Rising Up
Rising Up
Because I have had to lay out the trappings of a way of life unstudied, unmapped, quite foreign to most
Rising Up
Because I will not let the world forget my son lived! Dylan Andrew Brown lived and breathed and brought joy, depth, and a richness of life to so many
Because I am not afraid to die
Because I have already experienced the worst day of my life–the day my son took his life
Because I have already met with seemingly impossible circumstances–viewing my beloved son in a casket, burying his ashes at a memorial gardens where so many of my older family members are buried–great-grandparents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, my own father who died at 61
Rising Up
Because I laid to rest my son with my father in the same grave, sharing the same grave, and because I remember when Dylan was young and my dad adored his grandson
Because I am having to reinvent and invent anew absolutely everything about my life now
Because there are no templates for my way of living
Because in the midst of great darkness, I can only live if I can learn to see
Because I know I will see my son again when God sees fit and it is time
Rising Up
♥ Because I am his mom! I have always and will always love and talk about my son
♥ Because I know my son lives on–just not here on this plane, in this realm, on this earth as I so know it
♥ Because I find him yet still in so many ways
♥ Because I know what it is to endure great suffering and longing and missing
Rising Up because I can choose. I know for Dylan that he did not have this choice.
I walk the bittersweet. I carry the weight of this life’s journey. And even though mine is a heavy load carrying always her child who died by suicide, I walk proudly and with love knowing Dylan forever etched his soul into mine. I carry on carrying on because in the rising, I carry Dylan too. We are one. Always were. Always will be. And some day, some day we will be together again.
Happy birthday little one. Forever 20, but this year, March 19th, 2016, 24 years old on earth. Loving you more than breath–
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