Walking through Shadows: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Walking through Shadows and Talking in Tears: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Summary

The article “Walking through Shadows and Talking in Tears: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide” explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide, emphasizing the importance of sharing personal stories and seeking support. It highlights resources and support groups, offering hope to those navigating this challenging path. The author advocates for living authentically with the pain while honoring the memory of their lost child.

Introduction

ABOUT THIS POST: Walking through Shadows and Talking in Tears: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide offers a deeply moving and heartfelt narrative that illuminates the unimaginable pain of losing a child to suicide. The personal stories shared create a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the heavy journey of grief and the gradual path toward healing. Through poignant reflections and a poetic exploration on grief, the author delicately navigates the chaotic emotions that accompany such a catastrophic event, revealing both the struggles and the moments of unexpected solace that can emerge even in the darkest times.

The narrative not only provides validation for those grappling with similar losses but also serves as a powerful reminder that one is not alone in their suffering. The author compassionately underscores the vital importance of honoring one’s own story and seeking out supportive connections during such a dark time, emphasizing that reaching out for help and finding community can foster resilience and a sense of hope amidst despair.

Resources and Support Groups

The inclusion of relevant resources and support groups brings invaluable support to those navigating the challenging journey of loss, offering not just practical tools but also a profound sense of hope and understanding in their time of need.

The introduction of the book Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide offers a heartfelt glimpse into a mother’s profound journey through the depths of grief after the unimaginable loss of her son to suicide.

Related Reads

• Losing My Son to Suicide: A Mother’s Story
• “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis
• Echoes of Joy and Shadows of Loss: A Journey Through Grief
• My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide
• Navigating Grief: Three Years After Losing My Son to Suicide

My Forever Son

My Forever Son explores the profound grief, hope, and healing that follow the tragedy of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son dovetails the author’s journey of descending into deep grief, searching for hope, and finding healing along the way.

Table of Contents

Navigating the Shadows of Grief

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” is a poem I wrote about living with the narrative my son left behind because this is where and how he ended his story. To stay true to this narrative is to embrace the truth of this life, such as it is, and to remember the truth of my son’s life. His death and his birth bookend his life, and while I never wanted to know his death date, it is part of his life as well.

Beth Brown, “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay” Poem Analysis, My Forever Son

“Changing My Narrative” After the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

Sometimes others want you to be who it is that you’ve always been. To feel a lightness of being. To feel happy again.

Sometimes others want you to be who it is that you’ve always been. They see your pain and search for ways to help ease your burden.

Someone suggested I “change my narrative.” They wanted me to find a way to lighten my life enough to feel happy (again). To feel a lightness of being.

My Path Forward: Walking Through Shadows of Grief

Could I change my narrative? Write a different ending for Dylan’s story (and mine)?

I thought deeply about that idea for a long time. Could I change my narrative? Write a different ending for Dylan’s story (and mine)? How would a different narrative look?

Living in the Glare of Grief: Walking Through Shadows

I live in the glare of my son’s suicide because this is where he ended his story. To stay true to this narrative is to embrace the truth of this life, such as it is, and to remember the truth of my son’s life.

But in the end and after much reflection, I came only to this conclusion: I live in the glare of my son’s suicide because this is where he ended his story. To stay true to this narrative is to embrace the truth of this life, such as it is, and to remember the truth of my son’s life. His death and his birth bookend his life, and while I never wanted to know his death date, it is part of his life as well. To read a poem about living in the glare of a child’s suicide, go here: Living in the Glare of Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey.

Listen to Your Narrative: Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide

“Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poetic Reflection on Losing a Child to Suicide

God knows you’d rewrite your narrative if you could.

Consider the whole thing a tumultuous, torrid first draft. A rough sketch ill-constructed. The consequence lacking intention. Not giving words, shapes, ideas, even context, enough thought. A hapless quick free-write in the middle of the night. Rushed. Out of character, both for him and for you.

It isn’t wrong, this narrative of yours. Isn’t something to be fixed. Adjusted. Changed. Rewritten.

God knows you’d rewrite your narrative if you could.

Consider the whole thing a tumultuous, torrid first draft. A rough sketch ill-constructed. The consequence lacking intention. Not giving words, shapes, ideas, even context, enough thought. A hapless quick free-write in the middle of the night. Rushed. Out of character, both for him and for you.

