Tag: My Forever Son

Why Suicide — Why? A Mother’s Reflections on Losing Her Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 25, 2023
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Stella Magnolia Blooming in High Winds and Storm Clouds

Dylan Andrew Brown, age 18Forever my beloved sonMarch 19, 1992-June 25, 2012 The beat of my heart shaped by you.The song of you which still now I sing.And yet perhaps you could not hear above The deafening roar of your heart’s ache. . Ghost Memories Swirl Everywhere I drove home last night past the high […]

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“Bruised and Wounded: Understanding Suicide”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 11, 2022
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A few scattered leaves in fall on brick sidewalk

All death unsettles us, but suicide… brings with it an ache, a chaos, a darkness, and a stigma that has to be experienced to be believed. Ronald Rolheiser Struggling to Understand Suicide Ronald Rolheiser writes a great deal about the suicide. He lends an understanding and spiritual perspective to suicide, and in so doing, removes […]

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Surviving Your Child’s Suicide: Support, Resources, Hope

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date October 22, 2022
12 Comments on Surviving Your Child’s Suicide: Support, Resources, Hope

Books and Resources

The following resources, book lists, narratives from parents who have lost a child to suicide, support groups, and more are meant to be a resource bank. Many have helped me keep on keeping on these past nine years of grieving.

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Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for Survivors

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date September 21, 2022
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Pink Ground Roses

Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for Survivors by Iris M. Bolton (Especially for newly bereaved parents) 2. Struggle with “why” it happened until you no longer need to know “why” or until YOU are satisfied with partial answers. 3. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but that all your feelings are normal. […]

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Travel On My Brave Soldier-A Poem of Hope

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 30, 2022
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Heart-shaped Red Roses Against Stone Wall

Travel On Travel on my brave soldier Travel on wild one Take heart winged warrior Unencumbered take great strides. Ride dragon’s wings forever Stay free here evermore Follow infinity to the heavens Travel on to safer shores. ©Beth Brown, 2022 First time here? Listen to a Song

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The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 29, 2022
2 Comments on The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Red Rose Buds in Spring

Instrumental Guitar Music (Written and Performed by Beth Brown, Dylan’s Mom) Does the Pain Ever End? To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able […]

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Beat Still My Heart: A Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 11, 2022
1 Comment on Beat Still My Heart: A Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide

Red Rose in June, My Forever Son

Beat Still My Heart Beat Still My Heart Beat still my heart Beat still my mind Weary though thou art, Carry his love along with thine Though heavy on thy shoulders Crost fields throughout all time. In the deepest dark of the bleakest night, If light there be, the dark shuts it out. Around you […]

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The Unbearable Ache of Memorial Dates

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 1, 2022
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The Unbearable Ache of Memorial Dates Now I know what day it is I wish I didn’t I am not in the moment Indeed, I am not Here really Here anywhere really Lost, just so terribly, terribly, terribly lost Wanting to save you Dylan All over again Grief Remembers What Time Cannot Forget: Memorial Dates […]

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Year 3 Memorial Date After Suicide Loss: Living Backwards Going Forward

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date May 5, 2022
No Comments on Year 3 Memorial Date After Suicide Loss: Living Backwards Going Forward

Living Backwards Going Forward I am aware, the further I come along this grief journey, the less I live forward. My Forever Son That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know […]

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Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 24, 2022
2 Comments on Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Red Tulips in Full Bloom in Late Spring

“My Forever Son” In the beginning, I had no words. I couldn’t speak. My voice was stilled. I lost my only child, my 20-year-old son, to suicide on June 25, 2012. In the beginning, who I was went away. What I did for a living went away. My professional life came to a grinding halt, […]

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Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 8, 2022
3 Comments on Find Hope Here: Featuring Poems About Losing a Child

Purple Flower After the Rain, My Forever Son

A Poem of Love, Loss, and Hope: Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil A Poem of Love, Loss, and Hope: Tillers of the Earth Tillers of the Earth and Tenders of the Soil We are the tillers of the earth and the tenders of the soil. These trees and plants and water garden […]

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Where to From Here When Now I Cannot Be? A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 8, 2022
No Comments on Where to From Here When Now I Cannot Be? A Poem About Losing a Child

Winter Sun in Blue Sky Shining Through Winter Trees

A Poem About Losing a Child Where to From Here When Now I Cannot Be? Ripped here from centre where body birthed son, Where son birthed the all of who now I am. How now to be and where must I go? When between stars and here I hear your constant echo? How now to […]

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I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing: Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 6, 2022
1 Comment on I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing: Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

Daffodils in Spring

I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing “I only hurt when I’m breathing,” a random post on social media, anonymous, yet so completely relevant to this grieving of losing a child. I found a Mother’s Day card a few weeks ago. Dylan’s last Mother’s Day card to me in May of 2012. (I wasn’t looking for […]

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A Glimpse of Hope: “Letting Go” In Grief

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 27, 2022
No Comments on A Glimpse of Hope: “Letting Go” In Grief

A Glimpse of Hope: Letting Go in Grief All death unsettles us, but suicide… brings with it an ache, a chaos, a darkness, and a stigma that has to be experienced to be believed. Ronald Rolheiser A Glimpse of Hope: Letting Go in Grief Some days, I lift my hands, my arms high, offering my […]

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A Prayer for the Unanswerable Question of Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 16, 2022
No Comments on A Prayer for the Unanswerable Question of Suicide

A Prayer for the Unanswerable Question of Suicide A Poem brought to the dedication of the International Suicide Memorial Wall in Nashville, Tennessee, held in May of 2019. The original poem has been revised to reflect all who have lost a loved one to suicide and who now must live with the ongoing and forever […]

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What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 8, 2022
4 Comments on What to Say to Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide

How to Offer Grief Support When a Child Has Died by Suicide Suicide can leave the survivors with anger, confusion and guilt, and even well-intentioned words can cause pain. By Gayle Brandeis, “What to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Grieving a Suicide” New York Times, May 8, 2019 “There are no words” As […]

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What I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After the Suicide of My Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 14, 2022
1 Comment on What I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After the Suicide of My Son

Shadow Cat in Snow

I Remember Joy All these things I recognize, I remember delighting in them-trees, art, house, music, pink morning sky, work well done, flowers, books. I still delight in them. I’m still grateful. But the zest is gone. The passion is cooled, the striving quieted, the longing stilled. My attachment is loosened. No longer do I […]

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If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 8, 2022
3 Comments on If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

White Swan, My Forever Son

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You Bones bear girth where once, wisdom birthed you Love lost in the framing of art for art’s sake (because and as if) a mother’s love could have saved you– been there to catch you fall tears stilled by the heavens stars deep as dark’s cry […]

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“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”-A Poem about Losing a Child to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 3, 2022
2 Comments on “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”-A Poem about Losing a Child to Suicide

"Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon" My Forever Son

Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon A Poem for Dylan by Beth Brown And once upon a blue-sky moon, We sailed our ships in your bedroom, With stars for light, we fled the dark But the lightening flashed, And the sky grew dark. You tucked away your childhood dreams On wings that soared beyond infinity, Your […]

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Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 20, 2022
6 Comments on Surviving Suicide Grief: “Does the Pain Ever End?”

The Pain Does Change “To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to behere and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain doeschange, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoylife again. It will never be like before but the crushing, allconsuming pain […]

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