My Forever Son

My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son to Suicide

Compelling Content by a mother who lost her son to suicide in 2012, My Forever Son chronicles her journey back from the abyss of losing a child to suicide; Categories include Hope and Healing; Support Books and Resources for parents and survivors of loss; Complicated Grief; Coping with Holidays; Coping with Suicide; Depression and Mental Ilness; the Stigma of Suicide; Narratives by the author; Original Poems about Child Loss; Suicide Facts, Statistics, and Research; Grief; Child Loss; and more

In June of 2012 on the eve of the 24th, I had a 20-year-old son enrolled at a prestigious university. By 4:00 a.m. the morning of June 25th, everything I knew to be sacred and true about my life would change. The incessant pounding on my front door came in the middle of the night. 4:00 a.m. and three sheriff’s deputies were standing on my front porch holding a ziploc gallon-size plastic bag with Dylan’s Samsung mobile phone and his brown leather wallet. The one I had given him for his birthday in March. 20. Dylan had only just turned 20. Cusp of young adulthood. Barely past 19. June 25th. A lifetime ago. His. Mine. Gone in a heartbeat. A second on the clock. My son.

My Forever Son began as Dylan’s story, but along the way, became my journey back from the overwhelming sorrow of losing my child to suicide.

I didn’t want to live without my son. A desperate longing to be with Dylan enveloped me. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, or think coherently. I had no words. No voice. A writer without her voice and ability to write. A mother without her son. I didn’t want to stay. I couldn’t find hope enough to want to live. I didn’t believe I could live without my son.

I have had to learn to want to live again.

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My Forever Son

When Grief Lingers and Love Lasts Forever

When Grief Lingers and Love Lives Forever- A Letter to My Son On Your 9th Memorial Date How to begin-where to begin. Infinity, I suppose, from whence we all come and to which we all go. God I miss you Dylan. More than heart can tell, more than words can express, oceans wide and galaxies…

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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere

Heart heaving, this beating of tearsBreaking loose—All hell in earth’s upturned rupture Beth Brown, “Derecho” My Forever Son June 29, 2012–Funeral for my son. 101 degrees dropping to 73 degrees in a matter of minutes. Whirling wind. Gusts of whipping wind. Snapping wind. Dark skies. Clotted clouds. Midday sun going away–suddenly. A piercing dark. A…

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From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with arms uplifted…

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Is Suicide Really a Choice?

The Stigma of Suicide That we must even ponder: “Is suicide really a choice?” reflects a still pervasive stigma of suicide that somehow, losing a loved one to death by suicide can be controlled–that losing a loved one could have, might have been prevented; that we missed something, a fatal flaw in the way we…

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A Song and Video about Losing a Child to Suicide: “How Do You Get that Lonely?”

What Happened? Reflections on Dylan’s Birthday In 9 days, it will be my son’s 24th birthday, here, in earth years. In heaven, it will be Dylan’s 4th year birthday. This all seems to me still so surreal, so post-apocalyptic. I can’t find my footing. I am on the wrong road. I’ve gotten lost and somehow,…

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“Bury My Heart”-A Poem about Losing a Child

Bury my heart I’ve come undone Sorting through this life My son left behind. And what I’m seeking I know I’ll never find His touch, his smile— His still living his life. And so instead I sift through A still life dream My heart and life with him Forever it seemed. And oh my son…

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About Dylan

“Sometimes I touch the things you used to touch, looking for echoes of your fingers.” ~ Iain Thomas What was his full name? Dylan Andrew Brown Where was he born? The Ohio State University Hospital What was his favorite TV show? Anything comedy central, cartoon network, and/or history channel. Especially Jon Stewart. Throughout the years,…

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My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son to Suicide

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