“It just isn’t right,” say some.

“Maybe it wasn’t suicide,” say others.

“Didn’t that happen a long time ago?” asks your friend.

“He wouldn’t want to see you so sad” says your community.

So Much Pressure to Change Your Life’s Story

As if you could undo what was done.

As if you could live past the pain and not feel the whole of you disappearing in your life’s tragic moment. Its fatal eclipse. Your narrative forever changed.

So much pressure to revise your narrative. Erase the version of the narrative you’ve lived. Revise. Rewrite. Omit. Delete.

Change your life’s story, the way everything changed that day he ended his own. His narrative just started. Only a few chapters in. A promising start. Having left so much unsaid, unwritten. His chasm, your darkness. His absence, dark ache your heart.

As if you could undo what was done.

As if you could undo what was done. As if you could live past the pain and not feel the whole of you disappearing in your life’s tragic moment. Its fatal eclipse. Your narrative forever changed.

Continue reading this poignant poetic reflection here: Living in the Glare of Grief: A Mother’s Poetic Journey.

Surviving the Unthinkable Loss of a Child to Suicide: Walking Through Shadows and Talking in Tears

And it sends shock-waves out that reverberate far and wide to all who knew the child who took their life.

A child who dies by suicide changes the lives of all who knew them.

A child who dies by suicide changes the lives of all who knew them. Loved them. Went to high school with them. Played sports with them. Marched in band and laughed with them. Stayed up late nights in college with them. Their childhood friend. Their best friend. Their families. A child who dies by suicide changes the lives of all who knew them.

A child who takes their life leaves everybody behind. Even his mother.

Grief Poem “Shaped by Love–And This Grief Come to Stay”

Shaped by Love--And This Grief Come to Stay

His Narrative Just Started. Only a few chapters in. A promising start. 
Having left so much 
Unsaid, unwritten. 

His chasm, your darkness.
His absence, dark ache your heart.

Listen to Your Narrative
It isn’t wrong, this narrative of yours.
Isn’t something to be fixed.
Adjusted. 
Changed. 
Rewritten.

You’d Rewrite Your Narrative If You Could

God knows you’d rewrite your narrative if you could. 
Consider the whole thing a tumultuous, torrid first draft.
A rough sketch ill-constructed. 
Not giving words, shapes, ideas, even context, enough thought.

The consequence lacking intention.
A hapless quick free-write in the middle of the night.
Rushed. Out of character, both for him and for you.

“It just isn’t right,” say some.

“Maybe it wasn’t suicide,” say others.

“Didn’t that happen a long time ago?” asks your friend.

“He wouldn’t want to see you so sad,” says your community.

“Just pretend he’s studying abroad–in France, maybe, or England!” says a friend, always looking for a happy ending.

So Much Pressure to Revise Your Narrative

Erase the version of the narrative you’ve lived.
Revise. Rewrite. Omit. Delete.
Change your life’s story, the way everything changed
That day he ended his own. 

His narrative just started. Only a few chapters in.
A promising start.

As If You Could Live Past the Pain

As if you could live past the pain and not feel the whole of you disappearing 
In your life’s tragic moment.
Its fatal eclipse
Your narrative, forever changed.

Shaped By Grief: Then, Now, and Ongoing

But what if, instead, that someone–or others, (or even you)–
wants to hear your narrative?

How your life in all ways —emotional, physical, mental, and
Intellectual—is shaped by your grief: then, now, and ongoing.

And what if someone, somewhere, (even you) does not ask you to
Change your narrative?

What Would Happen If They (Or Even You) Sit With Your Grief?

Hear the song your heart sings, even if melancholic and haunting?Listen to Your Story, even tragic, 
Even with chapters that do not end well.

Chapters needing to be rewritten, but that cannot be. 
Chapters that have changed the trajectory of your life.

The chapter that day he plunged—in medias res,
Changing all that you are. 
All that you were.
All that you will be.

For to Lose Your Narrative is to Lose Him All Over Again

For to lose your narrative is to lose him all over again. 

All. Over. Again. 

