Tag: Dylan-my forever son

A Poem About Losing My Child: Sorrow Buried in Love

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 22, 2022
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Red Rose in June

A Poem About Losing My Child: Sorrow Buried in Love Sorrow Buried in Love So swish to sway to sweet lullaby, Baby will fall in dark of the night. Rocking cradle to grave turning truth upside down: Parents die first leaving children behind. In a world topsy-turvy that cannot make sense, Sacred trust shines the […]

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Living in the Glare of My Son’s Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 13, 2022
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Living in the Glare Listen to Your Narrative It isn’t wrong, this narrative of yours. Isn’t something to be fixed. Adjusted. Changed. Rewritten. God knows you’d rewrite your narrative if you could. Consider the whole thing a tumultuous, torrid first draft. A rough sketch ill-constructed. The consequence lacking intention. Not giving words, shapes, ideas, even […]

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Surviving Your Child’s Suicide: Support, Resources, Hope

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date October 22, 2022
12 Comments on Surviving Your Child’s Suicide: Support, Resources, Hope

Books and Resources

The following resources, book lists, narratives from parents who have lost a child to suicide, support groups, and more are meant to be a resource bank. Many have helped me keep on keeping on these past nine years of grieving.

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Remembering Dylan: Twenty Years

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date September 14, 2022
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Remembering Dylan:Twenty Years Twenty Years (Written by my sister, Linda) “Twenty years: from birth, from before birth treasured and loved, Dylan. Held now in God’s hands, held always in God’s hands but oh how I wish him back. In 1991, Beth called to share the news that she was pregnant. Beth had some health issues […]

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"Why?" Child Loss to Suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Grief Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Stigma and Awareness Suicide loss survivors of suicide loss

5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date September 5, 2022
4 Comments on 5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different

5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different Way 1: Blaming I received many compassionate words, cards, embraces, and acts of service when my son died. Dylan’s friends and family flocked to our house the morning of his death. They brought pastries from a local bakery, coffee, and huge condolences. Dylan’s friends gathered in our driveway, sequestered […]

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Beat Still My Heart-A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date July 16, 2022
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Daddy Cat and Red Roses

Beat Still My Heart Beat still my heart Beat still my mind Weary though thou art Carry his love along with thine Though heavy on thy shoulders Crost fields throughout all time. In the deepest dark of the bleakest night, If light there be, the dark shuts it out. Around you all is swirling, hurtling […]

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Loving Him Past His Pain

Lilac in Bloom in Spring

Loving Him Past His Pain October Shadows A gorgeous fall afternoon, early eveningSun slants wideShadows cast and scatter across a stone wall Walked a bit ago to the cul-de-sac and then down to the field, following the sun, finding the sun shadowing me, feeling the sun trailing behind. Warm still, though only 60 and chilly. […]

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Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 24, 2022
2 Comments on Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Red Tulips in Full Bloom in Late Spring

“My Forever Son” In the beginning, I had no words. I couldn’t speak. My voice was stilled. I lost my only child, my 20-year-old son, to suicide on June 25, 2012. In the beginning, who I was went away. What I did for a living went away. My professional life came to a grinding halt, […]

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A Prayer for the Unanswerable Question of Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 16, 2022
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A Prayer for the Unanswerable Question of Suicide A Poem brought to the dedication of the International Suicide Memorial Wall in Nashville, Tennessee, held in May of 2019. The original poem has been revised to reflect all who have lost a loved one to suicide and who now must live with the ongoing and forever […]

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Hold Onto Hope-Grief Comes to Stay

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 14, 2022
No Comments on Hold Onto Hope-Grief Comes to Stay

Daddy Cat in Snow, My Forever Son

When you lose your child, there is nothingness, the descent into the abyss of losing not just your child, but also yourself Beth, Dylan’s Mom, My Forever Son Grief is Unfinished Others can come alongside us for awhile, but our journey into the deep, dark night must be our own. Here, we rally against the darkness, awaken our soul’s […]

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What I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After the Suicide of My Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 14, 2022
1 Comment on What I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Grief After the Suicide of My Son

Shadow Cat in Snow

I Remember Joy All these things I recognize, I remember delighting in them-trees, art, house, music, pink morning sky, work well done, flowers, books. I still delight in them. I’m still grateful. But the zest is gone. The passion is cooled, the striving quieted, the longing stilled. My attachment is loosened. No longer do I […]

