Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide
My Forever Son
Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son by Suicide
Dylan, forever 20
Compelling Content by a mother who lost her son to suicide in 2012, My Forever Son chronicles her journey back from the abyss of losing a child to suicide; Categories include Hope and Healing; Support Books and Resources for parents and survivors of loss; Complicated Grief; Coping with Holidays; Coping with Suicide; Depression and Mental Ilness; the Stigma of Suicide; Narratives by the author; Original Poems about Child Loss; Suicide Facts, Statistics, and Research; Grief; Child Loss; and more
In June of 2012 on the eve of the 24th, I had a 20-year-old son enrolled at a prestigious university. By 4:00 a.m. the morning of June 25th, everything I knew to be sacred and true about my life would change. The incessant pounding on my front door came in the middle of the night. 4:00 a.m. and three sheriff’s deputies were standing on my front porch holding a ziploc gallon-size plastic bag with Dylan’s Samsung mobile phone and his brown leather wallet. The one I had given him for his birthday in March. 20. Dylan had only just turned 20. Cusp of young adulthood. Barely past 19. June 25th. A lifetime ago. His. Mine. Gone in a heartbeat. A second on the clock. My son.
My Forever Son began as Dylan’s story, but along the way, became my journey back from the overwhelming sorrow of losing my child to suicide.
I didn’t want to live without my son. A desperate longing to be with Dylan enveloped me. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, or think coherently. I had no words. No voice. A writer without her voice and ability to write. A mother without her son. I didn’t want to stay. I couldn’t find hope enough to want to live. I didn’t believe I could live without my son.
I have had to learn to want to live again.
Latest Posts
My Forever Son
One Last Mother’s Day Card-“I’ll Love You Forever Mom”
I’ll Love You Forever Mom “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” Robert Munsch, Love You Forever Three Years Out After Losing Dylan Originally Published 2016 Memorial Dates It has been 3 years of acute agony, pain, and the hell of grieving the loss…
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“Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon”-A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide
Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon A Poem for Dylan by Beth Brown And once upon a blue-sky moon, We sailed our ships in your bedroom, With stars for light, we fled the dark But the lightening flashed, And the sky grew dark. You tucked away your childhood dreams On wings…
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“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”-A Poem About Losing a Child
“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You” by Beth Brown Bones bear girth where once, love birthed you, arms cradled and rocking, love holding me to you. If only a mother’s love could have saved you, been there to catch your fall tears stilled by the heavens to where now and forever,…
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When Pain Comes to Stay: “He Left Too Soon,” A Poem About Losing a Child
He Left Too Soon He left too soon— Lifting life from June, Casting torrents of rain His absence— Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring Heart heaving, this beating of tears Breaking loose— All hell in earth’s upturned rupture, Death shoveling shadows over me As I bend to lay flowers upon his name— Inscribed…
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The Pain of Suicide: It’s Not About Wanting to Die, It’s About Wanting the Pain to Stop
The Pain of Suicide Know you can survive; you may not think so, but you can. Iris M. Bolton, “Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for Survivors” 10 Commonalities of Suicide Below are 10 commonalities of suicide, identified by suicide expert, Edwin Shneidman, author of The Suicidal Mind. 10 Commonalities of Suicide The common purpose of suicide is…
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I Lost My Son to Suicide-Here’s How I Survive Suicide Grief
“Few things can so devastate us as the suicide of a loved one, especially of one’s own child.” Fr Ron Rolheiser Mother of a Teenage Suicide I am the mother of a young suicide. Changed, forever changed, by the death of my 20-year-old son, Dylan Andrew Brown, 3 years and nearly 4 months ago. I…
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About Dylan
My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide And once upon a blue-sky moon, We sailed our ships in your bedroom, With stars for light, we fled the dark But the lightening flashed, And the sky grew dark. Beth Brown, “Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon” “Sometimes I…
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Why? After the Suicide of My Son-A Mother Remembers
The beat of my heart shaped by you. The song of you which still now I sing. And yet perhaps you could not hear above the deafening roar of your heart’s ache. Beth Brown, “Why?” After the Suicide of My Son-A Mother Remembers My Forever Son, Dylan Andrew Brown The beat of my heart shaped by…
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A Poem about Losing a Child to Suicide-That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and now then see, To erase the dark and stay…
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“When Someone Takes His Own Life”-Depression and Suicide
“When Someone Takes His Own Life” Excerpt from “The Healing of Sorrow” Norman Vincent Peale In many ways, this seems the most tragic form of death. Certainly itcan entail more shock and grief for those who are left behind than anyother. And often the stigma of suicide is what rests most heavily onthose left behind.…
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“When Someone is Too Bruised to Be Touched”-On Suicide, Despair, and Addiction
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve, If I’d only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and now then see, To erase the dark and stay…
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Memorial Dates-When Grief Lingers After Losing A Child to Suicide, A Letter to My Son
When Grief Lingers and Love Lives Forever- A Letter to My Son On Your 9th Memorial Date How to begin-where to begin. Infinity, I suppose, from whence we all come and to which we all go. God I miss you Dylan. More than heart can tell, more than words can express, oceans wide and galaxies…
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Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere
Heart heaving, this beating of tearsBreaking loose—All hell in earth’s upturned rupture Beth Brown, “Derecho” My Forever Son June 29, 2012–Funeral for my son. 101 degrees dropping to 73 degrees in a matter of minutes. Whirling wind. Gusts of whipping wind. Snapping wind. Dark skies. Clotted clouds. Midday sun going away–suddenly. A piercing dark. A…
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How to Survive the Death of a Child By Suicide-Support, Resources, and Hope
The following resources, book lists, narratives from parents who have lost a child to suicide, support groups, and more are meant to be a resource bank. Many have helped me keep on keeping on these past nine years of grieving.
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From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss
It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with arms uplifted…
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Beth Brown
My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son by Suicide
myforeverson@gmail.com
Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide
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