Beth Brown

Beth Brown

My Forever Son is a blog about my son, Dylan, whose love I keep close at heart. My life began when Dylan was born March 19, 1992, and my life ended when he died June 25, 2012. I have, since that fateful night in June, had to learn to want to live again.

to learn
to want
to live
I am a mother lost without her son.
Dylan Andrew Brown

Here is the place I come to write.

To try to make sense of a world I don’t understand.

To share what it’s like to lose a child to suicide.

To grapple with the formidable “why?

To which, of course, there is no answer, yet echoes still define.

To let someone know somewhere that yes–sheering pain of losing a child can be gotten through

because when your child dies, all else becomes still life. even one’s own.

My forever son is as much about my journey to want to learn to live again as it is my son’s wanting his life to end. This, then, is my story about finding my way back: I have had to learn to want to live again.

And here then is where my heart runs deep. My life fractured between who then I was and who now I must be

Meet Most Beloved, my constant companion

Join me at My ForeverSon for deep reflection about losing my son, and Gardens at Effingham, where cats tell delightful stories about their garden adventures.

Rememberer of Dreams.

Whisperer of gardens green.

At the whim of Most Beloved

And a hot cup of tea.

Gardens at Effingham

I live life between,

straddled here now and then–

my pen dripping ink,

my mind swirling confused,

your love lingering yet still

while a cat’s purring soothes

Beth Brown

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