About My Forever Son-Why I Started this Blog

Compelling Content by a mother who lost her son to suicide in 2012, My Forever Son chronicles her journey back from the abyss of losing a child to suicide; Categories include Hope and Healing; Support Books and Resources for parents and survivors of loss; Complicated Grief; Coping with Holidays; Coping with Suicide; Depression and Mental Ilness; the Stigma of Suicide; Narratives by the author; Original Poems about Child Loss; Suicide Facts, Statistics, and Research; Grief; Child Loss; and more

In June of 2012 on the eve of the 24th, I had a 20-year-old son enrolled at a prestigious university. By 4:00 a.m. the morning of June 25th, everything I knew to be sacred and true about my life would change. The incessant pounding on my front door came in the middle of the night. 4:00 a.m. and three sheriff’s deputies were standing on my front porch holding a ziploc gallon-size plastic bag with Dylan’s Samsung mobile phone and his brown leather wallet. The one I had given him for his birthday in March. 20. Dylan had only just turned 20. Cusp of young adulthood. Barely past 19. June 25th. A lifetime ago. His. Mine. Gone in a heartbeat. A second on the clock. My son.

Suicide is not a blot on anyone’s name; it is a tragedy

-Kay Redfield Jamison

My Forever Son began as Dylan’s story, but along the way, became my journey back from the overwhelming sorrow of losing my child to suicide.

I didn’t want to live without my son. A desperate longing to be with Dylan enveloped me. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, or think coherently. I had no words. No voice. A writer without her voice and ability to write. A mother without her son. I didn’t want to stay. I couldn’t find hope enough to want to live. I didn’t believe I could live without my son.

I have had to learn to want to live again.

Latest Posts

My Forever Son

Purple Lilac Cluster in Bloom in Spring
Lilac in Bloom in Spring

Loving Him Past His Pain

Loving Him Past His Pain October Shadows A gorgeous fall afternoon, early eveningSun slants wideShadows cast and scatter across a stone wall Walked a bit ago to the cul-de-sac and then down to the field, following the sun, finding the sun shadowing me, feeling the sun trailing behind. Warm still, though only 60 and chilly.…

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Photo of 2 red rose buds and a red about to bloom
Red Rose Buds in Spring

The First Year of Grief After Losing My Son

Instrumental Guitar Music (Written and Performed by Beth Brown, Dylan’s Mom) To those of you that still feel you aren’t even sure you want to be here and you can’t imagine ever being happy again. The pain does change, it softens. You will want to live again and be able to enjoy life again. It…

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Lavendar Heirloom Rose Bush with Glossy Green Leaves
Lavender Heirloom Roses

Memorial Day-Echoes that Haunt

Here Comes the 25th Most days, I cannot imagine my life without my son. Perhaps this is why starting my day is so difficult. It isn’t always like this, and after two years and almost 11 months, I am sometimes able to greet my day with gratitude and balance, a centeredness that defies my tragic…

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The Unbearable Ache of Memorial Dates

The Unbearable Ache of Memorial Dates Now I know what day it is I wish I didn’t I am not in the moment Indeed, I am not Here really Here anywhere really Lost, just so terribly, terribly, terribly lost Wanting to save you Dylan All over again Grief Remembers What Time Cannot Forget: Memorial Dates…

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My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide

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