My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son By Suicide

Why I Started These Chronicles That Became My Forever Son

What Happened to Dylan?

On June 25, 2012, I lost my son Dylan to death by suicide. A student at a prestigious Midwest university, Dylan immersed himself in music, art, and digital design. His grades reflected his ongoing depression with which he had struggled since early childhood. Dylan hid his sadness well—smiling and laughing with his family and friends, making silly faces and telling jokes to get others to laugh. Dylan thought deeply about things, and he cared deeply for his friends, oftentimes being there for others who were struggling while tucking away his own painful feelings.

Dylan is the reason I started My Forever Son blog. Writing about grief, suicide, hope, healing, and child loss has been my way of clambering through the infinite despair and grief brought on by losing my child, my only child, to suicide.

Who Am I?

I am Beth, Dylan’s Mom, and I started writing this blog on April 7, 2015. I had already been grieving for two years and 9 months, and in that time, had read and researched as much as I could find about grief, suicide, child loss, losing an only child, and depression and mental health.

I am also a writer and teacher well-versed in adolescent literacy and teaching freshman composition. “I read, I write, I live,” wrote William Styron. Yes.

Why Follow My Blog?

Because love lost by a child’s suicide hurts. Forever. Especially when it’s your child. Bereaved parents of suicides, survivors of suicide, those who have lost a child, and those seeking to understand the effects of suicide on those left behind come to my blog because either they or someone they know has experienced the heartbreak and devastation of losing a child to suicide.

u003ca href=u0022https://myforeverson.com/chronicles/u0022u003eExplore the Chroniclesu003c/au003e

“Bury My Heart”-A Poem about Losing a Child

“Bury My Heart” (for Dylan) Bury my heart I’ve come undone Sorting through this life My son left behind. And what I’m seeking I know I’ll never find His touch, his smile— His still living his life. And so instead I sift through A still life dream My heart and life with him Forever it…

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A Poem About Losing My Son-Derecho: A Storm Out of Nowhere

Derecho (A Storm Out of Nowhere) Heart heaving, this beating of tearsBreaking loose—All hell in earth’s upturned rupture Beth Brown, “Derecho” My Forever Son June 29, 2012–Funeral for my son. 101 degrees dropping to 73 degrees in a matter of minutes. Whirling wind. Gusts of whipping wind. Snapping wind. Dark skies. Clotted clouds. Midday sun…

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From Sorrow to Joy : How Pain Colors Loss

Choose Hope It’s on my refrigerator door–a small, rectangular magnet wedged between a “Choose Hope” magnet and a photograph of my son. The image on the magnet startles. Think Edvard Munch crossed with Vincent Van Gogh. An image depicting a bit of both artists: the sheer starkness of Munch’s scream on a yellow-splashed figure with…

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What Content is Included in My Forever Son?

  • Resources and Support
  • Hope and Healing
  • Surviving Grief
  • Breaking the Stigma
  • Depression, Addiction, and Suicide
  • Suicide Facts and Statistics
  • Personal and Professional Insights
  • Stories by Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Suicide
  • Poems about Losing a Child
  • Poems of Love and Loss
  • What It Feels Like to Lose a Child to Suicide
  • Original and Ongoing Content (And Much More)

Explore the Chronicles

What Content is Included in My Forever Son?

Resources and Support

Hope and Healing

Surviving Grief

Breaking the Stigma, Suicide Facts and Statistics

New Content is Ongoing at My Forever Son

My life began when Dylan was born March 19, 1992, and my life ended when he died June 25, 2012. I have, since that fateful night in June, had to learn to want to live again.

Today, at 9 years out from Dylan’s death, I have learned to carry the pain of losing my son along with my love for him. My grief has not become smaller, but my world has grown larger. Dylan will always be with me, and my world today encompasses both the immense love and bittersweet ache I feel for my son.

My Forever Son: Chronicling Grief, Hope, and Healing After the Death of My Son by Suicide

Here is the place I come to write-

To try to make sense of a world I don’t understand

To share what it’s like to lose a child to suicide

To grapple with the formidable “Why?”

Here is the Place I Come to Write

To try to make sense of a world I don’t understand.

To share what it’s like to lose a child to suicide.

To grapple with the formidable “Why?”

To which, of course, there is no answer, yet echoes still define.

Beth Brown, My Forever Son

My Forever Son is as much about my journey to want to learn to live again as it is my son’s wanting his life to end.

This, then, is my story about finding my way back. I have had to learn to want to live again. And here then is where my heart runs deep. My life fractured between who then I was and who now I must be.

Dylan Andrew Brown

Meet Most Beloved, my constant companion

Most Beloved

Rememberer of Dreams.

Whisperer of gardens green.

At the whim of Most Beloved

And a hot cup of tea.

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, Gardens at Effingham
Rhapsody in Blue Delphinium

Join me at My ForeverSon for deep reflection about losing my son, and Gardens at Effingham, where cats tell delightful stories about their garden adventures.


Gardens at Effingham

I live life between,

straddled here now and then–

my pen dripping ink,

my mind swirling confused,

your love lingering yet still

while a cat’s purring soothes

Beth Brown

Beth Brown, My Forever Son, Gardens at Effingham

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