As if you haven’t lost him enough these minutes; 
Hours; days; months; years; 10 now–and counting. 

As much now as then, when abruptly, everything about your
Narrative changed and you started chasing  minutes, hours, days, months, years of your lifeline
without him. 

As if you could bring him back–
Restore all the time before that date, time, month, year. 

Ending His Narrative Meant Ending Your Own

That date where ending his narrative meant ending your own.Your story, your narrative, in medias res: Changed forever because

Love–and grief–cannot be separated.
Love — and grief — have a way of changing us forever; a new
Permanence come to stay where once we thought ourselves immutable.

Shaped By Love–and This Grief Come to Stay

Shaped by love (19 years and not knowing I was counting), I am now shaped by this grief come to stay.
A permanence in love’s shadow, 
I am etched forever by the shape of his love.

©Beth Brown, 2024
Shaped by Love--And this Grief Come to Stay

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide

Healing Through Poetry: Grieving a Child’s Loss to Suicide explores the challenging journey of healing after the heartbreaking loss of a child to suicide. Heartfelt poems and evocative visuals create a soothing experience, inviting readers to connect with the deep emotions in each verse. This blend of poetry and photography from the author’s gardens fosters an emotional bond, offering comfort to those with similar experiences while encouraging them to acknowledge their pain, cherish memories, and seek healing amid despair.

He Left Too Soon

He left too soon— 
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain
 
His absence—
Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring
Heart heaving, this beating of tears

Breaking loose—
All hell in earth's upturned rupture, 
Death shoveling shadows over me

As I bend to lay flowers on his name—
Inscribed and bronzed, 
A permanence come to stay
 
My love laced now with pain—
Standing over my son's grave,
Death's Derecho come to stay in my shadow.
 
Beth Brown, copyright 2021, "He Left Too Soon" Poem: A Mother's Deep Sorrow

Explore the compelling tale that inspired the poem, "He Left too Soon," here: Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere - Grief Poem "He Left Too Soon"

“He Left Too Soon”: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow

“He Left Too Soon” Poem: A Mother’s Deep Sorrow  is a poignant poem that bravely addresses the profound sorrow and anguish that comes with losing a beloved child to suicide. The poem aims to express the deep and complex emotions of grief, loss, and yearning, capturing the overwhelming turmoil that families face during such an unimaginable tragedy. The inspiration for the poem, “He Left Too Soon,” delves into the profound depths of early, acute grief following the heartbreaking loss of my son to suicide. This piece encapsulates themes of grief, mourning, remembrance, and the enduring love that persists even in the face of overwhelming sorrow.

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon”

Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere–Grief Poem: “He Left Too Soon” skillfully intertwines the sorrow stemming from the loss of her son to suicide with the tumult wrought by a powerful Derecho storm that occurred on the day of his funeral. Included in her publication, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, the poem that was inspired by the Derecho, “He Left Too Soon,” explores the profound grief and emotional turmoil she experienced. Through her eloquent writing, Brown aspires to offer solace to those enduring similar tragedies, thereby shedding light on the fragility of life and the enduring strength of love amidst sorrow.

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”: Grieving a Child’s Suicide

“On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” Poem: Grieving a Child’s Suicide explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide. The author, Beth Brown, reflects on the painful memories of her son Dylan’s life, his love for music, and the helplessness she felt in his final days. The poem “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings” juxtaposes the beauty of Dylan’s childhood memories with the devastating reality of his tragic end.

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon (excerpt)

But oh my son, if I’d only known
I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul–

I would have held on,
I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go

But you told me
“Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.

Beth Brown, excerpt from "Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon": A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message

Understanding ‘Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon’ Poem’s Heartfelt Message captures the profound sorrow of losing a child to suicide. Through vivid imagery, it honors the enduring love between parent and child, providing solace and hope for reunion. The poem is a poignant tribute to Brown’s son, Dylan, where the author remembers her son’s growing-up years, both cherished memories and moments where “If I’d Only Known” echo in her refrain. A powerful poem for parents who have lost a child to suicide.

