A Song About Losing My Child-Lullaby for Dylan

My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care

by Beth Brown (for Dylan)

My Child on Earth Above, In Heaven’s Care

A Lullaby for My Son

I wrote and recorded this song, “My Child Above (In Heaven’s Care) for my son Dylan. I’ve written 18 songs altogether about losing my son to suicide. Each song is born from a grief too deep for expression in any language save music. “My Child Above (In Heaven’s Care” is a lullaby. Dylan is, was, and always will be my heart’s song. I miss my son.

I remember when Dylan was 8 years old, just beginning piano lessons, and I used to drive him to a local university to take lessons in their music conservatory. We would make the same trip to the university each week for the next 6 years.

Schroeder and his piano

I loved hearing Dylan practice. Schroeder, from “Charlie Brown,” always sat on top of the upright Schuerman piano. Scott Joplin’s ragtime, Snoopy’s happy dance song, classical pieces, and eventually, jazz (Thelonius Monk) all wafted up from the lower level of our house into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner for the two of us. Wonderful memories. Wonderful years.

Dylan’s Piano, My Forever Son

Dylan began composing music too, though mostly unbeknownst to me. Those were his teenage years. Years when his friends knew more about him than I did.

Here’s the lullaby I wrote for Dylan. I recorded a rough demo of the song on my guitar: “As I Tuck You In”

My Child Above in Heaven’s Care, A Lullaby for My Son

My Child on Earth Above In Heaven’s Care

Music & Lyrics: ©Beth Brown

And I will always be your mother here
And I will speak your name for all to hear
And God will be with you ’til I get there
My child on earth above in heaven’s care
My child on earth above in heaven’s care.

As I tuck you in, I lay me down
As I hold you now, I lift my arms
As I fall asleep, I pray for you
My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too
My child, my love, my heart, may God keep and love you

And you will be forevermore
Safe from this world and so adored
And God will be your comforter
And I will always thank God for rescuing you
And I will always praise God for loving you too

And so I live my life in memory
Surrendering to God, what now must be
But here on earth I know the angels sing
When I hear your voice I know God’s listening

A young toddler boy, the author's son, climbing the stairs and looking back straight into the camera at his mom. — Dylan Andrew Brown, my forever son

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[…] As I tuck you in, I lay me down As I hold you now, I lift my arms As I fall asleep, I pray for you My child, my love, my heart, I’m with you too My child, my love, my heart, May God keep and love you And you will be forevermore Safe from this world and so adored And God will be your comforter And I will always thank God for rescuing you And I will always praise God for loving you too And so I live my life in memory Surrendering to God, what now must be But here on earth I know the angels sing When I hear your voice I know God’s listening And I will always be your mother here And I will speak your name for all to hear And God will be with you ’til I get there My child on earth above in heaven’s care My child on earth above in heaven’s care Beth Brown, "As I Tuck You In," My Forever Son […]

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