an acoustic guitar on a park bench with a leather satchel containing music
Songs About Losing a Child, My Forever Son

Reflections on Dylan’s Birthday

In 9 days, it will be my son’s 24th birthday, here, in earth years. In heaven, it will be Dylan’s 4th year birthday. Here, Dylan will always be 20 years young.

This all seems to me still so surreal, so post-apocalyptic. I can’t find my footing. I am on the wrong road. I’ve gotten lost and somehow, this will all get sorted out and I’ll have my son, my life, back again.

I dream of Dylan often. Right now, my world is turbulent. I have been through this before, 3 years, 3 times, and yet still, the slow plodding and marching on of time over which I have no control, choices ruling and dictating the terms of my life which I did not condone, let alone fathom.

I was swept into the ocean’s dark waters on June 25, 2012 and still I tumble about, sometimes surfacing, sometimes drowning to the beat of my own heart.

Daddy Cat, “A Sad Welcome If You’ve Found Me Here,” My Forever Son

Writing Songs and Poems About Losing a Child

I write poems and songs about losing a child because I lost my only son. If you’ve lost a child, then you know the acute pain of grieving your child. It’s impossible, it’s ongoing, and it’s soul searching. I am always thinking about my son, loving and missing him, what could have, should have, would have been. I find hope and healing writing poems and songs. Perhaps in listening and reading, you will, too.

Original Songs About Losing a Child

Lullaby for My Son

A Lullaby for My Son, “As I Tuck You In (In Heaven’s Care”) My Forever Son

"My Child on Earth Above (In Heaven’s Care)

Music & Lyrics: ©Beth Brown

As I tuck you in, I lay me down
As I hold you now, I lift my arms
As I fall asleep, I pray for you
My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too
My child, my love, my heart, may God keep and love you

And you will be forevermore
Safe from this world and so adored
And God will be your comforter
And I will always thank God for rescuing you
And I will always praise God for loving you too

And so I live my life in memory
Surrendering to God, what now must be
But here on earth I know the angels sing
When I hear your voice I know God’s listening

And I will always be your mother here
And I will speak your name for all to hear
And God will be with you ’til I get there
My child on earth above in heaven’s care
My child on earth above in heaven’s care.
orange tabby cat and kitten

A Song About Losing My Child, “You’re Free Now Child,” My Forever Son

You're Free Now Child
Music & Lyrics: ©Beth Brown

I can't see where you've gone
And I don't know how to just go on
Without you can't find my way
Don't know where to go or what to say
How to breathe without you now
When it aches upon my soul

In my heart, you live forever, with me by my side
In my life, you're all I ever wanted
My child, my one true love
Without you here, each day that passes 
is just another day I must survive

How to keep on keeping on
How to open up my eyes
Again to see what God has done
You're free now child of mine to fly

So rest on easy fly on by
Soul travel now to be with God
My dearest child, my heart of mine
Know I'll be there when it's time

I miss you more than words
More than galaxies are wide
I long to hold you as you were
To have you reach across inside
To where you live forever
And to where I hold you close for life

How to keep on keeping on
How to open up my eyes
Again to see what God has done
You're free now child of mine to fly

So rest on easy fly on by
Soul travel now to be with God
My dearest child, my heart of mine
Know I'll be there when it's time

Lyrics, You're Free Now Child
Beth Brown

Heart-shaped display of red roses against a stone wall

Instrumental Guitar Music

Instrumental Guitar Music Written and Performed by Beth Brown, My Forever Son

Tessa, Maine Coon, My Forever Son Poetry
My Forever Son, Dylan
I Will Seek Until I Find You

And where will you run when arms reach 
(but you’re not mine)
When I can feel still so strongly 
(holding you still in my arms)
From here frantic I search wildly 
(but cannot ever now find)
Little one in pictures 
(trying hard for one so young)

Standing, but not steady, little hand tucked inside mine
Holding on together climbing moonbeams to the stars
Once upon a time ago—forever in my mind
I thought us both impervious 
(Against the ravages of time)

Oh little one where art thou
Whence I call you once again
Dearest child, still my child on earth
(in a world so vast and big)
You've gone where I can't find you
(and seek still that which did exist)

If God can hear prayers from below 
(and you can see me now)
Please know I miss you terribly
(and will seek until I find)
A way to hold you yet again
(your hand yet still tucked in mine)

When fire moon red bloodies 
Little star that once was mine
Deepest blue on blackest night 
(I will seek until I find)
Little one beside me
 (your hand tucked inside mine.)

© Beth Brown, 2022

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