The Emotional Depth of “Beat Still My Heart”: A Powerful Elegy

The Emotional Depth of ‘Beat Still My Heart’: A Powerful Elegy explores the deep emotional journey of losing a child to suicide. This poignant reflection through poetry captures the sorrow and despair of such a loss, blending personal experiences with universal themes of love and remembrance.The author navigates grief with verses that resonate, inviting readers to confront raw emotions and unanswered questions. Vivid imagery of a shipwreck in a storm encapsulates the unbearable loss, making the elegy a powerful tribute to a tragic experience.

“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents

“Sorrow Buried in Love”: A Poem for Grieving Parents explores the heart-wrenching journey of a parent grappling with the profound loss of a child to suicide. While friends and family often offer encouragement towards healing, those who have walked this painful path understand how overwhelming these expectations can be. Moving forward is not just about progressing in life; it also involves cherishing and carrying our child’s memory within us, honoring their presence in all we do.

“Bury My Heart”: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss

Bury My Heart: A Grief Poem of Unimaginable Loss is a poignant poem that captures the deep sorrow of losing a child, an agonizing experience that many parents fear but few can truly comprehend until faced with such a heartbreaking reality. It weaves themes of grief, hope, and healing into a tapestry of emotions, allowing readers to navigate their own journeys of despair and recovery. The poem provides not only an outlet for those grappling with this unimaginable pain but also serves as a powerful reminder that they are not alone in their struggles.

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling”

Haunted by Guilt in Grief Poem: “Still from Sky I’m Falling“ shares a profoundly personal journey through the heart-wrenching experience of grief and guilt following the tragic loss of a child to suicide, featuring the poignant poem “Still from Sky I’m Falling.” Interlacing the deep sorrow of loss with the haunting feelings of remorse, the author creates a poem deep with heartfelt reflections that offer a glimpse into the overwhelming emotional struggle and the fragile path towards healing that follow such an unimaginable tragedy.

“Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay”: A Poem on Suicide Loss

Holding True to My Son’s Narrative: “Shaped by Love” Poem Analysis examines the profound connection between love and grief experienced after the heartbreaking loss of her son to suicide. The poem beautifully conveys the author’s steadfast commitment to honor her journey of grief, affirming her right to experience her emotions fully and illustrating the deep intertwining of love and sorrow. Through evocative imagery, “Shaped by Love and This Grief Come to Stay” poignantly expresses the complicated feelings that accompany such a significant and painful loss.

If only a mother’s love could have saved you,
Could have heard in the dark your heart’s cry,
She could have saved you yet both together,
Falling stars in a moonless sky.   

Beth Brown, “If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: A Poem on Grieving a Child's Suicide, My Forever Son

“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”: Powerful Poem

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You: Powerful Poem explores the deep emotional pain of losing a child to suicide. The author conveys their experience through poignant verses that depict the raw essence of grief, reflecting the complex emotions of sorrow and longing. The heartfelt language serves as a reminder of enduring love in the face of unimaginable loss.

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

When Love Isn’t Enough: “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” explores the complexities of suicide and includes a compassionate treatise written by the author, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” challenging the notion that it is a choice. The treatise, “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand,” emphasizes the inevitability of death, regardless of the cause, and the limitations of love in preventing it. The author of the treatise “Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand” and this article, “When Love Isn’t Enough,” Beth Brown shares her personal journey of grief after losing her son to suicide, finding solace in writing and nature photography.

Healing Words: Download 3 Compassionate Poems for Grieving Parents

Parents of Suicides Online Support Group

Joining support groups, especially the online support group, Parents of Suicides, helped me see that even though I felt alone, I wasn’t alone. I talked to parents who had more time out from the suicide of their child than I did. I wanted to know how they made it through the shadows of grief.

“Just breathe” a mother who lost her son to suicide shared.

“Tell your story”

“Talk about your child. Talk to your child.”

“There’s no way around the grief, but going through the grief means learning to carry the weight of the ache along with enormity of your love for your child.”

Heartfelt Stories of Love, Loss, and Remembrance

Explore heartfelt narratives and reflections on the profound strength of love, the agony of loss, and the enduring essence of remembering those we cherished and lost. In these stories, delve into the intricate tapestry of emotions that love weaves, showcasing not only the joyous moments but also the poignant struggles that arise in times of sorrow.

