My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After Suicide Loss

A Poem About Losing My Son-Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date July 9, 2021
7 Comments on A Poem About Losing My Son-Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere

Derecho (A Storm Out of Nowhere) Heart heaving, this beating of tearsBreaking loose—All hell in earth’s upturned rupture Beth Brown, “Derecho” My Forever Son June 29, 2012–Funeral for my son. 101 degrees dropping to 73 degrees in a matter of minutes. Whirling wind. Gusts of whipping wind. Snapping wind. Dark skies. Clotted clouds. Midday sun […]

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Child Loss Coping with Loss Coping with suicide Family loss Grief Healing Hope and Healing Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Poems about Loss Suicide loss

From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date June 5, 2021
1 Comment on From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

Choose Hope It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with […]

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"Why?" Coping with suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Depression and Mental Illness Guilt Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Stigma and Awareness Suicide Facts and Statistics Suicide loss survivors of suicide loss

Is Suicide Really a Choice?

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date April 11, 2021
3 Comments on Is Suicide Really a Choice?

The Stigma of Suicide That we must even ponder: “Is suicide really a choice?” reflects a still pervasive stigma of suicide that somehow, losing a loved one to death by suicide can be controlled–that losing a loved one could have, might have been prevented; that we missed something, a fatal flaw in the way we […]

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"Why?" Books and Resources Coping with suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Healing Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Suicide loss survivors of suicide loss

Books for Loss Survivors

Books for Loss Survivors, My Forever Son

Loss Survivors A Note About Terminology: Loss Survivors are also called Survivors of Suicide–a confusing term used to depict those left behind after the suicide of a loved one. Using Loss Survivors as a term clarifies the confusion between the semantics of Survivors of Suicide–who are loss survivors–and Suicide Survivors (those who have attempted suicide […]

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Books and Resources Grief Guilt Healing

Got Grief? Myths, Fallacies, and Expectations

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 1, 2021
No Comments on Got Grief? Myths, Fallacies, and Expectations

“What if we never ‘get over’ certain deaths, or our childhoods? What if the idea that we should have by now, or will, is a great palace lie? What if we’re not supposed to? What if it takes a life time…?” Anne Lamott “It isn’t true that you have to get over it. It isn’t […]

Tags How to cope with Loss, It's okay not to be okay, Myths about Grief

Child Loss Grief Holidays Memories and Stories Reflections

Holiday Grief Series-Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 24, 2020
1 Comment on Holiday Grief Series-Handling the Holidays After Suicide Loss

Holidays

Christmas Day 201318 months out from losing Dylan I ran the gamut of emotions today, from true gratitude and joy with being with my family, to the utter despair, sobbing, and heartbreak of grieving the loss of my only child, my 20-year-old son. Mom said to remember the good memories through the years. That is […]

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Child Loss Grief Guilt Healing Holidays Hope Hope and Healing Memories and Stories Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

Easter Bunnies and Chocolate Eggs? Another Impossible Holiday

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 23, 2020
1 Comment on Easter Bunnies and Chocolate Eggs? Another Impossible Holiday

Easter and Cusp of Spring: Holidays are Impossible Really Cusp of Spring Here the day promises to be beautiful. It is only 45 degrees now, but by this afternoon, it will be 71 degrees. Skies will be gray today, but you can feel the cusp of spring. The sun, through slated gray skies, breaks through—beckoning […]

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"Why?" Books and Resources Child Loss Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Suicide Facts and Statistics Suicide loss

Books About Surviving the Loss of A Child to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date December 7, 2020
3 Comments on Books About Surviving the Loss of A Child to Suicide

Books and Resources on Suicide

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Child Loss Child Loss to Suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Grief Healing Memories and Stories Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

A Decade of Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 29, 2019
No Comments on A Decade of Grief After Losing My Son to Suicide

For Here Now, I Stay,Breathing Love You Gave,My Ache Cradling You Always My Forever Son Memories of You I remember sitting with you at the kitchen table, pouring over cookie recipe books, asking “Does this sound good? Just listen” And we would make a list, a long list, of cookies to bake. Sugar cookies, Molasses […]

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"Why?" Child Loss to Suicide Coping with suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Depression and Mental Illness Grief Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss Suicide loss survivors of suicide loss

Losing A Child to Suicide: A Sad Welcome

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date January 20, 2017
5 Comments on Losing A Child to Suicide: A Sad Welcome

