Because I have hope that I will be with Dylan again
Because I will not go quietly
Because Dylan lives on through all that I am
Because his voice is now my voice
Rising Up
Because I lost my son to suicide at the precious young age of just-turned 20
Because I have learned to live with a child in heaven (which equates to my being only present here, but there, in heaven with Dylan, finding my heart and true joy)
Because I have had to scrounge and scrape together and assemble, one breath at a time, a means of keeping on keeping on
Because I find I am quite alone in my surroundings on this journey
Because I have had to lay out the trappings of a way of life unstudied, unmapped, quite foreign to most
Because I will not let the world forget my son lived! Dylan Andrew Brown lived and breathed and brought joy, depth, and a richness of life to so many
Because I am not afraid to die
Because I have already experienced the worst day of my life–the day my son took his life
Because I have already met with seemingly impossible circumstances–viewing my beloved son in a casket, burying his ashes at a memorial gardens where so many of my older family members are buried–great-grandparents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, my own father who died at 61
Rising Up
Because I laid to rest my son with my father in the same grave, sharing the same grave, and because I remember when Dylan was young and my dad adored his grandson
Because I am having to reinvent and invent anew absolutely everything about my life now
Because there are no templates for my way of living
Because in the midst of great darkness, I can only live if I can learn to see
Because I know I will see my son again when God sees fit and it is time
Rising Up
♥ Because I am his mom! I have always and will always love and talk about my son
♥ Because I know my son lives on–just not here on this plane, in this realm, on this earth as I so know it
♥ Because I find him yet still in so many ways ♥ Because I know what it is to endure great suffering and longing and missing Rising Up because I can choose. I know for Dylan that he did not have this choice. I walk the bittersweet. I carry the weight of this life’s journey. And even though mine is a heavy load carrying always her child who died by suicide, I walk proudly and with love knowing Dylan forever etched his soul into mine. I carry on carrying on because in the rising, I carry Dylan too. We are one. Always were. Always will be. And some day, some day we will be together again. Happy birthday little one. Forever 20, but this year, March 19th, 2016, 24 years old on earth. Loving you more than breath–
Still From Sky I’m Falling: A Poem of Forgiveness After Loss ABOUT THIS POST: Still From Sky I’m Falling by Beth Brown is a poem about grief, forgiveness, and releasing guilt after losing a child to suicide. Eleven years ago, I lost my 20-year-old son, my only child, to suicide. Losing my son to suicide…
A Poem of Guilt in Grief: That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back ABOUT THIS POST: That All of Love Could Sweep Time Back is a poem about feeling guilt and self-blame after losing a child to suicide. I lost my 20-year-old-son, my only child, to suicide June 25, 2012. I knew I couldn’t…
If I Could Find My Way: A Song About Losing My Son to Suicide ABOUT THIS POST: If I Could Find My Way is an intimate song I wrote about the intense longing and ache I felt after losing my son to suicide. I sat down with my guitar, hit “play” on my recorder (which…
Dealing with the Heartbreak of Losing a Child to Suicide: My Personal Journey Introduction In this heartfelt post, I share a deeply personal experience of loss and grief. This is a story that speaks to the pain of losing a child to suicide and the journey of healing and remembrance. My Forever Son, My Beloved…
Index: My Forever Son This index provides a well-structured and user-friendly way to navigate through the content in the My Forever Son blog. Think of it as a helpful guide, carefully organizing the content into headings, subheadings, keywords, and brief descriptions. With this index, you can quickly and efficiently find exactly what you’re looking for.…
Table of Contents: My Forever Son Parents Who Lose a Child to Suicide Losing a child to suicide is an unimaginable and heart-wrenching tragedy that no parent should ever have to endure. The pain, confusion, and overwhelming sense of loss can be completely overwhelming, leaving parents with a profound sense of grief that is difficult…