Tag: a mother's grief after losing her son to suicide

Living in the Glare of My Son’s Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 13, 2022
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Living in the Glare Listen to Your Narrative It isn’t wrong, this narrative of yours. Isn’t something to be fixed. Adjusted. Changed. Rewritten. God knows you’d rewrite your narrative if you could. Consider the whole thing a tumultuous, torrid first draft. A rough sketch ill-constructed. The consequence lacking intention. Not giving words, shapes, ideas, even […]

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“Bruised and Wounded: Understanding Suicide”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 11, 2022
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A few scattered leaves in fall on brick sidewalk

All death unsettles us, but suicide… brings with it an ache, a chaos, a darkness, and a stigma that has to be experienced to be believed. Ronald Rolheiser Struggling to Understand Suicide Ronald Rolheiser writes a great deal about the suicide. He lends an understanding and spiritual perspective to suicide, and in so doing, removes […]

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5 Years of Grief After Suicide Loss: For Here Now, I Stay

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date October 27, 2022
1 Comment on 5 Years of Grief After Suicide Loss: For Here Now, I Stay

Red and Green Leaves of a Burning Bush in Fall

5 Years of Grief After Suicide Loss: For Here Now, I Stay For Here Now I Stay These dark, incessant droning on of days, months, years, and most sadly of all, a lifetime, more so carve in us (should we choose and choose we must, for grief is not so clearly delineated in its outcome), […]

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5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date September 5, 2022
4 Comments on 5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different

5 Ways Suicide Grief Is Different Way 1: Blaming I received many compassionate words, cards, embraces, and acts of service when my son died. Dylan’s friends and family flocked to our house the morning of his death. They brought pastries from a local bakery, coffee, and huge condolences. Dylan’s friends gathered in our driveway, sequestered […]

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Memorial Day-Echoes that Haunt

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date August 28, 2022
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Here Comes the 25th Most days, I cannot imagine my life without my son. Perhaps this is why starting my day is so difficult. It isn’t always like this, and after two years and almost 11 months, I am sometimes able to greet my day with gratitude and balance, a centeredness that defies my tragic […]

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That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back-A Poem about Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date July 18, 2022
7 Comments on That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back-A Poem about Losing a Child

Daddy Cat in Fall, My Forever Son

That All of Love (Could Sweep Time Back) That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, If I’d only come to see, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and now then see, To erase the dark and stay […]

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Travel On My Brave Soldier-A Poem of Hope

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 30, 2022
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Heart-shaped Red Roses Against Stone Wall

Travel On Travel on my brave soldier Travel on wild one Take heart winged warrior Unencumbered take great strides. Ride dragon’s wings forever Stay free here evermore Follow infinity to the heavens Travel on to safer shores. ©Beth Brown, 2022 First time here? Listen to a Song

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The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 29, 2022
2 Comments on The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Red Rose Buds in Spring

Instrumental Guitar Music (Written and Performed by Beth Brown, Dylan’s Mom) Does the Pain Ever End? To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able […]

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Beat Still My Heart: A Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 11, 2022
1 Comment on Beat Still My Heart: A Poem About Losing My Son to Suicide

Red Rose in June, My Forever Son

Beat Still My Heart Beat Still My Heart Beat still my heart Beat still my mind Weary though thou art, Carry his love along with thine Though heavy on thy shoulders Crost fields throughout all time. In the deepest dark of the bleakest night, If light there be, the dark shuts it out. Around you […]

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Child Loss to Suicide Grief Memorial Dates Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

Memorial Day-Echoes that Haunt

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 2, 2022
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Lavender Heirloom Roses

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Year 3 Memorial Date After Suicide Loss: Living Backwards Going Forward

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date May 5, 2022
No Comments on Year 3 Memorial Date After Suicide Loss: Living Backwards Going Forward

Living Backwards Going Forward I am aware, the further I come along this grief journey, the less I live forward. My Forever Son That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know […]

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Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 24, 2022
2 Comments on Losing My Only Child to Suicide: “My Forever Son” Backstory

Red Tulips in Full Bloom in Late Spring

“My Forever Son” In the beginning, I had no words. I couldn’t speak. My voice was stilled. I lost my only child, my 20-year-old son, to suicide on June 25, 2012. In the beginning, who I was went away. What I did for a living went away. My professional life came to a grinding halt, […]

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I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing: Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 6, 2022
1 Comment on I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing: Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

Daffodils in Spring

I Only Hurt When I’m Breathing “I only hurt when I’m breathing,” a random post on social media, anonymous, yet so completely relevant to this grieving of losing a child. I found a Mother’s Day card a few weeks ago. Dylan’s last Mother’s Day card to me in May of 2012. (I wasn’t looking for […]

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If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 8, 2022
3 Comments on If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You-A Poem About Losing a Child

White Swan, My Forever Son

If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You Bones bear girth where once, wisdom birthed you Love lost in the framing of art for art’s sake (because and as if) a mother’s love could have saved you– been there to catch you fall tears stilled by the heavens stars deep as dark’s cry […]

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“I Will Seek Until I Find You”-A Poem About Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 19, 2022
3 Comments on “I Will Seek Until I Find You”-A Poem About Losing a Child

Grief of a Parent depicted in a black-and-white photograph of a man walking by himself, My Forever Son

I Will Seek Until I Find You I Will Seek Until I Find YouAnd where will you run when arms reach (but you’re not mine)When I can feel still so strongly (holding you still in my arms) From here frantic I search wildly (but cannot ever now find)Little one in pictures (trying hard for one […]

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A Song About Losing My Son-“You’re Free Now Child”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 7, 2022
4 Comments on A Song About Losing My Son-“You’re Free Now Child”

Bird Feeder and Birds, 2019

You’re Free Now Child I can’t see where you’ve gone And I don’t know how to just go on Without you can’t find my way Don’t know where to go or what to say How to breathe without you now When it aches upon my soul In my heart, you live forever, with me by […]

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One Last Mother’s Day Card-“I’ll Love You Forever Mom”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 17, 2021
3 Comments on One Last Mother’s Day Card-“I’ll Love You Forever Mom”

One Last Mother's Day Card, My Forever Son

I’ll Love You Forever Mom “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” Robert Munsch, Love Your Forever Three Years Out After Losing Dylan Originally Published 2016 Memorial Dates It has been 3 years of acute agony, pain, and the hell of grieving the loss […]

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A Poem about Losing a Child to Suicide-“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 16, 2021
3 Comments on A Poem about Losing a Child to Suicide-“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”

Red Rose in June

“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You” by Beth Brown Bones bear girth where once, love birthed you, arms cradled and rocking, love holding me to you. If only a mother’s love could have saved you, been there to catch your fall tears stilled by the heavens to where now and forever, […]

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Holiday Grief Series-Handling Holiday Grief After A Child’s Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 10, 2021
3 Comments on Holiday Grief Series-Handling Holiday Grief After A Child’s Suicide

Celebrating the Holidays Mother and Child “Mother and Child”–A beautiful Christmas carol once upon a blue-sky moon. How much I wish my heart could still sing “Silent Night.” Now only “Mother without Child.” Still a mother but having lost her child. Still a holiday season of expectations. A season rich with symbolic meaning. A season […]

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Rising Up-Because Love Lives Forever

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 12, 2021
2 Comments on Rising Up-Because Love Lives Forever

Yellow Rose in Full Bloom

Rising Up because… Love lives forever. My son lives yet still. I will be with Dylan again. As long I live, Dylan lives too. Dylan lives on through all that I am. Dylan’s voice is now my own. Beth Brown, My Forever Son Rising Up because… I will not let the world forget my son […]

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