Daddy Cat and Red Roses

When you lose your child, there is nothingness, the descent into the abyss of losing not just your child, but yourself as well. Beth Brown, My Forever Son In the Beginning Not my child-This has all been a big mistake. Surely this isn’t-couldn’t be true. My Forever Son Insides feel like outsides, and suddenly, nothing is real. Or matters–Desperate, […]

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Child Loss Healing Hope

After the Dust Settles: Rising Up in the Wake of the Heartbreak of Losing a Child

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date March 10, 2016
No Comments on After the Dust Settles: Rising Up in the Wake of the Heartbreak of Losing a Child

Rising Up Because I know Love Never Dies Because I know my son lives yet still Because I have hope that I will be with Dylan again Because I will not go quietly Because Dylan lives on through all that I am Because his voice is now my voice Rising Up Because I lost […]

Child Loss to Suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Grief Healing Hope and Healing Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

The Shape of My Grief at 3 Years: Hope and Healing

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 7, 2016
No Comments on The Shape of My Grief at 3 Years: Hope and Healing

Red and Pink Ground Roses

The Shape of My Grief 3 years, 3 months My son, Dylan, was just barely 20 years old when he took his life, and I have all of those same unanswered questions rattling around inside me, all of me, even though it’s now been 3 years, 3 months since his death. I like to think […]

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Child Loss Coping with Suicide Loss Grief Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

What Has Changed in 4 Years of Grieving the Loss of My Son to Suicide?

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 6, 2016
1 Comment on What Has Changed in 4 Years of Grieving the Loss of My Son to Suicide?

Daffodils in full bloom in early spring.

Where Does Time Go? I do not even know where time goes. Suffice it to say that sometimes, sometimes, grieving the loss of my son requires a certain pulling away from all things grief-related. Sometimes, it’s just too painful to face. Sometimes, I just want to pretend I belong to the rest of the world, the one that […]

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Healing Holidays Hope and Healing

Grief Pause: Watch Mog the Cat in “Mog’s Christmas Calamity”

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 6, 2016
No Comments on Grief Pause: Watch Mog the Cat in “Mog’s Christmas Calamity”

MOG the Forgetful Cat by Judith Kerr

Grief Pause (Paws) I love this cat–Mog, and I love this animation of Mog’s Christmas story. I am posting this video because there is only so much sorrow a heart can take. Sometimes, I just need to smile. Sometimes, I just need to be distracted. And I know that, down deep where my little girl […]

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My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Summer, Forever Summer

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date February 6, 2016
No Comments on My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Summer, Forever Summer

My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Summer, Forever Summer: Dylan Daisies, Summer’s Sunshine Dylan, 18 years old, Spring 2010 I lost Dylan on June 25th 2012. Monday. 1:52 a.m. Only jus…

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My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : A Sad Welcome if You’ve Found Me Here

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 14, 2015
No Comments on My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : A Sad Welcome if You’ve Found Me Here

My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : A Sad Welcome if You’ve Found Me Here: If you have cause to read this now– Suicide of a child shatters a parent’s heart Please know my heart aches for you. I am so s…

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My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : An Abrupt Awakening: Foray into the Holidays 2015

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 10, 2015
No Comments on My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : An Abrupt Awakening: Foray into the Holidays 2015

My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : An Abrupt Awakening: Foray into the Holidays 2015: The Holidays Descend (Aka: Suicide never ends) Dylan home for Christmas And so it is I checked out last night, hoisted the white f…

Child Loss to Suicide Coping with Suicide Loss Holidays Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide Reflections after Suicide Loss

An Abrupt Awakening: Foray into the Holidays 2015

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date November 10, 2015
No Comments on An Abrupt Awakening: Foray into the Holidays 2015

The Holidays Descend (Aka: Suicide never ends) And so it is I checked out last night, hoisted the white flag, decided the last thing I could really do is hole up and write, knowing I needed to walk but not having the wherewithal to walk here at home on my treadmill. So off I went […]

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My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Suicide: It Never Lets Go

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date October 29, 2015
No Comments on My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Suicide: It Never Lets Go

My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : Suicide: It Never Lets Go: Love Never Lets Go Merry Christmas, Dylan. Oh that smile– The pain of suicide never lets go. Dying Inside. Holding my breath. P…

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Living Backwards After Suicide Loss: Where Has Time Gone?

Post author By Beth Brown
Post date October 29, 2015
No Comments on Living Backwards After Suicide Loss: Where Has Time Gone?

Originally Published: My Forever Son, My Beloved Dylan : The Unwanted Effect of Living Backwards After Suicide That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and […]

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