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief recounts the author’s experience of losing her son to suicide, highlighting her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” emerged as a way for her to navigate this devastating loss, serving as a platform for sharing experiences and finding solace in community. My Forever Son: Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is a heartfelt blog by Beth Brown that chronicles her profound journey through grief and healing following the suicide of her son, Dylan, using poetry, reflections, and nature photography.

Overview of My Forever Son Blog

Beth Brown’s blog, My Forever Son: Healing After Losing My Son to Suicide, is an intimate account of her life after losing her 20-year-old son, Dylan, to suicide. The blog captures her harrowing experience of grief, the guilt and despair she faced, and the ways she has sought healing over the years. Through writing, particularly poetry, she expresses emotions that had been otherwise inexpressible during the early, overwhelming stages of her mourning 

Content and Themes

• Poems as Reflection and Healing: The blog features a series of poems, including Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing which explore the depth of sorrow, longing, and hope experienced after losing a child. These poems often intertwine personal narratives and memories, offering readers insight into the emotional journey of a bereaved parent.
• Personal Journey: Beth shares the timeline of her grief, describing the initial devastation, the silencing of her voice, and her struggle to find hope. Writing began as a journal, eventually transforming into a poetic endeavor that allowed her to process sorrow while reconnecting with her creative and expressive self.
• Photography and Nature as Healing: The blog incorporates photographs of Beth’s gardens across seasons, showing how observing the cycles of nature helped her find moments of calm, renewal, and hope amid grief. Spring blooms and gradual seasonal changes symbolize resilience and the eventual emergence of joy following loss 
• Community and Support: The blog also emphasizes the importance of connecting with others who have experienced similar loss, highlighting that shared grief can reduce the sense of isolation that often accompanies bereavement 

Purpose and Impact

The aim of My Forever Son is to offer solace and understanding to parents confronting child loss, providing a space for reflection and healing. Through her poetry, Beth Brown shows that grief can endure, yet moments of hope and remembrance are possible. Her work is part of Find Hope Here: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Healing including 19 poems on love, loss, and recovery, sharing her son’s life and her reflections on carrying grief with cherished memories.

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience

The Magnolia Tree: A Symbol of Grief and Resilience is a heartfelt exploration of the author’s journey through grief after losing her son to suicide. It draws parallels between the cycles of nature and the seasons of healing, illustrated by the vibrant blooms of spring and the dormancy of winter. The magnolia tree symbolizes both grief and resilience, representing enduring love and remembrance of “My Forever Son.” With its association of strength, dignity, and perseverance, the magnolia serves as a fitting emblem for perseverance in the face of loss. Its blooms evoke purity and beauty, creating a gentle tribute to a loved one.

In mourning a child, the magnolia embodies the pain of loss and the hope of healing. Planting one acts as a living memorial, where love grows alongside the tree, and its blooms symbolize the endurance of the heart. Magnolia trees signify the continuity of life, offering comfort during grief, and many families choose them for gardens, finding a representation of both sorrow and hope. The magnolia stands as a living tribute to grief and eternal memory.

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table

A grandmother’s enduring love is the invisible thread that binds generations, keeping the family together and filling hearts with warmth.

“A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table” is a heartwarming story about a family’s enduring love, symbolized by a family table. The table, originally purchased by the grandmother, becomes a sacred space where the family gathers, sharing laughter, joy, and celebrations. The narrative explores the profound grief of losing a child to suicide, highlighting how the family table becomes a site of reflection and remembrance.

A Grandmother’s Love Held Together the Family Table beautifully captures the essence of family connection. A grandmother serves as the cornerstone of family life, nurturing traditions and offering unconditional love. Her presence weaves comfort and wisdom into daily moments, inspiring kindness in children. A grandmother’s love acts as the glue that holds a family together, creating warmth and shared memories around the table.

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan

“Twenty Years of Love: Dylan My Forever Son” is a heartfelt blog post that honors Dylan Andrew Brown, reflecting on his life, enduring love, and the profound grief of losing a child to suicide.

Twenty Years of Love: Dylan is a beautiful guest post by the author’s sister that looks back over the life of Dylan, reflecting on cherished memories, significant milestones, and the profound impact he had on the lives of those who loved him. The post invites readers to journey through the years alongside Dylan, celebrating his accomplishments, the lessons learned, and the indelible mark he left on the hearts of family and friends alike. It serves not only as a tribute but also as a heartfelt reminder of the power of love and remembrance, encouraging everyone to hold tight to their own memories of those who have touched their lives. Twenty Years of Love: Dylan, gone too soon. 