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If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 8, 2022
3 Comments on If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

White Swan, My Forever Son

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You Bones bear girth where once, wisdom birthed you Love lost in the framing of art for art’s sake (because and as if) a mother’s love could have saved you– been there to catch you fall tears stilled by the heavens stars deep as dark’s cry […]

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"Why?" Coping with Suicide Loss Depression and Mental Illness

A Short Animated Video-“I Had a Black Dog, His Name Was Depression”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 18, 2022
No Comments on A Short Animated Video-“I Had a Black Dog, His Name Was Depression”

"I Had a Black Dog, His Name Was Depression"

Depression Yes. Just yes. I struggle with depression. I battle with depression. Sometimes daily, consuming every waking and sleeping moment. Sometimes randomly. No apparent reason that anyone else can see. Depression is a black dog. Great video depiction. Dylan struggled with depression-deep, deep dark depression. He fought for a long time and fooled us all […]

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"Why?" Addiction, Alcohol, and Substance Use Disorders Coping with Loss Coping with suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Depression and Mental Illness Grief Guilt Hope and Healing Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide poems of love and loss Reflections after Suicide Loss Stigma and Awareness Suicide loss survivors of suicide loss

“When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”-On Suicide and Despair

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 18, 2022
10 Comments on “When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”-On Suicide and Despair

Seedum and Yucca in Fall

That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and now then see, To erase the dark and stay […]

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Why? After the Suicide of My Son-A Mother Remembers

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 18, 2022
3 Comments on Why? After the Suicide of My Son-A Mother Remembers

I Will Seek Until I Find You And where will you run when arms reach (but you’re not mine) When I can feel still so strongly (holding you still in my arms) From here frantic I search wildly (but cannot ever now find) Little one in pictures (trying hard for one so young) Standing, but […]

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The Pain of Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 14, 2022
3 Comments on The Pain of Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop

The Pain of Suicide: It's Not About Wanting to Die, It's About Wanting to Live

The Pain of Suicide Video: Learning More About Suicide 10 Commonalities of Suicide Below are 10 commonalities of suicide, identified by suicide expert, Edwin Shneidman, author of The Suicidal Mind. “The Suicidal Mind” by Edwin Shneidman The suicide of a child of any age presents unique circumstances that can intensify and prolong the mourning process […]

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Coping with Regret and Guilt After Your Child’s Death by Suicide: “I Want to Believe”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 8, 2022
7 Comments on Coping with Regret and Guilt After Your Child’s Death by Suicide: “I Want to Believe”

I Want to Believe– I Want to Believe- –that with enough love and laughter, books and reading, friends and family, children grow up to be happy –the stage is set early for dreams to come true: Skies dazzle in brilliant blue, clouds drift idly, stretches of pastures and woodlands lend serenity -all families stick together–even […]

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A Song About Losing My Son-“You’re Free Now Child”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 7, 2022
4 Comments on A Song About Losing My Son-“You’re Free Now Child”

Bird Feeder and Birds, 2019

You’re Free Now Child I can’t see where you’ve gone And I don’t know how to just go on Without you can’t find my way Don’t know where to go or what to say How to breathe without you now When it aches upon my soul In my heart, you live forever, with me by […]

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New in the Holiday Grief Series-Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 23, 2021
1 Comment on New in the Holiday Grief Series-Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

Holiday Grief Series-Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

My grief still descends to enshroud me when your memorial day approaches. My heart still bears the heaviness of missing you as we bear down on the holidays. It’s as though there’s been no healing in the moments in-between. And yet there has. Beth, My Forever Son Healing Through the Holidays Nine years. 3,435 days. […]

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Suicide Changes Everything-Struggling to Survive Grief After the Suicide of My Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 26, 2021
7 Comments on Suicide Changes Everything-Struggling to Survive Grief After the Suicide of My Son

My Forever Son-My Beloved Dylan Suicide Shocks and Shatters Suicide changes everything. Immediately. Suddenly. Completely. Shattering everything. All is outside the natural order of the circle of life. And when a young person dies by suicide? When a young man or woman takes their life, all who knew them gasp in shock. The means of […]

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