My Forever Son

Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide

Compelling Content by a mother who lost her son to suicide in 2012, My Forever Son chronicles her journey back from the abyss of losing a child to suicide; Categories include Hope and Healing; Support Books and Resources for parents and survivors of loss; Complicated Grief; Coping with Holidays; Coping with Suicide; Depression and Mental Ilness; the Stigma of Suicide; Narratives by the author; Original Poems about Child Loss; Suicide Facts, Statistics, and Research; Grief; Child Loss; and more

In June of 2012 on the eve of the 24th, I had a 20-year-old son enrolled at a prestigious university. By 4:00 a.m. the morning of June 25th, everything I knew to be sacred and true about my life would change. The incessant pounding on my front door came in the middle of the night. 4:00 a.m. and three sheriff’s deputies were standing on my front porch holding a ziploc gallon-size plastic bag with Dylan’s Samsung mobile phone and his brown leather wallet. The one I had given him for his birthday in March. 20. Dylan had only just turned 20. Cusp of young adulthood. Barely past 19. June 25th. A lifetime ago. His. Mine. Gone in a heartbeat. A second on the clock. My son.

My Forever Son began as Dylan’s story, but along the way, became my journey back from the overwhelming sorrow of losing my child to suicide.

I didn’t want to live without my son. A desperate longing to be with Dylan enveloped me. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, or think coherently. I had no words. No voice. A writer without her voice and ability to write. A mother without her son. I didn’t want to stay. I couldn’t find hope enough to want to live. I didn’t believe I could live without my son.

I have had to learn to want to live again.

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My Forever Son

The Pain of Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop

The Pain of Suicide Know you can survive; you may not think so, but you can. Iris M. Bolton, “Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for Survivors” 10 Commonalities of Suicide Below are 10 commonalities of suicide, identified by suicide expert, Edwin Shneidman, author of The Suicidal Mind. 10 Commonalities of Suicide The common purpose of suicide is…

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Purple phlox in bloom is next to a water pond with 2 waterfalls.

About Dylan

My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide And once upon a blue-sky moon, We sailed our ships in your bedroom, With stars for light, we fled the dark But the lightening flashed, And the sky grew dark. Beth Brown, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon” “Sometimes I…

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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere

Heart heaving, this beating of tearsBreaking loose—All hell in earth’s upturned rupture Beth Brown, “Derecho” My Forever Son June 29, 2012–Funeral for my son. 101 degrees dropping to 73 degrees in a matter of minutes. Whirling wind. Gusts of whipping wind. Snapping wind. Dark skies. Clotted clouds. Midday sun going away–suddenly. A piercing dark. A…

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From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with arms uplifted…

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Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide

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