bereaved families.
The Dougy Center The National Center for Grieving Children & Families dougy.org • (503) 775-5683 Publishes extensive resources for helping children and teens who are grieving a death including death by suicide. Resources include the “Children, Teens and Suicide Loss” booklet created in partnership with AFSP. This booklet is also available in Spanish.
Link’s National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare thelink.org/nrc-for-suicide-prevention-aftercar • 404-256-2919 Dedicated to reaching out to those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and connecting them to available resources.
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS) taps.org/suicide • (800) 959-TAPS (8277) Provides comfort, care and resources to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones.
LOSS losscs.org Offers support groups, remembrance events, companioning, suicide postvention and prevention education, and training to other communities interested in developing or enhancing their suicide postvention and prevention efforts.
Online resources
Alliance of Hope allianceofhope.org Provides a 24/7 online forum for suicide loss survivors.
Help Guide helpguide.org Provides resources and tips for how to navigate the loss of someone to suicide.
Parents of Suicides (POS) – Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) pos-ffos.com An internet community to connect parents, friends, and family that have lost someone to suicide.
SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education save.org/programs/suicide-loss-support • (952) 946-7998 Hosts resources for suicide loss survivor including a support group database, newsletter, survivor conference and the Named Memorial Program, which offers a special way to honor your loved one.
Siblings Survivors of Suicide Loss siblingsurvivors.com Provides resources and a platform to connect with others that have lost a sibling to suicide.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 988lifeline.org Call or text 988 (press 1 for Veterans, 2 for Spanish, 3 for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults) or chat 988lifeline.org A 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Crisis Text Line crisistextline.org Text TALK to 741-741 for English Text AYUDA to 741-741 for Spanish Provides free, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention by empowering a community of trained volunteers to support people in their moments of need, 24/7.
My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Just Breathe: My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide A mother’s reflections on losing her only child–her 20-year-old son–to suicide, this blog (My Forever Son: Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide) includes messages of hope and healing amidst acute, complicated,…
Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months Summary Carrying the Heaviness of Silent Grief During the Winter Months acknowledges the unique pain of grief and the added burden of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), especially during the winter months when the world can feel cold, silent, and heavy. It offers gentle encouragement, reminding…
Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope Summary ‘Three Years of Grief and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide: A Journey Through Sorrow and Unexpected Hope’ is a heartfelt collection of five journal entries that share the author’s experiences with grief, hope,…
Understanding Grief: 3 Years After Losing a Child to Suicide Summary Understanding Grief: 3 Years After Losing a Child to Suicide offers insights into three years after losing a child to suicide where grief oftentimes transitions from acute anguish to a more integrated sorrow, where love and loss coexist. This “year of transition” involves rebuilding…
Summary My Forever Son Blog: A Journey Through Healing is a heartfelt space dedicated to sharing personal stories, poems, reflections, and lessons learned through the journey of loss and love. The blog honors the memory of the author’s son, fosters a supportive community for those grieving, and offers hope and healing through shared experiences and…
Musician. Writer. Literary Connoisseur. Always writing, scribbling poetry, turning feelings into words. "Break my heart even further" can't ever be done, for I lost my heart the night I lost my son. Come find me writing at My Forever Son: Grief, Hope, and Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide.
At the whim of Most Beloved Cat, I write as she tattles on the garden cats. Find Most Beloved Cat sharing her stories at Gardens at Effingham: Where Cats Tell the Tales
23 replies on “Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma”
[…] ***Note by Beth Brown, Author, My Forever Son-I do not agree that suicide is a “choice” and “decision.” See Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
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[…] Beth Brown, My Forever Son […]
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[…] Losing a child to suicide compounds grief in unimaginable ways. Because a child dies by taking their own life, suicide seems a needless and entirely preventable death. It is not. Read More: Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
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[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
23 replies on “Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma”
[…] ***Note by Beth Brown, Author, My Forever Son-I do not agree that suicide is a “choice” and “decision.” See Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Beth Brown, My Forever Son […]
[…] Losing a child to suicide compounds grief in unimaginable ways. Because a child dies by taking their own life, suicide seems a needless and entirely preventable death. It is not. Read More: Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? […]
[…] Is Suicide a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
[…] Is Suicide Really a Choice? Breaking the Stigma […]
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