Key themes in this post include:

• Enduring Love: A mother’s connection with her son continues even after death, showing that grief is interwoven with remembrance and devotion 
• Grief and Healing: The blog is part of a broader effort to chronicle grief and share hope, offering support to others coping with the loss of a child 
• Personal Tribute: Dylan is remembered as a gifted student, musician, friend, and beloved son, with his achievements and personality celebrated alongside the grief 

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide

Grandparents’ Double Grief: Losing a Grandchild to Suicide explores the profound grief experienced by grandparents who endure the heartbreaking loss of a grandchild to the tragic circumstances of suicide, delving into the emotional turmoil, feelings of helplessness, and the complex process of mourning that accompanies such a devastating multiple loss. A grandparent grieves not just for their grandchild, but also for their own child whose life is forever changed.

The grief grandparents experience after losing a grandchild to suicide is profound and multifaceted, often described as a “double grief” because it involves mourning both the grandchild and the deep pain of their own child, the parent.

Unique Emotional Journey for Grandparents
Grandparents’ grief is often intense and complicated by feelings of helplessness knowing their own child is deeply suffering. They may experience shock, numbness, guilt, anger, and profound sadness, sometimes feeling invisible or “forgotten mourners” as attention tends to focus on the parents. This grief often lasts much longer than society expects and involves many emotional ups and downs. Grandparents may struggle to express their loss openly, yet their need to acknowledge and remember the grandchild remains strong.

Parents of Suicides: An Online Support Group for Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

Suicide is the anchor point on a continuum of suicidal thoughts & behaviors. This continuum is one that ranges from risk-taking behaviors at one end, extends through different degrees & types of suicidal thinking, & ends with suicide attempts and suicide.  

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, National Library of Medicine

Parents of Suicides is a dedicated international online closed email group where parents who have lost a child to suicide come together to offer support, hope, and healing. Join a Community of Understanding. Parents of Suicides (PoS) provides a safe space for sharing experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional support. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can find strength and solace.

Professional Resources and Support

Parents of Suicides is a compassionate, international online community for parents who have tragically lost a child to suicide, providing a safe space for support, connection, and resources to aid in their healing journey.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a compassionate nonprofit organization devoted to saving lives and offering hope to individuals and families impacted by the profound pain of suicide.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors offers compassionate healing support for those navigating the profound shock, heart-wrenching grief, and intricate emotions that arise from losing a cherished loved one to suicide.

The American Association of Suicidology is a compassionate membership organization dedicated to deepening our understanding of suicide and working tirelessly to prevent it, fostering hope and healing for those affected.

Nationwide Children’s Hospital Suicide Research Center is dedicated to conducting compassionate research focused on understanding and reducing suicidal behaviors, as well as providing valuable insights to prevent the profound pain of suicide.

Mayo Clinic offers compassionate insights into the profound sorrow of losing a loved one to suicide, helping us navigate the complex emotions that accompany such grief and providing guidance on finding solace and support during this incredibly challenging time.

The Compassionate Friends provide invaluable Grief Resources & Support Groups for Parents and Families navigating the profound heartache of losing a child, offering comfort and connection during an incredibly difficult time.

Finding Help, Hope, and Support

When my son died by suicide 11 years ago, I knew I needed help, hope, and support to make it through those first few hours, days, months, and years of early grief.

Surviving Losing My Only Child to Suicide

Losing a child to suicide defies description. And losing an only child to suicide is beyond measure.

To live past the enormous pain, however, has meant seeking out resources and support on a continuing basis.

Dylan always was my heart’s song, my love’s greatest expression and joy, my peace and my happiness. He still is.

Carrying Ache and Love

I now know laughter–sometimes, and smiling–sometimes, but sigh-I also know now that my life will always know this expression of the bittersweet. It is is my eyes, my private weeping, the way my smile now lifts only on one side of my mouth, my having to pull out of hearing about others’ children and grandchildren, of my having to live life differently, of having to shop at different stores. It just goes on and on.

