“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You”
A Poem About Losing a Child to Suicide-(by a mother who lost her only son)
If Only a Mother's Love Could Have Saved You Bones bear girth where once, love birthed you, arms cradled and rocking, love holding me to you. If only a mother's love could have saved you, been there to catch your fall tears stilled by the heavens to where now and forever, you forever are. Your descent of life hers, labored love born, on wings beating too wildly and too soon your own. Your beat of heart hers, now her own to live on, sick pulse of ache holding death in her arms. Oh my heart and oh my son, without you life empties yet love forever beats on. And so now, my forever, "Why?" replete in my soul, which has always, and still child, moved in grooves you made whole. If only a mother's love could have saved you— If only she had heard your heart cry, she could save you yet both together, Take back that night you fell from the sky. ©Beth Brown,2021 All rights reserved
Beth Brown, My Forever Son,
“If Only a Mother’s Love Could Have Saved You“


He Left Too Soon He left too soon— Lifting life from June, Casting torrents of rain His absence— Breath of pain whose exhale can only bring Heart heaving, this beating of tears Breaking loose— All hell in earth's upturned rupture, Death shoveling shadows over me As I bend to lay flowers on his name— Inscribed and bronzed, A permanence come to stay My love laced now with pain— Standing over my son's grave, Death's Derecho come to stay in my shadow.
Beth Brown, “Derecho,” My Forever Son

As I Tuck You In As I tuck you in, I lay me down As I hold you now, I lift my arms As I fall asleep, I pray for you My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too My child, my love, my heart, May God keep and love you And you will be forevermore Safe from this world and so adored And God will be your comforter And I will always thank God for rescuing you And I will always praise God for loving you too And so I live my life in memory Surrendering to God, what now must be But here on earth I know the angels sing When I hear your voice I know God’s listening And I will always be your mother here And I will speak your name for all to hear And God will be with you ’til I get there My child on earth above in heaven’s care My child on earth above in heaven’s care- Beth Brown, "As I Tuck You In," My Forever Son
As I Tuck You In
That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back Should've, Would've, Could've, If I'd only Come to See, That might I future forward live To see all eternity. That I might know when and where somehow, And here and now then see, To erase the dark and stay the day To bring back you to me. If only and What If now child and why couldn't I just see To hold you close forever and stay the light just you and me. That darkness might not permeate my heart now and yours then, that all of love could sweep time back and bring back you again. ©Beth Brown, 2021


Once Upon a Blue-Sky Moon And once upon a blue-sky moon, We sailed our ships in your bedroom, With stars for light, we fled the dark But the lightening flashed, And the sky grew dark. You tucked away your childhood dreams On wings that soared beyond infinity, Your love in me and me in you, But out of reach, beyond what I could do. I launched your dreams You took great flight On wings alone you soared too high But you found ways to onward flee To galaxies beyond my means. I watched you drift through hazy sky And chalked it up to a teenage angst, But oh my son, if I’d only known I’d have reached right in to your dark night’s soul-- I would have held on I would have clutched you I would have never let you go But you Told me “Mom I love you” Oh my child if I’d only known. So I kissed you and I held you, And I said goodbye, Not knowing, blue-star moon, I would lose you that night. You lived, you breathed, alive in pain Through storm-dark nights and cloudy haze But I didn’t know what I couldn’t see The damage done beyond my means. My sky is dark, my nights deep blue My winter’s come, my star’s with you, Without you here I cannot fly My wings you clipped When you took your life. And I live on and onward flee Towards you my son and to infinity, Where dreams come true and you live on, And we fly again around planets and sun With stars that glow against the moon, Your love in me and me in you. I will hold you, You will clutch me We will never let go, And you’ll tell me, “Mom, I love you” And tears from earth will overflow, And I’ll know then, blue sky-moon, To never ever let you go. © Beth Brown, 2021 All rights reserved
If Earth Were Sky (And Sky Above) If earth were sky and sky above Then heart could hold this ache of love, Suspended, like rain, in clouds wanting to fall, But bound to sun’s joy because heart touches all. I fall ‘ere so slowly most cannot yet tell My pain lives so deep and my heart goes through hell. I crawl more than walk through days such as these Heavy with sorrow, wanting only ache relieved. And yet truly what is can’t be undone, I’ve lost my life in the loss of my son. For seven years counting this marking of time Having lost in him life, both his then and mine. I stay hollow inside though try as I might Come to from the damage of my now soiled life. I’d rather be still with my son by my side My heart filled with love and my joy still alive. Beth Brown, 2021

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