My Forever Son is a blog about my son, Dylan, whose love I keep close at heart. My life began when Dylan was born March 19, 1992, and my life ended when he died June 25, 2012. I have, since that fateful night in June, had to learn to want to live again.
to learn to want to live again
I am a mother lost without her son.
Here is the place I come to write.
To try to make sense of a world I don’t understand.
To share what it’s like to lose a child to suicide.
To grapple with the formidable “why?
To which, of course, there is no answer, yet echoes still define.
To let someone know somewhere that yes–sheering pain of losing a child can be gotten through
because when your child dies, all else becomes still life. even one’s own.
My forever son is as much about my journey to want to learn to live again as it is my son’s wanting his life to end. This, then, is my story about finding my way back: I have had to learn to want to live again.
And here then is where my heart runs deep. My life fractured between who then I was and who now I must be
Rememberer of Dreams.
Whisperer of gardens green.
At the whim of Most Beloved
And a hot cup of tea.
I live life between,
straddled here now and then–
my pen dripping ink,
my mind swirling confused,
your love lingering yet still
while a cat’s purring soothes