And so it is, as is, that I write this blog 2 years, 9 months into my grieving, into my now, as is life, into learning to live with only part of me here, for a great deal of who I am walks and lives with Dylan.

I trust I will see him again.

Key Resources for Understanding Suicide

The articles below include key resources for understanding suicide and coping with grief. They offer compassionate guidance. Notably, the “Rain Comes to Heal Us All” Poem: Finding Hope After Loss, provides solace. Grief involves stigma, guilt, and various emotions from anger to relief.

Research indicates that suicide is not a conscious choice, necessitating a non-judgmental emotional healing approach. Support groups and educational materials empower survivors, fostering community connections.

The content includes the author’s story of losing her child, emotional support resources, insights on suicide, grief duration discussions, and resources for bereaved parents.

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents

Healing After Suicide: Essential Books for Parents is a comprehensive resource for parents grieving the loss of a child to suicide. The book offers a curated list of books, including practical guides, narratives, poetry, and novels, providing support and understanding for those navigating grief. The author, Beth Brown, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, emphasizing the importance of support groups and educational materials in the grieving process.

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice

Understanding Suicide: It’s Not a Choice explores the emotional complexities surrounding suicide, challenging the notion that it is a choice. Dr. John Ackerman highlights the myriad factors influencing suicidal thoughts, emphasizing that individuals often seek relief from overwhelming pain rather than wanting to end their lives. This piece encourages empathy and awareness, making it essential reading for those wanting to support loved ones in distress.

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide: Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents

Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide, Support, Resources, and Self-Care for Bereaved Parents offers a comprehensive list of resources and support for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. It includes personal insights, professional perspectives, and a curated selection of books and support groups. The author, Beth Brown, shares her own experience of losing her son to suicide and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End?

Surviving Suicide Grief: Does the Pain Ever End? offers a compassionate look at and attempts to response to one of the most profound challenges of longterm grief after suicide loss: Does the pain of losing a child to suicide is profound and never fully goes away, but it does change and become a part of one’s life. Finding support through counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is crucial for healing. Grief is a journey with seasons that come and go, and it is possible to learn to live with the pain while honoring the love for the lost child.

To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It will never be like before but the crushing, all consuming pain you feel right now will soften. You will be able to live with it. It just becomes part of you.

A parent who lost their child to suicide

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”

Understanding the Pain of Suicide Loss: “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched” features Ronald Rolheiser’s writings on suicide which offer a compassionate and spiritual perspective, emphasizing that suicide is often a tragic consequence of mental illness, not a voluntary act. He encourages loved ones to release guilt and second-guessing, understanding that they are not responsible for the person’s death. Rolheiser also highlights the importance of remembering the deceased’s life beyond their suicide, trusting in God’s infinite love and understanding.

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters

Understanding Suicide: Why the Pain Matters explores the pain and grief surrounding suicide, emphasizing that it is not a conscious choice but a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering. The article highlights current research, personal stories, and compassionate support for those struggling with depression and mental health, aiming to break the stigma surrounding suicide. It provides resources and insights into the complexities of grief and the journey towards healing.

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief

The Backstory to My Forever Son: A Mother’s Grief, recounts the author’s harrowing experience of losing her son to suicide. Her story highlights her grief, guilt, and the healing power of writing. The blog “My Forever Son” came about as a way for the author to work through this devastating grief that follows the loss of a child to suicide. My Forever Son blog serves as a platform for sharing experiences and finding healing and solace in community.

Beth Brown, Author

About the Author

Beth Brown is a writer, educator, and bereaved mother who shares her journey of healing after losing her only son, Dylan, to suicide. Through poetry, essays, and her blog My Forever Son, Beth offers comfort and hope to others navigating grief, honoring the enduring bond between parent and child and celebrating the small joys that illuminate the path toward healing.

Meet the Author: Writing Through the Abyss

by Beth Brown

There are places that cannot be mapped, only entered—terrains of loss where language falters and the heart, stripped of its certainties, must learn to speak again. I am Beth Brown, a mother whose son, Dylan, died by suicide at twenty. My life, once measured by the ordinary rhythms of teaching literature and nurturing a child, was pierced in two: before and after. In the aftermath, I found myself wandering a wilderness where time bent, memory ached, and the world’s colors dimmed to the hush of grief.

On baby’s breath and angel wings,
You bring me love yet still,
— “On Baby’s Breath and Angel Wings”

I did not choose to become a chronicler of sorrow, but grief, relentless and unbidden, pressed its ink into my hands. I wrote because I could not bear the silence. I wrote because the ache demanded witness. In poetry, I found a way to hold both the weight of absence and the persistence of love—a language for the unspeakable, a vessel for memory, a place where my son’s name could still be spoken.

He left too soon,
Lifting life from June,
Casting torrents of rain.
— “He Left Too Soon”

There are nights when the world tilts, and I am returned to the moment of loss, the fracture that remade me. Yet even in the deepest dark, I have learned to listen for the faint music of hope, the pulse of love that endures beyond death.

Beat still my heart,
Beat still my mind,
Weary though thou art,
Carry his love along with thine,
Though heavy on thy shoulders
Crost fields throughout all time.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

My poems are not answers. They are offerings—fragments of a life lived in the shadow of absence, pieced together with longing and the fierce, unyielding devotion of a mother’s heart. They are the record of a journey through the labyrinth of grief, where each turn reveals both the ache of what is lost and the quiet radiance of what remains.

My child sleeps in a cradle of stars,
Gently rocked by the moon
Lullabies in his heart,
Heavens in galaxies swirl round to the sound
Of a mother and child’s love beating on.

Meteor showers, on the darkest of nights,
Bring comfort and joy to my child’s delight,
Aurora Borealis tints sky blue and green,
Where my child remembers his mother in dreams.

–“Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

There are questions that haunt the bereaved: Could I have known? Could I have saved you? The mind circles these unanswerable riddles, but the heart, battered and tender, learns to rest in the mystery.

I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul—
I would have held on, I would have clutched you,
I would have never let you go
But you told me “Mom I love you”
Oh my child, if I’d only known.
— “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”

In the landscape of loss, I have discovered that love is not diminished by death. It is transformed—becoming both ache and solace, shadow and light, the filament that binds the living to the lost.

Body, mind, soul, rough and ragged,
Weeping tears falling still throughout time,
Carrying weight of mourning and grieving
Falling broken when thou wert mine.
— “Beat Still My Heart”

I write for those who walk this wilderness with me—for the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends, whose lives have been marked by the unthinkable. My hope is that in these poems, you will find not only the echo of your own sorrow, but also the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

Starlight for a mobile twinkling ‘ere so bright,
To remember his mother that darkest of nights,
When slipped he from her grasp and fell through this earth,
Tumbling still planets, sun, folding time in rebirth.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

That we might understand we cannot separate mental illness from physical illness and that try as we might, we cannot see inside another’s pain.

–“Ode to Suicide: That We Might Understand”

And how my heart keeps on beating
Is a mystery to all,
For without you beside me
Through life’s depth I crawl.

I live now life backwards
My heart beating in time,
To the life that we lived
When you, child, were mine.

Try as I might
I can’t seem to live,
For my dreams all belonged,
To your future forward lived.

—“Bury My Heart”

If you have come here searching for words to companion your grief, I welcome you. My poetry is not a map, but a lantern—casting light on the path we walk, together and alone, toward a horizon where love, undiminished, endures.

But boughs break and love falls through the cracks in the earth,
And the centre can’t hold when orbits, slung far, break their girth,
Gravitational interference, passing stars in the night,
Jetting orbs, falling stars in a moonless sky.
— “Falling Stars in a Moonless Sky”

Grief is wild—untamed, unending, and full of shadows. Yet within its depths, I have found moments of light: a memory, a poem, the gentle rustle of leaves, the warmth of a cup of tea. My words are both ache and love, a testament that even in the deepest sorrow, we can find meaning, connection, and—sometimes—hope. Through poetry, I reach for my son and for all who walk this path. If you find yourself here, know that you are not alone, and that love—like poetry—endures.

If you wish to read more, my collection, Bury My Heart: 19 Poems for Grief and Healing After Losing a Child to Suicide is available on Amazon Kindle. and many other reflections await you at myforeverson.com.

Bury My Heart

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